Dealing with Death

Monday, July 19, 2010
by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

I hate writing about the subject of today's blog. Some things about development and life simply suck. I happen to think death is one of them.

When the munchkin was 2 1/2 years old, our kitty Stimpy died. Stimpy was one of my first babies, back from my days in college. She was the cat found by my then boyfriend (now, hubby) . She lived with me in college. She was with us when we bought our first house. She was with us when we brought our little girl home. I know she lived a long life and I was grateful for it. She was a good kitty. It was terribly difficult to watch her wither away and I knew she was going to die.

My toddler also recognized that something was wrong. I tried to keep my head and remember to use developmentally appropriate words, using language she would understand. I tried to be honest. I went looking for children's books about pets and dying (I'll list a few below). I tried not to cry in front of her.

Stimpy passed away during the day. My husband and I had a few minutes of private grieving before we went to pick up the kiddo from the sitter. When we all got home, we didn't say anything about Stimpy. Two days passed and then the kiddo spoke "Stimpy went to kitty heaven." She understood that Stimpy was gone. Nearly 6 months later, she still talks about Stimpy. She still sings to her on occasion.

Have you had to deal with death since your child came along? What have you done? What haven't you?

Here are a few tips/strategies to keep in mind...unfortunately, all of us encounter loss in our lives:

*Do be honest with your child. It is okay to use the word "died."

*Don't give too many details. Keep it simple. If a child asks questions, give them the answer, but allow them to acquire new information as they need it.

*Do grieve in front of your child, but keep in mind that your child may not understand all of your sadness. Excessive crying and extreme sadness may be too much for a young child to deal with. Ask for the support and private time that you need.

*Use resources - books are wonderful. Here are a few to check out (remember, library rentals are FREE):

"Someone I Loved Died" by Christine Harder Tangvald

"Heaven" by Nicholas Allan

"Liplap's Wish" by Jonathan London

"Hugs on the Wind" by Marsha Diane Arnold and Vernise Elaine Pelzel

 

 

 

Comments

Add a Comment

* Title	RE: Dealing with Death
Name
* Comment

Submit