Baby Steps
A Step by Step Conversation about Your Child's Development

Loss

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Thursday, August 26, 2010
by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

We had just arrived home from having dinner out at a local restaurant. It was a nice ending to a weekend away. I came into the house, ahead of the kiddo and hubby.

Then, I heard a sound that I had never heard. It was a terrible, horrible shriek. It was dreadful. Worst of all, it was coming from MY child.

Immediately, I ran back to the door. I imagined that my child had fallen and a trip to the nearest emergency room would soon follow. I arrived to see my child standing, tears pouring out down her face. The look on her face was dreadful. I could tell her heart was broken. I also saw a yellow balloon - the one that she had just brought home from the restaurant - floating up to the sky.

I looked at my hubby. What to do now?

I did what my heart told me to. I loaded her back up in the car and went back to the restaurant to get another balloon. Sound extreme? Perhaps, I'm a sap, a sucker some might say.

After the drama died down, the hubby asked if this might have been a good moment to teach our little girl about loss. He did have a point, a good one I'll admit.

How and when do you teach your child about loss? Is it when the favorite pacifier disappears? When the stuffed animal or blanket gets left behind? How and will your child understand?

Recently, I wrote this blog: http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/dealing-with-death/. When that balloon floated up to the sky, my child reacted like her best friend had gone. Forever.

I'm not sure she gets it, or when she will. I'm thinking that the best way to deal with loss in my child's life - like the death of a balloon - is a gradual process. She's so little, I wasn't ready to see her grieve. Thank goodness that restaurant is only a few miles up the road.

Have you and your child had to deal with loss? How have you and your child coped?

 

Comments

Saturday, September 18, 2010 - Jessica

i agree with jamey. my daughter was 6 months when my grandmother passed away and 2 1/2 when my husbands grandpa passed away. it was then that we decided to tell her what happened when people die. she talks about both of them now (and my brother jake who passed away long before my daughter came) and knows we send balloons to heaven for them on their birthdays. this summer she turned 3 and when my dad brought her in balloons she immediately took one out the back door and just let go and watched it float away. when i asked her why she let her balloon go she responded with "i sent one to heaven for my uncle jake. i know its not his birthday but my pappy brought me 3 and i wanted to share with my uncle jake since he cant have any cake." i called my mom in to the kitchen and bawled my eyes out while i told her what my daughter had done and said. i am glad my husband and i have been open with her on death and she is able to comprehend and even accept it now.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010 - Sara Henry

I too believe the best way to teach anyone anything is to be honest about it. Also being aware of the comprehesion compasity of your child you can talk to them openly about everything as they get older depending on their comprehension of things. I am not sure about the bible thing as each to their own (it's not my thing) I respect everyones aspect on things but raising kids to believe in something that may or may not be real isn't my idea of things.

Saturday, September 04, 2010 - Jamey

Hi, I have found it to be much easier to explain loss (aka death) by just telling the truth. If you are a Christian like myself you just tell them that Grandma has gone to be with Jesus in Heaven. Just tell them the truth, and I Know God comforts their little hearts and helps them to understand. I know God also guards them from experiencing the real gravity of the loss. It's amazing how great God is, I know he will do this because I have seen it in action. It's also a great oportunity to explain the Gospel to the child even though they may not totally understand it, hey I don't understand why God chose to save us the way He did. That's not up to me though, hey just be honest with the child and trust me it goes real smooth. Just make sure you raise you child in a GOOD Bible preaching church, too many social club churches out there these days! Hey if you explain the beauty and glory of heaven to your child she will let the balloon go before you leave the restuarant parking lot to send it to Jesus, trust me I have seen it happen in my kids!

Saturday, August 28, 2010 - Angelica Rodriguez

Well I think we have to teach them [children] that that's not the end of the world that there are things that they love much more that are still with them.

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