Stand Up

Monday, June 14, 2010
by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

A couple weeks ago I had one of those proud mama moments. We were hosting one of our "International Supper Club for Kids Nights" (Italy - YUM! - www.planningfamily.com/blog/international-supper-club-for-kids/). The munchkins were running around in the backyard playing "jump rope" which, in toddler translation, means holding onto a rope and running wildly around in circles. All was good. Then, I heard "Emma, no thank you!" Those words were loud, they were mean, and they came from my kid.  It was then I knew she had learned how to right things when she felt wronged.

Do I sound terrible? Maybe. But think about it. How do you teach your child how to stand up for themselves? How do you teach them  to make being "wronged," right? How do you give them the confidence to speak up? To speak out?

I don't have all the answers. What I do have is some observations of what seems to be working in giving my kiddo survival skills. Let's face it, not all of the world is so nice. There are times ahead when we will not be there to protect and help our child through a challenging situation.

Back to the hows:

*Give your child words. I heard myself in my child's voice that day. When her behavior is not appropriate, you'll hear me saying "E, no thank you."

*Model the behavior you desire. I am delighted she used words and wasn't physical (it's helpful when keeping friends in the neighborhood too). www.planningfamily.com/blog/bullies/

*Mediate when necessary. In the situation I described above, all worked out well. The kiddo spoke her mind. Part of the rope came back into her hands and play went on. However, remember, toddlers and young preschoolers are just developing their language skills and may need help. A good way to approach a conflict is by asking more questions than answers ("What happened?") and helping children find compromise (i.e. taking turns).

It was only a jump rope. I don't even know if she was right to feel wronged. But, I was proud to see the moment where I saw a confident little girl standing up on her own.

 

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