Mama & Baby! But Where is Dad?
Author: Stef Daniel
Finally, pregnancy is over and you are settling happily into the role of motherhood with a glow on your face and a lift in your step. The whole thing seems to come so easy to you, and you spend every minute you can holding, rocking, and babying baby. Somewhere on the sidelines sits someone who feels completely out of the loop, so to speak, and perhaps is a bit apprehensive about what his role is and how he fits into your life. Dad!
While many men may not admit it, they get left out of pregnancy and the first few months after delivery. This is exasperated if you are nursing an infant exclusively! While they may very well respect your mothering instincts and be enamored with their new baby, they also have to have something to do that makes them feel needed and connected to the two of you. Sure, there are some men who are terrified of infants and will gladly forego diapering, but the vast majority are trying to understand the change in their life and forge a bond between them and their new child in a world where they suddenly seem unneeded.
A lot of men work from a place of ego first. Just like they won't ask for directions, they aren't going to ask what you need or what they can do. Most of them would rather sit out and be a spectator than feed their tiny baby the wrong way and many men have a fear of hurting a newborn due to the sheer size of them. Even though you have a million things to do, the quicker you get your husband on board, the faster you can get help and become a happy family!
Even if you are breastfeeding, milk can be pumped and daddy can take a whack at bottle-feeding. This is a very special time and will allow both your newborn and the father to get acquainted and comfortable with each other. Your baby needs to know that they have two (or more) people who can care for them and meet their needs. They can also easily learn to diaper, dress, and bathe your baby. While the mothering instinct may have kicked in, trust your partner and leave them alone with the baby for a while so they can get things going. Your husband may not do things exactly the way you would, but you chose to have children with him and must have respect in his abilities.
One of the nicest things you can do for you, your baby, and your husband is to allow your newborn to slumber on his bare chest. To your baby, his heartbeat is as comforting as yours and the feel of skin and breath can quickly soothe a fussy newborn. This will make dad feel important and will give you time to do things like take a bath or get your nails done! Even if you don't leave the house, you will get a much needed and deserved break.
While most of us mothers like to be know-it and do-it-alls, the first few months should be a joint venture. Both baby and dad need this time to bond to one another! In the life of your newborn, dad is just as important as you are and just as much a part of them as you are. Try to involve him as much as possible and learn early on that your newborn will benefit from two actively involved parents! Not only do they deserve this, but dad does as well.
