Top 10 Tips for Stay at Home Parents
Author: Stef Daniel
As a stay at home mother, I find it almost comical that the word stay is part of the job description. Yes, it is a job! I find that I am rarely staying at home or anywhere for any length of time before moving on to the next task or chore that needs to be done. My life is a series of routines that combine into one which over the course of a week causes a great deal of stress, frustration, and exhaustion. After many years of learning how to perfect this stay at home mom thing, I have decided that there are certain tips that must be followed in order to preserve your sanity and get you through week to week! These are my top ten tips for stay at home parents.
- Find someone, anyone - who is willing to watch your children on the fly! If you have a friend, neighbor, acquaintance or an in-law who is willing (even if they drive you crazy) hand the whole gang over at least once a week. This way you can grocery shop alone or just be content and alone for more than a five minute stretch!
- Have your own friends and your own life. If you only participate and talk to other adults who are in your child's social circle (meaning play group, sports team or class), you will be stifled and never really find people in your life that make you happy. If you don't design a life of your own outside of your children, you will be lonely and miserable when the kids get older and change their friends. Keep in mind - you must have more to do than always following your kids around. Otherwise, you are in trouble.
- Learn the art of "not listening." You can look like you are listening, even nod in agreement, but you are not hearing a word that is being said. You have to master this art or else children will catch on and do extra things to distract you. Use this time to daydream or read a magazine, or even watch a television show. The better you get, the easier it will be to quickly tune back in on those conversations that need to be heard by you! Not listening saves your nerves and works when the kids are cranky, fighting, whining, complaining, or singing loudly for no reason.
- Every once in a while break out in song or dance at a completely inopportune moment in front of your children. You know in their class, around their friends, or at the dinner table. It will make them laugh (most of the time) and prove to them that you are one cool cat and still got it. Young kids will think you are a hero and older kids will realize instantly that in a pinch, you could act that way in front of their friends. Laughter goes a long way in spicing up a hectic day!
- Try to say 'yes' more than no. Really! This is easier than you think. If you let go of all your compulsions and expectations and allow you and your kids to enjoy this time together (which will be over before you know it) and start trying to say yes to things - life is smoother. Not because the kids will be running all over you, but because you will be learning a lot and teaching a lot by allowing your children to express themselves and have freedom. Yes, you can pick your nose. Yes, you can eat in the shower. Yes, you can stay up all night. Rarely do they really want to do what they ask to do!
- Clean up once a day and never worry about someone stopping by. Trying to constantly pick up after the kids is like shoveling snow while it is still snowing. Let the dishes pile up and the toys clutter the floors. Organize a group clean up every evening where everybody helps to tidy up the home. By getting used to the environmental chaos, you will be spared living a stressful life, and by cleaning once a day rather than all day you will save lots of energy.
- Take parent time-outs whenever you need them. Raise your hand, put in a video and say "Mom/Dad needs a time out - I am going to my room for 10 minutes - no one bother me." You will feel much better when you come back out.
- Don't ask yes or no questions to toddlers. Everything you ask them should be a choice between two things that you decide are appropriate. If you want to sway them one way or the other don't weigh the choices evenly. For instance - do you want to eat the bread out of the trash or this PBJ on your plate? As kids get older, the same rule applies. Whenever children of any age have a choice of no, they will choose it.
- Never stay in your pajamas all day or go without a shower. There is always time for your personal hygiene. You should shower and get dressed in real clothes every day in order to spark your motivation and not feel like a bum. Taking care of the bare essentials of your existence like brushing your teeth, showering, or combing your hair should be done every day. If you begin to skip this routine to save time - you will never be able to fit it back in and you will lose interest and passion for yourself along the way! Make it a rule. Mommy or Daddy showers while you watch Sesame Street!
- Don't read too many parenting books and never be afraid to question or ignore the behavioral advice of your pediatrician (especially if they don't have kids yet). The same goes for listening to parents of other children who wish to give you advice. You should parent in your own style and follow your own rules so that you will always be proud and feel responsible for the great job you are doing. Listening to others, following ridiculous advice from certain books, and trying to measure your child up against another always produces unsettling and negative feelings. You and your child are perfect - just the way you are. If you must make a change, make it on your terms using the knowledge of both you and your child.
