Comparing Notes

Thursday, April 22, 2010
by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

Comparing notes about development. This can be an awesome resource ("Your baby sleeping through the night?...No? Hey, try this..."). And, this can be a dangerous resource ("Wait a minute, your kiddo is doing what?! Mine is no where near that!"). It happened to me recently.

Imagine the first day you met (or will meet) your little girl or little boy. It's a moment like no other. There they are: tiny, beautiful, and - even if they are not - they are PERFECT. My little girl was also brilliant (which really means I am a totally biased and proud mama and she was really not much different than any other newborn at that moment ). I knew it from the moment I saw her. I saw it in her eyes.

Now she is a walking/talking machine.

Through the journey, I've loved most of the chatter I've had with family and friends. I've enjoyed "comparing notes." I've found that most times when we talk ages and stages, we're all in the same game. Oh yeah, there may be different interests and varying challenges, but our kiddos are somewhat doing the same things at the same times.

Then it happened, I received a "note" that was totally different. Actually, it came via Facebook (by the way, are you a fan of Planning Family on FB? Good stuff there too!). It was one of my "most favorite" folks and their kiddo. The post was about a new found skill. I saw it. I saw a picture of it (confirmed documentation). And I thought: "ummm...wow...really...really, she did that?!" I knew that my child was nowhere ready to tackle such a task.

Like any sensible mama, I walked away and pretended that I was all cool. I mentioned it in passing to the hubby who had seen the same post as I. His response "can she (meaning our kiddo) do that?"  My response, "Well, no...but, maybe she's just not ready." Then I quickly put on my handy dandy child development thinking cap and began to ramble on about developmental norms.

What is a developmental norm anyhow?

And the answer is (thank you Wikipedia: wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_development_norms_for_children): Developmental norms are defined as standards by which the progress of a child's development can be measured. For example, the average age at which a child walks, learns to talk, or reaches puberty would be such a standard and would be used to judge whether the child is progressing normally.

Later that night, I began my "googling" of developmental norms. I didn't find what I was looking for, so I went back to the old text books and what I finally gathered was that the achievement of one of my friend's children was not a developmental norm. In this case, she had greatly exceeded the standard age of when children begin to write letters and her name. I'm okay with that. I do think her kiddo is brilliant. Mine is too, just in different ways .

I believe that all children have their "brilliance." They all have their gifts. Our challenge as parents is to identify them.  The key is asking questions when there are concerns, and, of course - comparing notes.

Here's a good link about development and developmental norms:

Prenatal and Infancy through Early Childhood: www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm#inf

Are you comparing notes?

 

 

 

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