Is Your Toddler a Bully?
Author: Stef Daniel
Every parent's nightmare is taking their child to the playground to find that their sweet little angel is the one pushing other kids down the slide and kicking dirt in their face. Then out of the blue and unprovoked she leans down and bites some little boy who runs screaming to his mother. The looks, the feeling in your stomach, and your heart all sink at the same time and you wonder if your toddler is a bully.
So much media attention has been driven towards childhood bullies that it bears wondering when this starts. Is it in toddlerhood? The answers aren't exactly clear. When it comes to your toddler being the roughest and toughest, you must take some sort of action in the form of discipline. Much of the time toddlers do not understand that what they have done has physically hurt someone else. That is the first thing to explain. Next, show them that there is some sort of consequence, such as time out or removing them from the playground and taking them home. However, berating them in the car is worthless, because ten minutes after they have done it, they no longer really remember it!
If your child hits or pushes, take heart. Sociologically speaking they are sowing their oats as far as socialism goes. They are learning what is and what isn't appropriate behavior and are reacting from emotion. Aside from that, your toddler is an egomaniac and clearly believes and feels that the world revolves around them. And why not? Think of their home life. They are simply exploring boundaries and limits and this is why it is vitally important that parents step in and handle the situation with concise discipline.
Think of your toddler's meanness as a reaction out of anger. Even if they come up and surprise you with a nip on the knee, you can rest assured that they are feeling some sort of frustration. While encouraging them to talk about their feelings is a nice thought, few can actually articulate them at this age, which means you have to deal with the behavior. In time, they will realize that crying and beating up other kids is not acceptable behavior or something that brings them a good result.
The best course of action to take when your toddler is bullying another is to make them part of the solution. Have them apologize in person and perhaps be the one to help put on the band-aid or soothe the "wounded." This allows them to take responsibility and witness that they have hurt someone. Rather than criticize or label your child as a bully or meany-butt, talk to them about other ways they can handle stressful situations. Ask them what a better choice would have been. Then, let it go! Harsh discipline will only make your child feel like a bad kid.
Consider of course, that as they test boundaries and limits and express themselves, sudden and random aggressive actions may be a sign of stress in their life. This is especially normal during transitions like potty training, losing a bottle or pacifier, or starting school. If aggression seems to be part of their personality quilt, you may need to consider what sort of frustration they are feeling and help remove it from their lives.
Whatever you do, don't hang your head in shame. Your angel is an angel, and even if they act out towards others or inflict pain on another kid, it is all part of the routine of growing up. This too shall pass!
