Baby Steps
A Step by Step Conversation about Your Child's Development

The Smallest Survivors

This is incredible. Amazing. Inspiring.

The physical development of our kiddos from inception to delivery is freaking amazing. Seriously. Stop and think about it. You start with a sperm and an egg.  Months later, you get a kid with 10 fingers and 10 toes.  Okay, it isn’t quite as simple as that, but I tend to get a headache if I try to analyze the process of development much more than this.

My “little” girl weighed in at 9 lbs. 2 oz. She was fully developed (two weeks past my due date). Although born via an emergency c-section, she was healthy and came home 48 hours later.

I’m reminded of my blessings when I hear that one of the tiniest babies ever born recently went home. Weighing only  9 ½ ounces at birth, she weighed less than a can of pop. Can you imagine?!  Upon going home, she weighed 4 ½ pounds.  Although she will be watched carefully for delays or other challenges with her development, she is healthy enough to head home, and I am betting that this is what really matters to her parents at this moment.

Born at 24 weeks, she is noted to have been the second smallest baby born in the United States and survive.

This little survivor isn’t alone in her early arrival. Statistics report that about 7,500 infants are born each year weighing less than 1 pound.  Even with today’s medical technology, only about 10% of these tiny babies survive.  Those who do may have further challenges with their development, and of course, some may develop just fine!

Was your arrival early or late?

How big or small?

We all have our stories; here’s looking forward to hearing yours!

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Back-up?

Do you have a back-up? I don’t, and I am wondering if I should. You see, we’re getting ready for a family adventure, a trip south for some fun in the sun for a couple of days. I’m hitting one of those big birthday numbers this year, and I am using the excuse for a multitude of meanderings.

As we began to organize and sort clothes (opening up the dresser drawer and pulling out clothes is a great way to keep the kiddo busy for a few minutes!), I began to think about the other “necessities.” You know, the purple blanket she latched onto the day she was born and also Sara the cat. Oh, not a real cat. Sara is about 4 inches high, white (or at least she used to be), and is the nighttime necessity. I’m starting to sweat Sara surviving the adventure. It’s hard enough to keep track of her in the house, let alone, a car ride, airport, bus trip, and some sand. What happens if she decides to go on her own adventure?

Which leads me back to my original question, “Does your child have a lovie and do you have a back-up?”

Does your child have a snuggly they can’t go without, or perhaps more importantly, SLEEP without? 

Has this little friend ever gone missing? What did you do? What happened?

I’ve never had to face that day, and I hope I never do. Talk about loss. As parents, we want our child to care, we want them to attach, and we want them to love. We never want them to experience the loss. It’s all part of healthy social-emotional development, right?

A few months ago, we were out at a family fun fest. It was a great day filled with crisp fall air and some fun.  Some buddies and I had our kiddos lined up on a bench all enjoying a bit of an apple tart. It was quite a sight – three little girls, smiling faces covered with powdered sugar residue. Along came a family pushing a stroller and suddenly…cue the horror music…the mother realized the child’s lovie was gone.  GONE. She began frantically looking through her bags, the stroller, under the child. The poor kiddo began to wail for his favorite toy. The mother panicked. She started muttering, “Well, it’s gone. There’s nothing we can do. What did you do with it?...” My heart instantly sank for this kiddo. I’m not sure what happened next. The mother whisked the kiddo off and the cries faded the further they moved away from us.

I have friends who have a back-up. I have friends who have more than one back-up. They are also the ones who have kept up with their baby books (over-achievers!).

So, back to my dilemma. Do I try to find a Sara back-up?  And, if Sara is lost, will the back-up do? I definitely think the kiddo will notice the difference.  After all, there’s something strangely comforting about a ratty old grey toy.

I’m off to do some online shopping for Sara the cat. Let’s hope I can find her in time for our vacation to set sail.

What about you?

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Montessori School - Right For Your Child?

When I first began considering preschools for my child, I never would have thought of a Montessori school. Quite frankly, I didn't know much about Montessori schools although I had learned about Maria Montessori in college.

As it goes, I was with a group of friends, sharing our adventures of parenting, when someone brought up that they were looking at sending their toddler to a Montessori school.

First implemented over 100 years ago by Maria Montessori, an Italian physician and educator, the Montessori educational model is practiced at an estimated 20,000 schools internationally.

The Montessori curriculum is designed to support learning in children from infancy to 18 years of age. Montessori schools provide activities created to fuel independence, support a learner’s freedom within limits, all while respecting a child’s natural psychological development and their natural curiosity to learn.

For me, I imagined my child's preschool years to be filled with dress-up, finger painting, and circle times filled with stories and songs.

Then, my friend's description of a Montessori program got my attention: real objects in the classrooms vs.toys, gardens just outside the classroom door which children helped tend to, and a few chickens and goats at the school. I had to see this place in action.

Marching home that day, I made a call to a local Montessori program and scheduled my visit.I remember walking into a classroom of toddlers, as young as 18 months, and being blown away as I watched them - so quietly - engage in activity. The room was filled with unique materials, materials I would have never even thought of having my child work with.

After that visit, I was psyched. I wanted a Montessori education for my child. I filled out an application and she started that fall. She was 18 months old.

The year of Montessori education was a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Not only were we working through those first days of her attending a program independently, I wasn't sure if this was the right fit for her after all.

At the end of the year, I did make another choice for her. I returned to a more traditional preschool classroom, one where her days are filled with dress-up and finger painting, and circle times that are filled with stories and songs.

What about you? Are you or have you considered a Montessori school for your child?
 

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The Most Important Skill

Go ahead. Wave your magic wand. As a parent, you have the opportunity.

What IS the most important skill you want your child to obtain?

Why?

As I trek down the path of parenthood, I often look at my little girl and ponder this question.

I know the answer.

If you've been reading this blog a bit (thank you!), this may sound familiar. Yes, I have been down this road before.

But, it's been awhile and it's time for a return trip. It is so important, it is worth another visit.

When I first brought my baby home, I rejoiced in the fact that she was eating and sleeping (okay, sleeping a little).

As my little one grew, so did her personality and my dreams for the little person she was becoming. It was then that I began to think about what trait/skill/characteristic would be of most value to her as she grew into a young lady. Most experts agree, there's quite a mix of genetics and environmental influences that make us each who we are/who we become.

What is the most important characteristic you want your child to have?

For me, it's the ability to "bounce back," to get up and keep going, to be resilient.

Resiliency.

What makes a child resilient? Can you make a child resilient?

Let's face it, life gives us all a beating once in awhile (of course, I don't mean this literally). At times, we all have bumps in the road.

In our household, I started thinking about this skill as soon as I saw the munchkin developing skill sets of her own: the first time she tried to pull up (and fell down), those first few drunken (stumbling) steps, the first time she skinned her nose after running down the hill. "Are you okay?" I would ask.

Then, I moved from the question to the statement, "You ARE okay." It was my way of encouraging her to move on.

Next, up came how to tackle her frustration regarding doing things on her own. The question was (and still is) "when to intervene and when to let her work through it."

Today, it was the full-fledged meltdown over a miscommunication of what way she wanted to come home (we have two routes and, not mattering to us, we allow the munchkin to decide each day). Oops, today we chose wrong. She wanted to go back. She wanted us to do it again. It wasn't happening. It took a bit (okay, A LOT) of patience and quiet words to her, but she managed to get herself together and move on. We ended with a terrific family night spent playing.

Just like the first blog entry I wrote, it's all about baby steps. I hope by navigating life as we have so far, we're on our way to helping the kiddo grow into a resilient child (and person).

What skill or characteristic are you working on developing with your little one these days?

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Re-Thinking Potty Training

Ah, the holidays. There were parties, presents, too much food, and potty training?

Potty training? I had a friend whose goal over the holiday break was to toilet train her little man.

She's savvy, she's smart (a teacher), and she had everything in place: rewards, make-it-fun, new undies, a plan to stick close to home, a timer, stickers.

You name it, she had thought of it and was jazzed up to begin this new adventure.

She shared her potty training progress via Facebook. I loved the updates.

Day 1: "Looking for tips/ideas/strategies! We are ready to potty train!"

Day 2: "Six pairs of underwear, but finally success! It was worth the six pairs of underwear."

Day 3: "It's not even 10am and I've been peed on multiple times. No success. Will I make it through the day?"

Day 4: All is quiet on Facebook.

She then private messages a few of us who had been cheering her on. She began to question whether this was going to work OR NOT. Her munchkin had a few successes, but they had been home for four days and there seemed to be no magic moment on the horizon that was going to signal her kiddo was officially potty trained and ready to head out of the house in his big boy underwear. She was tired. She was discouraged. She had spent four days at home with the best of intentions only to wonder if they were going to be met with success.

What would YOU do at this moment? As her friend, what do YOU say?

I had to ask the questions, "What was the point in trying to make this happen RIGHT now? Did he have to be potty trained to enter into a new program?"

After finding out that it was just about thinking it "was time, and he was old enough," I suggested she come back to it another day. 

Not to give up, but back off.

What is your strategy for toilet training? What is working? What is not?

Toilet training can seem like rocket science. Figuring out what works for some kids, IS harder than rocket science.

Then, there are some kids who just get it. Right away.

Like most things in parenting, you have to figure out when and what is the right thing for your child.

For my buddy, backing off took the pressure off her and her kiddo. They got out of the house. They enjoyed the rest of holiday break together. The pull-ups came back out, but the underwear stayed out too.

It was time to re-think potty training. Some days are like that.

What are you re-thinking today when it comes to helping your child develop the skills they need to grow?

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Preemies - Sweetness And Love Can Help

If you are going to be a parent, expect the unexpected. I was a planner. Most details of my life were nicely organized as evidenced by my calendar and to-do lists which were marked up nicely.

Then, I got pregnant. It seemed like minutes passed and I had lost brain cells. I definitely had baby brain. I couldn't wait to meet this little one. Since the day she came into our world, she has rocked it. Plans go out the window by the minute. Most times, I don't mind. It's quite an adventure - lol.

As for my pregnancy, I *thought* I would go early. I remember 4 weeks before my due date. I was certain that I would go any day. Ha. The joke was on me. Not only was I NOT early, I was two weeks PAST my due date before the kiddo decided it was time for her to make her entrance.

Everyone has a story. What is yours?

Although my labor and delivery wasn't a fairy book tale, I'll take it. At the end of that night, nineteen minutes shy of midnight and Valentine's Day, I had a healthy baby girl and I wasn't feeling too bad either.

For others, pregnancy ends a little too soon. For whatever reason, the little one decides it's time to make their entrance into the world.

If and when it does, you may be filled with fear and a range of other emotions from giving birth to a preemie.

What can you do for this little one who may need a little more time to grow?

It's at these unexpected times, you may feel the most helpless. Often times, preemies need medical support and testing to ensure they are developing fully.

When this happens, preemies may be subjected to needle pricks and procedures such as throat suctioning.

Unfortunately, so tiny in size, medications meant to reduce discomfort and pain may not be appropriate for preemies.

Good news, new research shows that there IS something you can do for your baby. It may be as simple as a little sugar and love.

Specifically, this newest information - recently heard via National Public Radio shared that:

"Preemies in three Swiss hospitals were given either sugar water, held tightly, or given both when they had heel sticks to draw blood during their first two weeks in neonatal intensive care units. The babies who got both sugar and an embrace called facilitated tucking suffered the least, compared to babies who got just sugar or who were just held.

Sugar alone worked better than holding alone, according to the study, which was published in Pediatrics. It's the latest of many that have shown that it is possible to relieve pain, even in the very young and fragile. Most preemies aren't good candidates for the pain-relieving drugs used in older children and adults. So it's been a huge relief to parents to know that treatments without drugs can work."

In other words, parents of preemies can advocate for their little ones who are enduring a medical procedure by requesting sugar water for their infant, as well as working with the medical team to hold their preemie tightly during a procedure.

It's may seem like a little thing, but can make a big difference to your baby.

And, when the unexpected occurs, it's nice to know what you can do.

Sometimes, a little sweetness and love can make all the difference.

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I Slipped

It's true. Children learn what they live. You can learn a lot about the environment your child is in by simply listening to and watching them.

What are they saying? What are they doing? Where did these behaviors come from?

I was reminded of this the other day. I had that “oops” moment where I slipped. Well, I cussed to be more exact. I can’t even remember which word it was. I just remember it was “bad.”

Oops.

Have you ever slipped in front of your child? What did you do? What happened?

As for me, as soon as I swore, I looked around. I was startled. I was stunned. I was shocked. I hadn’t done that before, well, at least since the kiddo was old enough to have the skills to repeat what they had just heard.

As I looked around with a, “Huh? What just happened?" I realized I was safe this time around. In other words, it looked like the kiddo was in her own little world of play and hadn’t heard my "oops." And, so far, I haven’t heard from her preschool teachers, the hubby, or my mother-in-law that she may have picked up on my little slip.

With the above admitted, I’ve seen some other behaviors that my kiddo has seemed to acquire. My child has been in group care since she was a toddler, and though I’ll happily admit there are many positives from that experience, I’m also the first to admit she’s acquired a few behaviors I wish wouldn’t have made their way home with her.  There are your typical bodily noises at the dinner table that the kiddo finds rather amusing. There is also her newest expression that goes something like, “Well, if you don’t do XYZ, then I’m not going to be your best friend anymore.”

Oy.

When it comes to the developing child, sometimes I miss those early days of infancy. Though physically exhausting, the beauty of an infant, the simplicity of their smiles and coos, and even their cries - sometimes, it seems those were the simpler days.

Don’t get me wrong. Raising a toddler or preschooler isn’t rocket science.

Wait. Sometimes it is.

What happens when your child displays inappropriate behaviors? What happens when they use words you’d rather not hear?

Here's my ammo:

*Ignoring undesirable behaviors whenever possible. Most of the time, if they do not get attention, they go away.

*Re-directing/re-engaging the munchkin in something else. Toys, food, books.

*Being a good role model. (Except for my occasional "oops.")

*Being clear about the expectations - "that is not appropriate" -  and finding appropriate leverage if needed (i.e. missing out on watching a show or getting stories read before bed, rank high on the kiddo's list around here).

*Keeping consistent. Let's face it, parenthood can be exhausting. Even when we are tired, we have to work to help our children be the best they can be and encourage good choices.

I'm working on living the way I'd like my child to learn.

How about you? What is your child learning from you and their environment these days?

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I Have A Dream

I have a dream.

The moment we become parents, our dreams take on new meaning. For many of us, our dreams aren't about us anymore at all. They are the future of our children. Our hopes, our visions, our goals all of a sudden lie in our children's happiness, in their well-being.

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. It is a great reminder of the dreams each of us have and the opportunity each of our children deserve.

Need a refresher in history class?

How will you celebrate and educate the holiday with your child?

Yes, I know. There are a lot of deep and big issues that may seem a little too complex in tackling with your little one today.

How can you explain the impact of Dr. King's work to an infant or toddler or preschooler? Do you even try? Is it appropriate?

As I mentioned before, I'm an "everything in moderation" kind of gal. That philosophy comes into parenting too, especially when it comes to educating my child about the great, big world out there.

I do believe there is a developmentally appropriate place and plan for educating even the youngest children about today's significance.

It doesn't have to be deep or grand. It can be simple and sweet. It can be meaningful.

In our household, we start by acknowledging that today is a special day: "Today is a special day. It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a very special person who helped ensure that all people could be who they want to be."

If you're lucky enough to live in a community where there are public celebrations, now is the time to start checking them out. Don't worry  about making it through a full ceremony or speech.  Enjoy a few minutes of celebratory music, a work of art, or even people that you may not have the opportunity to generally connect with. You may be surprised how much you learn through these types of outings (not to mention your child).

Looking for more resources? Check out this great list of books via "Amazon." Find them here, then head to your local library to enjoy them.                                                     

Whatever you do, keep it simple. Maybe our children will understand this year. Maybe they won't.

However, it is worth the time to plant the seed of knowledge that will grow through the years. And who knows, you just might grow a little too.

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

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The Journey

The day I found I was pregnant, it was a total surprise. The reality was we had been trying to conceive for over a year. I was finally heading to the doctor’s for an initial checkup to see if we could figure out why things hadn’t happened despite "our best efforts" – lol.

Are you trying to conceive? Newly pregnant? Almost ready to welcome that little one into your arms?

Where are you in your journey?

The journey is amazing, isn’t it? As you develop, your baby is developing too.

What have been your favorite parts of pregnancy? Embarrassing? Mesmerizing?

Hands-down, week 18 was my favorite. I was laying in my bed and “blip.” I felt it. It felt like a small fish in my abdomen. It was definitely something new. I instantly knew I had just felt my little kiddo's first kicks. As weeks went on, these kicks and her acrobatics provided much amusement. Now that she is out and about, the only kicks I get are from the occasional night when I’m trying to get her back to sleep and she is tossing and turning about. I’ll still take those kicks too. I’m glad she is here to give them to me.

Embarrassing? Thrilled to tell my family, I remember sharing the news with my mother at a family birthday party. It was quite an event and though I didn’t want to steal the thunder from my stepfather’s celebration, the time seemed right. Instead of the squeal of delight I expected to hear from my mother, her reaction was “I noticed how big your breasts were looking.” Um, thanks mom. Well, they were bigger. She was right, but I was kind of hoping that this wouldn’t be the announcement coming from her as we were surrounded by our family and friends.

Have you had any embarrassing moments of pregnancy? Ones that you are willing to share, of course!

And mesmerizing? It’s got to be those ultrasounds. Today, the technologically is cooler than ever. Just hearing her heart beat was amazing. Then there was the moment of hearing two heart beats, mine and hers.  Finally, seeing the fingers and toes, and (yes, I couldn’t wait, will you?) finding out that she was a SHE and not a he.

Finally, there is that moment when she arrived. Two weeks and one failed induction later, she arrived in her own time. It wasn’t the perfect birth day I imagined, but it was wonderful anyway.

What about your journey in pregnancy? What is your favorite part of development?

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Make It New Again

Just a couple of short weeks ago, there were a few moments of quiet in our house. If you have a young child, you understand why this is news. The quiet came as my little girl happily explored all the "newness" that had found its way into the toy room. The new doll, the new house, the new crayons. Yes, for those few minutes, I sat there, drank tea, and cherished the moment as she happily played.

I walked into that same room a few moments ago to find toys scattered here and there. The kiddo was no longer engaged by magical play that had all too quickly departed.

The holidays came rushing in, and we seemed to be filled with excitement as many of us shower oodles of toys and newness upon our children. Unfortunately, things quickly grow old to children. The newness seems to be gone as quickly as it came.

Where did it go? More importantly, how do we get the excitement of those toys back?

It hit me as I began to clean-up that clutter. I began to reshelve it. As she toddled along with me, she became interested as things were uncovered and were organized. What a concept - play being inspired by organization of a space.

When I was a teacher in a toddler room years ago, I believed that these kiddos thrived on the organization of a space.  They thrived on routine. They thrived on the repeated manipulation of the same items. Day after day.

I was only partly right. I learned this after days in a room with 12 toddlers, doing anything and everything to keep them happily engaged with the few resources I had at that time.

I was right about them feeling ownership of the classroom. Does your child have a space to call their own? A safe space to enage in play? Whether it is a corner of a room or an entire room, doesn't matter.

I was right about them knowing where things were and that they belonged to them, for about a week. After that, these little kiddos were often disengaged. Quite frankly, these tykes had become bored with my organization and the day after day of seeing the same toys, used in the same ways.

Lesson learned.

Eureka! Reflecting back on my classroom experiences, I went back into our own play room and began clearing the clutter. Some things went back on the shelf. Some things were going in a basket to be put away for a week or two or three. Much like an effective early childhood classroom, I provided some order to the space, organizing dress up clothes in a corner, puzzles on a shelf, and Lincoln Logs in a bin.

As I worked, she began to play.

The toys were becoming new again.

They made more sense in the environment, and they made more sense to her.

It occurs to me that everytime I clean up the play room, it not only looks better, it works better. Bonus, I get to have another cup of tea and a few minutes to enjoy the magic of play.

As we begin the new year, how are you keeping your children engaged in play?

How are you organizing a space for your child to engage in play?

What toys will you keep out? What do you put away and for how long?

How can toys be stored differently? How can they be used differently?

Please share your tips - after all, it is only January and it's a long way till the next holiday season.

Let's make it new again. And again and again.

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Swim

Although I understand the process of development, I am always floored by the product.

It's incredible when you really stop and think about it.

How do our children get from here to there when it comes to skill development?

Less than three months ago, our family was vacationing. We split the cost of a beach house and were enjoying a week of fun (and chaos) with our cousins and our combined seven little people. It was during this week our little girl - almost four and a half years old - started swimming. Okay, it wasn't quite swimming, but she was pretty darn close. She was able to keep herself afloat and used her arms and legs to propel her in motion. I spent much of the rest of the week looking to "motivate" my child to swim. Swim. Swim. I'd offered up plenty of "positive reinforcement" (that's the fancy word for bribery - lol), including ice cream sandwiches.

I'd been waiting for this moment for a while. Actually, for about four years. Oh yes, I realize that physically, children most often have the ability to learn to swim around age four or five years, but perhaps I'm just a tad impatient. Off and on, we'd been in swim lessons since she was an infant. Though she always tolerated swim class, she wasn't one of those fish kids I'd often admired jumping in and swimming around as though they had been born with that skill.

Tonight, I was transported back to her huge developmental milestones. Just like the first time she smiled, and rolled over, and laughed, and stood and walked, I experienced that feeling of winning a championship game as I watched her happily submerge herself under water and swim. Swim. Swim.

I tried to control my gloating as I found myself smirking as I watched my child, now one of the "fish kids" who jumped in and was swimming around like she had always had this skill.

Thinking back, it's been a long process. It's been baby steps. It's been toes in the water one day, and the next month, maybe her arms and legs. It's been patience. It's been cheering for her and loving her even when she wouldn't go under the water. It's been quite a process indeed!

It's been a good reminder to me that development is about the process. It's not always about the product (though the product is definitely fun to celebrate!).

What skill is your child working on obtaining?

What has been the process of them developing this skill?

Do you try to motivate your child to obtain the skill? If so, how?

As always, enjoy the ride!

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Conflict

Conflict. It happens. Do you and your significant other ever argue in front of your child?

This weekend, I admit it. I was a grump. Perhaps it was too much holiday hoopla. Perhaps it is the fact that I long for a morning where the streaming bright sunshine wakes me vs. the 5:15am alarm that is my cat meowing, followed by the dogs, followed by one little girl calling "Maaaaa-maaaa." Perhaps it is that I want less work and more play. Perhaps I want simpler days. I want those people around me with health concerns to be okay.  Perhaps it is that I wanted to go to yoga. Perhaps it is that I wanted to clean my house and then for it to stay clean for more than a day. All in all, I know I am blessed. I haven't got a ton to be terribly cranky about, but sometimes, it just happens.

So, this weekend, with my grumpiness taking center stage, the hubby and I began to "discuss" the day's plans. It's about who needs what and what needs done.  We all have an agenda around here. The little one wants to be read to, then danced with, followed by art fun, which means every inch of the dining room floor will be covered in glitter. The hubby wants a Sunday morning coffee run, followed by some time to do a little woodworking. You've already read my desires for the weekend, and the grumpiness followed because of them.

What all this meant was a clash and compromise. It meant working through my crankiness and everyone's own ideas. This is the little stuff, though at times, it all feels very frustrating. As a result, the hubby and I have words about who needs what when, and how this and that will all be done. Sometimes, we raise our voices at one another. Sometimes, we are not so loving and kind. Sometimes, I am not the role model of a loving wife that I want my child to see.

Yes, we do argue in front of our child. (The "we" being the hubby and I.)

We've been married 17+ years. We welcomed the kiddo into our world after 13 years of marriage.

For the most part, it's been a very good ride.

We're not perfect though. We're honest and, occassionally, we hit our bumps in the road.

When you and your partner clash, do you work through it in front of your child?

Do you allow your child to see conflict between the two of you?

If so, what are the "rules?"

First of all, my hubby and I are not physical when we clash. There can be words. Mostly it's about what we want, need, and think. For us, It's about talking through the miscommunications that have occurred and finding a plan to make it work.

When done appropriately, I believe disagreeing in front of your little one and showing the process of resolution can be extremely helpful to a child in learning social-emotional behaviors and effective ways for resolving conflict.

When is it not right?

*If there is ever any violence involved. If there is, seek out help, both for you and your partner's safety, as well as your child's.

*When hurtful words are used. Working through conflict cannot be about blaming or shaming anyone.

*When the anger is overwhelming and focus on a solution is lost. When/if this is the case, everyone needs to take a break and walk away. 

Have you and your partner ever disagreed in front of your child?

How did you handle it?

How did your child handle it? What do you believe they learned as a result?

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New

The New Year is here.

Funny, I used to look at the New Year as a new start. It was time to think about where I had been and where I wanted to go.

Then, I had a child. Now, every day is new as I see the world through her eyes. Every day is a new adventure.

Quite frankly, these days I'm not sure where I have been or where I am going. I do know that most days, it is quite a ride!

Where are you today? Since you became a parent, does the New Year's holiday hold more or less meaning?

I've never been one to set New Year's resolutions. I'm more of a "goal girl" myself. I like the idea of goals, the committment that "I'm going to do this." I like seeing this list on my refrigerator. It is a reminder of who I want to be.

This year, when it comes to my parenting and my child's development, I've once again found myself pondering goals.

What are your goals when it comes to being a parent?

Need some inspiration? Hopefully, you will find some here.

Here are some of my favorite thoughts about parenting designed to support our little one's development.  Once again, I'll embrace these thoughts and keep them close to my heart this upcoming year.

*Read, sing, and talk daily with your little one. Stop the noise (whether that be the TV, radio or just miscellaneous distractions found in an ordinary day) and focus. Snuggle up and settle down.

*Be proactive vs. reactive to your child's needs.

*Be fit. I know all the excuses, because I use them too. Pledge to make time to move and groove with your munchkin. Maybe it's dancing in the living room (think of the triceps you can build while holding a baby and dancing!) or maybe it's a walk in the great outdoors (yes, I know it is cold outside, I live in Cleveland - bundle up). Watch your family's food intake (think more veggies, less cookies).

*Be present in your child's life vs. giving more presents (I saw this somewhere...What a great - and simple - concept!).

*Don't compare your child to others. Value them, respect, and support their development.

*Patience. Patience. Patience. Being a parent is hard work. Being an infant or toddler or preschooler is hard work too. Be patient. Kind. Loving. Model the behaviors you want for your child. And, when that doesn't work, take a break or a breath and then try again. Remember, parenthood is not a race. There is no start and no finish. It is a journey in which somedays may be easier than others.

*Don't rush time, no matter how challenging it is or how sleep deprived you may be.

*Remember, every parent and every child has their *moments.* It is what makes us human. When you hit a "bump" in the road, go over it and then keep going. Help your child learn to do the same.

*Use your resources and ask for help. You may be the biggest influence in your child's life, but it is okay to let the "village" help you raise a happy and healthy child.

*When in question, ask. You are a parent. This doesn't mean you have to know everything, you just have to know where to find the information you need. Pediatricians, early childhood providers, neighbors, friends...reach out when you need them. You ARE your child's best advocate.

*Surround yourself and your child with good people. We don't pick our family, but we do pick our friends, some of them we call upon like they are family. If you don't like the role models and support in your life, find new models and support. Find individuals who will support your child's healthy growth and development. Surround yourself with people who will give you the support you need as a parent. Find those who will stick with you when the bumps in the road are the biggest.

Wishing you and yours the happiest of New Years!

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The Science of Tantrums

Tantrums. Hopefully you haven't seen too many of these in the past few days.

Tantrums can be unpredictable. Sometimes, they seem to happen for no apparent reason. They often seem sparked by the unknown. Sometimes, they make absolutely no sense.

And, as to how to best resolve a tantrum? Most of us try to work through the minute - or more - of screams and tears while holding back our own screams and tears.

When was the last tantrum your child experienced? Was there a rhyme or reason for the tantrum?

Unfortunately, tantrums are known as a "typical part of toddler development." Previously, science didn't pay too much attention to tantrums. Science simply noted that every tantrum - whether long or short - seemed to have two specific components: anger and sadness.

Thanks for the help, right?

Never fear, hot off the press is a new scientific study that was launched in order to gain some additional insight into tantrums. Specifically, this research study collected data from specialized onesies that toddlers wore, complete with built-in microphones, in order to capture the sounds of screams/yelling/whining. They then worked to quantify these sounds, attempting to make some sense out of them.

This study reported that: Tantrums turn out to have a pattern and rhythm to them. Once understood, researchers say, this pattern can help parents, teachers, and even hapless bystanders respond more effectively to temper tantrums — and help clinicians tell the difference between ordinary tantrums, which are a normal part of a child's development, and those that may be warning signals of an underlying disorder.

Researchers defined three specific parts to each tantrum - no matter how often they occur or how long they last.

What is this pattern and rhythm?

1. Yelling and screaming.

2. Physical actions. (Good news, once you get to this point, research notes you are getting to the end of a tantrum as lots of energy has been expended).

3. Crying/Whining/Fussing. (When you reach this stage, children are generally ready to seek comfort. The tantrum is coming to a close).

Of course, the better question: What can you do as a parent to more quickly diffuse a tantrum?

Though often easier said then done, the best thing you can do is remain calm. Sometimes, doing nothing is the best tactic. This is especially true during the stage of anger and screaming (when it is - of course - hardest for any parent to remain calm and do nothing).

Can't hold your tongue? Try giving your toddler short, specific demands:

1. Sit down.

2. Go to your room.

The goal is to help diffuse the anger and move your toddler through the stages of the tantrum; getting to the sadness stage as soon as possible, then having the ability to comfort them.

What do you think?

Does this study provide helpful insight to you when it comes to dealing with tantrums?

What works for your child? What doesn't?

Remember, when it comes to parenthood - the good and the "challenging" - we're all in it together.

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Survival

Happy holidays?

Yes, I meant that to be a question.

Let's face it; in addition to "happy," the holidays can be stressful, exhausting, exhiliarating, and more.

Whether you are loaded up and ready to head out of town or waiting for guests to arrive, you may find yourself and your little one having to do a little extra work for a happy holiday.

The first few years with a little one in tow around the holidays can be fun. They can also be a challenge. Everyone wants to love on the little one. The little one may have ideas of their own.

You want your little one to delight in opening up presents. They may be interested in one shiny bow instead. Or better yet, the box.

You want your toddler to smile and say thank you for each and every gift received. Your toddler is "busy."

Candy and sweets surround you and there's encouragement to share "a little" with your munchkin. You know "a little" sweets go a long way when it comes to your little one.

You are not alone. Some or all of the above is going to happen. It's normal. It's development. Don't let it stress you out.

Ah yes, the holidays are here.

Will you survive?

Before you rush off, it's time for you to take into consideration what really matters about this holiday to you. It's time for a few tips from this wise woman (sorry, I couldn't resist).

Plan ahead when it comes to your holiday festivities. Think about what is going to work for your little one (and what isn't).

Remember, it is okay to say "No."

Don't forget their basics: eat, sleep, and basic routines.

Take a break. It will do you and your little one good.

Take a nap. Don't forget to let your little one get their siesta in as well.

And don't forget to pack your sense of humor (and the bottles, binkies, favorite blanket, formula, favorite toy...).

Happy holidays to all and to all a good night!

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I Believe

I believe. Yes, I'm staring the big 4-0 in the face, but I still believe in Santa.

Yes, I am totally sane.

You see, for me Santa is about magic. He is about traditions. He is about love, joy, and celebrations. He is about all that is good. He is about having faith and believing in things that you cannot see. He is about the wonder of childhood.

Are you believing in Santa Claus this year? How about your children?

Recently, my four-year old noticed that the Santas around town all looked different. She began asking questions. As she watched one Santa drive away in his beat-up pick up truck, she pondered why didn't he have his sleigh? Where were the reindeer? How long would it take him to get back to the North Pole? Why isn't he there building toys? And then list went on.

It was then that I spilled the beans. I explained that all these Santas are not the real deal. They are "Santa's helpers." Ah-ha. Yes, afterall, how could one man possibly do all of this work in one night? She asked if I have ever seen the real Santa. "No, I have not," I replied.

Other families I know have decided that in their household Santa isn't coming. Oh yes, they celebrate Christmas and their children are showered with presents from the family on Christmas morning. But, there is no Santa.

Why no Santa? For most, it is about the fear of "lying" to their child. It's about there really being no Santa. It's about the "what-ifs" when and if their children question them about Santa.

Really?

Again, I believe.

For me, Santa is and will always be about the magic that is Christmas. Though I may never see a big jolly old elf who comes down my chimney with a sack on his back, there will always be a special gift that arrives from Santa.

When it comes to our children, their imaginations and their creativity are amazing. It's one of the wonderful gifts they give to us. The ability to see life through their eyes. To experience the magic and wonder of Santa, of the first snowfall, or simply to see the stars on a clear night. Some things are bigger than life. Some things need no explanation. Some things are simply magical. Such is my family's relationship with Santa.

How about you? Does Santa come to your home? Are you worried about how or when you or child may decide there isn't a Santa?

Wishing you and yours a magical holiday.

I believe.

Do you?

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Talkin' Television - Yes, We Do Watch

I hate the television.

Yes, we do watch.

I just want to make that clear. In fact, now that the weather in lovely Cleveland has turned cold and gray, you might find us watching more than ever.

You see, on Thanksgiving Day we were hanging out at my sister's house. Hers is a "TV household." I don't really have any strong opinions about that (okay, maybe I do, but I'll save them for later).  What do I mean by a "TV household?" I mean it is usually on. It always has been. It's on during dinner and on during breakfast. It is on as they fall asleep. Her kids grew up in this household. They are just fine. Really, television was simply background, a comforting noise and sound to their daily household routines.

The funny part about this Thanksgiving is that the television never came on at my sister's. It was lovely. See, I find this day to be more about family and less about football. I was totally cool with a quiet day of conversation around a big table and eating way too much food. I shared this thought with the hubby during our travels home and then found out why the TV had been silent for the day. My sister's hubby had remarked that it wasn't on because our little girl "wasn't allowed to watch television."

Surprise, surprise. We watch TV. So does our child. I am not ANTI-television. I am "anti-letting your kid watch anything and everything and not overseeing their viewing, especially during commercial breaks."

What about YOU? How do you monitor your child's television viewing? What is okay and what is not? How do you handle what your children view when they are with friends or family?

In our household, television is on about an hour a day. We haven't had "real televsion" (in other words, anything other than the DVDs from the library we check out each week) for nearly 2 years. Shocking, eh? Yes, we are also doing just fine. And our budget is $1200/year happier from the cable television we cut.

My sister and I's households are very different. And, you know what? Both our families are doing just fine. Like many things about parenting and child development, no one size fits all.

Ask someone how much television they are watching in their household and let the feedback fly.

Is television okay for kids? Good for kids?

How much television is your child watching these days?

Looking for resources or food for thought to guide you on your choices?

There is plenty of information out there. Find what works for your family and stick with it.

Happy viewing!

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Happy Holidays - Educating Your Child About What Matters Most

Whatever you celebrate, chances are that you and your family are immersed in full blown holiday hoopla.

My question is this: "Is your child really learning anything from all your holiday fun?"

Does it matter what they learn? At this age and stage, what are your expectations?

I spent the morning with 7 preschoolers, aged 3 to 5 years. As the mama to one of these kiddos, I find much amusement surrounded by multiple kids of this age. They seem to be sponges, acquiring knowledge by the minute, but with their own "unique" interpretations. Why was I with this gaggle of goofy preschoolers? I was volunteering, teaching preschool, at our local Unitarian Universalist church. I enjoy learning about the many religions through the eyes of the munchkins.

This morning's kiddo story pondered the question, "What if Christmas Eve happened today?" It was a cute little tale that took the traditional story of Mary, Joseph, and the birth of Jesus and assimilated it into today's pop culture. Imagine Joseph driving a used car, trying to find the local hospital, only to be guided by a bright shining star - a gas station's logo - where Mary ends up giving birth as they cannot reach a hospital in time. Of course, there is more to that story, but for the purposes of this blog entry, I'll spare you the details. You can imagine where this story may go from here.

Following this story and surrounded by excited kids, I inquired about their holiday traditions and miscellaneous fun.

Most kids quickly interjected tidbits about their decorating, holiday treats, and other family fun excursions.

All the munchkins shared elements of traditional Christmas celebrations.

Then I asked, "Why does your family celebrate Christmas?"

They were actually quiet. For a moment.

We came full circle round to that modern day story of Christmas Eve and segued into the traditional story of Christmas Eve and the birth of Jesus. The bottom line we were trying to communicate is that Christmas is a time to celebrate the miracle of birth. Whether the children's families were Christian or other, didn't matter at the moment. What did matter, was knowing they were involved in various aspects of Christmas traditions. We were trying to educate them on the "WHY" we have some of these traditions. The MEANING behind the hoopla.

When it comes to the holidays, I embrace traditions. I love putting up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I love our holiday openhouse with friends and family. I love a winter's walk in our downtown adorned with holiday lights. I love Christmas morning and seeing my daughter's eyes light up when she sees the joy Santa has brought.

Just as important as these traditions, is educating my child about WHY we celebrate. I'm learning with her, so although many of our traditions are linked with Christmas, I also look forward to sharing the meaning and, even perhaps, acquiring some of the traditions of other holidays such as Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

What are you celebrating this holiday season?

How are you teaching your child about the meaning behind your holiday happenings?

Happy holidays to all - no matter what you are celebrating this season!

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Developmental Domains

Get smart when it comes to your child.

Today's lesson: developmental domains. 

Sounds pretty fancy, eh? Not only fancy, but spectacular as the developmental domains describe six areas of personal and cognitive (thinking skills) development that children need to obtain, hopefully by the time they enter kindergarten (usually around the age of 5 years).

Get smart about developmental domains...Here. We. Go....

Affective: the ability to manage emotions, develop personal views, and ethical competence (knowing right from wrong).

Social: the ability to initiate and maintain relationships; to interact with others through play and relate appropriately to others, including adults.

Creative: to be able to act in ways that are new and original, to think and communicate.

Cognitive: the ability to gain, store, and retrieve information.

Language: the ability to communicate through a multitude of ways: listening, speaking, reading, writing, etc.

Physical: developing gross (large) and small (fine) muscle control and sensory awareness (how things touch/feel/taste/smell/sound).

Knowing and understanding development is the foundation we all need in order to support our little ones in their most important jobs - to learn, grow, and play everyday.

Now that you know about these domains, how are you supporting your child's growth and development in these areas?

What domains do you see them shine in when they are participating?

What domains do they need more support in?

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Best Bets for the Holidays

Are you finished with your holiday shopping? Perhaps you haven't even started?

It's time to jump in to holiday fun!

Not sure where to start?

A simple Internet search will net you just "a few" ideas.

If you're overwhelmed or simply don't have the energy to go searching, here are a few basic, tried and true toys for the toddler or preschooler in your life. These items not only make great gifts, but are good to support your child's development as well!

*Feeling creative: BIG paper, chunky crayons, non-toxic and washable paints, different sized paint brushes, washable markers.

*Construct: Old-fashioned, wooden blocks are worth the investment, or try "Duplo" or "Lincoln Logs."

*Encourage the dramatic: Shy away from the dolls, animals, and cars that do all the work for your kiddo. Find the simple toy that your child will enjoy bringing to life.

*Books, books, and more books: There's plenty of magic to choose from. Looking for some help from technology? Check out "Leapfrog" toys. I haven't found one yet that I haven't liked.

*Play a game: As your kiddo nears preschool age, don't forget about "Candyland," "Chutes and Ladders," and other preschool favorites.

And when all else fails, there's always a BIG BOX. Somehow, a box always seems to make the perfect toy.

Let's hear it, what are the best bets in terms of holiday toys for little ones this year?

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Bring The Outside In

How is your weather? Welcome to my world and Cleveland, OH. Although we have a lot of wonderful things going for us, the weather this time of year isn't one of them. Two words: cold and gray.

Whatever the weather, our kiddos need to explore the great outdoors. Indeed, I’m a big believer in the good of Mother Nature for our munchkins, but sometimes, I’m just not up to braving the elements.

It’s days like these that we need to think creatively. It’s time to bring the outside in!

One of the best purchases I have ever made was in a sensory table. I think I spent $30 on one and I’m going on year four of use. Don’t have the $30?  No worries. Grab a large plastic bowl or shallow plastic storage bin and you’re in business.

Sensory table is a fancy way of saying a container made to hold things for your child to explore with their senses (most times touch, sight, and even smell).

When it comes to those weather days when it is too nasty to get out (or if you’re just not feeling up to it!), a sensory table can help you easily bring the outside in. And, one of the best things is that play constantly is new with any item you add. Like any child’s play, don’t be afraid of the mess. Put your table somewhere where the floor surface can easily be cleaned (i.e. kitchen floor). If you’re a neat freak, get over it, or I don’t advise this activity for you. With kids, things get on the floor. It. Is. Okay. And, the process of discovery is worth the effort!

So, how can you bring the outside in?
Start with the resources you have.

Snow? Grab a few bowlfuls and bring it in.  Add a small shovel and a cup or two and let your little one dig in. Want to change it up?  Add a few bits of food coloring. You can decide about letting your little one taste test (I recommend using a consistent message, such as, "We explore with our HANDS and not our MOUTHS when using the sensory table.").

No snow? Fill it with water. Change water play with cups, bubbles, color tablets or a little food coloring (warning: food coloring can stain clothes and sometimes tint little hands!).

Mud! (Scared of your soil? Head to the local gardening store and make your own.)

Sand.

Natural clay.

Leaves and other nature found objects.

Stones.

Take all of the the above and mix it up.

What are you exploring with your little one these days?

What ideas do you have on bringing the outside in this winter?

Enjoy the explorations!

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Have You Seen This Ad?

Have you seen this ad? Wow.

And, what do you think? Do you agree?

Why the ad? It certainly does get your attention. Recently released in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the first time I saw this ad, it shook me to the core.

So why did they put it out there?

The second-leading cause of infant mortality in Milwaukee is SIDS, or sudden infant death syndrome, which often results from  ”unsafe sleep,” according to the health department’s website. A form of “unsafe sleep” is bed-sharing with parents.

“Is it shocking? Is it provocative?” asked Bevan Baker, the city’s commissioner of health,  according to the Journal Sentinel. ”Yes. But what is even more shocking and provocative is that 30 developed and underdeveloped countries have better [infant death] rates than Milwaukee.”

The Journal Sentinel said Milwaukee had an “infant mortality crisis.” Milwaukee’s infant mortality rate in 2009 was 10.4 deaths for every 1,000 live births, according to the city’s health department.

Bring up sleeping  - as in the best way to get your child (and you) to sleep - in a room full of new parents, and chances are you may have a riot on your hands. Everyone has a different opinion and a different experience.

Looking for information about infants and sleep?

Do you need to gain some insight?

There's plenty of information out there!

As for this ad, though I'm not sure I agree with this tactic, it definitely does grab your attention. When it comes to the health and safety of your little one, anything that keeps them safe and sound is worth consideration.

Does this ad make a difference in how you think or feel about co-sleeping?

If you do co-sleep currently, will you continue?

Wishing all some zzzzzzs tonight.

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Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year.

Really, what's not to love? It's about family, great food, and the reminder to be thankful.

When it comes to your child developing, what are you most thankful for?

Here are a few thoughts to get you started...Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for...

The moment I found out I was expecting. (SURPRISE!)

The first time I heard your heart beat, and better yet, felt the flutter of your feet and hands kick inside me.

Your cry.

Your first giggle.

When you reach for me and the way your fingers hold on to mine.

And when you learned to call my name (even if you said Daddy's name first).

The day you toddled across the floor into my arms.

The day after you got sick and I saw you were feeling better and knew you would soon be back to yourself.

The way parenthood has changed me.

Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.

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Teaching Thanks

How do you teach a child to be thankful? Can you teach them to be thankful?

It's Thanksgiving week. Definitely as parents, our kiddos rank up on our list of things we are thankful for. If it weren't for my kiddo, I wouldn't have experienced a very special kind of love, an overwhelming and deep level of caring, and I certainly can thank her for making me a stronger person. After all, I now know I have the ability to function on little or no sleep.  I have realized I can be faster than any superhero when it comes to protecting my child or swooping in to enable her to potty just in time, or simply multi-task like no other time in my life. Yes, I am thankful for her and the opportunity to be part of this adventure called parenthood.

At this time of year, I'm reminded of how important it is to teach her to be thankful too.

Just the other day at preschool, the question came up.  Imagine the scene. Little preschoolers, all sitting nicely in a circle. Teachers sharing about the upcoming holiday and why we celebrate it. Then, it was each child's turn to share. The question was simple. It was short and sweet. It was: "What are you thankful for?"

It was then my child's turn. And the response? "DONUTS." That's right, folks. My daughter is thankful for donuts. Quite frankly, so am I. However, at this moment, I was looking for a little more depth. I was hoping for: "my mama, or my family, even my dog"...I'd take it. Instead, DONUTS.

Thinking about it, I am thankful for donuts as well. I mean, how can a gazillion calories taste so good and be so bad?

Ah, but I digress. Back to the point. How can we instill in our kiddo's what this holiday is really about?

Like most things, I realize that teaching them about this holiday is making the most of every opportunity we have to teach them something new. It is about making it developmentally appropriate and relevant to them.

Such as:

*Set the stage. Talk about what YOU are thankful for.

*Repetition. We all need several opportunities to learn a new skill or obtain new meaning. Our kiddos are no different.

*Make it relevant. Having trouble explaining the meaning of Thanksgiving? Head to your nearest library. Chances are, your children's librarian can help you find a terrific children's book that will be the perfect fit.

*Create traditions. Take the time at your dinner table to share what you are thankful for. If your child is old enough to share their words, encourage them. Even if they respond with donuts, embrace their opinion.

What other ways are you teaching your child about being thankful?

How will you celebrate this holiday?

Wishing you and yours a wonderful day!

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20 Kids? Seriously, How Many Is Enough?

Seriously, how many children are enough?

Recently, the Duggars - Jim Bob and Michelle - announced that they are expecting a 20th child due in April 2012. Twenty. Seriously.

When it comes to your child and their development, what will be the right number of children in your family?

Do you believe a person can have too many children?

This being a blog about child development (what/how children need in order to grow up healthy), my quick conclusion is that anyone with as many children as the Duggars has to be totally nuts. Although I am familiar with the reality show, I am proud to admit I do not not watch it.

So why my strong opinion?

First of all, how can one set of parents possibly give all these children what they need? Oh, I do believe in the family pitching in and I am sure the siblings are a great help, but there is still something special  - and important - about a mother and father's love/guidance/interactions with their individual children. I don't even think any superhero could give twenty kids in the same household what they need.

The fact is, I can barely keep it together with one munchkin. I am happy to have time to read to her each day, to sit down and play - if even for a few minutes, and to know that she is properly cared for (bathed, fed, etc.). I don't consider her spoiled. I consider her to be getting what every child deserves, a healthy foundation that will give her the best shot at going out and doing good in the world.  I chose not to jump into pregnancy for a 2nd/3rd/or 4th time as I am balanced with one child in my life.

I certainly DO believe that large families CAN make it happen for their kids as well, but when it takes more than two hands to count the number of kids in the family, I begin to wonder how it can be held together.

It's not only about the child's development, such as their physical and social-emotional needs. When you are looking at pregnancy number 20, you've got to be aware of the risks and begin to wonder if they are worth them.  I love babies a ton, but - let's face it - the world is full of amazing people with babies.  I don't think one person needs to contribute 20.

Any pregnancy comes with risks and challenges. In the late days of pregnancy and in the months after, you realize the amazing work your body has done to bring this little one into the world. You also realize what a beating your body has taken. Some bounce back quicker than others. To be entering into a 20th pregnancy, I believe, is to be putting oneself and a baby at high risk. Again, is it worth it?

How many children do you see in your family?

How will those numbers affect how your first child is raised?

Do you believe there can be such as thing as too many children in a family?

Why or why not?

As for me, "stick a fork in me," I am DONE. I hope for the health and well-being of herself and her children that Michelle Duggar is too.

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What's Wrong With YOU?

“What’s wrong with you?” It’s one of those things I’ve definitely wondered about my kiddo from time to time, but I have held my tongue.

The mom in the locker room last night didn’t have the patience to do that. Instead, in a locker room filled with other mamas and preschoolers, she looked straight into her little girl’s eyes and said angrily: “What is wrong with you?” She didn’t wait for a response before taking her child by the arm and leaving.

Wow. Those words stung me. I can’t imagine how bad they hurt for that little girl.

Was she deserving of these words? Not a bit.

In this case, it was about a little girl who simply didn’t want to be at swim lessons that night and had let her mom know exactly how she felt. Maybe she was tired (it was the day after daylight savings time). Maybe she didn’t know anyone. Maybe she was scared. Maybe she just doesn’t like to go to swim class. Oy.

What can our words do to our children?

What impact can they make?

What impact do words make on each of us?

In the first days of their lives, our little ones are nothing short of miracles. They are amazing. They blink. They yawn. They sleep. They cry. Crazy awesome, isn’t it?

What happens?

Oh, I know. Parenting is hard. Life can be hard. We get tired. We get run down. We forget to breathe. We forget about the magic of those early days. We forget about the opportunity we have each and every day, in every minute, to shape their lives.

“What’s wrong with you?” was a great reminder to me of the impact we each can make – good or bad – on our child’s development. It’s a reminder that some things are better left unsaid.

Oh yes, THINK these words all you want (I definitely have). Talk with your significant other about them later. Don’t crush your child.

Maybe that mama on that particular night just slipped up. I hope it was a rare occasion. It always alarms me when I hear words like this in public.  I wonder what they are saying when no one else is around?

Have you had one of these days?

Have you said words you have regretted?

How do you recover?

How will your child recover?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. None of us are. When we are wrong – no matter how little our kiddos are – it is important we admit it. It is important we teach our children that we all make mistakes. It is important that we teach our children how to recover and move forward.

I’m not sure how the night ended for that little girl. I hope it ended as it should for all children. With snuggles, hugs and lots of love.

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How Much Is Enough?

We all want to give our child the world.

The question is "Should we?"

When it comes to the upcoming holiday season, how much will be enough in terms of gift-giving for your child?

How much will you spend on your child? How many gifts will be bought?

I shop all year round. It's so easy, especially when it comes to getting gifts for the little one.

Let's face it. Toys are fun. Kid clothes are too cute. Sales are often great.

This all adds up to a mound of stuff piled in a closet designated as "holiday fun."

As I begin to sort through and itemize, I begin to feel a bit overwhelmed.

How did all this stuff get here? Somehow I had forgotten about the number of pajamas (3 pairs) that I had bought.

As for the jolly old elf, he brings one special gift each year to our house. I find that reasonable. It's nice for the kiddo to know that mama and daddy have a hand in the holiday fun as well.

This year, we're in trouble.

The kiddo has requested a pink car, complete with a seat belt and car horn so she can drive down the sidewalk and tell people to move. Seriously. Where did this idea come from?

I've been trying to redirect her for months. Literally. It's not working.

Santa is...well - for lack of more appropriate words - in trouble.

Do I pull out the credit card and order up the hot pink kid Hummer for the four year old?

Every sane thought I have screams, "NO!"  Then, the mama in me says, "Why not?!"

Does the jolly old elf come up with a clever note and a replacement that he hopes she'll like just as much?

Oy.

When it comes to your holiday fun, where are you and where are you going?

How much WILL be enough?

11 Comments

Surgical Procedure? When You Can, Wait.

We want nothing more than our munchkins to be healthy. Healthy often equals happy.

What happens when a surgical procedure is recommended? Or is needed?

We trust in our pediatricians and other medical professionals to help guide us in making the best decisions when it comes to caring for our munchkins. However, would there ever be a time or a reason for you to consider postponing a surgical procedure until your wee one is a bit bigger?

Hot off the press is a study that caught my attention about the use of anesthesia before two years of age. Published in the November 2011 issue of Pediactrics, is a summary of a comprehensive study that spanned 6 years and included more than 5,000 children. This study concluded that a link between surgical procedures and the use of anesthesia for children under the age of 2 years could not rule out the possibility that a child's brain development may be impacted:

Among 5,357 children in the cohort, 350 underwent procedures with general anesthesia before age 2. Despite controlling for co-morbidity, a learning disability developed in 36.6 percent of those with multiple exposures to general anesthesia and 23.6 percent of those with a single exposure. Among the unexposed controls, 21.3 percent developed a learning disability. Exposure to anesthesia also appeared to affect the rate of children receiving an individualized education program for difficulties with speech and language, but had no effect on the need for individualized assistance for problems of behavior. Study authors conclude that they cannot rule out the possibility that multiple exposures to anesthesia and surgery may adversely affect neurodevelopment.

Of course, sometimes there is no choice. Sometimes, you cannot wait. It's at these times, you find peace in knowing you are doing your best for your child.

What do you think?

Will learning about this recent study impact your consideration of having (or not having) a surgical procedure done on your infant or child?

Why or why not?

6 Comments

Upside Down

When it comes to your child, what do you do when nothing seems to be working?

Perhaps your challenge is bedtime?  Or maybe potty training?  Temper tantrums?  Maybe it is just an off day filled with "off" behaviors?

I'm raising my hand and jumping up and down to the last statement. It's been an off day with my kiddo and I've had it.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done!

Let me start this by saying, I have a great kid. I love her more than anything. She's rocked my world and made me a better person. Simply her smile can make my heart soar or break.

However, there are some days - today - when I go nutty wondering what is going on?!

Today, it has been about whining. It's been about not listening. It's been about seemingly doing everything BUT what I am expecting or asking. Sigh.

Why?

I think it's about being tired. It's about needing some good ole' family time. It's about needing some quiet hours, where there is no where to go, no where to rush to.

Unfortunately, I say the above in retrospect. I say the above as the day has ended and she is snuggled up in her bed. I say the above knowing I wasn't as patient or kind as I want to be as a parent.

So, again, what do YOU do on days when nothing else seems to be working?

It's times like these that I often remind myself it's time to turn things UPSIDE DOWN.

It's time to take a different perspective.

It's time to go a different direction.

You see, on days like today, it's easiest to push the red FAIL button and want to give up, to want to give in.

Sometimes, it is easier to yell than it is to be quiet.

Sometimes, it is easier to walk away than it is to sit down and snuggle.

Sometimes, it is easier to turn our attention to something else than to deal with the issues at hand.

It's with the above in mind, that I set my sights on tomorrow where I will make more quiet time in our life, play more, and work to find more balance in her life that also provides as much sleep as her growing body needs.

And, when all else fails, it's time to adjust some attitudes through some good old fashioned tickling.

After all, who can stay grumpy with the squeals from a little one's tickles? Not me.

And for the mama, it's time to take care of her too. There's yoga, and coffee, and - if needed - chocolate.

As a parent, what are YOU doing when nothing else seems to be working?

3 Comments

Boo!

It's Halloween; how I can I NOT write about it?!

We're pretty psyched in my house. The pumpkins are carved (though I think the adults enjoyed that experience more than the kiddo!), the costume has been picked (Alice as in "Alice in Wonderland"), and we're looking forward to meeting up with our neighborhood buddies for some trick or treat fun this evening.

Though there's much fun (and sugar!) to be had, BEWARE!

Not all Halloween fun is fun for your little one. It's also not all good for their development.

First of all, there's the sugar. We all get that too much sugar isn't good. That's a pretty easy thing we can control as parents (or at least, attempt to control!).

Scarier than sugar, it's the SCARY adventures you may encounter today that may be a bit out of your control. Specificially, if you are headed out into your neighborhood or to friends for a Halloween bash.

Ghosts, goblins, zombies, and witches may be fun for us, but - quite frankly - they are not appropriate for your infant, toddler, or preschooler.

Why?

It's pretty straightforward really.

Young children are concrete learners.

Seeing IS believing.

Little ones do NOT understand it is only for pretend, not real, etc. To them, masks and make-up are real.

Worse yet, kiddos often can't process what or why these creatures are there and many times can't find the words to express their concern or fear.

What to do?

No, you don't have to lock yourself away for the night.

• DO get out there and have some fun.
•  
• With a little one in tow, just be thoughtful about the places you go and with whom you interact.
•  
• Bypass the scariest houses in the neighborhood.
•  
• When you do encounter a fright, reassure your child that it is a person in costume and only for pretend.
•  
• If your child does become upset, don't dismiss their feelings. Reassure and comfort them. (If nothing else, grab for a piece of candy - lol!).
•  
• And...Have a Happy Halloween!

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Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Steps!

When it comes to child development, sometimes it is not about what we teach our child, but about what they teach us.

Thanks! For two years, we've been sharing this journey together. In October 2009, my munchkin was just starting to toddle around independently. I'd been in my own journey as a parent for 2 years. It was at this time, I was blessed with the opportunity to connect with all of you through the "Baby Steps" blog.

Isn't it amazing how much growth and change can happen in two years?!

If you're considering getting pregnant or are recently pregnant (congrats!), think about where you were before your journey started. What occupied your thoughts? What occupied your time?

As a brand new parent, how has your world changed? 

In this game for 4 plus years, I find my little girl has rocked my world. I won't deny it, my world does revolve around her, her physical care and emotional needs.

Though I had been trained in child development, no textbook could have prepared me for this journey called "parenthood."

At times, it seems my common sense has left me. As a new mama, I'd often try to figure out what may be leading to the fussiness in my infant only to realize I'd overlooked the obvious (diaper wet? hungry? tired?, etc.). I've become one of those women who will show up to work wearing two different shoes (and no, I am not trying to make a fashion statement!).

When I research developmental norms (what is the typical age and stage children do certain tasks, i.e. sleep through the night, talk, walk, etc.), my child often breaks all the rules. So much for those "norms." Being a parent has taught me to expect the unexpected, to welcome surprises, and - as long as my child is healthy and happy - to go with the flow.

I've learned there are some things I cannot control. Many things I have tried to "control" about being a parent seemed to fail. The kiddo has her own mind, her own agenda, and she's taking me on the ride! Parenthood is about flexibility, patience, and truly loving as you had never loved before (even at 2am when you are more tired that you ever imagined you could be).

What is parenthood teaching YOU?

Thanks for sharing the ride!

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Big Time!

All of sudden, you find your little one, well, not so little anymore.

That's the funny thing about growth and development. Sometimes it seems so slow, and then all of sudden you realize it has happened!

Once your little one becomes a toddler or young preschooler, there's a whole new world to worry about. There's nutrition and perhaps first independent programs, and then there is the BIG bed, you know, NOT the crib (or perhaps, your bed if you've been co-sleeping).

When is the right time to transition your little one to a big kid bed, whether that is a toddler bed, twin bed, or other?

For us, it came around age 2 1/2 years. There wasn't any particular reasoning behind the decision to do it then; it just felt like the right time.

Though my husband had built our crib and it transitions into a full-size bed (what a treasure that will be one day!), we decided to go with the "buy off the shelf" Dora toddler bed. Looking to make this very exciting and fun, I also snagged a Dora blanket and pillowcase.

We set up the bed. We did NOT take down the crib. It was a little crowded in her room, but I wasn't looking for overnight success.

That first night, we went through our usual nighttime routine. There was a story and song, one lullaby and it was bedtime. Next up, the music and bathroom light were turned on. There were kisses and the hubby and I were out of there. It seemed way too simple.

Now, our house was built in 1840. There are a lot of quirks in a house built so long ago. One of the quirks is her imperfect bedroom door, which includes a small round hole, perfect for one little eye spying in on the little one without opening the door. That night, we stood outside the door peering in. We watched her play, get out a few books and then she finally settled down. Touchdown! She went asleep in her new big girl bed.

The next few nights were more of the same.

Sadly (for me, it didn't seem to bother her one bit), we took down the crib about a week later. The transition was a success.

Are you ready to transition your little one into a big kid bed?
Here are a few tips to hopefully help with nighttime success:
* Talk about it. Although our little ones may not have all their words yet, they certainly understand a lot of what we have to say. Before you pull out or put in a bed, give your munchkin a heads-up. Make their need for a big kid bed a positive - "you are growing just right! It's time we move you into a big kid bed."
* Involve them in the process. When possible, let them help choose a blanket, pillowcase, or even the bed (Warning! Shopping with your little one may make that bed a bit more expensive!) that will work just right for them.
* Take it slow. If they don't like it, it's okay. Most likely, there's no urgency in getting this kiddo out of their crib TONIGHT. If your reasoning for the transition is because you are expecting #2, don't wait till the new bundle arrives, start early and ease into the transition for #1.
* Reinforce baby steps. Whether it is 5 minutes or 5 hours, when your little one DOES stay and sleep in their big kid bed, praise them. And, when they don't stay put, keep your patience (and humor). Like all transitions in parenthood, it may take time.

Are you and your kiddo ready to go big time?

What tips and tricks do you have to share about moving your little one into a big kid bed?

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What Your Kiddo Watches - The Slower The Better

I'm having a bad mommy blogging moment: As I write this, me and the munchkin are doing the exact opposite as what I am about to write.

Truth is, the kiddo and I are snuggled on the couch. I am with laptop on my lap. Taking advantage of a few slower paced moments in the morning, Mickey Mouse is on our television happily singing and dancing about the "Choo, Choo, Boogey." It's a catchy little tune he's singing as his train of friends tries to figure out how get up a mountain of snow. Oh the drama.

As I'm surfing the web, I come across this recent research report, whose outcome is pretty simple, but profound and worth thinking about:

"A new study done at the University of Virginia with a group of 4 year olds found those who'd watched the fast-paced cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants performed worse on mental function tests than their peers who watched the slower-paced cartoon Calliou or who simply spent their time drawing. Christakis says young children's brains get over-stimulated by the faster-paced programs — and urges parents to think about what kind of television-watching experience they want their children to have."

What does slower paced mean?

All of sudden, I'm drawn back to my memories of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. Slow and steady, each week, Mr. Rogers would begin each show with a song, the changing of his shoes and sweater. You could also always count on him to feed his fish. Mezmerizing television, indeed! And now, we are finding out why this truly was magical for young children. It also wasn't so bad for them either.

And, now back to my reality. There's "Dora," and "Barney," "Cifford," and this morning's pick, "Mickey Mouse Club." All this leads me to consider if what my kiddo is watching is really doing any good for her development, or worse, actually hindering it.

What do you think?

Does it matter what your child watches on television?

Will it impact your child's cognitive development (thinking skills)?

What IS your child tuned into today on the TV?

11 Comments

Had Your Fill of Fall Fun?

Have you had your fill of fall fun?

I'm talking apples, leaves, pumpkins, cider, corn stalks, hayrides, and more!

No? Now's the time!

Let's face it, the clock is ticking (and for once, I'm not talking about my biological clock). I'm talking about Old Man Winter coming this way!

When it comes to child development, getting out and enjoying nature is an easy, inexpensive way for your child to learn, grow, play, and have some fun.

Whether you just brought your little one home or they've been toddling around for years, here's a few ideas to get you out and about before this glorious season fades.

1. Get to a pumpkin patch. First of all, it's a great place for pictures. Your little pumpkin surrounded by hundreds of bright orange pumpkins. Secondly, the sensory experience is perfect for little ones. Encourage your little one to touch, climb (well, as long as the owner of the patch doesn't seem to mind - lol!), and explore the pumpkins. Of course, often found at such places are bales of straw, colorful mums, apple cider (not too much for little tummies!), and a host of other fall fun activities.

2. Find a forest of trees and take a walk. Tykes are portable. Outings don't have to be long or elaborate; even a short excursion is appropriate and fun with your little one. If you have a toddler, slow down. Let them walk and pick up nuts, leaves, and sticks. Let them look at the ants that crawl along. One of the amazing things about having children is seeing the world through their eyes!

3. Carve a pumpkin. No, don't put the sharp objects in your little one's hands. However, even little hands can help with scooping the guts out of a pumpkin and can be part of a yearly family tradition. Don't want to carve? Get out some washable, non-toxic tempera paint and let your little one paint a masterpiece on a pumpkin. Don't worry about the product (if you are worried about the finished look, make one yourself once your kiddo has went to sleep!). It is the process of exploring with arts materials that your little one benefits from.

4. Find some leaves. If you're lucky enough to be in an area of a country where leaves fall from the trees, rake them up and have some fun. Lay in them (Kodak moment!), jump in them, crinkle them - see what your little one does with them. And, if you're looking to get some yard work done, don't underestimate the value of your little one. It's worth a little investment to purchase a few child-size yard tools (rake, shovel, spade). Our kiddos may slow down the pace a little when it comes to getting work done, but they can also make it a lot more fun. Enjoy the moment.

Are you guilty of rushing through fall, attempting to get all the outdoor projects done before the snow flies?

I am! Here's a friendly reminder to slow down.

Forget about trying to clean up the yard. Instead, enjoy the magic of the changing of the seasons with some fall fun.

What fall fun are you and your little one having these days?
 

2 Comments

You Are What You Eat...Will Eating Foods Treated With Pesticides Give Your Child ADHD?

Just when we need something else to worry about, this study comes out from the journal Pediatrics.

Are we what we eat?

The BIGGER question: Does what our children eat affect their development?

And, the final question, which this study addressed: Could eating foods treated with pesticides cause Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?

This recent research study concludes, "YES, they may contribute to ADHD prevalance."

With a sample size of 1139 children, researchers measured amounts of pesticides in each child's system through an urine analysis. Of the 1139 children, 119 met the criteria of having ADHD. And, yes, those 119 had significantly higher amounts of pesticides in their urine.

Ta-da, the match - Foods + Pesticides = Greater likehood of ADHD symptoms.

What can you or I do?

Well, of course, we could all eat organically, all the time.

However, when it comes to nutrition, much like my parenting style, I am all about moderation. This is also true when it comes to buying and eating organically. After all, eating all organically - all the time, is not cheap. Fact is, in between paydays, you'll find me at the local discount food mart getting the basics, many of which are non-organic. I do what I can, when I can. We all want the best for our kiddo's development, but also have to live within a budget.

What foods really can make a difference? It is recommended that, when you can, you purchase the following as ORGANIC FOODS:

*Celery

*Peaches

*Strawberries

*Apples

*Blueberries

*Nectarines

*Bell Peppers

*Spinach

*Cherries

*Kale/Collard Greens

*Potatoes

*Grapes

And, when you can't, you can't. Be sure to wash well.

In addition to what you eat, pay attention to what you use. This includes household cleaners, lawn treatments, and any other cleaners which are pesticides. Even if your child is not ingesting them, they still may be affected by the use of these products within their environment.

When it comes to raising healthy kids, even little changes we can make in our lives can make a big difference in their development.

What are you and your little one eating today?

0 Comments

Too Old for This?

Are you too old for this?

Sometimes, I think I am.

What, you ask?

Parenthood, of course!

Is there a magic age to have your first child?

Is there a right age?

Will your child's development be affected by your or your partner's age?

Are there things you will or won't or can or can't do because of the age you are when you enter into this adventure called parenthood?

I was quite a ways past the average age (25 years old) that most women in the United State give birth. Gulp. I was 10 years past that age.

When we found out we were pregnant, we had waited so long that folks figured our kiddo was as much a surprise to us as it was to them. Upon announcing our pregnancy, one of the parents responded with, "Well, I hope you're happy about this." In case you are wondering, we were beyond thrilled. It had been 4 years of dating and 13 years of marriage. That's 17 years in case you are counting. 

There weren't many issues in conceiving. It took a little time, but nothing out of the norm (which can be up to a year). 

At age 35, I felt ready. The hubby (who is 5 years older than me) and I settled right into parenthood. There was no missing our old lives. We enjoyed being at home, didn't care about the date nights, and relished almost (I occasionally do miss an uninterrupted night of sleep!) every moment of our new roles. 

Fast forward nearly 5 years and I'm staring 40 in the face.

Am I too old for this? 

I just ran home from the kiddo's swimming class pushing her in her jogger stroller (sometimes, a mama has got to do what a mama has to do in order to get some exercise). It's not that physically I feel too old for this. In fact, I still feel pretty darn good.

I do admit, I am totally out of the loop when it comes to anything new and hip.

Entertainment? I know nada. This will definitely not be cool when the kiddo starts school. 

I think I am quickly becoming an old fogey. Let's face it, we don't have television.

I drink coffee and tea daily and have long since said good-bye to soda pop.

Fashion? Let's not even go there.

And, as for having a second munchkin? Well, I do the math and come up with a big fat zero. This means that I think about how old I am now and how old I will be when the next one would be born (40!!!), and how old I would be when they went to kindergarten and graduated high school and went off to college and...and, well, I am feeling too old to get back into the game.

Am I too old for this? 

What does your age say about you and your ability to parent?

Does it say anything?

Does it mean anything for your child's development?

4 Comments

Going to the Hospital

It was a late Saturday night and I had never heard her cry like this. I tried everything. I rocked her. I fed her. I checked her diaper. I tried laying her in her crib. I sung to her. I walked with her. Ugh. Nothing was working. Her screams were piercing my ears. I was nervous. I took her temperature. It confirmed that my little girl was sick.  Double ugh. 

I looked at my hubby. He looked at me. Based on what I heard and saw, I figured the little one had an ear infection. I also decided we weren't going to make it through that Saturday night.

It was our first trip to the hospital. It ended kind of comically. By the time our little girl was seen, she was asleep on a bed in the emergency room. Nonetheless, the doctor issued some antibiotics and we were on our way home.

Have you had a hospital encouter with your munchkin?

It can be a scary experience for all. Though our visit was relatively short-term, I have plenty of buddies whose kiddos have had a hospital visit for surgery. Even "minor" surgery (is there really such a thing?!) such as tubes in the ears can be overwhelming for all.

When it comes to helping your child through this process, consider the following:

*Use the resources of the hospital. Many hospitals have a Child Life Specialist on staff. These individuals are specially trained at working with children and helping them to understand the process of a surgical procedure.

*Don't tell your child too far in advance. Most kiddos can't tell time. Tomorrow is like next week and next month might as well be next year. Most times, it is better not to tell the exact day your child will have their treatment; a more general response is better.

*Use words your child can understand. Tell your child the truth. Whether it be a shot or other medical procedure, be honest about why your child needs the procedure (i.e. "Your ears need some help in keeping healthy. We will go to the hospital so the doctor can help us put special tubes in your ears that will keep you feeling healthy.").

*Share with your child what will happen during their visit. From checking in at the desk to being in a hospital room, try to share what will happen.

*Don't show your fear or anxiety. Find the support that you need in family and friends. This way, you'll be able to give your child the support they need.

*Stay with your child or plan for another loved one to be with them throughout their stay. Period.

*Be understanding if your child is out of sorts either during or following a procedure. Wouldn't we all be? Remember, they may not be feeling their best.

*Finally, don't forget to celebrate success. Tell your child you are proud of them.

Hopefully with these few tips, your trip to the hospital will be a little less adventurous than our first trip was.

1 Comments

Expect the Best

I expect the best from my child. Always do, always will.

Do you ever think about what makes a child excel during their formal school years?

What influences a person to succeed in college or simply be happy and healthy in life?

How did they get there?

What skills do they have?

What skills will they need?

I watch families. I study their interactions. This, combined with a solid educational foundation in child and family development, makes me, well, a bit of a crazy lady when it comes to my passion about working in the best interest of my and your kiddos.

Success in life isn't just about being "smart." In fact, I believe that more important than teaching kiddos facts and figures is teaching them how to learn, thrive, bounce back, and land on their feet. It's teaching them that they CAN succeed.

Yes, there are certain things kids are just going to do. There is a HUGE learning curve when it comes to our toddlers and preschoolers learning what is appropriate and what is not. What is safe and what is not.

How do you tell them?

How do you help them rise to each occassion and be the best that they can be?

What are your expectations for your child?

Though temperment and overall personality (as well as a host of other variables) will impact our child's abilities, there are some things we can do as parents.

*Be consistent. Expect the same behaviors/actions from your child if they are at home or if they are away. For instance, if you allow your child to jump on the counch at home, why wouldn't they think it would be okay in a restaurant or at grandma's house?

*Be loving. Respect for themselves and others will develop out of having strong, respectful, trusting relationships.

*Be supportive. The goal of discipline (I hate that word!) should be to help our children learn and grow, never to make them feel worthless or unloved.

*Communicate your expectations. Communicate a plan. Sometimes, we see the worst behaviors of our children only because they don't know what, when, or how something is happening.

*Be appropriate and plan for outings (i.e. a formal wedding ceremony) that may be non kid-friendly.

*Praise desired behaviors often. Ignore, when possible, undesirable behaviors.

*Monitor television viewing. Let's face it, there's a lot of garbage out there. Connect with the resources that will best help your little one grow and will provide them with the role models you want in their life.

*Point out good models. "Francie does a great job washing her hands. Did you see how many bubbles she made? Let's try it!"

*Use different tactics. Sometimes it works better to adjust an attitude through tickles than anything else.

*Know when it is not working and go another direction. Grocery shopping at nap time is not a good idea!

What are you doing to develop the skills for your little one's life success?

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It Takes a Village

Years ago, Hillary Rodham Clinton wrote a book entitled “It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us.” “It takes a village to raise a child” is actually an African proverb I love and embrace when it comes to philosophies about parenting.

When it comes to our wee ones’ developing personality, there are some things that are genetic (they will be what they will be/are what they are), but there are others that are definitely shaped by environment (people, places, and other experiences). These environmental factors are our village.

Who’s in your village and what are they doing to support your child’s development? 

I admit that, recently, none of our kiddo’s grandparents came to the tea party at preschool. Why? Well, we didn’t invite them. Yes, I’m admitting this on the web and this could be BIG trouble.

You see, we have wonderful grandparents, but they are not very involved in our munchkin’s life. Oh yes, we see some of them on major holidays and from time to time during the year. One of the grandparents has even watched our child a few times. None of them have ever asked to do something special with her such as an outing for just the two of them or a sleepover. Admittedly, at times, I’m a bit bitter about this, but I’m moving on to my village.

When my little one was 3 months old, I sought out childcare so I would be able to return to work. Though the idea of staying home full-time definitely crossed my mind, the investment in my college education and 10 years as a professional also had to be considered. Besides, we’re all superwomen, right? We can do anything. Well, as it ended up, I was able to do most things with the help of my Kay. Kay was a stranger that has turned into family. I like to think of her as “Aunt Kay.” She has had a stronger impact in my child’s development than some of our family.

There’s also our neighborhood buddies. We’ve been fortunate enough to hook up with two other families. Our girls are less than 3 months apart in age. We bring our kids together, celebrating holidays, birthdays, and meeting up to play at the park. As our kiddos get older, we’re finding there are more impromptu play dates and occasional swaps of one family hanging out with the kids while another tends to some well-needed yard work.

Even at my work, there is a village that has been created for my daughter. My colleagues show kindness and patience when my kiddo tags along. They have been known to snag something special at the store when they have seen something that has reminded them of her.

Now, there is her preschool community. I can’t even begin to measure its impact. From relationships to resources, they are a vital part of our village.

I can’t leave out our next-door neighbors who are nearing 90 years young. Since she has been able, she runs to the fence to smile, wave, or receive the gift of a book that they generously share with her.

There are a host of other acquaintances that have made an impact on my daughter’s life. These include the stranger that shows her the politeness of holding a door while we enter a store or the bank teller that smiles and asks her how she is today.

Our village is diverse. The views and values they share with our child and our family is different, but valued. Each one has influenced our little one’s personality, impacting her development. I am thankful for all. I believe in the village.

What about you?

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The ABC's of Preventing Allergies

This summer I realized how many kiddos have allergies. In my professional life, I have the pleasure of working daily with children and their families. My mailbox, with all its epi pens, looked like a pharmacy. It made me wonder how and why so many munchkins these days seem to have allergies.

When it comes to child development, first and foremost, we all want our kiddos to develop healthily. Let’s face it, there are some things we can control and there are some things that we cannot.

Can you control whether or not your child will develop allergies? There are some things you CAN do!

Whether you are pregnant or running around with an infant, toddler, or preschooler in tow (or maybe all three!), here’s some food for thought about allergies and how you may be able to reduce the possibility of your child developing them.

It’s been recently reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that food allergies have risen 18 percent among children and teens in the past 10 years. It’s also been recently reported that if allergy-based conditions run in your family (whether it be hay fever or food allergies), your little one has an above average chance of also developing allergies.

So, what can you do to perhaps prevent allergies?

A)    Breast-feed as long as possible. Yes, it’s work, but the benefits are worth it. Experts conclude that breast-feeding for at least the first four months of your infant’s life can reduce the chance of your kiddo developing asthma or an allergy to cow’s milk. What if breast-feeding is not an option? No worries- look for a formula labeled as “hypoallergenic.”

B)    Don’t give your baby solids until they are at least 4 months of age. I’ll be the first to admit, I couldn’t wait to feed my little one cereal. You may also hear that infants may need a little cereal in their bottles to help their tummies stay full. Don’t fall for it. Breast-milk or formula is all they need until at least 4 months; some even recommend the first 6 months of life.

Besides the above, it’s good to note a few misunderstandings/misconceptions about how or why your little one may develop an allergy:

A)    What you eat during your pregnancy has not been found to create or prevent allergies in your offspring (though I often wonder if my kiddo  dislikes pineapple thanks to the large amounts I consumed during pregnancy!).

B)    Though you should certainly follow the recommended guidelines for introducing foods such as eggs or peanut butter, waiting longer than this has not shown to make any difference in whether a child may have an allergic reaction to a food.

Why allergies? There’s lots of discussion about why the increase with the most popular theory being our obsession with germs/overuse of antibacterial products, etc. Perhaps a little dirt IS good (no need to clean the house today - lol!).

Supporting baby’s health is #1 when it comes to optimal child development.

Are you concerned about allergies developing in your child? 

Are you doing any thing in hopes of preventing allergies?

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The Good Stuff...Worth The Wait?

My child asked for cotton candy today. The funny thing about this is that she didn't know if she would like it. I asked her why she wanted it. It was pink and fluffy looking (what's not to like?!). She's 4 1/2 and has never had it. Never. She didn't get it today either. She settled on the homemade cookie I had packed for our picnic lunch.

There's a lot that I've realized she hasn't had. On a recent trip to the grocery store, she was more excited to head into the baking aisle than the candy aisle.  She noticed the happy Leprechaun on the cereal box, but was fine to get our usual "all natural, crunchy whole grain oat cereal." And soda pop? Forget it.  She's the first to tell you it's "for grown-ups." She's not even interested in it anymore.

It doesn't stop with food either. Movies? She's still into "Dora," "Clifford," and "Barney." Her friends have moved on to the latest Disney flicks. She has no interest. I realized the other day she didn't know what a commercial was. Why would she? We haven't had television in nearly two years.

The list goes on with fast food chains. The other day she asked "what does the big yellow M" mean? Nope, she hasn't had that either. Don't worry though, she does know one particular coffee store logo very well.

All this is leaving me wondering if the good stuff is worth the wait or is this just wrong that she hasn't a clue about some of the yummy things in life?

When considering your child's development, how and when is the right time to expose to them candy, movies, and other such stuff?

IS there a right time?

The early childhood educator in me wants to stand up and give myself a big high five. Life is a journey.  After all, there are many moments to be savored, and the early years are the foundation of happy and healthy growth and development.

The parent in me worries that she is too sheltered and that one day she'll wake up and despise me for the good nutrition and lack of commercialism that I've allowed in her life.

What do YOU think? When and how have you introduced your munchkin to some of the "good stuff" of life?

Next zoo trip, I think we're up for some cotton candy.

How about you and your little one?

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Early Or Late Talker - Does It Matter?

Are you excited to hear your little one's first words? You betcha! 

Hearing your munchkin's language development is one of those amazing moments in this journey. Awesome doesn't capture the seemingly magical progression of an infant moving from imitating sounds to producing an actual word. I recall being at a family meal and hearing something that sure sounded like "thank you."  It's words you often hear around a family's dinner table, but it was huge news when the sound of those words came out of our little girl's mouth.

As our children approach each new milestone, we wait in anticipation for what we think they will do, for what we think will happen.

What happens when they don't do what we think they will?

What happens when it doesn't go as we think it should?

What happens when those first words don't come when the developmental norms (average ages that children achieve certain aspects of development) tell us they should?

Is your child an early or late talker (or perhaps they are right on time)?

Recent research reports that up to 18% of children are "late talkers." The good news?  The majority of these munchkins catch up on their language development by the time they enter school. 

Of interest was a recent research study I stumbled upon entitled "Late Talking and the Risk for Behavioral and Emotional Problems During Childhood and Adolescence," which was published in the August 2011 issue of "Pediatrics." This study took a look at whether language delay at age 2 years could also be linked to other behavioral problems later in childhood and adolescence (like we don't have enough to worry about at each age and stage our kiddo's development!).

Researchers in Australia followed more than 2,800 families from birth through age 17 years, tracking behavioral and emotional development. Children who were late-talkers had mild levels of behavioral and emotional problems at age 2, but were at no greater risk of these problems during childhood or adolescence. The study summarized that a wait-and-see approach for late-talkers is recommended, when a child is otherwise developing normally.  However, the study also noted scientific evidence linking persistent language problems with psychiatric difficulties.

What words, if any, is your little one saying today?

Looking for ways to support your little one's language development?

Got ways that you support your little one in acquring new words? Please share - it's fun to talk, even if our kiddo's aren't quite there yet!

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Why Daddy Dates Are Important

I admit it, I don't like to share. This includes chocolate, ice cream, coffee, and - I even admit - my daughter. It's true. I am selfish. When my little one rocked my world, I wanted every moment I could with her. Perhaps it was because I am an "older" mama or because it had been 13 years of just the hubby and I. Whatever it is, it's hard for me to let go of my time with her. In reality, I know time moves too quickly and too soon she'll have flown the nest and will be out doing her own work in the world. Sigh.

As she has grown, I've grown too. I'm learning to share.

Lately, the hubby and I seem to be doing an above average job of tag-teaming the responsibilities of parenting. Someone tackles laundry, the other person books and bath. There's bills to pay and bike rides to be taken.

Although I hate when I have to miss out on the bike rides or bathtime, I've also found that it brings a little more sanity to our lives. I am not superwoman nor he superman.

How do you and your hubby (or partner) tackle the day to day responsibilities of parenthood?

Last Sunday afternoon, I was having a moment of crankiness. Besides crazy hormones, I blame this moment on the gigantic list of to-dos that was running through my head. Putting on his cape, the hubby swooped in and said he and the kiddo would head off for a bit. The little girl squealed at the words "Daddy Date" and off they went.

I got to work and smiled as I received text updates on their adventures. After an hour and a half they were back and I had checked a few things off my list. With just that little time, I was able to now shift my focus back to our little girl. I was actually able to enjoy that time.

A few days later, I've realized that their "Daddy Date" wasn't just good for me. It was also good for our household. Best of all, it was good for my little girl. Let's face it, husbands do things "differently." They are not perfect (like us!). I also know that I tend to lead many of the parenting interactions with our child. Though the hubby is always a great reinforcement, giving him HIS time to shine, to do things HIS way, is good for him and the munchkin.

It's a win, win, win.

What about your family? Does your child spend regular time with their dad or significant other in your life? How do you believe this affects their development? How do these times affect you?

Time to plan another date day. Next up, I'll work on sharing my chocolate and coffee. Maybe.

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Bye-Bye Bottle, Binky, Blanket...

I have a confession to make. If you come into my kitchen and peek into my cupboards, you'll find a cup full of binkies. I just haven't been able to part with them. The same is true of one bottle. And, as for my daughter's blanket? Well, when she is finished with it, IT'S MINE! See, the problem is that I am more attached to these items than she is at this point.

This wasn't always the case though. There was a time when nightime slumber wouldn't come without those binkies - one in her mouth and one or two in her teeny tiny fingers. As for the blanket, it's still beside her each night, her fingers embracing the satin edges as she soothes her self to sleep.

Is it time for your child to say good-bye to any of their favorite things?

When it comes to your developing child, the time may be different than it was for mine. The fancy shmancy word for this is "developmentally appropriate," meaning supporting your child's growth and development right where they are. Oh yes, experts will give you guidelines. These guidelines, or developmental norms, are the ages and stages when most kiddos do one thing or another. However, it is important - and normal- that there will be variations from child to child.

The end of one stage may be fueled by need (i.e. your toddler starting a preschool program where pacifiers are not allowed). It may be fueled by the fact you are expecting another child and want to move your older kiddo into being a "big boy" or "big girl" before the new addition arrives. Maybe there is no specific reason other than it feels like it is the right time.

Thus far in my parenting journey, saying good-bye to the pacifier was one of the toughest challenges to tackle. Need ideas? There are plenty of suggestions out there.

What worked for us? As my munchkin approached 2 1/2 years, our cousins were expecting a new addition to their family. I can't recall quite how it happened, but the idea of passing along the binky to the new arrival caught interest in our household. During that first visit with this new little one, our little girl placed one of her most prized pacis into the crib of the newborn. I held it together. Barely. She was joyful with her decision. The family left from our home. The binky was gone.

In celebration for her good deed, I swooped her up that evening and took her out to the toy store. A "Dora" toy caught her attention. Sold! We brought it home where it entertained her for a least 10 minutes.

Later that evening, she asked for her binky. I asked her if she remembered it had gone to the new baby. The kid isn't dumb. She knew there were more. I told her that I didn't know where they were (and luckily she was too small to check the kitchen cupboard). I brought the "Dora" toy back into view and reminded her of what a big girl she was.

It wasn't the easiest night, but it wasn't the hardest either. And, it got better and better.

She was fine. I'm still recovering - lol!

Are you ready to say good-bye to any of your little one's things?

Do you think it is time?

How do or will you know?

Now, what will YOU do?

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New Research - If You Have One Child With Autism, Will You Have Another?

As a parent, writer, and general geek of any news and views related to children and families, I keep my eyes and ears open for interesting research that is hot off the press. Autism is one of those words that tends to get my attention. Perhaps it is because when it comes to child development, autism is one of the disorders which holds so many mysteries. The spectrum (range) of the disorder is challenging to understand.

Current statistics indicate that 1 in every 110 children is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder.

What causes autism is still unknown. However, it seems that researchers are acquiring more and more information about diagnosis, treatment, and even who may have an increased risk in having a spectrum disorder.

Newest research is more about who may have an increased risk. Specifically, if one child in the family receives a diagnosis, what are the odds  that another child in the same family may also receive the diagnosis? The surprise? The odds of a second child in the same family receiving a diagnosis of autism is much higher than orginally thought.

Here's the scoop from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

"In the international study, "Recurrence Risk for Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Baby Siblings Research Consortium Study," published in the September 2011 issue of Pediatrics, researchers calculated the risk of recurrence among siblings is substantially higher than previously thought.

Study authors monitored 664 infants with an older biological brother or sister with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) from early in life to 36 months. Although past studies estimated the ASD recurrence risk between 3 percent and 10 percent, this study found that the overall risk was 18.7 percent and even higher in families with more than one affected sibling, approximately 32 percent. Male infants experienced nearly three times the risk of female infants, 26 versus 9 percent.

Neither parental age, gender of the sibling, functioning level of the sibling, or birth order, was a significant predictor of ASD outcome. Study authors suggested that this knowledge can impact future genetic screening and family planning decisions."

If your child is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, does this research impact your consideration of having a second or third child?

Why or why not?

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Shower Time = Vacation Time!

We have some good friends that refer to shower time as vacation time. If you are a new parent, you probably understand. Physically caring for a little one, you may struggle to find a few minutes for yourself, even to simply take a shower.

If you're lucky, you've got other support - friends, family, etc., who are with you in those early weeks and months. Let's face it though, at some point, it may be just you and your little one. Together, you've got to figure out how to make it work.

My family doesn't live too close, so the week after coming home from the hospital, the hubby returned to work and me and the munchkin were flying solo. In my life, a good shower is a neccessity. It's just like a good cup of java. I need it to function.

A while back, I wrote the blog below. Folks seemed to dig it. Like me, they need their showers too. The other day, I was talking to a new mama who was seeking a shower in her life too. I dug up this blog and thought you new mamas (and daddies) out there might need this advice too.

It's the "developmentally appropriate shower."

It all started the week I brought her home from the hospital. It started with the vibrating bouncy seat. Thank God for that creation. One of the best inventions ever. The vibrating chair, bright lights, bubbles, and pretend fish are enough to mesmerize most infants for a few minutes (given that they are fed and changed before being put in such a contraption). Then we moved to the portable infant swing. It had music and a mirror attached to it. Perfect for seeing herself.  Of course, both of the above were accompanied by my singing in the shower and a few games of peek-a-boo from around the shower curtain. All were happy.

As time went on (too quickly, it seems), she wanted to sit-up and move around. She wanted to see what else was going on.  Although not recommended by most pediatricians, I rebelled and found a gently used walker at a garage sale. With the help of a few different toys each day, I was able to schedule my daily "vacation." I should also mention that the use of my walker works well in my house which is void of staircases (the number one reason walkers have become a big no-no. Safety issues.). I would also shut the door to the bathroom as to be able to keep one eye on the munchkin while also scrub-a-dub dubbing. 

Soon enough though, the glamour wore off (for her, not me...I still dig a hot shower every day). The toys began coming into the shower, tossed in one by one.  Next up, stickers (my munchkin was past the "eating them" phase). Those worked well until the day the walker was covered with them. There was nothing else to sticker.

Next up, came the use of the pack and play and an introduction to "Sesame Street." With her in view and some silly puppets, songs and enough education content that makes me feel a-okay with television, I'm still enjoying my daily 10 minute vacation.

See, showers can be good for you and even support the growth and development of your little one.  Enjoy your "vacation."

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Surprise!

I thought I knew what I was getting into. Surprise! Parenthood is like that.

The years before my hubby and I jumped into this adventure called parenthood, we volunteered for a non-profit organization that raises dogs to become working guide dogs. I am thankful for those experiences I had long before jumping into parenthood. To make it short and sweet, I was a crazy lady with an 8 week old puppy. Five years of volunteering taught me how to relax and enjoy the ride a bit more.

When parenthood came (Discovery day = BIG surprise #2!), I thought I was prepared. After all, I was nearing the age of 35, had worked with children and families throughout my career, and even had the "M.A." after my title noting the completion of my graduate work in early childhood.  Insert roaring laughter here.

I was so ready when I brought our baby home. The playroom was set up (surprise #3, it would be a few months before she really needed all those things in the playroom!).

I was also ready for total craziness. Remember those puppies I used to raise? After bringing home baby, I soon realized that an 8 week old puppy on the go is MUCH more work than an 8 day old infant. After a few years, I have also concluded that the puppy gets much easier while the kiddo presents more of a challenge (a joyful challenge, but definitely more work than the puppy these days!).

Surprises have continued as my little one has developed. I never imagined how much joy there would be the first time she rolled over on her own. From the hubby and I's shouts, you would have thought we had just won the big game. She continued to develop physically, and we have enjoyed the moments of surprise when we realized she could now sit, stand, and walk on her own.

Of course, not every surprise of parenthood is a fun one. I've been surprised that I can tolerate vomit and other disgusting bodily fluids. Even more shocking is being able to navigate clean-up in the middle of the night. Oh. The. Fun!

My favorite suprise of all about development is watching this teeny tiny baby grow into her own little person. First with movement, then with expressions, and then with words. Now, she's putting it all together and is a walking, talking, expressive machine.

When it comes to your developing child, what has been your favorite surprise?

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My Kid Tells ME What to Do!

I couldn't wait for her to talk. From the moment she came out of the womb, I did everything and anything I could to support her language development. When she cooed, I melted. She babbled; I clapped. When she finally said "Da-Da," my heart nearly lept out of my chest (I think it actually did when she finally got around to saying "Ma-ma!").

What was your little one's first words? Are you there yet or are they well on their way?

Soon after those first few words, we quickly moved on to simple sentences. She was so adorable.

Today, words easily pour out of her mouth. Sometimes, she says the cutest things. I wish I could capture those moments and place them inside a snazzy glass jar which I could keep the lid on till the day I need to hear those words again. Then, I would release those moments again (yes, this IS what video cameras are for, but sometimes I'm just not quick enough).

Other days, I'm not so sure about this whole talking thing. This is especially true when her words aren't so sweet.

Oh, it's not so bad, but a bit comical how my little one seems to have found the power of her words.

"Up." Absolutely, I'll carry her anyday, anytime. I know it won't be long till she'll be running off on her own.

"Sit down." Oh sure, why not I think.

"Eat." Hmmm...I'm really not sure I need another bite, but it's so cute the way she hands me her food.

"Play." Is that an invitation? Sure!

And from there it has become more complicated, sometimes a bit more bossy. I tend to draw the line when the kiddo's words start being about HOW I should do something or WHEN I should do it. "Put purple cup there." "Pick up toothbrush." "Go over there."

Really? When did cuteness turn into bossiness? Have you experienced this?

As our munchkins grow through toddlerhood and preschool years, they also grow more and more independent.

This is all good, right? After all, they are asserting their own autonomy.

Where do you find balance in supporting this bossiness (um, I mean "independence") vs. also teaching them respect, kindness, and appropriateness?

Before I jump right in and tell my kiddo what to do, I try to go back to the basics:

*Model appropriate behavior. I HATE being told what to do. Show me; better yet, do it with me. "I'll go get my toothbrush, and you take care of yours."

*Help create the RIGHT words. "Will you help me? Can you please pick up my toothbrush?"

*Partner to get the job done. "I'll tell you what; I'll get the toothbrush, if you get your cup."

Bossiness is all part of growing up. It CAN be a good thing. At least this is what I keep telling myself.

What about you?

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Off to School

The question is not,"Is your child ready?"

The question IS, "Are YOU ready?"

Fall is coming and, for a lot of us, it means enrolling our munchkin in their first early childhood experiences. Whether childcare, preschool, or simply a music or other class that meets one time per week, stepping out of the home and into a new program can be scary for everyone involved, especially MOM (and DAD)!

My kiddo is a veteran of early childhood programs. Think of me what you will, I am passionate about accessing community resources and enrolling my kiddo in all those classes that will provide her new experiences and support her growth and development.

If you're about to take those first steps into a new program, here are a few tips to help you and your kiddo through this transition:

1. Don't force it and don't fight it. If your child is acting like they aren't ready for you to go, they probably are not. As an early childhood educator, I can tell you that "yes, your kid will be okay if they cry when you leave," BUT if you have the time and energy, work with your provider to make a transition plan. This may mean you staying onsite and/or in the classroom for minutes, days, or even weeks. 

2. If you need to depart and don't have time for the above, PLAN AHEAD. This means thinking 2 to 4 weeks before the start of the program. It means visiting with your child when you CAN stay. Take your time. Remember, this is ALL NEW. You need to slowly build trust and the relationship with a new caregiver.

3. Build a new relationship. The person who takes care of your child in your absence is one of the most important people you will ever have in your life and in your child's life. Communicate often and treat this person with respect. Let them know you value them and the care they provide to your child.

4. If the program is not working (meaning your child is physically upset every time you attend), re-evaluate. This doesn't mean you have to pull the plug on the program, but it does mean you need to step back and see a) what is working, b) what is not working, and c) what you can do to fix it.

5. Be consistent in your arrivals and departures from a program. Don't come late (as an adult, remember how it feels when you arrive late for work or for a meeting? - imagine how difficult it may be for your child to enter into a program that has already begun).  Create rituals with your child so they feel a sense of routine and security in each day. This may mean reading a book before you leave, three hugs and one kiss, or simply waving good-bye at the door as you depart. Always say good-bye (sneaking out is called abandoning your child).

6. Finally, have some fun. The best early childhood education is one with a foundation in playfulness. This is true in parenting too. Little ones are just that, little. Their job should be to learn, grow, and play wherever they go.

Good luck & enjoy the new adventure!

1 Comments

Pink or Blue? Does It Make A Difference?

When it comes to raising your little one, will you raise them differently if they are a boy or girl?

If you are pregnant and do not know the gender of your munchkin, are you hoping for one gender over another?

I admit it, I couldn't wait to know what the sex of my baby was. As soon as I found out I was expecting, I anxiously waited until 18-20 weeks and the ultrasound that would finally give me a peek at this little mover and shaker in my belly and tell me what I was going to be a parent to.

When the moment arrived, I was flooded with emotions. "Girl," the technician announced. My first thought was "YAY! I. LOVE. LITTLE. GIRLS." This was quickly followed by "Holy %$@&!, I was going to have a girl." My thoughts raced to my teenage years where I admit I was, well - let's just say, I was a bit "high maintenance." My mother survived. Barely.

At the end of that day, I was psyched to know I was expecting a little girl. I am sure I would have been just as psyched to have a little boy. As for whether I would parent them differently? At that time, I would have said "ABSOLUTELY NOT." As a parent in this game for a few years, I've now had too many encounters with little boys vs. little girls and do think there are differences which also call for different parenting in order to best support growth and development.  In the end, I am just thrilled to be on this journey called parenthood. After all, I had waited 13 years to join the fun.

Do you want to know what the sex of your baby is? Have you heard? You need not wait so long. Seriously, for just $179-$329, you can pick up the phone and dial 866-6-WHAT-R-U to order an Early Gender Test. No, this is not a joke.

Hot off the press, a new blood test can analyze a pregnant mother's blood for fetal DNA. They explain it so simply; "With a simple prick of your finger this blood can determine the gender. If there is a Y chromosome present, it's a boy." Ta-da!

It sounds so easy, so perfectly perfect. But is it?

Would this test, administered in the early weeks of pregnancy, change your plans for parenthood? Even before your munchkin is born, what is your perception of how you will parent your child?  Is it based on if they are a boy or girl?

With this test, of course, there is controversy. To determine the sex of an infant so early in the pregnancy also leaves time for a parent(s) to consider abortion if the fetus is not the sex they desire. Really? I can't imagine it myself. However, I live surrounded by family and friends who rejoice in every baby that has entered their world, planned or not.

When it comes to the sex of your baby, will it matter to you?

Is it worth finding out early, or will it be worth the wait?
 

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When It Hurts

Today, my friend's little girl began chemotherapy treatments. Not yet a year old, Emily has one of the biggest smiles I have ever seen. It lights up a room. I am still in denial that she is facing a serious illness. I don't understand how it can be that a beautiful baby can be faced with a disease that may take her life. Death and disease are for old people. This is what I like to believe. Unfortunately, I also know reality. The reality is that Emily has begun the fight of her life.

The question is how do we as parents get through such times with our children?

How do we get our children through these times?

I know what Emily's mom does. She has family. She has friends. She has faith, and she has hope. She has searched for and obtained the best resources she can in order to give her kiddo the best shot at beating this illness. I look at her and I see a strength that I did not know could exist.

Even if your child isn't facing this serious of a medical condition, chances are you have faced a time when they have hurt.

Whether it is a first fall or their first shots, how do you handle your child when they are hurting?

How should you handle your child when they are hurting?

We all look for compassion. Our children are no different. They need to know, and we need to show them, that we understand.

When we are hurt, we all look for stength from a source. When you hurt, what do you need? I need reassurance that it will be okay, no matter the outcome. Our child needs to hear it from us. They need to look at us when they are hurting and know we are strong.

We keep going. The pain may last, whether the sting of a shot or the broken bone that takes time to heal. However, we need to move along, even if slower than before. We need to show our children how to move on.

I know my friend is doing all these things with her Emily tonight. Emily is sick, yet her mom sings songs, read books, gives kisses, and continues to help her child grow, even when it is hard.

Today, be compassionate, be strong, and keep going. I know Emily's mom is.

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Sugary Sweet Or Just Plain Evil?

I love sugar. I really, really do. It's no wonder that when someone recently gave my daughter her own little bag of Oreo cookies, she devoured four. I wondered if we were in for trouble that night.

Does eating sugary foods cause kids to have bad behavior?

My education and expertise is in child development, not nutrition.

I do know that I hate reading the labels on foods, such as the above mentioned. Seriously, what is half this stuff?

When I bake cookies, the ingredients are so simple: flour, sugar, salt, eggs, etc.  Why do I need (and what is?!) "soy lecithin" in my cookies?!

I do know families who swear their children's behavior is influenced by what they eat. There are gluten-free, dye-free foods, all natural, etc. foods marketed to the masses. Yes, some of this is due to the immense number of allergies.

When "googling" about the wicked effects of junk food, I found the following of interest:

Of specific note are the following facts and figures:
"Aggressive behavior may increase with the regular consumption of junk food in place of a healthy diet. Deficiencies in the B vitamins, zinc, iron, and proteins have been associated with the incidence of aggressive behavior. Children who have these nutritional deficiencies have a 41% increase in aggressive behavior at the age of 8 years. At age 17 years, 51% of these kids exhibited violent and antisocial behavior."

"Eating junk food can also stimulate an addictive behavior in children." (I can definitely confirm that this is true in adults!)

"A number of things are attributed to the development of a learning disability, such as genetic influences, brain development and certain environmental factors. However, it is believed that poor nutrition in a child's early life can contribute to the development of learning disabilities when he reaches school age."

Is sugar intake related to a kid having the crazies?!  "Evidence shows that eating less sugar-containing junk food will stabilize blood sugar levels, and prevent sudden bursts of energy."

Nutirion is one of the things we can control when it comes to our developing child.

Do you control your child's intake of sugar?

Does it make a difference in their behavior?

I'm off to see the outcomes of overdosing on Oreos.

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Ten Summer Experiences Every Child Should Have

I dig Stef's top 10 lists. I like to make lists. Perhaps it is because I don't have the brain cells left to read full paragraphs. Lists are simple, straightforward, and to the point.

With this in mind, it's time to talk summer. It. is. NOT. Over.

Everywhere I venture I see "BACK TO SCHOOL" sales. Ugh.  Halloween decorations? THIS is ridiculous.

It is summer.

It is still time to get out and enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of summer.

Nothing helps children grow better than hands-on learning and a little family fun.

No matter if you've just given birth or your kiddo has been around a while, here's your list of MUST dos.

Make it easy on yourself. Print off the list and get out there and enjoy with your little one in tow.

10. Go out, lay down on your back in the grass, and look up at the sky. Make shapes from the clouds or simply close your eyes and soak in the sun (just a little of course and don't forget - if your kiddo is over 6 months of age - the sunscreen!)

9. Go to an old-fashioned, mom and pop, ice cream stand and order a banana split. Though I can't recommend sharing this with your infant, a little taste for your toddler (just a little!) will surely be a summer sweet treat.

8. Take a walk in the woods. THIS is what jogger strollers were made for.

7. Forget about bedtime and stay out and watch the sunset.

6.  Catch fireflies.

5.  Visit a local farmer's market and buy lots of whatever is local and fresh. Eat!

4. Paint rocks with watercolors. When you are done, grab a garden hose for easy clean up (but don't spray the rocks; the paint will come off!)

3. Attend a county fair.

2. Go out late one night and look up at the sky. If you are up with a kiddo, you might as well as enjoy the magic of the nighttime sky.

1. Start a family tradition that will remind you of the magic of summer. For us, it's an annual visit to a little resort town about 30 minutes from our house. It's an afternoon of ice cream, a ride on a carousel with the little one, a walk down main street, and simply the joy of returning once a year to see what has changed and watch as our little one grows a little bigger and discovers something new. It's about slowing summer down and having some family fun.

What's on your to-do list this summer?

2 Comments

How Well Will Your Newborn Do In School?

As if we didn't have enough to worry about as new mamas (and papas). Now, this.

Labor and delivery is stressful enough. Now we need to worry about the first test our little one takes?

Have you heard of the APGAR test?

If you're expecting, chances are you will soon!

This ten-point scale was developed to measure how much medical care a newborn will need just moments after birth.  The APGAR test is given at one and five minutes after birth.  This scale evaluates an infant's heart rate, breathing, muscle tone, skin color, and reflex irritability (sneezing or coughing in response to the bulb used to drain mucus from the nose), each on a two-point scale.  Scores of eight and above are considered to be signs of good health.

Now, research is also saying that this test may predict how well a child may do in school later in life, specifically whether or not a child might have performance trouble in their school years.

This study is rooted in the evidence provided after the comparison of 877,000 children's APGAR scores, school grades, and graduation rates. This comparison led to the conclusion that newborns scoring a seven or below had roughly double the chance of needing support later in life due to cognitive deficits or other challenges.

At this point, I can't recall my kiddo's APGAR score. Given that she is now four years old and seems to be developmentally on track, I'm guessing she scored just fine.

When it comes to measuring developmental success, how much do you believe the APGAR will define your child's success in life?

Like every part of the journey through parenthood, there are many variables and many opportunities. 

I believe every one of our children have the ability to succeed, no matter what the score says.

How about you?
 

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The Punishment Should Fit the Crime

The other day I was chatting with one of my buddies. We were sharing stories from our adventures as parents. The great thing about parenthood is that it is never dull. The day I found out I was pregnant, I somehow was transported to the longest roller coaster ride ever. I wouldn't trade this thrill ride for anything.

With that said, some days are just more challenging than others.

I think I am doomed to a life of hell with a teenage girl. I say this with all the love and hope in the world. The reason why I say this is that I have been blessed with the sweetest little girl. The word "punishment" is foreign to our house. Yes, there have been a few times where I have sat her on her bed or left her to thrash out her frustrations (ensuring her safety, of course), but all in all, it's been a relatively smooth ride through the toddler and early preschool years. Gulp.

The current challenge of one of my buddies is that their little one has taken to peeing, just about anywhere and everywhere. Long past the potty training stage, her parents are stumped. Is she looking for attention? Perhaps she is pretending to be the new puppy that has entered their household. They have ruled out a physical problem. The mystery continues.

On a recent Sunday morning, this little one decided to take a pee on the family couch. This is definitely not good.

Where do you go from here?

When it comes to these bumps in the road, I'm always going back to the basics:
What do I want to teach my child?

I have to admit, if my child goes to the bathroom on the couch - seemingly purposefully, I'm going to be ticked. This is why so many parenting books remind us to take a deep breath, count to 10 (or 100 if needed), and then respond.

This family's response was to request that their little girl help clean it up. After toddlerhood, I definitely agree that this is appropriate. It is no longer just mommy's and daddy's "job" to clean up from toileting. Helping to keep our body clean is part of growing up, and I think it's a fair expectation to involve any preschooler and beyond in that process.

Well, the little girl's response?

Forget about it. She dug her heels in and decided that cleaning up was not going to be her choice.

So, where to go now?

Where would you go now?

In this instance, the family decided to pull the plug on another privilege the little one enjoys: television. Specifically, no television for a week.

A week? How long is a week in the eyes of a child? Do little children understand the concept of time? How will the impact of not watching television help the child understand that peeing on the couch is not an appropriate desirable behavior?

Now, I'm pretty much an anti-television girl. Actually, it's the commercials that I can't stand, which is why our household has been television free  - as in no TV other than weekly-borrowed DVDs from the library for over a year. (Yes, we still do have electric and flushing toilets.) BUT...I do value the twenty minutes of daily "Dora" that has helped me pay a few bills, put away some clothes, or simply go to the bathroom in peace.

Who will this "no TV for a week" really punish?

Will the family really be able to keep to the punishment they doled out?

Hmmm...

If I would have walked in these parents' shoes that day, I would have decided to be as stubborn as the little munchkin at the moment. Until there was assistance in cleaning up the pee, there would have been nothing else that happened. Nothing. I would have just waited.

Yes, sometimes following the plan above interrupts MY day.

It gets in the way of MY plans.

But, that's parenthood.

What about you?

Have you had to "punish" your child for an inappropriate or undesirable behavior?

Did your punishment fit the crime?

7 Comments

At the Movies - Marvelous or Madness?

I had been waiting for this night for years.  I'm not a big movie watcher, but I do enjoy a trip out to the theater. I remember watching some "007" flick on New Year's Eve, just weeks before our munchkin was born. I figured it was one of our last nights out at the theater, just the two of us, no need for a sitter. As it went, I had six more weeks of movie watching before the kiddo decided to make her debut, but that is another story.

Tonight's rambling is about HER first trip to the movie theater. It's about OUR first trip. Together.

When I heard rumblings that there was a new "Winnie the Pooh" movie coming out, I thought, "PERFECT. FIT." What a great first movie for us to share together. She is four years old. This is classic Pooh. Nothing scary or overwhelming.

It's been a couple of weeks and finally the time was right. We were off to see the movie.

Deciding the movie would cost enough, I packed my own healthy snacks and some water. I figured I'd save the introduction to popcorn for another day. Apples, carrot slices, and crackers proved to have enough appeal and kept her munching for the first few minutes.

Walking into the theater, it was everything I had expected. We walked hand in hand and she was mesmermized by the colorful lights, getting her own ticket, and finding theater number eleven.

What I didn't expect were the PRE-previews. What the h&#% is this? We walk into the theatre and they are already showing commercials. Ugh. This is what I was afraid of. A parent of a sensitive soul, I wasn't sure what her response would be to the big screen, bright and fast graphics and loud sounds. Well, I was right on. Her response was, "I want to go out there (lobby)."

I'm not one to push it. After all, it's my job to write about DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE experiences. It was clear that my kiddo wasn't ready for all this multi-media glitz.

So, off we went to the lobby. I told the hubby to text me when the movie was about to start. However, the kiddo made the first move and we landed back in our seats before the previews (the REAL ones) were about to start.

Oh the previews. How I hate the previews. "Spy Kids," really? Fast fighting with a dog that can do stupid tricks. The kiddo had me covering her eyes. I thought we were now doomed to leave the theater and call it a night, giving the theater a nice donation of $26.00.

I distracted her with apple slices and some quiet whispering.

We made it. On with the movie.

I grew a little more comfortable and the kiddo snuggled in on my lap. THIS is what I was looking forward to, the magic of the theater.

This lasted all of 15 minutes. Then, the plot turned a little more "twisty." I never expected that a Pooh movie might be dark or spooky, but to my kid, it was both. She began saying "Let's go home."

Ugh. There goes that $26.

I wanted her to make it through this first experience. I had done all I could to prepare her. We had talked about what would happen in the theater. We talked about who would be there. We talked about what we would do. I snuck in apple slices for cryin' out loud.

She wasn't going to make it from her current seat location, so I got up and carried her down to the aisle closest to the exit. I put her on my hip and we watched.

Things then went better. Things went worse.

I switched her to a piggy back position where she could watch.

She dug her head into my back. Then, the scene would pass and her head would pop back up.

There were giggles.

For me, this was an emotional rollercoaster ride. For her, I hope I had not damaged her for life.

Finally, THE. END. We made it.

We stayed and watched all the credits.

At the end, Disney made a funny that nearly put the kid over the edge.

The hubby and I laughed. It seemed to take her edge off too.

The good news?

I'm saving A LOT of money over the next few years. There is no need for us to rush back to a movie theater any time soon.

Have you ventured to a movie theater with your kiddo?

Is there a RIGHT age for munchkins to experience going to a theater to see a movie?

2 Comments

Can You Give Your Child ADHD?

I spend $2.60 a day on a cup of coffee. Shocking, isn't it?

When it comes to bad habits, I'm afraid that is all I have to share. B-O-R-I-N-G, I know. I like it that way.

Compared to smoking, my coffee addiction doesn't get much attention. I have to say, I applaud Stef for being so honest in her recent blog. It's one thing to smoke, it's another to admit it to a few hundred thousand folks, many with strong views on how this habit may, or may not, impact the development of children.

Recently, I came across this article. Yikes. If their outcomes are indeed true, here's a great reason to snuff out that final cigarette butt.

Do you think second hand smoke is the cause of ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)?

Don't think I'm crazy. It's true, or at least that is what the most recent research is telling us:

Children exposed to secondhand smoke at home may be more likely than their peers to have learning and behavioral problems, according to a new study.

Researchers found that of more than 55,000 U.S. children younger than 12 years, six percent lived with a smoker. And those kids were more likely to have attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), a learning disability, or "conduct disorder" than children in smoke-free homes.

Even after accounting for a number of possible explanations -- like parents' incomes and education levels -- secondhand smoke was still tied to a higher risk of behavioral problems, said Hillel R. Alpert of the Harvard School of Public Health, one of the researchers on the work.

When it comes to growth and development, there are many things we can't control, but there are some things - like making the choice to smoke (OR NOT) that we can.

Are you a smoker?

What's your addiction worth to you?

7 Comments

Too Much To Do

Picking up the phone, the lovely lady on the other end of the line asked me about programs where her child would "actually learn something."

"How old is he?" I inquired.

"Four," she responded.

From there, our conversation weaved in and out of exploring the multitude of arts programming the non-profit organization I work for offers. The challenge was, this particular parent felt it was time for her kiddo to dive into something, to start to become an expert in an area versus an explorer.

The one part of me wanted to tell her, "Lady, he's four. His job is to explore the world and find joy in learning anything and everything."

I held my tongue. I understood where she was coming from.

I want to give my child the world. I want her to have every opportunity.

Don't we all?

As soon as my munchkin turned six months old, I swished her into swimming  class. Soon after came "gym" programs, art classes, dance, more swim, and now, gymnastics. On top of this, there is preschool and play dates.

What is the value of these "extracurricular" activities?

Obviously, I am a believer. There are the relationships we've formed with other families. There is also the exposure to new activities, ideas, places, and faces. If you've been reading long enough, you know I'm a believer in the "it takes a village to raise a child" philosophy and I intend to use the resources I can to give her the best shot at being everything she wants to be as she grows up.

With all this said, this summer, we have been on overload. There's clay class and dance on Tuesdays, gymnastics on Wednesdays, and swimming on Sundays. Adding to this are evenings at the pool, plenty of play dates, and all the fun that comes with summer.

I'm whipped from all this running around.

Don't get me wrong, I've definitely seen her grow as a result of these programs. However, at times, I begin to wonder:

How many activities are too many activities when it comes to supporting your child's growth and development?

What is the right mix of scheduled activities and just time to play that will best support growth and development?

My rule was 2 + 1 + 1 = a balanced family.

What does that equation mean?

It means no more than two regularly scheduled activities (like a class) a week for the kiddo, one activity for me (yoga!), and one for the hubby (his woodworking hobby).

Obviously, my math ability has failed this summer.

Where and how do you find balance of activities and down time in your family's life?

As for me, I'm counting down and going back to my basic math as fall comes around.
 

1 Comments

Development Is Dazzling!

I write a blog about child development. Sometimes it can "sexy," but often it’s not. Development is a process; it’s even in the title of the blog, "Baby Steps." Development is more about the journey than the destination.

It sometimes seems to happen in the blink of an eye and sometimes seems to take forever.

Recently I was pondering development and doing some searching through the latest news stories in an effort to find content for a blog that would spark conversation. To help build this community of families who are passionate about raising their kiddos as best as they can.

I stumbled across "The Child Development Institute," and was immediately sucked in by a very cool overview of the developmental process. It quickly reminded me that the process of development is dazzling (even if physically exhausting and, at times, emotionally draining).

Want to know why it's dazzling?

Here we go:

Infants between birth and one month of age generally eat five to eight times a day and can sleep up to twenty (20!) hours per day.

At two months of age an infant generally communicates by crying, cooing, and grunting. By FOUR months of age, babies begin to babble, and by SIX months of age are making most vowel sounds and nearly half of the sounds of consonants.

By seven to nine months of age, a baby has control of their hands and trunk (core body), sits without support, and can often crawl.

By the time a baby is a year old they may be standing and gaining control of their legs. In addition, they are waving "bye," playing pat-a-cake, and can understand the meaning of the word "no."

Between eighteen months and two years, most toddlers have a vocabulary of 200 words (compare that with the coos, grunts, and cries that were used to communicate just over a year ago!).

At two to three years, children can differentiate facial expressions and emotions.

By four and five years, we're all wondering where our babies have gone, because in the blink of an eye as they can dress themselves, skip, play with their friends, and now have a vocabulary of nearly 2,000 words.

Dazzling, eh?

I think so.

Enjoy every moment.

What dazzling, developmental milestones is your child conquering these days?

9 Comments

Poopy-head

The other day, the munchkin and I were hanging out with our neighborhood buddies. Our neighborhood rocks and I love the fact that we are surrounded by other awesome families that are all passionate about parenting.

All of that said our parenting styles are as different as our girls, which is magnified in the presence of our daughters. I tend to be the parent watching my kiddo’s every move, constantly intervening and trying to guide her to make good choices. I'm one of those parents who believe if you show your child the bar, they will rise to it. Another of these parents is more laid back, and allows their daughter to find her own way.

In practice, these varying parenting styles can sometimes make for uncertainty when it comes to how, and whether or not, to correct another child in the group’s behavior.

Take the word "poopy-head" for instance.

When did the word "poopy-head" become so funny? Oh yes, during the toddler and early preschool years. The uttering of this word brings on fits of non-stop giggles amongst our girls.

As an educator, I get it; the word "poopy-head" is new, it sounds funny. It is funny to talk about poop (well, at least when you are little it is) and It gets a reaction. As language develops, it's only natural for kiddos to try it out and explore it. That is the magic of development.

The question is; when is it appropriate to use the word and when is it not?

To me, “poopy-head” is bathroom language. I stand firm (I know, I sound like an old geezer here) in communicating to my child that if she wishes to use the word "poopy-head," we can go into the bathroom and she can say it as often, and for as long, as she would like. I'm happy to talk bathroom talk, in the bathroom.

What about you?

How do you handle such words?

Do you let them go or make them stop?

Although my munchkin quickly caught on that her use of the word "poopy-head" needed to cease, another of the kiddos continued and thus so did the squeals.

Now what?

Do you ignore the behavior and hope that three little girls will soon grow bored?

Do you intervene and correct another child who is not your own?

As for me, I chose the “re-engage and re-direct” tactic. It was time to talk about something new; the festival that would soon be coming with the chocolate chip cookies that would be a sweet treat after dinner was finished. It was time to talk about all the other silly things in the world, except for "poopy-heads."

Luckily, in this case, re-direction and re-engagement seemed to work. The behavior stopped and the evening continued in peace. The diversity of our parenting styles also remained respected.

Do you parent differently than your family and friends and, if so, how do you handle situations in which you believe a child should stop engaging in a particular behavior?

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Ten Books Every Child's Bookshelf Should Have

Are you finding inspiration from Stef's "Momspirational" blog?

I am!

Did you read this recent entry?

I love the thought of reading a book. The truth is I seldom read books for the sheer pleasure of doing so. For me, reading books is usually about finding out how to do something or exploring somewhere new.

On the other hand, I love reading books to my kiddo. I snatch up children's books from garage sales, resale shops, the library, and wherever else our travels take us. 

To add to Stef's "Top 10," list, I'm blogging about another top ten that is relevant to us as mamas and papas; Ten Books Every Child's Bookshelf Should Have. Some of these books will require time for an infant or toddler to grow into, but don't worry, they will. Adding them to your bookshelf now will be a good investment for your child’s future.

Whether you're just getting your baby's nursery ready or looking for a new story to enjoy with your little one, here are some great books (in no particular order) that deserve to be read to every child:

10. The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

9. Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

8. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr. 

7. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff 

6. Charlie Parker Played Be Bop by Christopher Raschka

5. Llama Llama Red Pajama by Anna Dewdney

4. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin, Jr.

3. Go Away, Big Green Monster by Ed Emberley

2. We're Going on a Bear Hunt! by Michael Rosen

1. Harold and the Purple Crayon by Crockett Johnson

What are some good books you and your munchkin have read lately?

8 Comments

Art In The Outdoors

If you have been reading this blog long enough (thank you!), then you will know that I'm a Midwest girl. This means that my kiddo and I are soaking up every fun-in-the-sun moment that we can. It won't be long until we're back to the cold, gray days of winter. Sigh.

In the meantime, I'm always looking for activities that will keep us outdoors. With little kids, variety is the spice of life; attention spans and interest-levels in an activity may sometimes be short, which means days can sometimes seem long.

Visual arts (i.e. painting, drawing, sculptures, etc.) provide unlimited ways for little ones to explore, and learn about, the world around them. Arts activities are also great for fine (small) motor development and sensory explorations. As always, start with non-toxic, washable mediums (paints, chalks or crayons), dress for the mess, and enjoy the process rather than the product (in other words, don't be worried about what is created, enjoy the process of creation).

What to do on a beautiful summer day? Take your art outdoors!

Watercolors are wonderful! We have a stack of rocks on our patio, and I can't recall how many times these rocks have been painted. It's one of our favorite activities. Watercolors combined with a variety of brushes (big or little, fat or thin), make for an activity that provides interest and always results in a new outcome. Gather some rocks and get to work!

Sidewalk chalk is better than crayons for a day in the sun (or shade); chunky chalks work best for little hands. Want to change it up? Dip the chalk in water for cool, fun, and bright colors.

Outdoor art collages! Bring on the glue (after all, you can easily get the hose out when you are done!); glue objects (i.e. leaves, flowers, seeds, and any other outdoor objects you might find) onto big paper to create your own art.

Try a new canvas! Don't worry about paper blowing away; summer is a great time to explore Mother Nature's canvas. Create art on brick, concrete or even the grass, just make sure you're using a washable medium (i.e. paint!).

What is your little artist exploring these days?

1 Comments

Baby Fat Ain't All That

What's not to love about chubby babies?! Chunky thighs. Sausage fingers. The baby belly. Cute. Cute. Cute.

Physically, you may notice a trend when it comes to children and development; out and up. Out and up meaning that you may often see your child plumping out a bit before then sprouting up taller. There seems to be a natural rhythm to growth and development.

Back to that chubby baby; is this a sign of a healthy baby? What happens when the baby fat doesn't disappear?

According to a recent news story from NPR, the number of overweight kids in the United States has nearly tripled in the past thirty-years. Tripled.

Nearly ten-percent of babies and toddlers are carrying too much weight for their size, and 20-percent of children ages two to five-years are already overweight.

Do you think infants and toddlers CAN be overweight? How much baby fat is too much?

Many of us live with the perception that chunky babies are healthy babies, and that they will outgrow their baby fat in time.

The newest research is confirming that this isn't necessarily true; there are things we can do to help keep our little ones fit throughout childhood and into adolescence:

Keep track of your child's physical growth and development at each routine visit with a pediatrician.

Be mindful of the time that your child spends doing sedentary activities (i.e. television, and remember, NO television under the age of two-years is what is recommended).

Stay clear of sweets (or at least be mindful of the amount of sweet treats your child consumes).

If you are a new mom, try to breastfeed your baby for at least the first six-months.

Are you concerned about your child's baby fat?

What are you doing to ensure your little one maintains a healthy weight?

5 Comments

Get To Work

I was out riding my bike through the neighborhood when I spied a couple of teenage girls sweeping up the sidewalk in front of their house. Dad was alongside to help, but the girls didn't look thrilled. Ah, the beauty of chores.

Although their looks said they would rather be doing something else, the truth is that helping around the house is good for these girls. True, it makes their dad's life easier too, but seriously, giving kids chores is the right thing to do.

As I zoomed my way through the neighborhood with my munchkin in tow, I began to think about all the chores that even our littlest munchkins can help with around the house.

From late infancy, kids can help to get things done. Yes, sometimes it will take twice as long, but with a little patience and a sense of humor, having your little one help out will not only help you to get a thing or two done in the house; it will also support them in developing their sense of self and understanding their role, and importance, in the family.

Where to start?

What can even the youngest munchkins do?

Here are a few tasks to put on your little one’s "to-do" list:

Washing fruits and vegetables: With a sturdy step-stool and a little guidance, a little one can easily help wash fruits and vegetables at the sink or clean bowl of water.

Sorting clothes: Always struggling to keep up with the laundry (I am!)? Turn laundry into playtime by bringing that pesky basket of clothes down onto the floor with your little one. Encourage them to find matching socks, sort shirts from shorts, etc. As they grow, you'll be amazed at how they can fold washcloths, hand towels, etc.

Stirring ingredients: Looking to mix up some cookies or prepare dinner? Sometimes our little ones can be helpful cooks in the kitchen. Dry ingredients are the easiest (and least messy!) for little hands to mix.

Wipe off and/or dust furniture: Though you always need to proceed with caution when using any type of cleaning product, together you and your kiddo can wipe off household items. Try a feather-duster instead of a dust-rag and spray.

Water plants and flowers: Look for a small, plastic pitcher. If the little one likes to dump lots of water out at one time, pre-measure the amount needed for each plant (yes, it's going to take a little longer to get the job done).

Pick up their toys: Once babies can grasp objects, they can help put them back in a basket. With marked bins or baskets, toddlers are great at helping keep toys organized and will save you a little work when it comes to upkeep.

How is your little one helping out around the house these days?

6 Comments

Summer Simplicity

Ouch; the month of June hurt in our household. Why? On top of all the "regular bills," it’s the month the house and car insurance comes due. Added to that "fun," this June we were pummeled by a couple of unexpected auto-repair bills and my "bit too ambitious" tackling of the spring projects list. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

All of that led me to have a downer day, when I mumbled about the "no money" problem of the moment.

Have you been here? Are you here? 

Chances are, since parenthood, you're willing to do anything and everything to make sure your munchkin has every opportunity. For our family we've joined library times, swim/art/gym/dance classes, and more in an effort to light any and every spark she may have for learning about her world. Although there are A LOT of free, family-fun offerings, some things do come with a price. Ouch again.

Luckily for me I have two labs; I put them on a leash and take an early morning walk (combined with a cup of Starbuck's java, my "evil" addiction), which generally shakes me out of my blues and puts me on mission to create a proactive plan.

In this case the plan became about SIMPLICITY; seeking summer fun that doesn't cost much, but in the end fuels my soul and is also pretty darn good for my child's development.

What are you into these days? Looking for some cheap summer fun? Try...

1. Setting up a tent in your backyard; genius. I did this one Saturday morning and it led to a day of picnics, reading books, art-time, naptime, and lots and lots of other playtime in a tent we've had for nearly 20-years. The play that was fueled by this tent was joyful and meaningful. Got a tent? It's MUCH easier (and cheaper) to put it out in your backyard than trekking off for a weekend with the family.

2. Parks. My little one is now old enough that she can voice her desire for a swing set. Although not "that expensive," I've found, with a little looking around, I have FIVE parks within walking or easy biking distance from my house; FIVE. Seriously the equipment is WAY cooler than what I could ever afford to buy and, bonus, I don't have to maintain it. Even better we've made friends and formed play dates by simply getting out of our yard and out into the neighborhood.

3. Dirt; forget the sandbox, dig in the dirt. Oh yes if I read enough about all the junk in the ground I probably wouldn't let her touch it, but there's a pretty cool feeling of joy you get by digging in the dirt. We have found worms and potato bugs. This year we even dug up the ground and threw in a few tomato, pumpkin, carrot, and sunflower seeds. It's been a ton of fun to watch them sprout and grow; what an amazing (and tasty!) way to educate your child about the growth and development of plants.

What are YOUR ideas for inexpensive and educational summer fun?

1 Comments

Vagina, Penis, and Other "Bad Words"

When I was growing up, my family referred to our female private-parts as "our cookie." What? Seriously, what type of sexual education did I receive?! It was the good, old-fashioned, "she'll learn when she is ready" kind of education. The truth is that Mrs. Larson, my sixth-grade teacher, taught me much of what I now know.

Fast-forward to my mid-30’s and it's no wonder that the hubby and I had to "work" (wink, wink) for over a year to conceive. I really didn't understand how my body worked. I blame it on my "cookie education."

Now, with a daughter in tow, I have vowed to be straight-up and honest. No "cookie" talks here; it's the real deal.

Oh, I admit it, when she first began noticing her and my private-parts I could feel my face turning redder by the minute. Now, I simply ask for “private time” in the bathroom. Luckily, she's old enough that she is starting to get it.

In addition to her explorations were her observations. "What's this?" Gulp.

Straight-up and honest sounds all good; the truth is it's hard.

At a recent check-up with our pediatrician, I embraced the words she used when talking about my little one's private parts. Simply: "your body parts that are usually covered by your underwear and your swimsuit are special, and make you a girl. These parts belong to you, and are only yours to touch unless mama or daddy is helping you keep your body clean and/or safe."

I dig it.

Of course, that's not enough; the kiddo is asking for more.

Oh yes, I’m working to be honest and upfront.

Thank God for books. A quick Amazon search led me to It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends, by Robie H. Harris. A quick look at the reviews, and 5-star ratings, and I quickly clicked it into my cart. In just a few days, it landed on my doorstop.

Whenever boxes arrive, there is excitement. It's like Christmas. Yahoo!

The day this Amazon box arrived wasn't much different: there was a box, and it was meant to be opened.

My little one and I went to open the book and laid eyes on the front cover. With its nicely drawn pregnant woman, with a view into her belly, and a little infant looking out and waving, it looked friendly enough.

My kiddo immediately wanted to read. It began so easily, "So-ooo Many Questions!; Girls Do This, Boys Do That; Same, Different; What Boys Have, What Girls Have.” Then, “It's Not the Stork,” and I quote, “When grown-ups want to make a baby, most often, a woman and a man have a special kind of loving called “making love," "having sex," or "sex." This kind of loving happens when the woman and the man get so close to each other that the man's penis goes inside the woman's vagina." GULP. I had read it. I had said it to her.

It's been over a week, and we've read this book over, and over, and over again. I've found myself singing about body parts, ALL OF THE BODY PARTS, to the tune of "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." The "secret" is out, and she gets it. This book (recommended age: 4 years and up) ranks BIG on my list of parent must-haves.

What about YOU? How are you, or will you begin, educating your children about their developing bodies?

8 Comments

Who Is #1?

Although I swore it would not happen; the moment I found out I was expecting everything changed. I went from a career-driven woman to a woman who now daydreamed of holding and singing to her little one. I stopped worrying so much about my work agenda and started worrying about balancing the roles of mama, wife, and professional.

She was #1.

I’m changing my priorities; she’s not #1 anymore.

Do not throw stones at me yet; read on.

See I’ve recently realized that the best thing for my child is to make her #3 on my list.

Who is #1?

Well me of course. Motherhood brings many feelings most I wouldn’t wish away for the world.

Then there is the physical fatigue. I feel frumpy; although I can still squeeze into my pre-pregnancy jeans, they just don’t quite fit right anymore. All of this junk can get in the way of simply being a happy and healthy human being. If it does, it certainly means that I am not taking care of myself, which means I won’t be taking as good of care of the munchkin either. 

Haven’t you seen it; women who aren’t happy with themselves? Women who aren’t happy in their current lives and roles?

Check it out and you’ll find that they aren’t happy with a lot of things and this may reflect in their role as a mother.

Healthy women who manage to keep balance will also thrive when finding balance in their role as a mama.

And #2? Well that number goes to the hubby. I was reminded of this recently when he set off on a business trip and left me to fly solo. Two minds are better than one; and two (or I should say four) sets of hands are definitely better when it comes to parenthood. Let’s face it; parenthood is hard work. There’s the physical as well as the emotional. Tag-teaming we can take turns meeting our little one’s needs, while still taking care of #1.

And #3? Well the little one of course. When it comes to raising a healthy, happy kid, it starts with you and your significant other.

Don’t you agree; who is #1 in your household?

9 Comments

Respond, Learn, Speak

Do you have an infant? If so, don't blink; development is amazing.

I was driving in my car; alone, again. Yes, I was listening to National Public Radio (NPR); brilliant.

On this specific drive I heard the story of new research that was recently published in Neuron.

Did you miss it? That's what I am here for!

This study involved 32-infants and provided new insight into how our little one's language develops.

Here's the scoop on this specific study:

Infants age four months were exposed to a variety of different sounds (i.e. horns, birds chirping, etc.) as well as human voices. Watching brain response no difference was noticed as these little ones listened to this variety of sounds.

Just three months later a noticeable difference was discovered; brain activity clearly showed evidence that infant’s age seven months were able to distinguish between human voices and other sounds. More interesting yet infants also reacted to emotion in a human's voice (i.e. happy voice vs. angry voice).

What impact does this have on your child's development?

Such research confirms that even the youngest of infants begin to respond to human voices within their first few months. There’s nothing like those first real smiles in response to your words. (Talk, talk, talk to your little one!)

Next up infants are better able to understand words and their vocabulary grows. (Read, read, read to your little one!)

Then they begin speaking; usually close to age one year.

The magic of this new information is that understanding the process of language development also allows for new techniques in measuring brain response. This capability of measurement may also offer an early warning to the diagnosis of disabilities such as autism.

Cool insight into the journey of your little one's development. Don't you feel smart now? 

1 Comments

Why Vacations Are Good For Child Development

Our little girl was six weeks old when we took our first road trip. It wasn't far, just a couple of hours, but going to a state park lodge made me feel a million miles away and assured me that I could still travel; even as a new mama.

I love to travel. There is something about new sights, sounds, and not having to cook, clean, and make my own bed that fuels my soul.

In our lives “pre-kiddo” we biked in Vermont, stayed at various inns and bed and breakfasts, hiked, and rented cabins, and took a plane trip to somewhere new every now and then. I've always looked at vacations as an investment in life; these are the memories I hold dearest.

Launched into parenthood I was afraid I wouldn't be able to travel.

It's not so easy to get up and go; or is it?

Soon after delivery I realized the munchkin was pretty portable.

From car trips to plane trips to the west coast, we've survived. Hey, we've even thrived.

This summer you may be pinching pennies and wondering if you should put the next vacation on hold.

Don't. Do. It. Go ahead. Make some travel plans.

Why?

It's good for you and your family.

There's something nearly magical about vacation time. Vacations mean less stress, worry, and most of all, less hurry.

Whether you travel with your spouse, sister, or friend connecting with another and having time to relax and simply focus on your little one is worth every effort of packing up and cutting back a little in order to make a trip happen.

How else will vacations benefit your child?

With new experiences, of course! No matter how little, new sights and sounds fuel your baby's brain as they develop and take in the world around them. From the grit of sand between the toes to the coolness of dew on morning grass, these types of sensory experiences are perfect for little ones and their growing minds and bodies.

Oh yes a vacation with a little one will be different. Some may say there will be no relaxing; I beg to differ.

It's about families taking time and making memories. That's not only good for your little one, it's good for everyone.

Where will your travel plans take you this summer?

5 Comments

Pink or Blue?

Pink or blue; or does it even matter? Have you seen this?

Would you or could you keep your kiddo's gender under wraps? Not just during pregnancy, but also into infancy and even childhood.

Do you think it makes a difference in whom or what they will develop into?

I couldn't wait until that ultrasound at 20 weeks of pregnancy. I wanted to know if we were having a girl or a boy.

The verdict was? GIRL! Yay! I am sure I would have felt the same way had they confirmed, "BOY!"

Being a crazy, progressive woman I never wanted to define my little girl as a "GIRL."

I painted her bedroom beige.

Oh yes there were frilly dresses, but there was also rough and tumble play-clothes.

She has dolls.

She has cars.

She plays with both.

She has declared that she is afraid of bears and snakes, yet she plays with worms.

As for Storm's parents’ choice to keep their child's gender a secret; what's the point?

How or will this child be treated differently growing up?

Let's face it; society does try to define roles of boys and girls, and men and women. That's obvious the moment you set foot in any store.

Is this a good thing; is it bad?

Our children will be much better off than those who lived long ago as despite them being a boy or girl they both will be presented with plenty of opportunities.

Rather than shelter a child from their gender, shouldn't we teach them to embrace it?

Shouldn't we teach them the individual values of boys and girls?

What about you; pink or blue, and does it make a difference in what you believe your baby will become? 

7 Comments

Put Them In Preschool

I giggled when I read Stef’s blog the other day about not sending her four year old to preschool.

Why?

My munchkin has been in an early-childhood setting since she turned 18-months-old. One reason for this is my desire to continue to work professionally outside of the home. The other reason is that I simply believe in the value of preschool and other early-childhood education programs.

I also believe that the role of parenthood is to raise an independent child. As much as I like to think about my little one adoring me as she does now well into adulthood; I know that real parenting success will be defined by her taking flight, leaving our nest, and pursuing her dreams. I believe that in order to give her this opportunity it does take the village. I do not have to, nor do I want to; parent her all on my own. We are in this together and I believe that the value of an early-childhood education can support my goals in helping her fully develop.

There is more to this than just my opinion.

Remember, long before coming into motherhood I was working and researching in the field of child development. It’s my thing. It’s my thing because I believe in the value and impact of quality early-childhood education.

Here are a few facts taken from a synthesis of studies on the impact of early-childhood education (remember, preschool IS different from childcare):

Research confirms that a quality early-childhood care program may enhance social and cognitive (intellectual) development for middle-class children as well as disadvantaged children.

Research also confirmed that children, especially from low-income families, who have received childcare have shown short-term cognitive effects (e.g. immediate and positive intellectual gains and better preparation for entry into school); long-term cognitive effects (e.g. fewer grade retentions, reduced placement in special education classes, and greater high school completion and employment rates); and social-emotional effects (e.g. better self-esteem, higher ratings in social and emotional maturity, less antisocial behavior, and lower crime rate).

I understand that sending a child to preschool may not be for everyone, but there are definitely benefits to be had. It’s also worth noting that there are many different programs out there, and the value and need of programs vary greatly.

If not a formal early-childhood program, children also benefit from community programs offered through libraries, recreation centers, fine arts organizations, and park systems. The goal is to introduce, educate, and inspire your little one to learn.

There are many different routes to take; no one size will fit all and the benefits will differ from child to child.

Are you going to put your child in preschool?

10 Comments

Action and Reaction

For every action, there is a reaction. Isn’t that a scientific principle? Although I’ve been away from science class for quite some time, I find new meaning in this saying each time I discipline my munchkin. Actually, I hate the word “discipline;” I find it kind of old school. I like the words "behavior management" much better. Though a bit "Edu-speak," think about it; isn’t that what you are trying to do, manage behavior?

I loved infancy; the little one could do no wrong. If she needed milk, a diaper change,  and more, I gave. It was easy. At least now, with a toddler, I find it easy in perspective!

Toddlerhood came and rocked my world. The child had a mind of her own and wasn’t afraid to “voice” her opinions. Now, what to do?

Ah yes, behavior management. For every action, there is a reaction that will influence and shape her development.

Case scenarios:

*Your munchkin drops a cup. Do you pick it up, or let it lie? If you continue to pick it up, will she just throw it again? If you let it lie, will she scream? What do you want to teach her?

*Your child lays down on the floor and has a tantrum over not getting XYZ (and ABCDEFGHIJ…). Do you let him lie there and scream? Do you pick him up and carry him to a safe, secure space and let him scream it out, or do you comfort him? Again, what are you trying to teach him? I see a lot of people missing the boat on teaching opportunities, especially when it comes to action and reaction. Let’s face it; we get tired, and we get lazy. Sometimes, we take the easy way out.

I see people give in and simply give the child what they want in order to make the tantrum stop. Question: could the tantrum have been avoided in the first place? What did the child want; was it appropriate or feasible?

I see frustrated people who simply "shhh...," or, worse yet, yell, or even smack their child (PLEASE DON’T SPANK, or provide any other physical form of discipline. IT DOES NO GOOD!). What will your child learn from this?

It’s all about action and reaction.

Think about it.

What are you teaching your child today? 

4 Comments

Ready for Fun in the Sun?

We all work to keep our kids safe and healthy. Those first summer days with a little one out at the park and pool can be so fun. I remember dressing my little one up in an adorable little swimsuit (why is everything that is smaller, cuter?!). Next up, SPF 120+ sunscreen (kidding!), but whatever I used, I slathered her up good. I am sure I put enough on her to not only last the afternoon, but well into the night. Next up, came the sun hat and the sun glasses (which, of course, she promptly pulled off). Nevertheless, I took every precaution in keeping her safe from the sun.

Are you getting ready for summer fun?

Don't forget to prepare to keep your little one safe from the sun.

Need help?

Here's a handy dandy list created by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) to make things a little simpler (couldn't we all use a little simplicity these days). 

For babies under 6 months:

• The two main recommendations from the AAP to prevent sunburn are to avoid sun exposure, and to dress infants in lightweight long pants, long-sleeved shirts, and brimmed hats that shade the neck to prevent sunburn. However, when adequate clothing and shade are not available, parents can apply a minimal amount of sunscreen with at least 15 SPF (Sun Protection Factor) to small areas, such as the infant's face and the back of the hands. If an infant gets a sunburn, apply cold compresses to the affected area.

For all other children:

• The first, and best, line of defense against harmful ultraviolet radiation (UVR) exposure is covering up. Wear a hat with a three-inch brim or a bill facing forward, sunglasses (look for sunglasses that provide 97% -100% protection against both UVA and UVB rays), and cotton clothing with a tight weave.
       
• Stay in the shade whenever possible, and limit sun exposure during the peak intensity hours - between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
  
•  
• On both sunny and cloudy days, use a sunscreen with an SPF of 15 or greater that protects against UVA and UVB rays.
       
• Be sure to apply enough sunscreen - about one ounce per sitting for a young adult.
       
• Reapply sunscreen every two hours, or after swimming or sweating.
       
• Use extra caution near water and sand (and even snow!) as they reflect UV rays and may result in sunburn more quickly.
•  
• Enjoy, and have fun in the sun!

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Makin' Memories - Memorial Day

What does this Memorial Day mean to you and your family?

Are you remembering a loved one who served or sacrificed their life in the military? Are you thinking of a loved one currently on active duty?

Perhaps you and your family are planning to tune in and watch the Indianapolis 500 (that's a car race for you non-fans out there).

Like many, are you kicking off a little summer fun with a cookout or a trip to a local park?

Chances are, as a family, Memorial Day takes on new meaning. Like everything in parenthood, it takes on new purpose. As a parent, every holiday provide us the chance to learn and grow with our children, to remember facts and figures we learned, but long forgot.

As for me, I'm definitely "in" when it comes to using this federal holiday as the start to some summer fun, but as a parent, I also want to dig a bit deeper and begin to help my child learn and grow from the meaning that this holiday holds.

So, how do you educate your wee one about such deep stuff associated with Memorial Day?

For starters, find an appropriate ceremony in your community to attend. In our semi-small town, we have a parade, which is essentially the city officials, service vehicles and the local high school marching band.  Though she may not quite get the reason behind this gathering, I know she is learning as she sees people stand, salute, and honor those in uniform that day.

What we haven't done is visited the local cemetery for the service that often accompanies the parade. Why?

Well, first of all, my munchkin isn't going to make it through this service quietly.

Secondly, chances are there will be cannons or other gunfire. This would not go over well.

Lastly, she's not there yet. She's simply not ready. Growth and development is a process and this includes acquiring new information and having new, appropriate, experiences that will one day lead her to be ready to understand, respect and appreciate these types of ceremonies. There's no rush, no hurry to get there. It will all come in time.

What are you teaching your child this Memorial Day?

What memories will you make that matter?

0 Comments

Whisk Me Away…

I admit it. I am totally jealous. Kind of.

My little munchkin is four years plus. I haven’t left for a night. Not ever. Not once.

Now, if you’ve been a parent for any length of time, you know that parenthood can be exhausting. There are sleepless nights and days, as well as feeding, playing, and running around. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Oh yes, I’ve loved the journey, but every now and then I do dream of sleeping in, lounging for more than a minute, holding hands with the hubby, and finishing a conversation over a leisurely long dinner. It’s been years. Sigh.

With all that said, I’m just not ready to ship the kiddo off for the night. To anyone or anywhere. I don’t think she is ready either.

So, when recently learning that one of my neighborhood buddies was about to partake in a long weekend road trip – to the beach nonetheless – it made me revisit the idea of when and how both me and my kiddo might be ready for an independent adventure.

Have you left your little one for a night?

How do you know when they or you are ready?

How do you plan for such an occasion?

Well, in the spirit of planning ahead, I offer up this developmentally appropriate advice for preparing your little one for their first night away from you:

• Communicate the plan. No matter how small your little one is, they DO know. Respect your child and tell them what, when, where, and why they will be going.
• Pack everything they will need, including the kitchen sink if it will ensure their comfort! Seriously, don’t forget the favorite blankie, the preferred nook, their “lovie,” and anything else that seems to support your child’s sense of security.
• Leave directions. I pity the person who takes my child for their first overnight. I am sure I will write a book. What does someone really need to care for your child? Communicate information about your child’s routines and preferences. Share tricks and tips for soothing your wee one back to sleep.

If you’ve heard that it will be harder on you than them, it’s probably true. Munchkins are amazingly resilient. However, there’s no need to rush into having a night away from your little one.

As I often think, before long they will probably be running out the door waving good-bye.

I’ll enjoy every moment that they want to be with me right now.

And you?

6 Comments

Thrive

Every once in a while, I come across some “food for thought” worth sharing. Such is the case when I recently attended a training about the “Developmental Assets,” positive experiences and qualities all children need for healthy development.

The “food for thought” is a list entitled “Raising Kids with Care: 50 Ways to help your Whole Family Thrive.” Enjoy. I think it’s worth a print and post on the refrigerator…

1. Take care of yourself first and you’ll take better care of others.
2. Play and laugh with your children.
3. Compliment your kids on the good things they do.
4. Let your kids be kids.
5. Admit your mistakes and say you’re sorry.
6. Turn off the TV.
7. Ask for help when you need it.
8. Trust your instincts.
9. Meet your children’s friends and their friends’ parents.
10. Accept that you don’t have to be perfect; just be real.
11. Set clear boundaries and expectations for your children.
12. Ask your kids where they are going and who they will be with.
13. Avoid doing too much; say no to some requests without feeling guilty.
14. Eat together as a family whenever possible.
15. Read aloud with your child.
16. Be excited about your child’s interest.
17. Take time to develop your own special strengths and talents.
18. Ask for your child’s opinion.
19. Spend time alone with your significant other and adult friends.
20. Don’t worry if the house is a little messy sometimes.
21. Listen to your child without always giving advice or opinions.
22. Try to find the joy in each day.
23. Say no to your child when you have to, but say yes as much as you can.
24. Be consistent.
25. Attend parent-teacher conferences and other school events.
26. Continue your own learning – read a book, go to a museum, or take a class.
27. Spend regular one-on-one time with each of your children.
28. Spend some time by yourself.
29. Be silly.
30. Do volunteer work with your kids.
31. Make happy memories together.
32. Give your kids lots of hugs.
33. Balance your needs with your kids’ needs.
34. Care as much about your own health as you do about your children’s.
35. Tell your kids how terrific they are.
36. Play as hard as you work.
37. Ask other caring adults to spend time with your child.
38. Realize we never outgrow our own need for other caring adults.
39. When your child pushes you away, given him or her space, but don’t leave.
40. Try to see things from your child’s point of view.
41. Ask your kids to help with planning a party or other event.
42. Talk to your children the way you want them to talk to you.
43. Nurture your own spiritual life.
44. Exercise together as a family.
45. Take a deep breath and slow down now and then.
46. Go to your kids’ games, performances, and other events.
47. When you are in a rut, change something about your routine to get a fresh outlook.
48. Surprise your child with something that will make him or her feel special.
49. Do the things that give you energy.
50. Tell your kids that you love them everyday no matter what.

Like it? Looking for more? Check out www.search-institute.org for more information.

3 Comments

Mind Your Manners

Infants are adorable. Most are so polite. Often sitting like little pumpkins with toothless grins, it's hard to imagine a day when we will need to teach them manners. I remember being so proud when around 9 months my little girl would regularly say "please" using sign language. I beamed.

Fast forward to toddlerhood. Help! Now I'm looking for ways to re-instill that politeness.

"That!" "Mine!" I want!" "Now!" "No!"

Holy smokes, where does this come from?

Sound familiar?

Learning manners takes time and patience. Acquiring these skills is part of a child's social-emotional development.

Looking to help your little one mind their manners?

Here are a few tips I'm trying to remember!

• Model the behavior you want. Easier said than done! When my little one points, whines, and wants, I often need to breathe deep and in my kindest, sweetest voice give her the words she needs. If it doesn't work the first time, try again. And again.
• Ignore behaviors you don't want. When possible, ignore non-desired behaviors. Depending on your child and the situation, you may see your child's behavior escalate OR go away. If it escalates, re-direct, but be careful not to reward the non-desired behaviors.
• Act it out. Pretend playtimes and meal times present opportunities for us to introduce our children to the desired manners we are hoping they will acquire.
• Practice and patience. Every day provides multiple times for our little ones to practice their manners. From using utensils correctly (appropriate expectation for toddlerhood and beyond), to asking politely and saying "thank you," embrace every interaction as a teaching opportunity. If your munchkin is in a childcare setting, be sure to communicate your goals with other caregivers.

Tips or tricks for helping a little one learn manners?

Please share! After all, it's the polite thing to do.

0 Comments

Why Coloring Books Are Evil

As a kid, I LOVED coloring books. Come to think about it, as an adult, I LOVE coloring books.

The smell of a new box of crayons, seeing those bright colors wave across the page, it seems almost therapeutic. For me, that is.

So, why the title? Well, this blog is about our kiddos, of course!

Although we all may be tempted (I am!) to grab a coloring book containing one of the fantasy friends our kiddos love most (DORA!), the truth of the matter is that before our kiddos are age 4 years or more, coloring books really are evil.

Why?

Our tiny tots are rapidly developing fine (small) motor skills. The development of fine motor skills allows our children to grasp objects, eat, scribble, and eventually do complicated tasks like fastening buttons.

As with everything in development, it’s a process that doesn’t just happen overnight (though sometimes it sure feels like it does!).

Therefore, plunking down a book filled with pictures and expecting our little ones to stay in the lines is simply not fair.

When giving a toddler a coloring book, it is fair for them to scribble all over it, rip out pages, and even chew on it! These things may simply be part of typical development. Unfortunately, adults and other caregivers do not generally look upon these behaviors favorably.

Looking for ways to inspire creativity in your little one? Try these things instead:

• Provide various colors, textures, and sizes of blank paper for your child to explore.
• Provide multiple mediums for your child to use (with supervision, of course!): chunky crayons, washable (and non-toxic) markers, paints, and chalks.
• Rejoice in the PROCESS of exploring art materials rather than the PRODUCT produced by your child (in other words, delight in a paper full of scribbles!).

As for the coloring books, DO pass on them for your infant or toddler. However, if you are looking for a creative outlet, they may be a perfect fit for YOU. Enjoy!

15 Comments

Lo Hisimos – What Dora Did For My Child’s Development

My munchkin was about three months old when Dora lit up her world.

I'll never forget the moment. It was one of the first days I had returned to work. Already guilt ridden and stumbling through the balancing act of being a working-outside-the-home mama, I was also working through the building of a new relationship with a trusted caregiver.

I loved the woman we had found. I trusted her thoroughly with the care of my kiddo. I saw her work magic with my little one. She worked to do everything she could to provide a loving, caring environment.

So… when I walked in and saw her holding my teeny tiny girl in front of the television as Dora happily said "Hola!," I almost LOST it. Yikes. I hate the television, and certainly Dora could do no good in the development of an infant so small and research proves it.

After holding my tongue and taking a deep breath, I also saw the sheer delight on my little one's face. SOMETHING about Dora was magic to her. I still don't get it.

This incident passed (including the hard, but worthwhile talk with the caregiver about my views on television in my baby's life) and my munchkin grew.

The attraction to Dora remained.

I swore I wouldn't fuel this. The joy and squeals were hard to resist.

Suddenly, Dora was everywhere.

There were the Dora dolls. And books. Dora clothes: socks, undies (yay for early potty training success):, shirts, dresses, etc. Dora accessories: hair clips, shoes, and more.

In addition to the explosion of Dora merchandise in our household, we found ourselves singing (sing along with me!): "We did it, we did it, we did it! Lo hisimos!" Not much is cuter than a little toddler bustin' out their dance moves to this little ditty.

I could have hated Dora. My relationship certainly began that way. I never wanted the influence of a cheesy cartoon character on my child's development.

I got over it.

Dora isn't so bad.

She's generally nice to her friends.

She's adventurous.

She's taught my child Spanish better than I ever could.

I can agree with her fashion choices and think they are appropriate for my munchkin to emulate.

And the list goes on.

I would have never believed a cartoon character would ever impact my child's development.

Today, I admit it has. And, I also admit it hasn't been so bad.

Who are your kiddo's heroes and how are they influencing their development these days?

5 Comments

Pay Attention

How much time do you really spend with your little one?

Today, I am with Stef.

I waited, I begged, and I wished for the day when I would hear the word "Mama."

Today, it seems that I have heard it no less than a hundred times: "Mama...mama...mama...mama...mama..."

Oh, I do love that word. I know in my heart that someday I will yearn to hear it.

In addition to "Mama," there were other commands: "Play."
"Color."
"Read."
"Watch."
"Come."
And so on and so on and so on...

For a moment today - just for a moment - I wanted to finish something else. Oh no, it wasn’t anything glamorous. I wanted to fold a piece of laundry, put away a dish, and clean up after breakfast. I wanted to dust. It was just a few little things I wanted to get done.

Oh, yes. Okay. I admit it; I also wanted a few quiet moments with my iphone. I wanted to see what all my "friends" on Facebook were up to.

Usually, I can multi-task with the best of them. I can color with one hand and put a dish away with another. I can watch for a moment while dusting. I can run into the other room and put away something and be back in a flash. I really do try.

Today, this wasn’t working so well. It wasn’t enough for my child. Then, it finally hit me.

I needed to PAY. ATTENTION.

As a working-outside-the-house-mama, I try to put things aside and have as much quality time as I can with the kiddo. I am extremely sensitive to the time I am away from her. Sometimes I am guilty though of trying to mix this quality time with the quantity of things I can get done.

"Mama...mama...mama...mama..." It was a simple reminder that I needed to stop trying to multi-task for a moment and just pay attention to my munchkin. That’s all she wanted. So simple. So easy and yet sometimes I forget how important this one-on-one FOCUSED time is.

When it comes to our developing kiddos, there always seems to be a lot going on. Some times, it is hard to stop everything else and just cue in on our little one’s needs. Not just their physical needs, but - often- more importantly, their emotional needs.

How much time do we really spend with our children?
Outside of their physical care, what are your interactions with your little one?

For me, it took a lot of effort from my little one to finally wake me up and realize I needed to put down the dust rag, put down the phone, forget about the dishes in the sink, and just go with my child where they would lead me.

When it comes to your developing kiddo, where does your child want to take you these days?
Are you listening?

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The Developing Mama

Sunday is our day! Whether you are expecting, recently delivered, or well settled in your role as a mother, Mother's Day is your day to celebrate the good, the bad, and the "adventure" we signed up for the moment we became a mother.

In my ramblings, I focus on our developing children. This makes good sense as the focus of the blog is "child development."

Today, though, is about you. It's about me. It's about us developing as mothers. It's about how motherhood has changed us.

I went into this journey swearing that parenthood would not change me. I was going to continue to be a working professional. I was going to have regular date nights (wink, wink) out with the hubby. I was going to continue connecting with my girlfriends and heading out for a night now and then.

Smack.

I got pregnant. My body began to change (welcome wider hips, bigger breasts, and a whole lot of weight gain).

I gave birth. I looked at her. That was it. Yes, I am one of these people who, despite the adventurous labor - including the emergency c-section - fell head over heels with my little girl the moment she landed in my arms.

Smack. I was a changed woman.

I used to wonder why some people - specifically mothers of young children - seemed so flighty (I wouldn't want to use the word "dumb").

Now, I am one of these people.

Brain cells have left me. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep? Or the attempt to multi-task one too many times?

Whatever it is, I can admit now that I have changed. Motherhood has developed me.

As I have watched my child grow, I have also grown as a person.

I now have the patience of a saint.

I can pull an all-nighter (with a little help from a cup of java now and then) and still (almost) function the next day.

I can do four to five things simultaneously.

I really have developed eyes in the back of my head.

I have developed a sixth sense. It's a sense that somehow knows my child and her needs better than anyone else.

I've learned that it is as important to think with my heart as it is with my head.

I've been reminded that there is more than one way to accomplish a task.

Best of all, I've been reminded of the simple joys in life. Her smile. Her squeals in seeing a butterfly or the sun. The excitement of having ice cream.

What about you?

Are you the same or have you changed since you became a mom?

Either way, wishing you a wonderful Mother's Day!

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Get to Sleep

Co-Sleep? Bassinet? Crib?

Where is your infant sleeping?

The better question is, do you know where your baby SHOULD be sleeping?

The other day I was ALONE in my car. Yes, alone. I had coffee and a radio that only I would control. I savor such moments. These days, times like this are few and far between. These are the moments I tune into NPR, listen uninterrupted, and pretend that I am smart. I am savvy.

As I was driving along, my ears perked up when hearing about the pros and cons of co-sleeping.

Ah, the debate continues:
The medical advice is "DON'T" co-sleep with your infant.
The mom's advice is "DO" co-sleep with your infant.

What to do, what to do, what to do...

I admit it. I occasionally co-slept with my infant. There were times I found comfort (and even wonderful, restful sleep) lying on my side, nursing my little girl in the wee hours of the morning (and day and night). When she had finished nursing, we laid there, content and, sometimes, we fell fast asleep. Ahhhh... Like many, most times, I felt incredibly aware of where my little girl was located. I felt she was safe. I felt there could be no harm done through something that seemed so natural.

Then, there were the few times that I woke up with a panicked feeling of where my little one was. Yes, I know this sounds terrible.

I was fortunate. Everything was okay.

An everything-in-moderation mama, I also used the bassinet, which was located right next to my bed. I loved it. I could easily move my little one into bed with me to nurse. I could also lay my hand gently on her back and "shhhhhh" her back to sleep. A few months into my journey as a parent, I moved her from the bassinet to her own crib. I admit it. I missed her, though I felt the time was right for her to move into her own space.

When it comes to your developing munchkin - of course - the first priority is keeping your little one safe.

On the other hand, when it comes to keeping us all sane, especially in those earliest days of parenthood, much of our concern centers on everyone getting a little sleep.

The question becomes, is co-sleeping worth the risk?

Where is your little one sleeping these days?

14 Comments

Bye Bye Baby

The first time I said good-bye to my baby, I went to the bookstore for a half hour. That half hour seemed to last half a day. I think she was about eight weeks old. Just recovering from a c-section, I was back behind the wheel and looking at the realities of returning to work. Intending to take 12 weeks off work, I wasn't going to wait until the last minute to drop her off at childcare and hope that all would be "okay."

I was all about making a smooth and successful transition, both for me and her.

Have you left your baby yet? Are you ready?

Have you heard that when you leave your baby won't know the difference? Don't underestimate your baby.

Your baby knows you. Your baby knows your smell. Your baby knows your voice.

No, this isn't a guilt trip. I've been a working-outside-the-home mama ever since my little girl was about 12 weeks old.

And, you know what? We've both been more than okay.

Not sure about leaving your baby?

Take the time and plan for the transition, both for you and your little one.

• First and foremost, YOU need to be comfortable and confident with your decision of leaving your baby and with whom you are leaving them with.

I was comfortable leaving my baby for short time periods in order to work. I have NOT been comfortable leaving my baby for the full day, or for a night for that matter (it's going on 4+ years and I've not yet been able to take an overnight trip away from her... In reality, I figure that within a few years, she'll be waving good-bye as she ventures to a friend or family member's for the first time).

• Prepare yourself. Prepare your baby.

In terms of yourself, this may be taking care of the logistics (i.e. making a plan to pump in order to maintain breastfeeding, making lists of emergency - and non-emergency - phone contacts, etc).

In terms of your baby, give them a heads-up. Seriously, talk to them about it. If your caregiver is going to be someone new, be sure to make ample visits so your baby can get to know this person and your caregiver can get to know your baby. DO plan on paying a caregiver for these visits, even if you are not yet leaving your child in their care (caregiving is a profession - be sure to let your caregiver know you value them, as well as their services).

• Take it slow. Leaving your baby is not like driving a sportscar. This is not a time to go from 0 to 60 in a few seconds. You and your baby will need time. Plan on the first few visits being shorter and then eventually increasing the time for you and your baby to be apart. Note: it may be worth returning to work a week or two earlier IF it means a slower transition, working back up to part-time or full-time hours.
• Check in and communicate often. I used to leave detailed lists for my caregiver. They included my baby's likes, dislikes, and any and all information I wanted them to know about my munchkin. NEVER assume that your caregiver or anyone else will simply know what is best for your baby. YOU are your child's best advocate. On the flip side, be prepared to be a bit flexible and recognize that though a caregiver may do things differently, this doesn't mean they are neccessarily wrong.
•  
• Finally, don't forget that when it is time to leave, DO say "bye bye baby." Good-byes may be difficult. When they are, your baby is going to look to you for strength and encouragement. This isn't the time to break down in tears (save that for your car ride). It's a time to know that you are providing the very best care for baby when you cannot be there and you are making good decisions for your family. NEVER sneak off. No matter how little baby is, saying "bye bye" is important.

Ready to say "bye-bye" to baby? 

Let me know how it goes... wishing you all the best!

5 Comments

Go With The Flow

Do you "go with the flow" or do you just "GO?"

I admit it. I'm a planner. I am a multi-tasker. I read the news on my phone as I'm walking the dogs. I know. This is NOT smart.

At any time, I can tell you when and where my next three vacations will be to, as well as the weekend plans for the next few months.

I've already looked at and started making plans A, B, and C of where the kiddo will attend school (which is a few years away).

It's a sickness really. I'm so connected to my day and my plans, I seldom stop to enjoy the quiet. This means that life for my kiddo is similiar too.

Good or bad, it's reality.

To plan or not? Nah, I'm not talking about planning for pregnancy, though that is definitely worth conversation. I'm talking about the day-to-day plans with our little ones.

Since discovery day, the kiddo has been along for the ride with my plans. First came the transition plan for childcare, and then swim lessons. Once we got those "agenda" items crossed off, I added on a few house projects. Then, came care of self (yoga and "the big race"!). The list goes on.

Today, I'm looking at all these items and the question became "WHAT IS THE RUSH?"

In our household, we're always running. We're (okay, I'M  - no need to drag the hubby into this) always planning "the next adventure," the next "to-do."

The sun recently started shining in the midwest (this IS a big deal after 6 months of cold/grey days) and it made me stop and think about my developing little kiddo. What is MY agenda doing for HER developent? What is YOUR agenda doing for YOUR CHILD'S development?

What is the value of our daily activities?  I've actually pondered, and answered, that question before.

But how much is enough? And how much is too much? And when and how many days should be simply UNplanned?

When's the last day you and your kiddo just "hung out?" No agenda. No worries on what to do or where to be?

I can't say it happens that often in my household. What I can say is that there IS value to it.

There is value in being with your child and watching where they take you.

The UNplanned moments may surprise you. They may lead you where you least expected to go. You may see more growth and development than you imagined.

As fun as it is to "GO," I need to "go with the flow" a little more often.

Where is your time with your little one taking you these days? Where do YOU want to go?

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Make It Fun

When all else fails, make it fun. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it.

Parenthood is anything but predictable. Most times it is indescribable. It's one awesome ride that, at its peaks, you never knew you could have such joy or love. In it's valleys, you may wonder if you'll find ever find your way up the mountainside again (most times, a good night's sleep can help, but if you find yourself in a "valley" too long, DO solicit help from your spouse, a friend or doctor).

I'm practicial. Optimisitc. Everything-in-moderation kind of mama. I like to think of myself that way.

I've followed a lot of parenting advice. Most times it has worked. Then, there are the times when NOTHING seems to work. Nothing.

I could do a lot of things, including getting totally flustered, but it would do me no good. Chances are, things would end with both me and my munchkin in tears. There has to be a different way. Ah yes, turn the tables. Make it FUN.

Fun, as in:

*Bedtime: It can be more than challenging to get the kiddo to her bedroom. Now that she is a walking/talking machine, she has her own agenda. So, how can one effectively make bedtime as grand as all her other plans? Well, some nights there are parades to her room. The favorite right now is the "horsey" ride. It may take a few extra minutes and deep breaths for a little extra energy on my part, but I find we've both had a much easier time transitioning to bedtime with a little silliness.

*Nutrition: I dislike the veggie battle. You may know this one. It's the "No like XYZ" or perhaps a simple preference to eat everything else other than what is on the plate. There's also the "I only like one kind of food" phase. Well, I've discovered making faces. No, not at the child.  Making faces with food. There are plenty of smiley and silly faces that can be made with some of the best foods. Small pieces of strawberries, grapes (skin removed, cubed in tiny bites), carrots (cooked or raw), banana pieces, even hard-boiled eggs - they all equal fun. And you know what? I'm enjoying the creative process too. The best part though is seeing her actually giggle at my creations and then eat the stuff.

*General crankiness: We all have our moments. This includes our little ones. Sometimes, they are just fiesty. Rather than try to reason, sometimes, I find a good tickle, a silly face, or just a big hug is the answer.

What tricks are you using these days to keep life fun with your little one?

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Hippity-Hoppity

Are you celebrating? Yes, Easter is hopping our way on Sunday. If you are celebrating, how will (or won't) it be different this year with a munchkin in your life?

Not to offend, but I often feel more spiritually connected through a good hike in the woods than I do sitting in the pews of a church. I won't go into a big religious discussion here. After all, this is a blog about child development and not religion.

Still yet, I often ponder the role religion will have in my munchkin's life, both now and later.

As a unitarian, I DO enjoy celebrating and recognizing religious hoildays with my family. Easter is definitely one of these. It's not only a lovely celebration of life, renewal, and spring, but all the other hoopla that goes along with Easter is pretty fun too. There's coloring eggs and chocolate, Easter egg hunts, and one more reason to buy that cute spring dress this year both for me and my little girl.

The first Easter with our baby we were planning for the festivities at our home. She was just about 8 weeks old. Everything was so new. We were still early into our roles as parents, yet I planned for that Easter day as a day of tradition and celebration. Unfortunately, a late spring snow storm derailed that plan and we ended up venturing the hour south to less snow to see more family. It was still a memorable day.

Whatever your religious beliefs, holidays seem to take on deeper meaning when you become a family. Perhaps you are attacking this year's Easter day with vigor. From the Easter outfits to the religious services (or not), to the Easter egg hunts, the baskets, and the meal, the day can be filled with fun as well as a whole lot of stress.

As this Sunday approaches, remember to take the time to stop (even if for the brief second you may have between changing a diaper and the next feeding) and focus in on what this holiday means to you and what you want it to mean to your family.

Remember to keep it simple when you can.

Don't get bent out of shape if/when the Easter outfit meets its demise through a random spit-up or other (uh-oh) "incident."

If your little one doesn't like their Easter bonnet, so be it. Remember, no matter how little, they are still entitled to their opinions.

If the meal doesn't turn out like you had planned or other plans go awry, come back to where you started today.

What does this holiday mean to you and what, truly, do you want it to mean to your family?

Holidays can equal meaningful traditions, now, more than ever.  Try to take it all in stride, both for you and your kiddo.

Happy Easter!

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Random Ramblings

It's all about baby steps.

I don't mean that literally, although those first steps your infant takes are pretty exciting! I'm referring more to the process. The process of your infant's or toddler's development.

Don't blink. Seriously, trust me on this one. You may want to close your eyes and enjoy a long, long slumber (Zzzz...sorry, I'm back), but time passes too quickly and development just seems to have magically happened.

When it comes to writing about child development, I obviously have a lot to say.

Today isn't about anything in particular when it comes to development; it's about the random ramblings that pop into my mind.

For instance...

*What you dream your infant/toddler/child will be and what they might actually become are two distinct things. The moment I held her in my arms, I knew she was perfect. Obviously, I've learned that she's not and that is okay with me too. How will you deal with the realities of parenthood versus your dreams?

*Don't compare development. Whether it is sibling to sibling or friend to friend, don't do it. My baby talked at X months. Walked at X months. Read at X months. DON'T. DO. IT. Seriously, take your child where they are and, as long as they are developing happily and healthy, embrace the moment.

*All you need is love. Okay, our munchkins need optimal nutrition, proper clothing, and shelter, but other than that, their needs are quite simple. They thrive with love. Hold them. Hug them. Comfort them. Be their number one advocate. THIS is what our children really need. Don't get sucked into to all the marketing gimmics thrown at you as a new parent. Fancy gizmos and gadgets may support your little one's development, but really, really... in the end, it's the interactions with you that matter most.

*We all do it differently. There are many kinds of parents. Be who YOU are. As a team. Be in it together with your significant other. Understand and expect the "bumps" in the road. Get over them. Work through them. Work to always stand together in support of your child. When you talk with family and friends, acknowledge that you (or they) may do it differently. Celebrate and respect those differences. The world is a better place because of our diverse perspectives.

A moment in time, a day at a time, it's all about baby steps.

Thanks for letting me ramble with you through it together.

Cheers!

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Is This My Child?

I smiled mostly because I had been there. I was catching up with my "friends" on Facebook. The post was something like this:

Sometimes I look at my son and think he's so darn cute and wonder how he could really be mine! Then, we go into a store and I have to carry him out kicking and screaming and I think how can I claim he's not mine for a little?!?  Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way!?

If you've got a toddler in tow, chances are you can empathize with this post too.

Seriously, how can a little one look so angelic, so sweet one minute and the next...well, the next, you may wonder where did that angelic sweet child go and how do you get them to return?

If you've been there, how have YOU handled it?

As for me, I admit, I've been down this road a time or two before. Ugh.

When it comes to major meltdowns, I think my munchkin has perfected her technique.

There's the warm-up. I can sense it coming on. Perhaps it's inspired by boredom (too long at the store) or tiredness (shopping and naptime don't mix!) or hunger (I've learned to always keep a healthy snack in the purse...a meltdown from a sugar rush - AKA a crummy snack - is just as bad as no food at all).

Then, the siren begins. Sometimes it's slow to start, but can become ear piercing in seconds.

This is generally accompanied by the flailing. There's arms, legs, and strength that seems to be superhuman.

By now, I'm well into making my own game plan on how to deal with this outburst.

If we're at home, I find the most effective technique to: a) ensure she is in a safe place and, b) let her go for it.  When she stands below me and wails, I keep to my sweetest, softest voice (of course, I have also perfected the art of deep breaths and have now acquired the patience of a saint), and respond, "When you calm down, I'll be glad to XYZ (insert specified desire here)".

If we're in public, it's time for the mad dash to the nearest exit. Forget my agenda; it's time to take care of the kiddo.

Yes, this exit may make matters worse. The munchkin's outburst could have been triggered by something in sight, but not in reach.

Too bad.

This is where my tough love takes hold.

It's when I have to do what is right, what will help her learn versus what may be the easier route.

Now back to that Facebook status...

Sometimes I look at my son and think he's so darn cute and wonder how he could really be mine! Then, we go into a store and I have to carry him out kicking and screaming and I think how can I claim he's not mine for a little?!? Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way!?

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way too.

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And Then We Landed...

I survived.

Will you? If you're ready to take a break, meaning you are ready to break out of your routine and plan a family adventure, this one is for you.

Learn from my mistakes.

As an infant, my munchkin seemed to be completely portable. The days immediately following our trip home from the hospital, the hubby and I planned daily "field trips." No, not grand adventures, but trips to a local store, and even out to eat. Yes, we took the baby.

It all seemed so easy. She was either sleeping or eating. And, when she was eating - nursing - I was often eating too. I would "hook her up" and she was as content as could be.  Thanks to wonderful inventions like the "hooter hider," (I am not kidding and believe this to be one of the best inventions ever) I could discreetly nurse and feel comfortable enjoying my dinner too.

Those early days gave me the confidence to feel like I did pre-baby.  We could travel. Anywhere. Anytime.

Well, almost.

Just past her first birthday, we planned a 2500 mile cross country trip to visit the family. I booked the flights.  

They happened to be red-eyes, both ways. Dumb.

A little coffee and the adrenaline of an adventure was all I needed. The kiddo? Well, she needed a lot more. A. LOT. I had taken away her comfortable environment and replaced it with everything new. Worst yet, I disbanded every part of her routine. Oh yes, she was cute at 2am as we ventured through the airport. It was the next day at 1pm and the day after that, that she let me have it. That first trip I wondered where my portable munchkin had gone. Thank goodness, after a few days home, she seemed to have recovered.

And so, recently we landed. We took that same trip of 2500 miles. This time, we did it differently.

And guess what? We did it successfully.

Planning a trip via plane with the munchkin?

*DO travel during the day and, when possible, arrange travel plans that will allow your infant/toddler to keep to their current schedules (i.e. look for flight times that will overlap nap times).

*DO take their favorite blanket, cuddly toy, a few books, and plenty of healthy snacks (be warned though, be sure you understand the regulations regarding bringing liquids through security).

*DO buy the seat for your infant on the plane and install your regular car seat into the airplane seat. Trust me. Not only will you be keeping your little one as safe as possible, you'll be providing your little one a sense of security.

When you land, let me know how it goes for you.

Happy travels!

1 Comments

Drive Time

When it comes to your little one's development, nothing should rank higher than keeping your kiddo safe.

Yes, some things are negotiable. There may be the late night where you let your toddler fall asleep and their teeth don't get brushed. You may give up having your toddler try a new food. You may decide the transition of your infant to a crib isn't worth the battle at this minute and that co-sleeping is a "happy compromise."

Yes, some things are negotiable. Others are not. "What," you ask?

HOT off the press are the NEW pediatric guidelines for car seat safety.

And here it goes (drumroll please...):

From the American Academy of Pediatrics:

• Infants should remain in REAR-facing car seats until they are 2 years old (instead of 1).
• Children should remain in a seat with a FIVE-POINT SAFETY HARNESS as long as possible (based on weight limits) before moving to a booster seat. Note: some five-point harness systems have weight limits as high as 80 pounds!
• Children should use BOOSTER SEATS until they are 4 feet, 9 inches tall, a height most  kids don't reach until they are between the ages of 8 and 12 years (and perhaps some adults don't reach!).
• Even when they are tall enough to use only a seat belt, children should sit IN THE BACKSEAT until they are 13 years of age.

Sadly, statistics report that vehicle crashes remain the leading cause of death of children four years and older. Nearly 1,500 children younger than age 16 years are killed in motor vehicle crashes each year.

I admit, turning my infant around in her seat when she turned 1 year of age was a moment I looked forward to. I could see her better and felt that, socially, it made for many more interactions and connections. In retrospect, learning the facts, I'd rather have kept her turned around and safe and sound for those few minutes in the car. Safety comes over social connections any day.

Keeping our kiddos as safe as they can be in the car is one pretty simple way to support their optimal growth and development.

Happy (and safe!) driving!

15 Comments

Beauty Of Blocks

Looking for a great toy to invest in?

Forget the newest toys on the shelves and go back to the basics.

When it comes to a toy that will grow for many years with your child, go buy a good, old-fashioned set of wooden blocks (or make your own blocks - think empty boxes, a variety of sizes, fill them with crumpled newspaper, and tape boxes shut =  blocks!).

Blocks.

Yes, I know; they may not be the jazziest toy packaged out there, but they are a crazy good toy for many reasons.

Follow along... hopefully by the end of the entry, you'll be running out the door to get your own!

The beauty of blocks:

*Block play supports all aspects of development (social-emotional, gross and fine motor, and cognitive). 

Bonus: because they provide so many options for play, they are a great toy that will grow with your child through toddlerhood, as well as through their preschool and elementary years.

What can children learn as a result of block play?

*There is no wrong or right answer when it comes to playing with blocks. Therefore, every way your child plays equals success. As children build (and then knock down) a structure, they may feel empowered and/or even learn from the times their structure falls, requiring them to build again.

*Block play naturally leads to creative play. Blocks can create roads, houses, buildings, even people, and a host of other things. The only limit to what blocks can build is an imagination. Every time a child plays with blocks can equal a new adventure.

*Playing with blocks supports the development of hand-eye coordination.

*When it comes to thinking skills (cognitive), block play can help your child learn shapes, patterns, sorting, counting, and, of course, problem-solving ("How can we build this?" "What will happen if we do this?").

Blocks. So simple, yet such beautiful play results.

Enjoy! 

1 Comments

Tough Love

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is tough. Okay, maybe that isn't part of the verse I recall from the "Bible," but if you are currently parenting a toddler, you may agree with me that the third statement is just as true as the first two.

Development in that first year is amazing. Inspiring. Oh sure, there's lack of sleep, regaining your sense of self and taking back your body, and a few other bumps in the road, but really, it's a pretty amazing journey of love.

Then, watch out. Welcome to toddlerhood. Oh yes, they are cute. They wobble. When they giggle, there is magic. But, there is also the ride you may go on from time to time as they begin to define who they are. They have opinions. They have feelings. They find their own voice.

It's during this time you may learn how patient and kind your love really is. You may also begin to wonder if there is such a thing as tough love.

What is tough love?

For me, it's about doing the right thing even when it's the hard thing. It's about helping your child do the right thing, even when it's not easy for them.

Tough love is leaving them in the care of another even when they tell you they don't want to leave your side. It's knowing they, or you, need this time. It's knowing they will be "ok," and may even grow from the experience.

Tough love is holding them in the doctor's office and seeing their face when a shot is administered. It's not easy, but it is needed.

Tough love is knowing when to let your little one cry for a few minutes instead of rushing right in.

Tough love is keeping yourself together when your child is hurt. Tough love is telling them it's okay, even when you know it isn't.

Tough love is simply tough. I don't like it, but then again, I don't like broccoli that much either and I eat it because I know it's good for me.

What's tough for you these days?

7 Comments

Let There Be Light

The great thing about parenthood is that it is never boring.

The bad thing about about parenthood is that it is never boring.

Every age and stage seems to bring an adventure. There is the excitement of first smiles, then coos, first steps, then learning to use the potty, and, around the same time, transitioning from a crib to a toddler bed.

We've recently *conquered* the move to the toddler bed. Have you made this move yet?

Like most transitions, we eased into this one with the kiddo. We sprung for the "Dora" bed with its pink frame and Dora and Boots' smiling faces which instantly won her over. I couldn't let go of the crib so easily. So, for days, both beds remained.

After about a week, I realized she had made the transition and it was time I did as well. It was time to take down the crib. Sigh.

Just when I got used to the fact that she was sleeping well in her new bed, I think she decided we needed a new challenge. Ugh.

This week, it's about the light being on. All. Night.

When it comes to little things - like lights being left on - I remind myself, "really, what IS the big deal?"

I've decided it's okay for the light to stay on. It's okay, that is, until I'm off to bed.

Then, I sneak in and switch it off.

There's only one problem with this. The kid has an automatic sensor that seems to sense when the light has been turned off. It doesn't sound its alarm immediately though; it waits until I have just settled in and fallen asleep myself. Grrr...

Next up, there's the yell from her room. The kind of yell that propels me out of bed and instantaneously into her room.

"What is it?," I sweetly mutter.

"Light," she responds.

The first few times I tried to explain why we don't need lights in the night.

I've tried to provide alternatives (child development experts agree, choices ARE good).

I then give up. After all, it's 3am and I am tired.

The light comes back on. It stays on. I return to bed.

When it comes to our kiddos, sometimes, it's their way and other times it has to be ours.

What battles are worth fighting and what are worth letting go?

Little things - like lights - I often remind myself will pass.

What she needs today, she may not need tomorrow.

So, as for tonight, let there be light, and (please) let us all sleep tight.

1 Comments

Take A Break

Finally; spring has ALMOST sprung. If you've been reading my blog you know that I'm a mid-west girl. This means it's been gray skies and cold winds for the last five-months. Brrr; I'm done.

Other than rambling, I mean writing, one of my favorite past times is traveling.

As a new parent have you taken a trip with your munchkin in tow?

Was it to visit family or a vacation destination?

Did you fly or drive?

Other than your significant other did you take a "back-up grown-up" (i.e. your mom/mother-in-law) to give you a hand?

Decisions, decisions.

If you haven't ventured out yet with baby in tow, do not be afraid! It CAN be done!

Once you've figured out what to pack, it's time to figure out where to go!

Deciding WHERE to go is as an important of a decision as WHAT to bring. Choosing the right destination can make memories that will last for a lifetime. Choosing the wrong destination can also make memories that will last for a lifetime (for all the wrong reasons, LOL!).

Here's some food for thought:

*Choose family-friendly; whether a state or national park look for amenities that will make a trip with a little one a bit easier. Request a room that won't require a hike to get there. Look for family-friendly transportation systems. Request a refrigerator (even the small, college-dorm type) in your room.

*Keep it simple. We traveled to Disney when the kiddo was a toddler. We stayed onsite and visited one park, The Magic Kingdom. We took the mid-day nap break (we all needed it!) and were able to enjoy some of the nighttime activities successfully. One day was enough. The rest of that vacation was spent on the coast with a little more quiet and less excitement than a trip to see "the mouse" often brings.

*Speaking of the coast, consider the reality of the beach with an infant and/or young toddler. For us, when our little one was a wee infant, more time was spent keeping sand out of her mouth than it was just enjoying playing with it. The sun was hot and therefore the long, leisurely afternoons on the beach were nonexistent. In reality the kiddo would have enjoyed splashing in a small plastic pool as much as an afternoon spent by the sea.

Be realistic; you won't be disappointed.

*Maintain balance. Too much of a good thing may turn into a really bad time. Wherever you venture work to keep your kiddo's schedule balanced between eating, sleeping, and, of course, playing.

Have you found the perfect place to venture this spring?

Let me know! I'm always ready to plan our next break.

1 Comments

Time

Have you been reading? If not, check it out. Take the time to make it happen.

Us mamas have to stick together, and we definitely can use some "Momspirational" at times!

Speaking of time, I've decided to get on my soapbox a bit about it.

Time. It seems like such a simple concept. The clock ticks. I look at my calendar. It often tells me where I need to be and what I need to be doing. Sometimes, I just want to chuck my calendar out the window.

Time. As in, I never am on time anymore. Arriving late, I often smile politely and explain that my munchkin doesn't tell time yet. I hate to make HER hurry. Why should her play be cut short by my to-do list? Ah, balancing time.

There aren't many days where our family isn't on the run. I'm a working-outside-the-house mama. The hubby is a working-outside-the-house dad. This means there is less time at home. Less time to just "hang out."

Out of all the things I've rambled about in blogs - setting up a playroom to support the kiddo's development, how to support language development (and have fun!), how to take a "developmentally appropriate shower," and whether to spoil or unspoil baby, I seem to come back to the basics when it comes to supporting growth and development.

Time. It's what our munchkins need most.

The basic element of time. Our children need us. They need less presents and more presence.

Sometimes when work is crazy, the house is a mess, and the to-list seems like it will never be complete, I need to remind myself (and I'm also reminding you) that one day this time will have passed.

There will be no more little fingers or cries for mama to come. Our kids will be out playing with friends, happier to be with their peers than us. There will be times when they are off for their first overnight adventure and we may stay in our bed all night, no need to run in and check on our little one.

Time. Enjoy it now. I think I will go chuck that calendar out the window.

6 Comments

Let's Eat!

I love to eat, but this blog is not about me (well, at least not today - lol). Soon after you become a parent you realize that little is about you anymore.

This can be a good thing - or a bad thing - depending on the moment or day. Whatever the case, food and eating is essential to development, especially that of your baby's.

Think of a day you have gorged out on chocolate, or drank too much coffee, or perhaps skipped a meal or two. Ugh. Chances are, you don't feel your best. The good news is, as an adult, you can make things right. Our babies, however, depend on us.

What can you do? What should you be doing in that first year to optimize baby's development through proper nutrition?

First, know what is appropriate for your baby:

*From birth to approximately four months of age, breast milk and/or an iron-fortified formula is all baby needs. Why? Babies can suck and swallow, but other skills which enable them to ingest solid foods are still developing.

*Between the ages of 4-6 months - just around the same time baby can sit unsupported - babies can begin to explore solids such as rice cereal, applesauce, and other pureed fruits such as bananas. Of course, continue with breastmilk and/or formula.

*Around 6-8 months, baby may begin to use their tiny fingers to pick up their own foods. Most babies can be introduced to new foods (be sure to introduce slowly and one at a time - re: food allergies) such as mashed potatoes, pureed carrots, peaches, and other fruits and vegetables. Continue with breastmilk and/or forumla.

*Feeding is a whole new adventure as baby is 8-12 months old and beginning to eat a variety of foods such as bite-sized pieces of cheese, egg, noodles, peas, etc. And..of course, continue with breastmilk and/or formula.

Remember that during this first year you are setting the stage for life-long nutrition. Avoid sharing sweetened drinks, soda, or other sugary treats with babies.

While mealtime may be all business to you as you are concerned about how much and when baby is eating, remember that this can also be real fun and a time of learning for your kiddo.

Make up silly songs, work on your best airplane sounds (the spoon coming into your baby's mouth is the landing!), and be sure to keep a camera close by (especially as baby starts to self-feed).

Like all aspects of parenthood, some days are easier than others, but the effort in ensuring that your baby is eating right is worth it.

Bon Appetit!

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Are YOU Listening?

I have the best of intentions. Don't we all when it comes to parenting our child?

From discovery day onward, I've tackled parenting like no other job. I'm generally happy to be on call 24/7 and have crammed for every new adventure as if it were a final exam.

There's only one problem with this. I've realized that some times, I've got my agenda figured out, but have overlooked my child's.

There were the swim lessons that sounded like so much fun to me. But how about to my child? I was ready. Was she?

Next up, the transition to childcare and preschool. Of course, I had a plan. In retrospect, I wonder what she thought about this new adventure.

Recently, we've had a series of colds and a bout of the flu (can I say I am SO OVER winter?!). Not one to run out to the doctor for any sneeze or sniffle, a week went by of restless nights and a few days cuddled on the couch surrounded by books and a "Clifford" DVD or two (or three...sometimes, you just got to do whatever it takes!).

At the end of a very long week, my kiddo just wasn't back to being herself. I was tired. Being a working-outside-the-home mama (all mamas work, only locations vary!), I am grateful for the phenomenal early childhood program (wondering how to find one?) that I've found where my child thrives. She loves it. Except for this last Monday. She got up and proclaimed, "No school. I have a cold."

Seriously? A cold?

Yes, I know I sound like one tough mama. Colds may be a bump in the road, but they don't generally stop us around here.

Finally, I called the doctor and begged for the first appointment they could give me.

The kid was trying to tell me something.

That something meant "double ear infection." Ouch. I would have wanted to stay home too.

It's hard to admit to being human. We all want the best for our kiddos. We all want our children to be the best.

I'm learning that sometimes our children tell us exactly what they want and, more importantly, what they need.

Are YOU listening?

1 Comments

Perfect

She's NOT perfect?

Really?

Seriously?

If you're a parent, chances are you can understand where I am coming from.

When she was born, she was so perfect (okay, she was a little beat up from labor and delivery, but she was PERECT to me). In infancy, she ate and she slept. She hit all the developmental milestones as she should.

And now?

And now, late in toddlerhood, her language development - specifically her speech articulation/pronunciation - has been questioned. Maybe she isn't quite perfect after all?

It started with the hubby and I. It started with a few simple observations made about our kiddo compared to her buddies. Oh sure, she has vocabulary. And she does talk up a storm.

The question became, "Can you understand all that she has to say?"

Sometimes, yes. Other times, no.

Then came the conversation with a primary caregiver. In this case, her preschool teacher. She acknowledged our concern. She handed us a recommendation for a speech therapist.

I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't worried. It's a parent's job, right?

On the other hand, if I didn't investigate this further, I wouldn't be doing my job. (And no one said this job was easy!).

I've made the call and have scheduled an assessment. During an assessment, the speech therapist will work with the kiddo to find out where, if anywhere, the munchkin will need more support in ensuring success in her speech.

Have you crossed paths with an "imperfection" with your child? How have you handled it? Are you tackling it head on or putting it off?

As an early childhood educator, I KNOW that early intervention (in other words, the sooner, the better) is the BEST way to support my child in any area that she may need help when it comes to her growth and development.

As a parent, I want to wave a magic wand and have her be as perfect as I hold her in my heart.

What resources are you seeking these days when it comes to your child?

As for me, I'm off to find my magic wand. It can't hurt to take it with me when we see the speech therapist.

4 Comments

Smart

Can you make your child smart? If you're like me, you already know your child is brilliant. BRILLIANT. I knew it the moment I saw her.

Okay, I may be a bit biased.

Have you ever thought about what traits/skills/strengths your child is born with versus those they will learn?

In infancy, babies just seem to learn skills. Most of this growth is evident through physical skills such as grasping, rolling over, sitting independently, pulling up, and eventually taking those first steps.

Cognitively (thinking skills), there is a lot going on too. You can see this in a baby's ability to make eye contact, their smiles in response to interactions, coos and other verbal communications. Then there are those first words.

With toddlers, learning seems to explode. There is walking and talking and a host of other skills that are visible. During this time, it is most easy to see that children can acquire skills based on what they have been taught.

It's impressive to hear a toddler rattle off their ABC's or count to 10. Is this really evidence of being smart or simply a good demonstration of rote memorization (the ability to recall information after sheer repitition)?

When it comes to building a smart kid, I'm thinking it's more about HOW kiddos learn than WHAT they learn.

Think about it. Isn't it more important to know how to solve a problem? Life's questions aren't always solved by facts and figures.

In the high tech age in which we live, information is available. Everywhere. All the time.

What we need to be teaching our children are skills that will enable them to find answers.

How?

Encourage discovery.

Know that there is ALWAYS more than one solution.

Provide ample opportunities to experiment (open ended play vs. play that is focused on one goal).

Celebrate creativity (it's OKAY if your child does things differently/takes a different path).

Sure, it's fun to show off a toddler who can count in Spanish (thanks "Dora!").  But at the end of the day, I'll take a child who can think outside the box and will know the world's answers are much more than facts and figures.

That, to me, is one smart kid.

2 Comments

Four Favorite Toys

I'm growing bored. If you've been reading this blog long enough (thanks!), you know that I'm a mid-westerner. And that means, I've been dealing with being inside, for the most part, for the last couple of months. I'm done. The glamour of the holiday toys has worn off. The question is "What to do, what to do, what to do?!"

Ah, yes, time to change it up.

One thing I've noticed about my kiddo's child care program is that they know how to change things up. Mostly, it's the environment which is changed weekly based on their theme for their curriculum. It's exceptional, yet it is so simple. One week, their dramatic play (pretend play) area is a kitchen, the next a doctor's office. I come back and it's a beauty parlor. By simply rearranging and changing simple tools and props, they fuel new discoveries for my kiddo.

Our playroom is, well, a playroom. It's wall-to-wall toys. If you and your kiddo are also growing tired of cold winter days and/or just need to find some new inspiration to play, consider these four favorite things:

1. Tent, box, or other "enclosed" area (i.e. blanket over a simple card table). Play in this type of area can be as simple as "peek-a-boo" or as complex as sailing the seven seas.

2. Bag of hats, socks, and/or other simple dress-up props (the sports bra was my toddler's favorite and gave me a good laugh too!). Few things bring more joy than simple dress up clothes. Think about items your child can easily manipulate and, of course, will be safe for your child. With a simple bag of clothes, you may find your kiddo will enjoy pulling items on and off. And on. And off.

3. Box of stuff. Sometimes the best inspirations for exploring come from items we least expect. Take a simple shoe box and fill it with a few items: an empty paper towel roll, a couple "real" keys on a key chain (keys you don't care if they get lost!), a few photographs (that you don't mind if they get wrinkled or chewed), a brush with soft bristles, a hand held mirror (preferrably unbreakable), and other items that seem to be of interest to your kiddo. Put them in a box, lid on, and invite your kiddo to discover. Watch where their play goes...Are they interested in exploring textures (sensory)? Will it lead them to participating in dramatic play (i.e. using a paper towel tube to look through like a telescope)? Support and encourage their discoveries.

4. Kitchen stuff. If you're trying to keep your kiddo out of the kitchen cupboards, rethink it. Of course, if you have items which are unsafe, you need child safety latches. BUT, if there are bowls, wooden spoons, pot lids, collanders, the question is "WHY NOT" let them explore these items? They're new, exciting, and they make great music! You may end up running the dishwasher a few more times, but the play these items will engage your kiddo in is well worth it.

What are you playing with these days?

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Birthday Basics

I admit it. I find it hard not to lose control when it comes to the munchkin's birthday celebrations. Every February reminds me of this fact. You see, February is not only a great excuse to celebrate "love" in our household, but also the month in which our kiddo came into my life and rocked my world.

There was her first birthday. It was the year I vowed to keep it simple. I made a cake (Okay, I made two cakes - the first one was homemade and a total trainwreck. The second, thanks to "Betty Crocker," was fine.). The hubby and I took a day off of work. We all went out to lunch. That evening, I made spaghetti and captured the cute photos of more sauce and noodles "on" her than "in" her. We added a low key family party another day.

The second birthday came and we decided to have the family party and add a few neighborhood friends. Twenty-five folks and three hours of chaos - I mean "fun" - later, and I decided it would be a good idea to take the party offsite the next year.

My story goes on with each year providing me a learning lesson (or two or three) about how to successfully plan and pull off a kiddo birthday party.

So what is the best way to celebrate your child?

No matter how many websites you visit or books you read, you're not going to find the right answer. Only you know the right answer, as, only you, knows your child best.

The basics of a birthday celebration need to focus on what works for your child and where they are in their development.

For instance, consider:

*Is your child at their best in the morning, afternoon, or evening? It's nice to be a good host, but the party should work for your child's schedule. Chances are, everyone else can shift their schedule to be part of the celebration.

*Make it as simple or extravagant as works for your kiddo. Is your child shy or do they seem to go with the flow in larger groups? Design your party - and number of invites - on what will work for your little one.

*Don't be afraid to do it differently. This is always the hard one for me. It seems everyone has expectations on how, when, and what should be included in a party. Parties can be as simple as time together and cupcakes. Be okay with what works for your child.

What's your party plan?

For me, I know it will change again next year.

One thing for sure though, I think I'll stick with the basics.

1 Comments

Talk: Often & Much

Want to give your child the world? Some days, this may seem a bit of a challenge. However, as parents, we can definitely give them a leg up. We can help them develop the skills they will need to tackle their dreams.

When I came home with my little girl, I remember sitting for hours - days it seems - nursing and holding her while she slept. There we were, in our favorite rocker all snuggled up. In fact, thanks to the boppy pillow, I found a happy way to nurse and keep writing. Somehow, even on little sleep, I had new inspiration in this adventure called parenthood.

From the earliest days, I was never short on words when talking with the kiddo. I would chat endlessly to my little pumpkin, telling her about every upcoming move, from diapering to the daily weather. I would sing to her often. I find amusement in making up songs about anything and every day things. At six weeks old, I began reading to her and felt really bad because I hadn't done it sooner. She genuinely seemed to love books.

Looking back, I don't know if I did these things out of instinct, my education, or simply from being totally sleep deprived. Regardless of why, thanks to this info., hot off the press, I'm pretty psyched about the good I did in those early days.

Don't have time to read it all? I've got you covered. Here's the basics:
*In the 1960s, Betty Hart was a graduate student in the field of child development. Her task was to help underprivileged children acquire the same langauge skills as those children of college professors. Guess what? Fail. By the time the kiddos were age 4, it was too late to significantly affect their language development.

*The bottom line? The key time to support language development is newborn to age 3 years.

*How? Talk often and much. The quality of the speech (i.e. you may not use all the correct grammar) doesn't matter as much as quantity. Through a more recent study, it was noted that children living in a low income house heard 600 words per hour, while those kiddos living in the homes of professionals heard over 2,000 words per hour. All this adds up to the fact that, by the age of 4, children of professional parents had heard on average 48 million words addressed to them while children in poor welfare families had heard only 13 million. No wonder kiddos whose parents are professionals have a leg up!

*Also important to this study: words from the television are not the same as words spoken by you. TV time doesn't count in quality or quantity.

Isn't it amazing how much the seemingly little things can impact our kiddos' development? The little things DO make a difference.

Take the time to *talk* with your munchkin today.

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Tiger Mother?

Have you heard about this? If you haven't, no worries. Afterall, that is why you are reading this blog!

If you haven't heard about Amy Chua, a Yale Law Professor, here's the scoop.

In addition to being a lawyer, Ms. Chua is also a mother of two. She recently added published author to her resume, releasing a book entitled "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother."

In this book, Ms. Chua shares how she denied playdates and sleepovers to her children. She demanded straight A's. She threw back their handmade greeting cards, expecting better.

And guess what?

Her kids have excelled and performed, including one daughter's piano performance at Carnegie Hall.

She also shares other critiques of Western parenting styles.

Through this book, it has been publicized that Ms. Chua believes Chinese mothers are supieror. As for that last line, I would hate to stereotype any group in their parenting practices. Saying that Chinese mothers are superior parents holds about as much weight as the line "Mothers who wear purple panties are best." Give. Me. A. Break.

So, what does this have to do with child development?

That's an interesting question.

Perhaps the better question is what influence do each of us have in our child's growth and development?  What are they born with?  What should be or are our expectations for our children?

Obviously, Ms. Chua's book has gotten attention as it is extreme and different from many of our points of view.

When it comes to your chid, what are your expectations?

Do you intend on becoming a tiger mother?

Me? Not. In. A. Million. Years.

3 Comments

Feel The Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

Chances are, the love you feel for your child - espeically those first moments you held him/her - is like no other. If today is your first Valentine's Day with your newborn, savor the moment.

It's true; we love our significant other, our family, and our friends. Yet, the love of our munchkin may be somewhat indescribable.

Today's the day to celebrate. Looking for ideas on how to spend the day?

In addition to all the fun and festivities of Valentine's Day (do I hear a cupcake calling my name?!), this day is a good one to recognize and celebrate your infant/toddler's social and emotional development.

One of the amazing (and sometimes bittersweet) adventures about being a parent is watching our kiddo grow. Physically, it's usually easy for us to see development. From baby's first grasps to their first steps, motor skills can be monumental.

Social emotional growth - or the way our little ones understand and express their emotions - may be a bit harder to recognize. It may even be more confusing to understand what is happening.

What does social emotional development look like?

You can see it everyday in:
*Smiles and other facial respones (smiles being our favorites, of course!)

*Coos and other verbal cues (listen to tone, pitch, etc.)

*Physical responses (especially true and most evident during toddlerhood...can you say "tantrum?")

*And, of course, with words once our kiddos acquire language skills

As with many areas of development, some of the best ways to support our munchkin is through example and also by encouraging signs of social emotional interactions.

Sometimes our days become a blur of eat, sleep (hopefully), and diaper/potty time.

Valentine's Day is a great reminder of taking time to settle in and snuggle up.

Take the time to celebrate the positive emotions and special bond that defines family.

Wishing you the warmest of Valentine's Days!

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Synaptic Exuberance

If you want to turn heads, drop the words "synaptic exuberance" the next time you are rambling on about your child's amazing development. I admit it, before January 6 of this year, I hadn't really thought much about this, let alone heard these words. Then, I stumbled across this article.

So, what is it and why is it so exciting that I've decided to blog about it?

Synaptic exuberance, though sounding very complicated (and in actuality is), describes the process of twenty thousand cells connecting every second in your baby's brain.

As we know, in the first few days, weeks, and months, amazing development occurs in our wee ones. We see this through smiles, coos, and monumental physical feats such as grasping objects, sitting independently, crawling, and eventually walking independently. When babies are born, they are born with the cells they need, but the connections are not yet formed. As an infant grows, connections are made through baby's explorations. This is another reason why the earliest years are some of the most important in development. Based on an infant's opportunities, the brain is stimulated and - Ta-Da! - more connections are made!

What can you do to support synaptic exuberance (admit it, it's just fun to say!):

• Support baby's natural curiousity by providing an environment that promotes active exploration.
• Ensure safety, but provide opportunities for baby to be on the floor, etc. 
• Provide opportunities for baby to discover their world through touch, hearing, etc.
• Read to baby - it's a great way to introduce new experiences and support language development.

Synaptic exuberance. Great words (whether you are talking about baby or looking to score big playing "Scrabble").

1 Comments

No Need to Hurry

My due date was February 2. In early January of that year, I just *felt* I was going to go early. I knew it was going to be any day.

Boy, was that feeling wrong. The truth of the matter was that on February 2 I was still at work with no signs of going into labor. At 41 weeks, my OB recommended we begin the induction process. After a night in the hospital, that failed too. I decided to give it a few more days and went home to relax. Finally, at 42 weeks, just 19 minutes shy of Valentine's Day, our little girl came into the world.

Where are you in this journey? If you are expecting and getting nearer to the "finish line," you may feel "done." You may even *think* your baby is done.

These days, women are often provided a choice of delivery date. For a multitude of reasons, women decide that it's time and a baby may be born days, or even weeks, before they are technically full-term. No big deal, right? Not necessarily.

Check out the following link.

Don't have time to read the whole article (if you're about to be a mama or are a new mama, chances are you are short on time!)?

Here's a few high points:

• Preterm birth is one of the reasons the infant mortality rate in the U.S. exceeds that of other developed countries.
• Babies born even a little shy of the 39-week mark may still suffer health trouble, including breathing and feeding problems, says Dr. Scott Berns, pediatrician and senior vice president at the March of Dimes.

• Dr. Berns says "Over 90 percent of women think it's safe to deliver before 39 weeks. Even though technically 'preterm' is considered under 37 weeks, babies aren’t fully developed until 39 weeks."

  If you're in those final weeks of pregnancy, chances are you may be feeling anxious and excited to meet your little one.

  Take it from a mama who has been there; take this time to sleep.

  Research has confirmed it is not only good for you, but it is good for your baby.

4 Comments

Table Please!

Let's be honest, there are some things that you give up when you become a parent. Sure, there are many things you gain too.

One of the things I didn't want to let go of was going out to dinner. Tomorrow is Friday. In fact, in our house, it's a first Friday.

I know some of our buddies with children who are more content eating in these days. This comes from the fact that it is simply easier.

Let's face it, most little munchkins don't stay in one place for more than a few minutes.

If you have an infant, you may still be in luck. You may enjoy a leisurely dinner while a little one naps or, if you're like me, you may find that nursing during dinner works out well for everyone on occassion.

Once children become mobile and grow out of the high chair, it's a different game when it comes to dining out.

I have a toddler and I'm still not giving it up. It's time for a few more tricks in the bag.

Sometimes, being out and about is more about being prepared and proactive for the experience.  Like most things, dining out successfully with a kiddo is about preparing and making the experience developmentally appropriate for them.

How?
Pack snacks. Yes, you are in a restaurant and chances are, they have food. BUT, the question is how long will they take and what will they have? Always think kid-friendly and simple. My favorites: a banana, mandarin oranges, pita bread pieces, or cheese.

Offer new tricks. Keep small, simple (and new to your child) toys and activities in the bag. Be proactive and interactive with your child during the dining experience. Pull out an item or two before boredom begins to set in. Think what is going to engage your child and plan accordingly. Travel sized toys like "Etch-A-Sketch," simple art supplies (think few...afterall, chances are some will be dropping to the floor), a car or two, stickers or band-aids will keep a little one occupied for perhaps the few minutes needed to finish up an evening meal.

Be prepared to order. Dining out with a little one isn't the time for dilly-dallying, especially when it comes to the upfront part of a meal. 

There may not be as much sitting back and relaxing as there was before kids, but the reward of a good meal out is worth it. Enjoy!

3 Comments

No. And I Mean It.

The moment I first held her, I couldn't fathom a day when I would mutter the word "No" to anything she did. 

Then, came toddlerhood.

It wasn't so much that she was doing anything "bad." Most of the time, I was using the word "No!" to simply try and keep her safe. As in "no jumping on (or off) the bed," or "no going near that electrical cord or outlet," or "no putting that into your mouth," and so on.

Quite frankly, I despise the word "no." It's short, to the point, and there's not much friendly about it. To use it so often with someone who I love so much is simply not fun.

If you're the parent of a toddler, chances are you find yourself searching for new strategies to discipline your child. Discipline meaning a way to  support your child in making choices in their expressions and actions which are going to keep them healthy and growing strong.

Do you have more questions than answers when it comes to how and when to discipline your tiny tot?

Most of us do.

When it comes to your developing munchkin, how you discipline and why you discpline should be considered. After all, it's not just that moment that you are impacting. At the same moment you are working to cease one behavior or action, you also may be impacting your kiddo's self image.

What? No, I'm not one of these "everyone should always win" type of mamas (although wouldn't that be nice!). BUT, I do believe that when it comes to young children, the how and why they are corrected should be considered as compared to their development.

In other words:
*Be consistent in how and why you discipline. Saftey issues are always worth correcting and educating.  Other things (i.e. a child making loud, silly sounds) are better off redirected or simply ignored (remember: reward desired behaviors, ignore non-desirable behaviors).

*If you are a two-parent household, remember to support each other's decision, but this doesn't mean that you have to discipline together. Let one person handle it and be done with it (unless they request back-up support).

*Remember, the "punishment" should fit the "crime." For instance, if a child is throwing balls unsafely, the ball goes away. If crayons are being broken in half vs. used for coloring, they simply go away. The goal of discipline is to help your child learn the correct way to do something. It should never be about making a child feel bad about what they have done. After all, it is not the child that is "bad," it is the behavior that is undesirable.

Toddlerhood is tough. Discipling a toddler effectively is even tougher. I admit it, sometimes I feel I get it right, sometimes I don't.

How about you?

What's your approach to discipline?

How do you believe it impacts your child's development?

Let me know. After all, we're all in this together.

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Feeling Fine

Tiny little fingers are amazing and can keep you very busy!  

When it comes to little hands and fingers, first of all, they are the cutest little things (doesn't everything seem cuter when it's smaller?!). Secondly, when it comes to development, it's astonishing what those fingers learn to do over the course of a short amount of time!

From the moment they are born, a newborn's fingers are clenched most of the day. They form the perfect shape for clinging to your fingers. It's a perfect fit and the first steps in developing the fine motor skills which will one day support your child's efforts to write their own name (isn't that a crazy thought!).

As rapidly as infants grow, so do their fine motor skills. Infants begin to reach towards objects.  Finally. Success!  They grab on! In order to promote fine motor development at this age and stage, consider the use of objects which motivate and reward your child for their efforts. Always think safety first (knowing that most things an infant grabs will next go into their mouth!). Consider color (bright colors like red and black) and texture. Of course, one of the things that an infant will enjoy reaching for most is their reflection. A non-breakable mirror is a wonderfully interactive "toy" and a great motivator for reaching and grabbing.

Next up, toddlerhood. Not only are their fingers ready to explore nearly anything and everything, chances are you are now trying to keep up with your munchkin as their legs are also on the go! Keep them in one place (for a couple minutes, at least) with a few items that will also support their fine motor skill development. Again, think safety first (especially if they are still mouthing objects). With that in mind, here are a few of my favorite items for encouraging fine motor development in toddlers:

*Chunky crayons and BIG paper (or if you are brave, washable markers)

*Paper for tearing (be sure make clear boundaries of what paper is appropriate to tear and what is not - i.e. don't hand the Sunday paper over to your toddler if you intend to be able to read it unscathed!)

*Safety scissors and old magazines (especially interesting to older toddlers)

*Stickers (if a younger toddler, help unpeel then allow them to stick; older toddlers can do it all!) and appropriate paper for re-sticking the stickers

*Playdough or clay (ONLY use this if you are SURE your child will not ingest). Add more fun with a few simple tools: rolling pin, cookie cutters, even safety scissors

*Paint brushes to be used with washable, non-toxic paints

*Chunky puzzles

*Small balls (Remember, anything that can fit INSIDE a toilet paper tube should be considered a chokable. Think safety first!).

When it comes to fine motor skill development, it's clear that little hands CAN do great things.

Enjoy the explorations!

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Yogaaaaaahhhh

Yoga. I've been talking about this for a long time. Finally, I'm doing something about it.

Have you considered yoga?

When it comes to optimizing YOUR development, there are a lot of positives to practicing yoga.

Check this out:

Pre-conception: Yoga for fertility has recently been accepted by the Mayo Clinic because of the natural detoxification that takes place on a cellular level when doing yogic poses and breathing. This is important for unlocking the gynecological organs and helping to restore the blood flow to these organs which is essential for fertility. Most of the fertility yoga classes will center on the sacral organs – otherwise known as the ones located in the middle of the body, below the heart and above the hips. The poses and movements are all designed to strengthen core muscles, untangle nerves, release stress to these organs, and restore natural movement and flow. My husband and I "worked"  for over a year to "get in the game." Perhaps if I would have only taken a class or two back then. Sigh.

As a new mama are you struggling to get back into shape? Check out these options. Your best chance at maintaining a fitness routine is building one that includes your kiddo too.

And, what does YOUR development (and this blog) have to do with the development of your child?

Let's face it, our children have a lot better chance of becoming happy and healthy individuals if they are raised by healthy, happy parents. Parenthood is a challenge, but when we make a little time for ourselves, we often feel like giving more time to others.

As for me, I finally did sign up for that yoga class. It's one of those New Year's goals that is taped to the fridge: "Yoga once a week."

It's good for me, and I am finding it is also good for my kid.

What are you practicing these days?

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Fabulous Fingerplays

Who needs toys?! Fingerplays are the PERFECT solution for engaging your munchkin, anytime and practically anywhere.

What is a fingerplay?

Here's a great definition I obtained via "Wise Geek:"

Fingerplay songs are children’s songs that are designed to be accompanied by hand movements that relate to the content. They are used both to entertain children, as well as to educate them. Children can enjoy the music and lyrics of the fingerplay songs, as well as the fun of learning the movements. At the same time they can learn hand-eye coordination, manual dexterity, rhythm, following directions, sequence, and memory, all while focused on the story.

The benefits sound impressive, right?  They are! Fingerplays are a great way to promote language development, while supporting social-emotional growth and developing fine motor skills.

The best part is you most likely know many fingerplays which you can enjoy from the earliest days with your newborn all the way through the preschool years.

Here's a refresher of fingerplays you most likely know (and if you don't, a quick "Google" search is all you need to learn!):

"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

"Itsy Bitsy Spider"

"Where is Thumbkin?"

"Pat-A-Cake, Pat-A-Cake, Baker's Man"

"Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes" (even if your kiddo isn't big enough to sequence these actions on their own, you can point to each body part for them)

"Five Little Pumpkins"

The best part about these simple stories and songs is that they need no equipment, can be done anywhere (think checkout line in the grocery store, waiting room for doctor's visit, too long of a car ride, etc.), and yield great outcomes for your child's development.

Bonus: they are simply fun! Enjoy!

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Honoring Martin Luther King Jr.

The date is January 17, 2011. It's Monday, and it's a national holiday.  Between sleep deprivation, trying to get a shower, and just *trying* to maintain balance as a parent and a person, I often overlook things that are going on in my community, in my world.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

As I've mentioned in a blog written before, when it comes to supporting your child's growth and development, there are many "hats" we wear as parents: chef, maid, psychiatrist, nurse, and teacher. One of my favorites is teacher.

I admit it. I've lost more than a few brain cells during this adventure of parenthood. I first chalked my forgetfulness up to hormones and then being a new mom. I'm now in this adventure a couple of years and I'm running out of excuses. There's been days the milk has ended up in the cupboard and my coffee on the roof of my moving vehicle (oops!).

Needless to say, sometimes I don't feel like the brightest teacher for my child. The beauty of having a child is learning together. Today is an amazing day in history. Need a refresher? We owe it to ourselves to take the time to relearn and then help our child to understand the world around them and the amazing people who have made an impact.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day has substance. It is rich and complex. When it comes to educating your child, keep it simple. Grab a children's story from the local library, download the "I Have A Dream" speech, or simply take a few minutes (I know, sometimes it is difficult - okay, impossible! - to find a few minutes) to think about the impact of this man. Learn together with your child. It's one of the best parts of the ride.

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What's Your Child's Job?

Happy New Year!

Yes, I realize this holiday passed nearly two weeks ago. I run a little late on most things these days. I call it my "kid exemption."

Did you make any resolutions this year? These are still some of my favorites.

What about your child? Did you think about what their goals should be for this year? I look at my little munchkin and know in a year she will have changed dramatically.

What about your little one? Think about it; in one year they may move from cooing to talking, sitting to standing, walking to hopping, etc. It's thoughts like this that reminds us that development is nothing short of amazing.

It's times like these that remind me of what my kiddo's "job" is. I gave her a job description early: "to learn, grow, and have fun." Simple? Actually, her work is pretty complex stuff.

Each day brings new opportunities and new challenges as she learns and acquires new skills. How much support will she need to successfully navigate a new situation? Will she need an introduction via a book or simple explanation?  Will she need to be held, to have her hand held, or to simply know that I am near as she navigates a new task?

When it comes to play, she may need a good model or simply time to explore and experiment. A model may come from a peer (another child) or from me. Play may (should) be guided by more questions than answers.

And, fun? Well, shouldn't all of our jobs be somewhat fun? I used to work for a person who often said, "If you're not having fun, re-evaluate or change direction." What great advice. What a better world it would be if we all enjoyed our "jobs" a bit more. Sometimes, I take parenthood a bit too seriously. Sometimes, it is hard. Sometimes, I am tired.  The same is probably true for my kiddo. It's times like these I remind myself that we need to dance and tickle more and sweat the small stuff less.

Learn. Grow. Fun. It's a tough task, but an awesome job for my child.

What are your expectations for your child in 2011?

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Your Eats, Baby's Likes?

Pregnant? First of all, congrats! What an awesome time (even if you may not always feel so "awesome!").

The moment you find out you are expecting, a multitude of changes seem to happen in life.

Chances are, you are eating a bit differently these days. This may be the result of not being able to tolerate certain smells, textures, etc. Coffee was one of those crazy things I happily stayed away from during pregnancy. Unfortunately, post-pregnancy, my addiction returned. Pineapple and pineapple juice were things I couldn't get enough of. Ironically, my toddler doesn't dig pineapple. At all. I often wonder if what I consumed during pregnancy affected her food preferences as a munchkin.

Of course, it's no secret that optimal nutrition during pregnancy yields optimal development, both in your unborn child and for your newborn, especially if you are breastfeeding. But now research has also confirmed that foods that are ingested during pregnancy may influence a child's preferences for foods long after they are born.

Recently released via Discovery News , here are a few highlights of this research article worth taking note of:

*"Flavors in a mom's diet shape her baby's brain, the study found, and may alter her child's lifelong likes and dislikes for certain foods. The findings could help mothers start as early as possible to turn their children into healthy eaters."

*"Scientists have long known that, for humans and other mammals, what a mother eats influences the flavor of her amniotic fluid and later her breast milk, said Julie Mennella, a biopsychologist at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia. Research has also shown that the flavors babies are exposed to -- both in the womb and in the months after birth -- influence what they later choose to eat."

So, in addition to eating well for baby's current growth and development, know that the choices you are making will have an impact on your child's lifelong tastes for food.

Consider reaching for a few extra carrots and apples these days.

Don't worry though, I won't tell if you need a sweet treat or two (Lord knows I did! LOL!).

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Safe

Look around. When it comes to keeping our kiddos safe, ensuring their physical growth and development, there sure are a lot of contraptions.

If you're like most, you never question cost; you buy and install. You baby proof.

You do anything and everything recommended to keep the munchkin safe and sound.

What about when you fly? As in, fly on an airplane?

Recently I read an article entitled "Babies on board: the airplane safety debate."

If you've flown (or are going to in the near future), you've probably learned that kiddos under the age of 2 years can fly FREE when they sit on a parent's lap.

Although free is always good, is it worth it?

A recommendation sent to the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) in August recommended that, once again, babies/tots under the age of 2 years be REQUIRED to be buckled into a safety seat on airplanes instead of sitting on their parents' laps.

Think about it. Planes travel fast. Things do happen. Over the years, there have been situations in which children who were seated in parents laps were injured or even killed.

I admit it; I hate paying for the extra ticket.

I hate figuring out how to lug the car seat onto the plane, and then get it securely fastened.

Nothing is easy about this process.

Much about parenthood is challenging as well, and the cost of an extra ticket is well worth the investment in keeping my child just a bit more safe.

What about you?

What's your take on this debate?

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New Year, New Growth

Happy New Year! Hasn't time flown? Here we are again!

When it comes to your developing child, the year ahead is sure to be filled with growth and new opportunities for learning!

Where do you start?

As a parent, what will your resolution be in order to best support your child?

Consider...

*Being proactive vs. reactive to your child's needs.

*Being present in your child's life vs. giving more presents (I saw this recently somewhere...what a great - and simple - concept!).

*Don't compare your child to others. Value them, respect and support their development.

*Don't rush time, no matter how challenging it is or how sleep deprived you may be.

*Remember, every parent and every child has their *moments.* It is what makes us human. When you hit a "bump" in the road, go over it and then keep going. Help your child learn to do the same.

*Use your resources and ask for help. You may be the biggest influence in your child's life, but it is okay to let the "village" help raise a happy and healthy child.

*When in question, ask. You are a parent. This doesn't mean you have to know everything, you just have to know where to find the information you need. Pediatricians, early childhood providers, neighbors, friends...reach out when you need. You ARE your child's best advocate.

Happy New Year...enjoy the opportunities ahead!

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What Is Your Kiddo's EI?

Chances are that from the moment you find out you are expecting, you see the world differently. It's not just about you; it's about this little one who is going to rock your world.

You want to give them the world. You want to do everything and anything you can to support their development.

Then, they are born.

And, they are a genius. They are amazing. You watch every move they make and every breath they take (yes, I'm a fan of Sting).

You read them books. You sing them songs. You play with them.

You do everything you can do to make them *smart.*

My question, is what is SMART?

Is it meeting every developmental milestone, perhaps ahead of "schedule?"

Is it how they will perform on a standardized test when they reach grade school?

The more I think about how SMART I want my child to be, the more I think of the value of emotional intelligence (EI: "the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions," also defined as the ability to get along with others).

Think about the people around you and the impact they make through their emotional expressions.

They can make or break a day through their interactions.

So, how do you make an emotionally intelligent child?

Can you make an emotionally intelligent child or are some children simply born able to get along with others more easily?

Some say "yes," while others say "no."

I'm not sure what my vote is.

I do know, teaching our young children to recognize and express their emotions is vital to their health and well-being.

Give them words to describe their feelings ("I understand that you are sad.").

Give them strategies to cope ("When I am mad, I squish this pillow.").

Set an example.

Just think what a nicer world it would be if there were more emotionally intelligent folks around.

Personally, I think it would be a much kinder world.

What's your EI?

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Syrup Spreader

I try to be consistent and fair. Realistic. But...there are times when we all need a little *magic.* This is especially true if you live with a toddler.

Sunday mornings are the best. A little less rushed than the weekday, it's usually the day for pancakes. I've gotten pretty good at making these, even finding creative ways to make them a bit more nutritious (substitute no sugar applesauce for vegetable oil, add smashed bananas or small bits of apple, etc). I then top them off with a variety of fruits, sometimes nuts, creating a silly face where just a pancake once lay. All of this yields one thing, a good breakfast for the kiddo.

It's all good till the syrup is in sight. Syrup. Warm, sugary, syrup. Who wouldn't want to saturate their food in such sugary goodness?!  The battle begins.

The battle? It's the *discussion* of how much and where syrup can and should be placed. It's the negotiation of who is going to squeeze the bottle and for how long.

Last Sunday morning, the syrup had been squeezed. Just when I thought all was done, the kiddo noted that there were pancake bits that had not been drenched.

"All done," my hubby chimed.

The *siren* began to wail.

"All done," my sweetie repeated.

The negotiation began.

Then I remembered.

"The syrup spreader!" The what? Why yes, what the kiddo needed is the syrup spreader.

My statement caught everyone's attention. Most importantly that of the little one.

I opened up the drawer and found a fancy butter knife. It was new and exciting and, most importantly, the kiddo was excited to use this new tool.

"The syrup spreader!" she shouted.

She then used it. Awkwardly, she smeared the syrup. She was content. Thrilled. And, the battle was over.

The hubby looked at me as if I was a genius.

I smirked. I had recently been reminded that a little magic in our lives can often create a positive resolution for all.

Got your syrup spreader? If you have a toddler, you might need one...and pick-up a can of magic spray while you're at it; it also can work wonders.

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Ready? Go!

Are you ready?

Yes, ready for celebrating the holidays with your little one in tow.

Even if you are not celebrating anything specifically, perhaps you're getting ready to visit with family or friends. It's that time of year!

Not sure you're ready to venture off? First time for such an adventure? This blog is for you!

When it comes to making sure you're a prepared parent, the following list is for you.

Simply print and enjoy!

Ready? Go! ENJOY!

What to pack for baby?

Don't forget:

*The essentials: food, diapers (take a few more than you think you'll need...better *safe* than sorry!), changing pad, baby wipes, bib, bottles and/or sippy cup, pacifiers (always have an extra), and an extra outfit.

*The preferences: favorite blanket, soft toy, and a few new *tricks* (this is the new toy or an existing book or toy that hasn't made an appearance in a while).

*The "back-ups": These are the items you probably won't need, but should have "just in case:" fever reducer/pain reliever and an extra shirt for YOU.

*And, after you have all that, you'll also need to ensure you've packed up your patience, a great sense of humor, flexibility, and your perspective about what this time is really about for you and your family.

Cheers!

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Simplify

If you are freaking out this week, here's your (and my) reminder to stop. Simplify.

Tis the holiday season. It's a time of joy, of celebration, and - for some of us - a tremendous time of stress. Perhaps it is the plans of holiday travels or the last minute gifts to buy and wrap, or...or perhaps the stresses of being a new parent and trying to keep all else together? Add it all up and it's a wonder that any of us survive the holiday season.

Parenthood is the best reason to become a leader in your life. After all, you are the advocate for your child.

What do you really want this holiday season?

What memories do you want to create for your child?

There's no better time than now than to step back and really take in what the holiday season is about, and what it isn't.

What will happen if there isn't as many gifts exchanged this year? Will you really remember this the next year?

What will happen if there's soup and sandwiches for dinner vs. turkey and all the fixings?

What will happen if Santa delivers one thoughful present to a child this year vs. every thing that can be found in a local toy shop?

When it comes to you and your new family, health and happiness is what matters.

Let go of the rest.

Be okay with the holidays as a time for peace.

It just might bring you new found joy this season.

Wishing you a happy and peaceful holiday.

Cheers!

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First Fridays & Symphony Sundays

I love traditions. As I've said before, I grew up in a household without many traditions. Don't worry, I still turned out okay, but it has certainly made me embrace traditions now that I am a parent.

The holiday season is a great time to establish traditions. These days, I'm thinking about traditions that will also carry our family well past the holiday hoopla and into the new year.

Why? Although children thrive on routine, they also need new, appropriately introduced experiences. Through new adventures, young children acquire information and continue to learn and grow into their world. I need some new experiences too. Honestly, I can get bored with too much routine. Nurse, sleep, play...nurse, sleep, play...how I spent much of my first year...it was magic, but also challenging.  Welcome to parenthood, I am sure you get it too.

Recently, here are two new changes in our routine I've introduced. So far, so fun.

First Fridays: We eat out once a week. It's what the budget can handle. We save these outings for Friday evenings. It is a fun way to conlude the work week. Most times - okay, every time - we find ourselve at a local eatery where we often see our neighbors and we all order up the same thing every week. (Note: our little one learned to love black beans here...if you haven't tried them with your older infant/young toddler, try them! They are a great source of nutrition and a kid-friendly finger food.) As much as I love this place (and black beans), I also wanted our family to try other ethnic foods and simply someplace new. Welcome to "first Fridays." In our house, that means it is the first Friday of the month and time to venture to someplace new. We've only done this a couple of times, but it's not only made some new conversation, it's introduced our family to new opportunities. 

Next up, symphony Sundays. I try to create a traditional Sunday meal. You know, the kind you heard about that happened long ago, in a land far way, where all the family gathers and enjoys a leisurely Sunday dinner. Now, if you have a little one, you know the word leisurely and meal seldom go together - LOL! As part of my effort in simply enjoying a Sunday dinner, I began to think about things that are important to me, as well as things I want my child to be exposed to. One of these things is music, specifically classical music. Music matters. Not only is it good for the soul, it is good for development.

What are symphony Sundays? Put in a disc of classical music (borrow from the library if your collection is sans classical music), download to the ipod, turn on the music during dinner, and ta-da, a symphony Sunday! It's an easy and developmentally appropriate way to expose your child (and perhaps you) to something new. Enjoy!

I've found that sometimes the smallest new adventures are the best - both for me and my child's growth and development.

Enjoy!

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First Time Visit with the Jolly Ole Elf

Ho, ho, ho! If you celebrate Christmas, tis the season for holiday fun, including - perhaps - your little one's first picture with Santa. First experiences are always exciting. Not just for you, of course, but for your tiny tyke too!

If you've been a parent for more than 24 hours, you've probably learned that even the best plan can come undone. Infants/toddlers/preschoolers - children in general - are unpredictable! Just when you think you have a plan, their plan changes your plan.

What's the best way to approach (and perhaps succeed!) with this year's Santa picture?

First of all, keep your calm. Children are wonderfully intuitive. If you are calm, you have a better chance of them keeping their cool too. Don't fret over the small stuff like the perfect outfit, the munhckin keeping a cute hat on their head, or having to change into outfit B as a result of a kiddo's "mishap" (no further explanation needed).

Secondly, prepare your child. Chances are, if your infant is below 6 months, they may (note: may - MY child definitely did mind!) not mind being held by anyone and everyone, including Mr. Claus himself. This has to do with temperment, but also with their age and stage of development. If you have an older infant or younger toddler, be warned.  Your child may simply be TERRIFIED of Santa. No matter how cute, cuddly, and friendly Santa may be, he is a stranger to your child. In order to prepare your child, you could read a few books in the days before your outing to see Mr. C and/or even do a pre-visit, visit to Santa, just to see him from afar.

Third, do what feels right for your child. Year one, we don't have a Santa picture. I knew the attempt would end badly. Would it be worth it? I decided not. Year two is the picture of my happy munchkin in MY arms, she looking at me while Santa and I smile for the camera. Finally, year 3, there she is, happily on Santa's lap. Don't despair if the picture doesn't go perfectly. Try not to compare when you hear friends or relatives saying how "wonderfully happy" their child was to see Santa.

Ho, ho, ho...and good luck!

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Kid Creations...Take 3

No pressure. Are you worrying about what your little one will get for the special folks in their life this holiday season?

No, not what YOU will get those folks.  What YOUR munchkin will create for them.

No need to press the panic button. Here are a few developmentally appropriate (meaning your kiddo CAN do this and - bonus - there's benefits for their development too!) holiday making ideas:

*Little painted fingers and toes are always a homerun when it comes to creating a memorable gift. Remember to use non-toxic, washable paints. Canvas boards come in all sizes and shapes. Put your little one to work and have them a create one-of-a kind piece of artwork. Don't forget to capture your artist in process!

*There's always ornaments.

*This year, I've discovered clay. The real stuff is the best (vs. a self-hardening clay you may find at a local craft shop). I recently worked with a ceramics instructor to make some wonderful holiday ornaments and adorable snowpeople (well, they "kinda" looked like snowpeople).  The best part about my experience is that it was my child's work. Smushing clay, then poking it with a variety of items to create textures, and then finally using cookie cutters to produce some simple creations (okay, I helped with the cookie cutter pressing part).  Once we finished with this part, the clay was fired in a kiln. We then returned approximately a week later to glaze (fancy word for using a special type of paint). Then, they were fired again.  Ta-da! They are done and very cool. If you live in an area accessible to an art studio/school, you may find classes for families with young children. Note: In order for children to safely handle clay, they MUST not put their fingers (with clay dust) in their mouth.

*Notecards. This is one of my favorites. Use large (i.e. 5 x 8), blank index cards. Fold into a notecard. Paint (marble painting was my kiddo's favorite method). Let dry. Gather 3-5 cards together and tie with a ribbon.  Jazz up your creations with a customized label printed on the back of each card. For instance, your label may say "Created with Love - Ella, Age 2." They are sure to be notecards the grandparents will want to use!

*If you're little one is, well, just too little for any of the above, consider *helping them* create a photo album or calendar which celebrates the special people and moments in their life.

Please pass along any other holiday gift-giving ideas!

Happy creating! 

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Children Learn What They Live

I love my refrigerator. No, not just because it is usually stocked with goodies, but because of the reminders I find on the outside of it. When it comes to being a parent, there are times I need reminders anywhere and everywhere. Including, the fridge!

The poem below is one of my absolute favorites. So true. So simple. Such fact. Perhaps it's one you'll want to add to your fridge too!

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte

If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance,
They learn to love.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children live with honesty,
They learn truthfulness.
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness,
They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972/1975 by Dorothy Law Nolte
Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. This is the short version of the author's poem.

 

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Best Toddler Buys

If you are a parent of a toddler, there is SO much fun ahead. Oh yes, I LOVED every minute (okay, MOST every minute) of being a parent to my baby, but toddlerhood is just TOO much fun. They are walkers, talkers, and explorers. Everything seems new, and even the littlest of things can bring them the greatest joys. Onward with the holiday season!

Now, before you (and me) get too crazy, do keep this in perspective. TOO much holiday fun may simply equal TOO much for your little one. Although it's an exciting time, work to maintain some routine and keep things in moderation (that includes toy buying!).

So, what are some best buys for your toddler?

*Think dramatic: Oh yes ,if you have a toddler in your life, you may already have plenty of drama (LOL!), but I'm talking dramatic play. Toddlers engage in dramatic play as a means to understand and learn about the world around them. This may be the year to invest in the kitchen playset or other types of dramatic play toys.

*Get active: I wish I could bottle their energy. To keep your little one safely engaged in active play, invest in good quality balls (think different sizes, textures, colors), push and pull toys, ride on toys, and even a kid-friendly trampoline.

*Promote creative expressions: It may mean a little mess, but the value of immersing your toddler into artistic endeavors is worth the cost of every paper towel (or roll of paper towels!). Washable and non-toxic tempera paints and markers, chunky paintbrushes, and crayons may provide a perfect start for your budding artist to express themself. Think big paper (no coloring books as young children are still developing the fine motor skills to successfully tackle such endeavors).

*Music! Don't forget the music. Chances are you have quite the mover and groover in your household. Want to add some kid-friendly tunes to your CD collection? Check out these tunes. Also, small keyboards and simple percussion instruments (egg shakers, drums, etc.) may be good investments, enabling your child to grow musically through the years.

Simple puzzles may also be a good investment and certainly support cognitive (thinking skills) growth and fine motor skills.

Be sure to let me know how your shopping is going and the best finds YOU'VE found for your toddler this year.

Cheers!

2 Comments

Best Buys for Baby

Did you head out the day after Thanksgiving for some shopping? Perhaps online shopping is the way to go, especially if you have a new little bundle of joy in your life this holiday season.

Whatever you celebrate this time of year, chances are that some gift-giving may be in your near future. And, even if not, you may just be inspired to shop for the baby in your life. Yes, it's true, they really don't need most of the gizmos and flashy toys out there on the market. When it comes to helping your child develop, the simple things - singing, reading, gentle touch, and optimal nutrition - are the way to go.

With all that said, I still like to shop. I loved to shop for my baby. If you're heading out or logging on, here's a few ideas when it comes to best buys for baby:

*Stacker sets: These are items like stackable cups or blocks. When you are making your purchase, think bright colors, easy to grasp, and texturized. You may even find stacker sets with pictures of animals, or with letters or numbers.

*Pull/push along toys: If baby is on the go (or will soon be), consider toys that will delight them for their efforts.

*Music: Although you may sing your day away with baby, all of us could use some new tunes in our lives now and then. From the best new kid CD's to a simple, kid-friendly (meaning durable!) keyboard or other musical instruments (egg shakers!), your infant may enjoy a multitude of musical discoveries.

*Books: Oh, yes, books! Board books are best for babies. After all, at this age and stage, many items may still be going in their mouths first. When it comes to books, you may find baby's favorites are filled with pictures of other babies, animals, and also include textures and/or various patterns. Creative? Create your own photo book for baby. This can be simply done by purchasing an inexpensive photo album or by visiting a local office supply store who may be able to recommend the best way to bind a book for baby.

*Soft toy (be sure it is washable!): Even babies engage in dramatic (pretend) play. A small plush toy (such as a dog, cat, or other animal/item preference your little one may show) may become a welcomed familiar friend.

Still looking for ideas? Check out Amazon's list of bestselling toys and books.

Happy shopping this holiday season, and let me know what you find! I need all the help I can get.

P.S. For all you parents of toddlers, come back on Thursday; the next blog is for you!

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Thankful

Child development. It is obviously a passion for me. I've been writing about it for more than a year . Every time I sit down at my computer, more thoughts come rolling in.

The process of watching children grow and change is simply amazing.

Think about it.

Look at your child.

THEY are amazing.

Inspiring.

Miraculous.

Mysterious.

Breath-taking.

Parenthood has its challenges. Oh yes.  Lack of sleep, sickness, tantrums, etc. - just to name a few of the "bumps" in the road.

However, one look at our child's smile and we're forever thankful for the opportunity.

As parents, we have the most amazing jobs; we have been given the most awesome of gifts.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. The day may start as all others do (in our household, that means waaaayyyy too early! LOL!), but I'll be thankful nonetheless.

What about you? What are you thankful for this holiday season?

P.S. Thanks to each of you who takes time to read this blog! It's an absolute pleasure to share this journey with each of YOU!

6 Comments

Bag of Tricks

Halloween is long gone and so are my sweet treats. As we launch into Thanksgiving week, I'm packing a whole new bag, a bag of tricks.

Oh, yes, don't forget the diaper bag, an extra change of clothes, bottles/food, back-up bink, favorite blanket...but this holiday season, consider also packing up a bag of tricks.

Bag of tricks? Oh yes, the bag of tricks. This is especially vital if you are off on any length of car/plane/train travel and have a toddler in tow.

In addition to their favorite toy, the bag of tricks may guarantee your survival. This is the bag to have handy when the going gets "a bit challenging." You know, when boredom is setting in and you've not quite arrived.

Your bag doesn't have to be big, and the items don't have to be new.

Here's a few things I'm packing up this time of year:

*Stickers and a few pieces of paper.

*New book (or two). An alternative for a new book is a few favorite books that have been packed away over the last few weeks...ta-da, they are back and *new!*

*Band-aids. Not just for boo-boos, a box of band-aids can provide great entertainment to a toddler. Try it.

*Coins. Be warned: COINS ARE A CHOKABLE. However, with that said, sitting on a plane working with your munchkin one on one, you might find they are mezermized by the different sizes, pictures, etc. Coins were my saving grace one plane ride when the kiddo decided to reject the nap. We sorted, counted, and then arranged from large to small and small to large. Again, use ONLY with supervision.

*A few small toys (non-chokable - remember: anything that can fit on the inside of a paper towel tube IS a chokable). A good place to find a few new items may be the aisle of your local party store or dollar store. Think non-traditional, unconventional, but always think safety first.

*Finally, food is always a good final option. Something special, like a small box of animal crackers, may just get you 15 minutes more down the road.

Happy & safe travels this holiday!

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Spoil or Unspoil?

When it comes to the littlest of babies, I believe you can't spoil them. I truly believe that. What about you? Shouldn't a baby who cries be picked up? One who is hungry, fed? And every wet diaper changed when possible? In addition to taking optimal care of baby, what about spoiling them emotionally? Holding them? Kissing them?

As I have watched my munchkin and the kiddos around her grow, I've begun thinking about spoiling again. Recently, this book caught my attention. Unspoil? I never had thought much about it. Is there a need to unspoil?

I haven't read the book yet. I'll save the review for a blog of another day. The reviews are stellar. Perhaps it is one for all of us to add to our list this holiday season or at least call the local library and check out as food for thought.

As a parent, we all want to give our child the world.

I admit it, I never thought the playroom would be so full. How can one child possibly *need* all this stuff?

What is spoiling? As I think about it further, I can definitely think of a few spoiled children. Mine included. She's got the world and I want to give her more. I think the trick is to help her keep perspective. It's about teaching her the value of what she has. It's about teaching her to be thankful. It's about teaching her that she and every other child in the world deserves to be spoiled. It's teaching her that being spoiled is about much more than all the piles of stuff found in a playroom. It is being spoiled with love and care.

The holiday season is ahead. I'll try to keep my shopping under control, but I intend to spoil my child with love, everyday.

Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we were all so blessed?

9 Comments

Thank You

"Thank You." Yes, I *think* that was it. I think that was the first words my child ever said. Oh, she might have been making "da, da, da" sounds. I DO remember she wasn't saying "ma, ma, ma," no matter how much I tried to get her to say that!

It wasn't quite crystal clear, but it was in context and the tone was just right: "Thank you."

So, when do you expect your baby will be talking back to you?

Are you ready to hear that/those first words?

What should you expect?

Of course, babies have been understanding what we've been telling them for quite some time, and there's plenty of ways you can work to help them develop their expressive language skills.

Here are a couple of other ways to support baby's language development:

*Create a language rich environment. For me, this meant not only lots of talking (to baby) and reading and singing, but also surrounding my little one with pictures that would create further conversation. Sometimes they were pictures of family, other times, pictures of objects from magazines which I thought she might enjoy.

*Write a book. You don't have to be a published author to create something your baby or young toddler will enjoy. One of my favorite books I created was for the holidays the first year my baby was born. Using a photo album type book and lot of misc. pictures, I created an A-B-C book, noting a word for each picture of my kiddo (i.e. A is for Adorable).

*Stop & Listen. Respond. Have you ever listened to the sounds all around? From trains to planes to the ring of a phone, there literally is sound all around. Take the time to take notice and share in the listening of sounds. Imitate sounds with baby. Although it may sound silly, making sounds will help baby create the words he/she is looking for to describe their world.

Happy talking!

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Capturing Development - Part 2

I thought those early days after I brought my baby home from the hospital would last forever. The days were simple, but long. There was lots of nursing and visitors and little sleep. I didn't mind. It seemed surreal.

I watched my baby grow and thought she'd never move into a size 6m or 18m. Those folks who bought me 2Ts were crazy, I thought! She'd never be that big!

Um, welcome to 2Ts. Where has time gone?

Now that time LITERALLY seems to be flying, I cling to ways to capture her development.

Lately, at the end of every day, I've begun asking her the question: "What was your favorite thing about today?"

Sometimes the answer is short. Sometimes the answer is silly. All the answers I treasure.

One night I came across an empty folder. I added a few pieces of paper, and on the outside of the folder I wrote "Favorite Things." I gave her some stickers and the markers (washable, of course!) and let her decorate away. Now, it was hers. Her favorite things.

It has been about a month now, and the favorite things folder has been a great addition to our nighttime routine. In addition to her words, I've begun writing just a few ramblings which might include a special outing of the day and/or something wonderfully funny that she might have said or done.

The simplicity of "Favorite Things" is fast becoming one of my favorite things too.

How are you capturing development these days?

2 Comments

Baby Soft

We brought our kiddo home the day after one of the biggest snow storms of the year. To say it was "cold" was an understatement.

Living in a 160 year old historical house, I often compare our insulation to that of living in a barn. Okay, it's not quite that bad, but it is drafty. You can begin to imagine what the heating bills must run. Before the kiddo, we kept our house a breezy 60-62 degrees (don't worry, we DO turn it up for guests - LOL!).

Bringing home baby, we - of course - wanted to take the very best physical care of our treasure and this would mean cranking up the heat. With costs of a newborn and other misc. expenses (like turning up the heat!), I was SO delighted when I learned from my pediatrician that actually keeping our home cool - NOT cold - but cool, was actually good for my baby.

Holding a baby in your arms, it's obvious to see their skin is much different than yours or mine. Nevermind, that is most often times flawless, it is also less oily than yours or mine.

What else can you do this fall/winter to protect baby's skin?

*Monitor bath time. Although little ones may enjoy a long warm bath, reducing your munchkin's time in the tub may also help to minimize dry skin.

*Moisturize. Usually the thicker the moisturizer, the better. Stay clear of perfumed lotions or potions. Need a recommendation? The best person to ask is your pediatrician.

*Use a humidifier in your baby's room. Use a cool mist - not directly on baby, of course.

*Bundle up - don't forget the mittens to protect baby's hands. Don't let the elements keep you and your munchkin indoors this fall and winter.

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Potty in 5-4-3-2-1!

I love when people leave comments. I know you're out there!

The recent post  had some great feedback. Thanks!

Potty training (or when and how) can leave you with more questions than answers. I can say that because I have been there too.

When helping our child achieve a developmental milestone, I believe in: SIMPLE. CONSISTENT. POSITIVE.

Every kiddo is different, so when it comes to potty training, chances are you are NOT going to find a "one size fits all" plan.

Here are five of my favorite strategies for pottying success:

1. The potty party. If you've got a toddler, chances are they are starting to catch on to the fun a party can be. When you've seen signs your child is ready to begin the pottying process, it may be time to plan a potty party. Here are the basics. Decorate your bathroom for fun (SIMPLE - streamers, a balloon or two). Make the bathroom a fun place to be. Save their favorite books for potty time. Make up potty songs. Cheer on your superstar.  Remember, every effort is a good effort. Celebrate appropriately (i.e. think stickers vs. sweets). This party may go on for days, or even weeks, so let the good times roll!

2. The prize. If your child is motivated by the thought of a new toy/book/puzzle, this may be the right tool to help with potty success. In order to use this method, your child needs to be able to understand an "if/then" reward system ("if you do this, then you get that"). First, talk to your child about going on the potty. Tell them how proud you are of them, that they're growing just right, and it's time they start to pee and poop on the potty. Next, you're off to identify something special they can have for their efforts in using the potty. You must also share that they will be working to EARN this reward. Finally, the prize is selected. It comes home and is placed in a visible spot. Each time your child has success, a small rock (or other similiar item) is placed a small jar. The prize is rewarded when the jar is filled. Be sure to make the goal obtainable within 1-2 days.

3. M&Ms. Yes, I did say "think stickers vs. sweets," but sometimes sweets DO work. I'm not a big fan of giving sweet treats to young children, but I have to admit, sometimes it is a good motivator. If this is your child, you may want to try the M&M method. It's simple. One M&M for each pee success on the potty. Two M&M's for each bowel movement. The reward is given AFTER washing hands, of course!

4. New undies. Not much can make a toddler feel like a big girl or boy than brand new undies. If possible, involve your little one in the selection process. Wash them up and let them wear them with pride. Sometimes, simply feeling proud of their growth and development - oh, and their new underwear - is all it takes for potty success. When training, keep your kiddo in their undies as often as possible (vs. continuing to use diapers and sometimes using undies).  Note: Many children may continue to wear a diaper/pull-up overnight, even after they have mastered using the toilet during the day. This IS okay.

5. Have them help. Going potty is about children learning how to control and take care of their bodies.  Even young toddlers can begin to help with the fastening/unfastening of their diapers. As potty discovery begins, it's appropriate to have the child help with all aspects of caring for their body. For the older toddler and/or preschooler who refuses to use the potty, this MAY be the solution you need. They simply must know that it is no longer mom or dad's job to take care of their poops and pees, but it is also part of THEIR job. The process of having a young child help care for themselves may become a battle of wills. Just keep your cool and use your softest, kindest voice of support. After a few times, and perhaps a few tears, most children will begin to help and even take pride in caring for themselves. Of course, cleaning up from poops and pees will soon grow old and the anticipated outcome will be that the child will choose to eliminate in the toilet vs. their underwear.

Whatever method you choose, keep it positive. Try to remember how you feel when learning a new skill. Like you, your child may feel unsure, scared, and a bit nervous. Going to the potty is BIG stuff!

Although it may take a little time and perhaps a different strategy or two, over time, there will be potty success in your bathroom too.

Good luck!

11 Comments

Happy Birthday Blog

It started here, with the Baby Steps Blog. Craziness to think it has been a year. A year of ramblings about child development. There's so much more to explore, to learn, to continue to develop as a parent, as a person, and to help our children do the same.

Where are you in this process?

Are you *thinking* about jumping into parenthood?

Just found out you're pregnant?

Almost at the "finish line" when it comes to pregnancy?

Perhaps you've just arrived home with your precious cargo in your arms and can barely take your eyes off him/her to read this blog.

Maybe you're seeing your first smiles and hearing those coos.

Is your little one starting to sit independently or pulling up on anything and everything they can get their hands on?

First words?

First steps?

Major tantrums and meltdowns?

Pees in the potty (or perhaps on the floor?!)?

Oh, this journey called parenthood. There's magical and bittersweet moments.

There's sleepless nights and days of wonder and joy as a family.

When it comes to the journey we take with our child, it's all about baby steps. There's so much more ahead.

No matter where you are and where you are hoping to go, this blog let's you know, we're in it together. Sometimes with more questions than answers and sometimes thinking more with our heart than our head, we'll all take one step at a time and keep moving forward to support the happy and healthy growth of our child.

Thanks for reading...happy blog day to all!

4 Comments

Boo

I often described my baby as a little "pumpkin." They are so cute and round, and - for a while - they just sit there and look adorable.

Pumpkins. It's that time of year. Pumpkin time is here. I'm not the biggest fan of Halloween.  Though I have to admit, having a kid in my life has definitely warmed me up to celebrating every holiday.

I've already written plenty about my thoughts about Halloween, so I won't bore you with it again. Okay, maybe I will.

It's a good holiday to take extra care in thinking about how our children acquire new information.

Theorists say there are two primary ways young children make sense of new information:

Assimilation: comparing a new experience to an existing experience.

Accommodation: making way for brand new information.

Think about this as you immerse your munchkin into Halloween fun. Infants and toddlers do not see the world as we do. They have not yet acquired the skills to digest what is real, and what is not.

This is what drives me crazy about taking my kiddo anywhere near spooky settings this time of year. She doesn't get that they are not real. She only looks confused. Afraid.

Yes, there is fun in the season too. The leaves, the pumpkins, and cute costumes I will take. The rest I can do without and hope that this Halloween season you and your kiddo will too.

This season, I can "boo" without.

1 Comments

Independence

Have you thought about your goal for raising your child? Seriously, what is your goal in being a parent?

Yes, I know. Sometimes, our goals are to get a shower and to get some sleep (if we are lucky!). Sometimes it is trying to get our child to eat. Everyone once in a while, I take a step back and think about the bigger picture. I did this a lot when I was pregnant. I couldn't wait to hold that newborn in my arms, but also thought a lot about what I really, really wanted for that child.

There's nothing like parenthood. It's indescribable. People will tell their stories. Yours may be similiar, but it will be different.

When my baby finally came (after one failed induction and at 42 weeks - YAHOO!), I wanted nothing more than to sit, stare, and hold her. We spent many, many hours doing just that. Just her and I (and A LOT of nursing).

Infancy came and with it, I began to see this little person. With smiles and coos, a personality began to shine through. I wanted to hold her, but she began to want to sit, and eventually stand on her own.

Look out! Then, came toddlerhood. She IS an independent little being (and not afraid to tell me ALL about it!). I still want to hold her. She's off and running now so I find magic in sneaking in her room at night and kissing her gently on her forehead as she sleeps.

She is doing all the right things. She is growing and developing as expected.

My goal for parenthood? It has always been to raise a healthy and happy human being. It IS for her to become independent. I believe that should be a core goal for all of us.

How do you balance protecting your child while also giving them the independence and opportunity to develop as a human being? Do you send them to preschool or not? What other external influences (i.e. television) do you allow in their lives, and how will these sources affect your child's development?

The time we have our babies and toddlers can be challenging, but in retrospect, it is also very short and sweet. Soon, they will be running, literally, on their own. Someday we'll watch them go and we'll know we've done our job. We've given them wings. We'll watch them fly.

For now, I'm holding on as tight as I can.

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Come to Your Senses

Fall. I admit it. I'm having *a bit* of trouble warming up to the change of seasons.

I've loved, loved summer. Warm. Sunshine. Did I mention warm?

For those of you who've been reading this blog for some time (thanks!), you know I'm in the midwest. After fall comes the very gray days of winter, 3-4 months of gray to be more specific.

But, back to the topic at hand. It's fall and the weather has been grand! There's still warmth and sunshine.

Have you been out and about with your kiddo? It's the perfect time to explore nature and all the benefits it brings!

Specifically, there's the sights, sounds, and smells of the season.

From the earliest days with your baby, you've probably noticed how much they take in through their senses.

Did you know that a newborn knows the smell of their mother? It's true! Research has shown that even a newborn will recognize their mother's scent over that of another person. This is especially true if a new mama is breastfeeding.

Then, there's the fingers of your baby. First, they're the fist to the mouth, and eventually (by toddlerhood definitely!) they've found some other "not so cute" places to explore (i.e. their nose). They see, touch, and sometimes taste anything and everything.

Sounds? Infants will turn their heads in the direction of familiar voices.

And sight?  It develops over time, but it is definitely a primary way young children acquire new information.

Getting into the great outdoors this season is the perfect opportunity to support your child's sensory explorations.

*Crisp fall leaves are perfect for crunching, scrunching, and smelling. Want to engage your (older) toddler for a few minutes? Provide a pair of child-safe scissors and a bowl of crisp fall leaves. Not afraid of a mess? Add some glue and paper.

*Leaf piles not only make for great pictures, but provide grand discoveries for even the youngest infants.

*A short walk/wobble/stroll provides the perfect outing to look at other fall finds: acorns, pinecones, sticks, etc. Of course, always keep safety in mind (re: anything that can fit inside a toilet paper tube is a potential chokable if a child decides to *taste* the object).

When I'm out and about having fall fun, it does make me realize that the change of seasons isn't *so* bad. Seeing my child grow and learn as a result of what each season brings, only makes each one more beautiful.

What are you exploring these days?

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One Step Forward...Two Steps Back

If you're like me, watching your child master new skills are some of the best moments of parenthood. There's something magical about seeing them grow and develop.

Favorite moments: seeing your infant's first smiles (as a direct result of YOUR interactions), the first time your baby grasps an object purposefully, the moment your child sits on their own, pulls up for the first time, stands independently, takes their first steps.  The list goes on. These physical skills seem to develop naturally as your baby grows in strength and confidence.

What about learned behaviors? In other words, those skills you work on teaching your child. There's the assistance you provide in helping them hold a spoon (and navigate to their mouth), learning to use a toothbrush, using words and language in proper context, and - of course, to use the potty.

All is good in the world when there is progress and growth. All is good when you see your child continue to learn and grow in positive ways.

So, what is one to do when you see a regression in skills that you thought were mastered or nearly mastered?

The first thing to do is "Don't Panic." I know, easier said than done.

When it comes to skill development, sometimes, it really is one step forward, two steps back. This is especially true of skills that are learned behaviors (i.e. potty training) vs. acquired physical skills (i.e. the ability to walk).

When it comes to regression in a physical skill, that IS something to pay close attention to. Is your child stopping a behavior due to a fear? Have they moved on to obtaining a new skill? Is the skill still there or do you see that they are no longer using it? If a physical skill such as walking or other movement suddenly stops, there may be good cause to check in with your pediatrican, just to ensure that your child is developing typically.

When it comes to regression in a learned behavior such a potty training, sometimes the answer to "why" is much more complicated. Sometimes, responsibilities such as toileting are stressful for young children. Regression may be a way of your child saying he/she is feeling overwhelmed or is even trying to take control of the situation. Regression may also be an outcome of schedule or environmental changes (i.e. enrollment into childcare or other organized playgroup program). In these cases, it is sometimes wise to take a step back, think, and try a different direction. It's important to try to identify the source(s) that may be impacting your child's behaviors. Can these be changed? If so, how? If not, how can you work with your child to work through any barriers they may have in succeeding. You may have to think creatively. Consider what motivates your chid.

Sometimes development takes a perfect path. Other times, it seems it is one step forward, two steps back.

What kind of walk is your child's skill development taking these days?

1 Comments

Question Authority

"Question Authority." Have you ever seen that bumper sticker? I don't know what made me think of it the other day, but I've found myself thinking it is good parental advice.

Let's face it; the moment you find out you are going to have a baby, you are flooded with information. There's family, friends, even strangers (i.e. the cashier who just can't restrain herself from giving you advice), then doctors and nurses, and so on. Sometimes, it seems that everyone has different information. Everyone seems to know what is "best."

In times like these, I remind you to question authority. It's time to stand back.  Sometimes, it's time to stand up.

Raising a child is not easy. As your child grows, you're sure to be faced with a variety of situations that you may be unsure of how to navigate through. What is right? What is best?

Although there is A LOT of good information (www.planningfamily.com/), there can be varying opinions. It's times like these you need to be ready. You need to be strong. You need to be confident.

When it comes to your child, it is your job to be an advocate. If someone tells you something, feel confident about asking "why" or "how." You can be challenging and still be kind.

If you get information that you are unsure of, do some research. The Internet can be a fabulous resource, as are second opinions from other specialists.

Questioning authority may not always be easy, but I believe when you are working in the best interest of your child and their development, it's ALWAYS the right thing to do.

When it comes to your kiddo, what are you questioning these days?

3 Comments

Gotta Go

How do you know when your child is ready to go? "Go where?," you ask. You know, "GO." As in, go to the bathroom. Specifically, go IN the toilet.

I've been starting to pack. Yes, it's ALMOST time. Time for the annual family adventure known as VACATION. It takes me weeks to get ready. I like to make piles. I like to sort my piles. I like to check and recheck my piles.

One thing I am NOT piling on this time around is diapers (hurray!). We just said good-bye to diapers, yes, even the nighttime ones (although I AM packing the waterproof mattress pad).

All this has made me think about the potty training adventure. Are you ready? Getting ready? There? Here's some great tips: www.planningfamily.com/toddler/development/potty-training-tips/.

For us, it all started when my kiddo was 15 months old. Some thought I was crazy. Okay, MOST thought I was crazy.

It all started the day when she brought me the diaper. Yes, diapers are "wonderful" toys. Not in this case. I somehow figured out (call it mama's intuition) that her current diaper was wet and she wanted changed. My light bulb went on, and I started watching behaviors. I noticed she was interested in the toilet. I went and got a potty seat of her own. She liked it.

One day, when she was about 17 months old, we decided to give it a try. I took off her diaper and...and...and... (isn't the anticipation wonderful?)...SHE WENT! My hubby and I cheered like we had won the big game. She did it all. We were so proud we called Grandma to share the news.

It wasn't all so easy, but she took to this new skill pretty quickly. Saying good-bye to the diapers at night took a bit longer.

Comparing notes with my buddies, it's been a different process for each of our kiddos. One family had a potty party weekend and said good-bye to diapers (both during the day AND at night) within two days. One family is still working on toileting success and finds it especially challenging for their child to have success in public restrooms. Some families are still waiting for their child to give them some cues that they are ready.

Tasks like toileting seem so simple, so easy, but can be anything but. It's big, it's huge, and it's an important milestone in your kiddo's growth and development. Like everything else, remember to take them where they are, help them move forward (at whatever pace works for them and your family), and keep it in perspective. When you gotta go, you gotta go, but it seems nature calls to each of our little ones differently.

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Spooktacular

I like to think that I'm not a "fuddy-duddy." You know, a "stick in the mud." However, I have noticed that since becoming a mama, I'm definitely a bit more - let's say - "passionate." You see, I think it's up to me, well us, to be the advocate for our kiddos. It's up to each of us to help them make sense of the world.  It's up to us to give them the best chance at life, to help them do what they can do and be what they can be. It's quite a challenge, but I'm up for it.

Sometimes, it's big things. Big developmental leaps like helping them to learn to sleep independently (www.planningfamily.com/babies/sleeping/help-my-baby-has-trouble-falling-asleep/), to transition to a toddler bed, or ready to potty train (www.planningfamily.com/toddler/development/potty-training-tips/).

Sometimes, it's littler things. It's watching out for what's appropriate for your child and what's not. Which leads me to this time of year: Halloween.

The other day I trekked into a local party store - sans kiddo. As I enter through the door, I am greeted by a towering, black caped ghoulish figure with blinking red eyes. It's fake, but still gives me the heebie-jeebies. I walk down the aisle and see more of the same. I'm running to get greeting cards (50% off the price of cards makes it worth the naptime trip) and bypass the rest of the Halloween tricks and treats.

As I'm checking out, I see a little munchkin come in the store with their mama. At the sight of the big, bad ghostly looking figure, the kiddo starts to cry. Mama tries to comfort the poor kid, but they continue to cry. Mama switches tactics and begins working on distracting (go, mama, go!). Kid rebounds and off they go for their shopping.

After seeing such interaction, I remind myself to avoid this store with the kiddo. I'm afraid she'll be in therapy for the next 10 years (okay, that may be a bit exaggerated). It was a reminder to me that little minds are learning and growing every day, every minute. They're smart, but there is a lot they don't understand. They live in the here and now. They believe what they see is real.

Halloween can be a spooktacular time for developing new traditions and having a ton of fun. It's also a time to keep in mind what your child is ready for and what they are not.

How are you celebrating this year? How will you handle the ghosts and goblins in your community?

For more ramblings on Halloween, check out:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/halloween-fun-not-fright/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/happy-halloween/

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Mismatch

Toddlers. I love them. Actually, I've loved every stage of "the game," but there's something especially awesome about toddlers. All of a sudden, you really see this little person blossoming. Not only are they rapidly gaining the physical skills to do what they want, when they want (even if you don't want them too!), but they are rapidly acquiring the language skills to communicate (www.planningfamily.com/toddler/development/should-my-toddler-be-speaking-yet/).

Is your toddler showing preferences for toys, foods, and even their clothes?

I love the mismatched toddler. You know, the toddler who decides that the fuzzy pink striped pants will look best with the flowery green shirt and should be topped off by the purple polka dotted rain boots. Ah, perfect!

Do you let them go out of the house this way?

Should you let them go out of the house this way?

Absolutely! The question really is, "why not?"

Let's face it, much of our child's day is dictated by what we believe is best for them. It is dictated sometimes by our needs (as in, "I need to go to work, so you go here...").

We need to empower our children when we can. Raising a toddler can be *trying* at times. They can have strong opinions and are not afraid to tell us how they really feel. Some things  - like safety ("No, I cannot let you stage dive off the kitchen table) are non-negotiable. Others - like mismatched clothes - are a great way to provide your child with the chance to make decisions and express themself.

What is your child wearing these days?

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Evolution

Evolution. No, I'm not talking about dinosaurs or the world being created in seven days. That's a whole different type of blog! I'm talking about evolution, as in how we evolve as people, how our little tykes develop.

Tomorrow's my big day. Yep, I'm turning 38 years old. Holy smokes, sometimes I feel old. Then, I look in the eyes of my little blue-eyed girl.  I see each day through her eyes, and I run around like a fool in the backyard.  I feel pretty darn young.

Have you changed since you became a parent? I SWORE I would be the same. I would keep my independence. I would keep to my fitness routine and *maintain* my girlish good looks. I promised I would only wear sweat pants when I was working out.

Fast-forward. Whoops. Well, I'm working on those things, but times do change.

Let's face it, taking care of a developing child IS a lot of work! It's not just the physical part (the lifting and picking things up - again and again), it's the social and emotional aspects that wear me out too. My heart is her heart, and when she hurts I want to cry (I don't - afterall, I want to raise her to tackle the challenges that are life). At the end of the day, I'm tired. And sometimes, at the beginning of the day, I'm tired too.

This work pays off though. There's no monetary gain (unless you've figured out something I haven't!). The rewards that come with parenthood are indecscribable. From the moment when you meet this tiniest being, and then you know YOU are the one responsible for it. What an honor. What a journey. What a ride!

It's amazing to watch as newborns make their first sounds, then smiles, then coos and giggles. Newborns grow into infants who gain strength and the ability to sit independently. Next, they're pulling up, and then they are off and stumbling around like a drunken sailor. Then, you see them walk, then jump, and then begin to run.

Our children evolve. We evolve. I'm liking my sweat pants. Happy birthday to me.

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The Siren

Those of you who have been reading this blog (thank you!) know that occassionally I get up before the munchkin, getting out for a morning stroll with my two pups. Before the kiddo, my morning stroll was a ritual. It kept me sane. After the kiddo, sleep is a precious commodity. Some things have to give.

During the warm summer days, getting up before daybreak has more incentive. It's warm, and the time before daybreak is simply glorious. As we say good-bye to summer here in the Midwest, I recently managed to get in one more early morning trek.

I was in my glory. I was thinking, "A little lost sleep for this time is worth it." As I was on my way back down the street, I passed the home of some other young folks who happen to have a little guy themselves. Their house was still dark. Then, I heard it. The "siren." You know, that sound that comes from your little one; it starts low and slowly builds into a full-fledged cry. It can be the most startling alarm clock there is. Usually, there is no pushing the snooze button. Or, is there?

We all know how important sleep is for your little one's growth and development:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleeping-like-a-baby/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleep/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/three-in-the-bed/

How do you get your little one back to sleep when that siren sounds a little too early? Here are a few strategies to try. Let me know how it goes and what is working (or not working) for you!

*Keep it quiet and dark. When you hear your little siren, enter quietly and keep the lights off. Can't see what you're doing? Not to worry, your eyes WILL adjust to the darkness. Try it!

*Don't immediately lift your little one up. Try a soothing touch instead. Sometimes what works best is to simply and gently lay your hand on your infant or young toddler's back.

*"Shhhh." I'm a fan of the "shhhh" sound. Why? Well, because it got me a few more minutes sleep from time to time! Don't use words. Sometimes quiet sounds will help soothe, comfort, and hopefully, lull your child back to sleep.

And when all else fails? Well, do what works for your baby. In addition to the above, yes, there were times I nursed, rocked, and even just tried to enjoy a moment of snuggles and smiles with a kiddo who was up WAY before mama was ready to rise and shine. Of course, later that day, you would also find me with another cup of coffee or two! LOL.

P.S. Want one more good reason why it's important to try to get your munchkin enough sleep? Check out this NPR article I recently stumbled across: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129636783.  Interesting "food for thought."

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Fear

Have you experienced those first days with your newborn? (Not yet? Good for you in finding www.planningfamily.com! You're going to be a prepared mama/daddy!).

The day I brought our little girl home was quite sometime ago, but I remember it so vividly. My hubby and I were mesmerized. She was so tiny (okay, she was 9lbs. 4oz., not THAT tiny). We carried her into our home and were on our own. She slept peacefully (well, at least for the first few minutes of arriving home - LOL!). We placed her into her crib. My hubby encouraged me to get some sleep too. We walked out of her room, baby monitor turned to the loudest volume it could go.

A few minutes later, I crept back into her room and curled up on the floor. I wanted to listen to her breathe. I wanted to make sure she was okay. Within a couple of minutes, the hubby peeked into her room too. We had to laugh as we caught each other sneaking around in order to keep an eye on our most precious treasure. We ended up both sitting down on the floor of her room to listen and watch.

There are some things you can control. There are some things you cannot.

Parenthood is one of the first times in my life when I've developed fear about those things that I cannot control.

Over the first few days of having her home, I began to gain confidence that my little girl would be okay. All signs pointed to typical newborn development.

So, what should we REALLY fear as parents? Recently, I came across this article via NPR: www.npr.org/blogs/health/2010/08/30/129531631/5-worries-parents-should-drop-and-5-they-should.

It put in perspective where I spend my time worrying. When it comes to a developing child, there are things you can do (i.e. ensure your car seat is installed properly) and there are things you simply need to let go of.

If you find yourself overwhelmed or consumed by fear, talk to someone. Chances are, you will find that most parents out there are worry warts at one time or another too. I think it's part of the *job description.*

When it comes to your child, what's worrying you?

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Weeds

It’s fall.  I seem to be spending any minute of yard time I get pulling weeds. It's when I do some of my best thinking about parenthood. Weeds: they are everywhere I look. Nothing seems to stop them; not lack of water or pulling them out. They are Olympians. Dam* weeds. They get in the way of my perfect garden.

I’ve decided that keeping my garden weeded can be compared to some of the adventures of raising a child. Just like the garden, there are plenty of weeds in my life that get in the way of my goal of raising a happy, healthy child.

There are the weeds of health problems, those “bumps in the road” (ugh…a sick child) that sometimes get in the way.

There are weeds in family life, relationships that I need to work on and work through in order to make them work in my child’s life. Weeds sometimes seem to pop up in the most inappropriate of places. Although they are trimmed back, they are resilient (most times, kids are too: www.planningfamily.com/blog/resilient/).

Don’t get me wrong. Despite the weeds in parenthood, “flowers” (new skills, words, etc.) usually bloom.

Every day we tend to our garden.  We tend to our lives. Just as our vision each spring is for our outdoor gardens to bloom, so is our vision for our garden of life. The flowers in our garden are comprised of  people and resources – different and beautiful – that help us as parents. Each day we have the opportunity to plant new seeds that will grow, if nourished. Their roots, embedded in the ground, hold these new flowers and enable them to grow strong, despite those pesky weeds.

The garden of parenthood can be beautiful.

I suppose it’s time for another twenty minutes of pulling weeds.

Then again, maybe the weeds aren’t so bad after all. They make us stronger people. They make us stronger parents. What weeds are you battling these days?

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Celebrate

It's the hubby's birthday. Time to celebrate! I admit it.  Since the kiddo came along, it's a bit harder to pull off some of my b-day celebration ideas.

Prior to the munchkin coming into our lives, I was always so good at planning ahead. I'd have the cake ordered and surprise him at work on his special day. The birthday evening might hold a special dinner out, attending a sports event, or even an elaborate surprise party with family and friends.

Now, with a wee little one in our household, most holidays she takes the stage. How can she not? She's cute and everything is exciting and new. It's wonderful to watch every celebration - every day for that matter - through her eyes.

I've written about traditions before (www.planningfamily.com/blog/tradition!/) and the importance of them in our child's life. In our house, birthdays aren't so much about tradition as they are simply a time to stop and celebrate. This year, the celebration may look a little different. I may not get the cake ordered and delivered to his workplace. We may be at home vs. some fancy restaurant. The surprise party may have only gotten planned in my head. Nonetheless, I know it will still be a special day for him. This year when he blows out the candles, she'll be clapping and smiling. I know that is one of the best presents he could get.

As for her, these celebrations let her know that she is part of something special too. She is part of a family, a family who loves and cherishes one another. When it comes to development, feeling that you belong, that you matter, and that you are special is one of the best ways to be confident in your place, in your family, and in your community.

The celebrations may have changed. They may look different, but they are more important than ever.

Bring on the cake! Happy birthday, honey.

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Camp!

Summer. I'm not ready to see it end (and it doesn't officially end until September 21).

I'm not going to let it end. Yet. 

It's time to head out for...one...last...summer...outing. This summer, with a toddler in tow, I decided to give camping a try. Before now, camping seemed a bit too overwhelming of an excursion. Camping with an infant, too much of a challenge for me.  (I know MY limitations, but have to say, I saw several new mamas doing just fine with infants in our camping area.) As for our family, now that we have a walking, talking, and potty-trained machine, we decided to give it a try. The price of camping is definitely right, and if you are a young family looking for a reasonably priced getaway, this may be the answer you are looking for!

Before heading away from home, I gave the campout a test drive in our sunporch. Smooth sailing. Next up, I made reservations at one of our wonderful (i.e. organized kid activities, playground, and flushable toilets) state parks. I packed up everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) and off we went! Two days later, no one was in tears. We survived. We thrived. Now, we are heading back for one last summer weekend of fun.

Why camping? Why not?!

The outdoors is a natural teacher. There's textures (grass, pine cones, sand, etc.), there's sounds (crickets, birds, and nothing at all), and there's the simplicity of life (meaning no TV, cars, and - best yet - no place in particular to be). Yes, it's lots of packing, and - I'll admit - lots of work, but it's worth it.

Time to pack up and head out...

Have you camped with your munchkin? What has the experience taught you and your child?

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Paint

I work in the arts. When I brought my munchkin home, bringing music into her life was a high priority. I didn't think much more about the arts at that time (quite frankly, eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom were at the top of my to-do list). However, after a couple weeks of having her home, I decided to venture into painting. Yes, painting. With real paint (non-toxic, washhable - of course).

Painting with a newborn? Seriously? Absolutely!

The idea for attempting this was an outcome of getting formal (in the studio) pictures taken when she was 10 days old (Note: be sure to get plenty of pictures in those first days! There's nothing quite as beautiful as a newborn, and soon they will lose that newborn look as they quickly blossom into a beautiful baby). As I put the picture into a small frame, I wanted to capture more of this beautiful time. The next thing I knew, I had my hubby helping out as we placed our baby gently on a towel and began applying paint to the bottom of her teeny tiny feet. I then gently placed these little feet on a piece of canvas board. "Ta-da," - it was one of the most beautiful pieces of artwork I had seen.

Around 3-4 months, as her little fingers began to open and she began to explore, I introduced that paint once again. This time, she was propped up and I held a small artist canvas board out in front her. I moved her hand across the paint. She smiled and seemed to enjoy the sensory experience. It was only a few minutes of an activity.  Be sure to have a warm wash cloth ready, and don't freak - as I did - if your munchkin tries to put their hand into their mouth.  After all, a baby's natural way to learn is through sensory exploration via their mouth. The artwork that was the outcome will be treasured forever.

I've continued painting with my kiddo. She's now big enough that she doesn't attempt to eat the paint and is even starting to use a paintbrush.

There are many benefits when it comes to painting with babies. These include providing appropriate sensory explorations and supporting fine motor development. These are great outcomes. Still, my favorite is capturing her development and celebrating it each and every day as I look at it hung on the wall.

Have you tried painting with your munchkin?

Enjoy!

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Repeat

I believe that some things are worth repeating. This is the case with the blog entry I wrote to begin the new year. It was my personal committment to my child. It was my committment to supporting her development.

As a parent, I admit it, sometimes I get lazy. Sometimes, I get in a "funk." Parenting can be hard.

You missed it? Here you go.

Did you read it? Believe it? How are you doing?

Perhaps you don't like links. If not, this is for you:

• Read, sing, and talk with my little one daily. Stop the noise (whether that be the TV, radio, or just miscellaneous distractions found in an ordinary day) and focus, one-on-one, on your little one. Snuggle up and settle down. Enjoy.

 

• Be fit with your child. I know all the excuses because I use them too. Pledge to make time to move and groove with your munchkin. Maybe it's dancing in the living room (think of the triceps you can build while holding a baby and dancing!), or maybe it's a walk in the great outdoors (yes, I know it is cold outside, I live in Cleveland. Bundle up.).  Watch your family's food intake. Think more veggies, less cookies.

 

• Patience. Patience. Patience. Being a parent is hard work. Being an infant or toddler or preschooler is hard work too. Be patient. Kind. Loving. Model the behaviors you want for your child. And, when that doesn't work, take a break or a breath, and then try again. Remember, parenthood is not a race. There is no start and no finish. It is a journey in which some days may be easier than others.

 

• Surround yourself and your child with good people. We don't pick our family, but we do pick our friends, some of them who we call upon like they are family. If you don't like the role models and support in your life, find new models and support. Find individuals who will support your child's healthy growth and development. Surround yourself with people who will give you the support you need as a parent. Find those who will stick with you when the bumps in the road are the biggest.

 

• Make time and take time with your child. It doesn't take an investment of money to raise a healthy and happy child (although, I won't lie to you, certainly money does make some things easier, but that's a blog of a different kind). It does take an investment of your time. Every day in all kinds of ways. From taking care of physical health and well-being, to providing social, emotional, and cognitive experiences, it's up to you to do it for your child.

What else?

Honestly, I don't think much else is needed.

Sometimes, I just need a reminder. The change of season is a good time to recommit to the essentials, to the basics of doing what is best for our children.

How are your New Year's resolutions holding up?

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Need

When I found out I was pregnant, it didn't take me 9 months to develop the "nesting instinct" (you know, that "condition" many pregnant women seem to develop in the late stages of pregnancy as they ready everything for the new arrival). For me, nesting started the day my doctor surprised me with the news (www.planningfamily.com/blog/discovery-day/). I left the doctor's office and my next stop was my nearest department store. Yes, I had purpose. I was picking up pre-natal vitamins (www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/nutrition/essential-vitamins-and-minerals-for-pregnancy/).  It was also a great excuse to start checking out all the things I *thought* I would need for the new arrival.

In retrospect, I'm asking the question, "What do you really need to buy to support your baby's development?"

I'm the first to admit, I *thought* my baby needed everything. Looking back, I think we could have made do with a few simple items:

*A safe place for the baby to sleep (I'm a fan of the bassinet - close to me = easy nursing, but also knowing my baby is safe). The crib could have came later.

*A few sleepers designed for the baby's comfort.

*A baby bathtub (www.planningfamily.com/newborn/newborn-gear/scrub-a-dub-looking-for-an-infant-tub/).

*A car seat (www.planningfamily.com/newborn/newborn-gear/choosing-a-car-seat/).

Sounds pretty simple, eh? Of course, it does (and - most likely, it's never as easy as it sounds). However, supporting your baby's development when they arrive is about ensuring that their needs are met (i.e. if they are crying, being responsive to them) and keeping them safe.

What are you investing in these days?

Looking for a few more tips? Check out: www.planningfamily.com/newborn/bringing-baby-home/the-essentials/.

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Loss

We had just arrived home from having dinner out at a local restaurant. It was a nice ending to a weekend away. I came into the house, ahead of the kiddo and hubby.

Then, I heard a sound that I had never heard. It was a terrible, horrible shriek. It was dreadful. Worst of all, it was coming from MY child.

Immediately, I ran back to the door. I imagined that my child had fallen and a trip to the nearest emergency room would soon follow. I arrived to see my child standing, tears pouring out down her face. The look on her face was dreadful. I could tell her heart was broken. I also saw a yellow balloon - the one that she had just brought home from the restaurant - floating up to the sky.

I looked at my hubby. What to do now?

I did what my heart told me to. I loaded her back up in the car and went back to the restaurant to get another balloon. Sound extreme? Perhaps, I'm a sap, a sucker some might say.

After the drama died down, the hubby asked if this might have been a good moment to teach our little girl about loss. He did have a point, a good one I'll admit.

How and when do you teach your child about loss? Is it when the favorite pacifier disappears? When the stuffed animal or blanket gets left behind? How and will your child understand?

Recently, I wrote this blog: http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/dealing-with-death/. When that balloon floated up to the sky, my child reacted like her best friend had gone. Forever.

I'm not sure she gets it, or when she will. I'm thinking that the best way to deal with loss in my child's life - like the death of a balloon - is a gradual process. She's so little, I wasn't ready to see her grieve. Thank goodness that restaurant is only a few miles up the road.

Have you and your child had to deal with loss? How have you and your child coped?

4 Comments

Five Things

It's August!  For some of us, it's time for our kiddo's first independent adventure. Whatever the case - preschool, music, or tumbling class - the first time you take your child to a program designed for them to attend independently, you may find yourself more nervous than they are.  Sometimes, it seems that watching our kiddo take their first steps to independence is like doing it ourselves again.

Are you ready? Is your kiddo ready? After you've got your java and chocolate in hand (at least that is what works for me), also keep in mind these 5 things to help support a successful transition for your child into an independent program:

1. Be prepared to work in partnership with the educator/program facilitator. Yes, this is YOUR child, but now, you are expanding your resources (and your child's opportunities). Do make your expectations clear, but also be willing to listen and then ask questions. Be sure to read program policies, handbooks, philosophy, etc. Remember, your job is to ALWAYS advocate for your child. Speak up when necessary.

2. Develop a routine. I hate routines. Booorrriiingggg! Although we may find them dull, our kiddos thrive on them. Since they don't yet tell time, young children thrive on knowing what is happening in their world. One way for them to feel like they have control and know what is happening is through an established routine. When it comes to saying good-bye in an a new environment, your routine may take some time. You and your child may enjoy reading books or playing together in the classroom environment.

3. Say good-bye. You may hear from others that it is easy and best to simply "sneak out" once you find your child engaged in an activity. NEVER agree to this. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if the one who was closest to you was suddenly gone? Always say good-bye, even if it means tears.

4. Be a cheerleader. The first days (and even weeks) of our first preschool experience, I was not excited. Truthfully, some days I didn't want to take my little girl. I wanted to stay home, to cuddle and to play. I wanted to cry when we pulled up and it was time for us to part. These are the things I wanted to do. Instead, I put on my happy face. I sang silly songs about how much fun the day would be. Children need our confidence. They need our support. They ALWAYS need us to be their biggest fans.

5. Re-evaluate. The first day may not be easy. The second may be worse. The first week may be hard. However, as time goes along, you should see you and your child are both thriving. If not, re-evaluate. What is working? What is not? Why? Talk with the educator. Take time to observe your child in the program. Go down a different road if needed. There are many programs available. Find the one that matches the developmental needs and interests of your child best.

P.S. Capture the moment. Don't forget to take pictures and even journal about these moments.

I'm off to get my java and chocolate...big day tomorrow...off to preschool! Where are you headed this week?

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The Story

Everyone has a story.

What story? You don't have a story? No? Don't worry. You soon will. Where and when a baby comes into the world, there is a story.

Recently, a buddy forwarded me this article: www.nytimes.com/2010/07/22/health/22birth.html. It took me down memory lane. Why?

Here's my story from the journal I kept throughout pregnancy (just another way to capture development: www.planningfamily.com/blog/capturing-development/).

Written 2/2007:

"You finally arrived! You are here with me now, sleeping so peacefully on my lap. It is so fun to see you. If I think about it too much, the tears will kick in.  It can be overwhelming at times.

On Monday, 2/12, I finally went into labor on my own. That night, I just didn't feel great and have to say that contractions are really anything but fun! By the morning of the next day, I decided that we needed to head into the hospital. For so long, nothing had progressed. It was so wonderful to hear that I was dilated to 3 cm!

I spent much of the day on monitors and with an epidural (God bless the epidural!). By evening, I was at 6 cm and Potocin was given to continue the labor process. By 9:45pm that evening, I was ready to push. The experience of working to deliver a baby is unbelievable. You really do have put your modesty aside, get to work, and "keep your eye on the prize."

Mark (the hubby) was there with me the whole time and amazing. He would breathe each time I would; he would look like he was pushing just as hard as I was.

After an hour, I heard the words that I hadn't planned on hearing, but somehow I guess I knew were coming. The doctor said "I don't think we are going to be able to deliver her this way." I knew what way she was talking about, a c-section (www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/labor-and-delivery/information-on-c-sections/). I couldn't believe it. I think my exact words were "You've got to be frickin kidding me". Unfortunately she wasn't. Baby's heart rate was up. My temperature was up.

Shortly after 11pm, I was wheeled into the Operating Room and prepped. This is really the hardest part of the story for me. As they prepped me and tested the incision area, I kept saying I could feel their "test." I could feel it, the sharpness of whatever instrument they were about to use. The next thing I knew I was prepped to be put under which meant I wasn't going to be awake during the actually delivery. That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to be awake, to hear her, to see her.

I left a state of consciousness and Mark was left alone. I don't know if I will fully know what happened or what he experienced. I do know that it left him very shaken. I think he was worried about the health and safety of the baby and of me. I know they had to really work to get the baby out. She was stuck in the birth canal area.

It is said that I was awake within 3 minutes of the delivery. I do remember hearing her cry. They did put her with me to ride back to the room. I remember the tears of having her here and I do remember Mark's tears.

It wasn't what I had envisioned, but she had arrived - February 13 (Tuesday) at 11:41pm weighing 9 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches long.  My little girl was here."

And that's my story...the story of becoming a mother.

Fast forward a couple of years and I can honestly say, all has ended well. Though not the birth experience I planned, neither her nor my development was affected. We were (and are) both healthy and well. As for the NY Times article and whether I'd plan another c-section or not, I really don't know. At the end of the day, everyone was/is healthy and happy and that IS all I need.

Do you have a story to share?

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Resilient

When I first brought my baby home, I was delighted she was eating and sleeping (okay, sleeping a little). As my little one grew, so did her personality and my dreams for the little person she was becoming. It was then that I began to think about what trait/skill/characteristic would be of most value to her as she grew into a young lady.  Most experts agree, there's quite a mix of genetics and environmental influences that make us each who we are/who we become.

What is the most important characteristic you want your child to have?

For me, it's the ability to "bounce back," to get up and keep going, to be resilient.

Resiliency. What makes a child resilient? Can you make a child resilient? Let's face it, life gives us all a beating once in awhile (of course, I don't mean this literally). At times, we all have bumps in the road.

In our household, I started thinking about this skill as soon as I saw the munchkin developing skill sets of her own: the first time she tried to pull up (and fell down), those few drunken (tumbling) steps, the first time she skinned her nose after running down the hill. "Are you okay?" I would ask. Then, I moved from the question to the statement, "You ARE okay." It was my way of encouraging her to move on.

Next up came how to tackle her frustration regarding doing things on her own. The question was (and still is) "when to intervene and when to let her work through it."

Today, it was the full fledged meltdown over a miscommunication of what way she wanted to come home (we have two routes and, not mattering to us, we allow the munchkin to decide each day). Oops, today we chose wrong. She wanted to go back. She wanted us to do it again. It wasn't happening. It took a bit (okay, ALOT) of patience and quiet words to her, but she managed to get herself together and move on. We ended with a terrific family night playing outside under the setting summer sun.

Just like the first blog entry I wrote, it's all about baby steps (www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/). I hope by navigating life as we have so far, we're on our way to helping the kiddo grow into a resilient child (and person).

What skill or characteristic are you working on developing with your little one these days?

22 Comments

Sunscream

"SunSCREAM?" Yes, "sunscream." These days, that is the munchkin's word for it. Hearing her little voice trying to get out all these new words brings a smile to my face.

I'm beginning to think "sunSCREAM" is a much more appropriate word for it than sunSCREEN.

Why?  Well, let me count the ways.

First of all, there's the three times when after I've applied ("liberally," as the bottle instructed) it, and she has - within seconds - then rubbed her eyes. What follows is tears, lots of whining, and a mama who feels terrible that the suncreen has wound up hurting her vs. protecting her.

Secondly, there's all the new information I've come to learn about sunscreen. Check this out: www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/. It's a wonderfully, reliable source that's opened up my eyes to all the products out there on the market. One of the best resources of the site is found here: www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/best-beach-sport-sunscreens/.

When it comes to child development, number one on my list is keeping the kiddo safe and healthy. Before finding this info (shared by a good buddy), I admit that when it came to buying sunscreens, I looked for namebrands and words such as "pediatrician recommended." Now, I'm looking for so much more. Finding some of the information on this site did make me want to scream.

Oh, and I know - it's August. Yes, for some of us, the summer sun is going to be retiring sooner than later. However, a good resource is always worth sharing. What sunscreen or other tips are you using to keep your infant and toddler from getting too much of the summer sun these days? Any and all advice is appreciated!

P.S. Remember, most sunscreen products are NOT recommended for use on infants under the age of 6 months. Questions/comments/concerns regarding how to protect your baby from the sun are best directed to your pediatrician.

1 Comments

Play the Game

I don't know about you, but weekday mornings are the hardest (or should I say "the most challenging") part of our day in our household. We're up a good three hours before we head out anywhere. Still, it doesn't seem there's enough time. With the munchkin (now a toddler), there's her one "movie" (meaning one mama-approved DVD show (i.e. "Dora" episode) = mama gets her shower and gets dressed), breakfast (also known as reading time and dancing time), followed by a few minutes of playtime in the playroom, and finally, the tasks of getting dressed, teeth brushed and hair combed. After all that, it's simply a matter of trying to make sure all else is together to take on the day successfully.

If you've been reading this blog for any period of time, you know I enjoy this journey called parenthood www.planningfamily.com/blog/magic-in-the-mundane/). I'm not going to lie to you either. Sometimes, I too have my moments (www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/).

Recently, I had one of those mornings. We were running late. Again (thank goodness for understanding employers). I was growing more and more frustrated by the second. Usually, I am as patient as a Saint. Usually. I began ordering that socks were put on. I began ordering that teeth were brushed. I began ordering that the munchkin get her shoes.  That day, I forgot how to "play the game."  It was a harsh reminder that none of us enjoy being micro-managed.

What "game"?

Isn't it lovely when your boss or spouse/significant other comes in and says "Do this." Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if they asked  "Would you like to do this?" instead? Or perhaps even better: "Would you like to do this OR this?" Ah, the magic of choices. The magic of empowering another. The magic of playing "the game."

If you have a toddler, chances are there are times when you too need to find a different way to get from point A to point B. The toddler times are the first times munchkins begin exerting their independence. Though this may often drive us a little nutty, I remind myself (and you) that this is exciting growth and development. This is what should be happening - the munchkin is learning to think for themself. What magic!

What's working for you? What games are you playing these days?

2 Comments

Read

The moment I found out I was going to have a baby, I began the search to find every bit of information about the journey ahead. Yes, I do have a degree in child development, but, like anything, it's different when it is your baby and I "suffered" from pregnancy amnesia (forgetting the most basic of things - pregnancy hormones are a great excuse). The internet is so amazing...there's so much out there - so much good stuff like www.planningfamily.com/newborn/.

There are times though, that I didn't have the energy to move myself across the room to boot up the computer and/or just didn't have the enthusiasm to search for the specifics on one topic or another. It's at these times, I was happy to have a few books nearby to keep me company, especially during those nights of insomnia when I was either uncomfortable during those late days of pregnancy or my mind was just running with thoughts about the days ahead. Looking for a few good books?

Here's the top 5 best-selling baby books out there right now. Not sure if you want to invest? Don't! Give your library a call (free = more cash for other things you might need) and most will be happy to do the legwork for you, pull them off the shelf and have them ready for pick-up when you are ready to get them. Then, pick your favorite and add it to your shower wish list.

Here they are:

Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Sleep Longer by Harvery Karp

On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth

Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year by Denise Fields and Ari Brown

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears

P.S. It's obvious sleep is/can be a big issue when is comes to having a munchkin in the household.  For more on sleep (as in,  "how to get some") check out the following blogs:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleeping-like-a-baby/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleep/

2 Comments

Whatever Works

I'm a working mama ("outside the household" - www.planningfamily.com/blog/kate-gosselin/). It isn't always easy to keep balance in our lives, but when all is right in the world, you'll find me out and about in the neighborhood at 6:45am with the stroller and my two labs on a leash.

With two 55 pound dogs and one jogger stroller, I'm quite the sight. Most folks know me. Those who don't, smile and says things like "Now that's multi-tasking!" I just smirk and attempt to keep moving foward. During this time, the munchkin eats a good breakfast and we ramble on about the day ahead. I love this time. It's quiet in the neighborhood, I get some exercise and, even when it isn't easy trying to get everyone to move forward at the same time, it works for me.

Sometimes in parenthood, we have to think outside the box. We have to do things that are a bit unconventional. We have to do what works for our child, for our family.  I was reminded of this during my "parade" through the neighborhood the other morning.

As I was out on my morning trek, I came across another family. It was just before 7am. They weren't walking. Instead, they were in their yard, hose on, toddler in bedclothes, and frolicking in the water. When they saw me, they said "Yeah, we know...it's a little early for playing in the water." My response: "Whatever works." They smiled and all continued to enjoy the early morning water play.

Have you been there? I certainly have. Sometimes, 7am is mid-day. Sometimes, you've read books, ate breakfast, and are dressed. What to do? As this family did, you find what works for your child. Even if it means 7am and sprinker fun, you do it. There's nothing wrong with doing things a bit differently, doing things at times that work for your child. That is meeting your child's developmental needs and it's one of the best things you can do to support their development.

Hope you are enjoying some early morning walks or sprinkler fun these summer days!

Cheers-

1 Comments

Three in the Bed

Zzzzzzzzz...Sleep. I've written a lot about it:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleeping-like-a-baby/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleep/

Why?

Why not?

If the kiddo isn't sleeping, chances are, neither are you. Without sleep, no one feels good. It's also essential for development.

In our house, we've been *pretty* lucky. *Most* nights, I can't complain. However, some nights, I feel like I've been running a marathon back and forth from my bed to the munchkin's room. With the baby monitor close by, I hear every sniffle, sneeze, and sigh, and every sound makes me jump up and check on her.

Sometimes, she's simply restless. Sometimes, something else is going on. The worst nights are those when she is coming down with something. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down.

Then, I give in.

I give up.

At this point, it's just about getting some sleep.

Sometimes, this means bringing her in bed with us. Sometimes, it means crawling in bed with her (ah, the comfort of sleeping in a toddler bed).

Wherever it takes place, co-sleeping has gotten us through when needed. For some of my buddies, it's a regular part of their family. Want to learn more? Check out: www.planningfamily.com/babies/sleeping/sleeping-go-it-alone-or-with-your-baby/.

How are you getting through the nights?

6 Comments

Safe & Secure

When it comes to thoughts, opinions, and pet peeves regarding child development, I have no shortage. Perhaps that is why this blog continues...I have plenty to say. When it comes to child development, there are so many directions to go. From a newborn's physical growth, to the magnificient (and, sometimes "challenging") emotional-social development of toddlers, development is nothing short of amazing.

Of course, development can't happen if we don't keep our kiddos safe. Most of us have the best of intentions. However, sometimes we overlook the little things that can optimize development and/or simply ensure our munchkins are safe and have the opportunity to continue to learn and grow as healthy infants and toddlers.

Where am I going? Hang on...

Recently, I've encountered several family members and friends who are fabulous parents. I admire their patience, humor, and their savvy shopping of the best resources for their kiddos. Then, I notice the way their kiddo is buckled into their car seat, and I find my hands automatically in motion, working to correct their oversights. (Note: my hands are set in motion, I try to keep my mouth quiet.) I see it way too often. So many people - even the best and brightest of parents - overlook the simplest details when it comes to keeping their kiddo safe in the car.

Where to start? Here's a great spot: www.planningfamily.com/newborn/safety/infant-car-seat-safety/.

Then, move on to here: www.healthychildren.org/English/safety-prevention/on-the-go/pages/Car-Safety-Seats-Information-for-Families-2010.aspx.

The main problems I see are that the harnesses of the carseat are:

1) NOT snug enough (most are way too loose) and;

2) the harness clip is NOT positioned at mid-chest level.

If kiddos aren't securely fastened in OR the harness is too low or too high, the car seat cannot and will not do its job at protecting our child in case of an accident. It's so simple. It doesn't take anymore time, yet - again and again - I see these beautiful little kiddos improperly positioned in their car seats.

In doubt? Check in your local community (often the police and/or fire department) for someone trained on car seat installation and usage. Take advantage of this (often free) resource. It's one of the easiest and best things you can do for your child's development.

0 Comments

The Big Race

I admit it. I haven't registered for that yoga class yet (www.planningfamily.com/blog/happy-mothers-day/). But today, I took a step in the right direction. I took a step towards caring for myself.

Yes, here I go on my soapbox. Again. Are you taking care of yourself? We all know that it is true and somehow, it seems that it is one of the things we put on the back burner most often - happy parents = happy kiddos. One of the best things we can do to ensure we are able to take care of our children is to also take care of ourselves.

Here I sit. I'm still holding onto a few extra pounds from that pregnancy. Yes, I do read the blog (www.planningfamily.com/blog/health-fitness-and-nutrition/). Sometimes reading is as far as I get. I have such good intentions.

This morning I ran a 5K. Well, I ran most of a 5K. I crossed the finish line and I felt great about my accomplishment. What made me feel even better was the munchin and her daddy at the finish line chanting, "Go, mama, go!"

I am not an avid runner. In fact, I didn't run my first 5K until about a month ago. The only reason why I attempted it was a friend's request in celebration of her birthday. It wasn't so bad.

So many times, I talk to other mamas who are also holding onto a few extra pounds. We're more tired than we ever have been. Our bodies often ache from holding a kiddo in our arms or on our hip (though we wouldn't trade it for the world). It's a hard balancing act. I'm not sure I'll ever get it perfect, but today, I took one step in the right direction. Back to baby steps (www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/) - for my development and my child's.

What are you doing for your development?

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Dealing with Death

I hate writing about the subject of today's blog. Some things about development and life simply suck. I happen to think death is one of them.

When the munchkin was 2 1/2 years old, our kitty Stimpy died. Stimpy was one of my first babies, back from my days in college. She was the cat found by my then boyfriend (now, hubby) . She lived with me in college. She was with us when we bought our first house. She was with us when we brought our little girl home. I know she lived a long life and I was grateful for it. She was a good kitty. It was terribly difficult to watch her wither away and I knew she was going to die.

My toddler also recognized that something was wrong. I tried to keep my head and remember to use developmentally appropriate words, using language she would understand. I tried to be honest. I went looking for children's books about pets and dying (I'll list a few below). I tried not to cry in front of her.

Stimpy passed away during the day. My husband and I had a few minutes of private grieving before we went to pick up the kiddo from the sitter. When we all got home, we didn't say anything about Stimpy. Two days passed and then the kiddo spoke "Stimpy went to kitty heaven." She understood that Stimpy was gone. Nearly 6 months later, she still talks about Stimpy. She still sings to her on occasion.

Have you had to deal with death since your child came along? What have you done? What haven't you?

Here are a few tips/strategies to keep in mind...unfortunately, all of us encounter loss in our lives:

*Do be honest with your child. It is okay to use the word "died."

*Don't give too many details. Keep it simple. If a child asks questions, give them the answer, but allow them to acquire new information as they need it.

*Do grieve in front of your child, but keep in mind that your child may not understand all of your sadness. Excessive crying and extreme sadness may be too much for a young child to deal with. Ask for the support and private time that you need.

*Use resources - books are wonderful. Here are a few to check out (remember, library rentals are FREE):

"Someone I Loved Died" by Christine Harder Tangvald

"Heaven" by Nicholas Allan

"Liplap's Wish" by Jonathan London

"Hugs on the Wind" by Marsha Diane Arnold and Vernise Elaine Pelzel

2 Comments

Bribery

If you have a toddler in your life, I know you'll understand this rambling.

There is nothing quite as sweet as your infant - from the first minutes you hold them in your arms to their first smiles, coos and the day they have grown so strong they are sitting up on their own. It's all so darn magical.

Don't get me wrong, yes, it was still work. But now, it seems like that was a much simpler time. Why? Well, because now, that infant has grown. That little "pumpkin" who could sit and smile and coo has figured out that they TOO are a little person. They are independent. They can talk. They can walk. Hoo boy. It is a whole other kind of "magic."

Most days, my kiddo is fairly easy going. I'm an over-the-top communicator who tries to prepare her for every step of the day and often it works well. Sometimes though, she has something else on her agenda. Oh yes, most times, I can "go with the flow." I don't mind walking this way instead of that way (though it may take 20 minutes longer) and I don't care if she wears unmatching socks or snow boots in the summer. However, sometimes, there can be no negotiating. These times call for "positive reinforcement."

Positive reinforcement. Doesn't that sound great? Tell those words to your mother-in-law. She'll think you're very smart. The truth of the matter? It's the fancy child development word for "bribery" and it often works.

You see, toddlers DO have a mind of their own and it is up to us parents to get them to use it. However, when we need them to take another path or make another decision, instead of a flat out "no" or "go this way," positive reinforcement is the answer!  It's a win-win for all.

How does it work?

*Find what motivates your child . Right now, key motivations in my kiddo's life include: books, dried banana chips, helping, and - I'll admit it - ice cream.

*Communicate your positive reinforcement tool (i.e. bribe). Example: "Emma, it's time to take a bath." There is no response. Emma's off toddling in another direction. Again.  "Emma, you take a bath, and then we can have a special snack of banana chips." Now you're talking and hopefully Emma's listening.

*Be consistent and stick with it. You can't give in and give out your positive reinforcement if your kiddo hasn't done their part. Yes, you may have a few tears now and then, but they most likely will be short lived and next time around, chances are your munchkin will "get it."

I'm off to buy some more banana chips...what's working for you?

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Epidemic

Epidemic. The word itself just sounds bad. It sounds a lot worse when combined in a sentence involving infants/toddlers/children. As in this recent sentence seen in the news: "Whooping cough is declared an epidemic in California." Missed the news? Here's the story: shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/whooping-cough-is-declared-an-epidemic-in-california-1828859/.

What is the best way to protect your child and others?

It's simple. Follow the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended schedule for vaccinations: www.aap.org/immunization/IZSchedule.html.

I admit, I slightly revised my kiddo's immunization schedule from the AAP's recommendation. Yes, I know there is/was nothing to fear (www.planningfamily.com/babies/health-and-well-being/vaccination-and-autism/), but I AM a mama, it IS my job to worry.

How are you protecting YOUR child? Are you up to date on vaccinations? If not, why? How are you protecting your child?

2 Comments

Clean Your Plate

It's times like these I love www.planningfamily.com/. I need answers and I need them now. You see, feeding my infant was oh so easy (don't get me wrong, breastfeeding, pumping, etc. IS work), but it seemed easier knowing that she was getting the nutrition she needed. Good nutrition = optimal development. With bottles, I could track ounces consumed. Nursing, well, I knew she was getting the valuable nutrients she needed.

Fast forward to our dinner table these days and I am not so sure. Now, she has an opinion. She definitely has preferences and is not afraid to express them. She's not much of a meat eater (I can't blame her, I haven't touched red meat or pork since I was preggo).  Is she getting enough protein? Of course, she loves fruits, but veggies? Depends on the day. Now, she has discovered juice. "Milk or water?," I ask. "Juice," she responds. Oh the fun of doing battle with the "honest" child.

So, what about nutrition for toddlers? Oh, yes, www.planningfamily.com/toddler/nutrition-and-feeding/ to the rescue!

At this point, I know she's not going to waste away. The question becomes when to say "okay" to her being finished vs. trying for just a few more bites.

I remember those days of sitting at my dinner table as a kid (definitely a few years older than my kiddo) and stewing as I was made to finish my milk (which, by this point was warm and often littered with morsels of food I was trying to avoid). I don't want to go down that road again.

What's your philosophy when it comes to eating? Is your child cleaning their plate?

Signing off for now...I have some reading to do!

www.planningfamily.com/toddler/nutrition-and-feeding/guide-to-toddler-nutrition/

1 Comments

Dive In...Splash Around, Part 2

Ah...summer. I've spent the last three evenings at our local pool. Every visit is only thirty minutes to an hour, but it confirms that summer is here. I am trying to soak in every minute of it. It's a bit different this year.

With the munchkin in tow, everything (okay, most things) at the pool is ultra cool and exciting. A walking and talking machine, she's ready for sunscreen (most labels note that sunscreen should not be used for infants under 6 months of age) and she's diggin' the water this year.

Have you splashed about with your child in a pool? The first time we ventured to the pool, things didn't go as I had hoped(www.planningfamily.com/blog/dive-in-splash-around/).

Now, we're back in those swim lessons and I am the parent trying to contain their kiddo's excessive, joyful squeals.

Are you wondering when is the right time for your child to take swim lessons and at what age can they learn to swim? Me too!

I've done a little digging and here's what I've found out:

*As it goes, all children are different and there's no magic answer to when children should begin such programs as "swim" lessons. However, most experts agree, young children (infants as young as 6 months and toddlers) can reap positive benefits by enrollment in such programs. The number one thing most programs aim to teach the youngest children is how to pull themself out of the water by grabbing onto the edge of the pool and climbing out, thus giving children tools to be safe.  Programs also provide positive and fun ways for children to become comfortable in the water (i.e. using the familiar children's rhyme "Humpty Dumpty" to encourage a child to leap into your arms while you are standing in the water).

*If your child isn't lovin' swim class, it may be best to not push them.  Realize they do not have to acquire the skills today, but - like everything else - learning to enjoy the water may be a slow process. Baby steps (www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/). And, if after some time (and a lot of patience) your child is still not enjoying the experience of being in the water, it may be time to give it a break and try again at a later time.

*Most children learn to swim independently around the same time they will learn to ride a bike. The average age is 5 to 6 years. However, children can be proficient swimmers as young as 3 years.

What's your experience with your kiddo this summer in the water? Any tricks or tips to share?

I'm back off to the pool...time to "dive in and splash around!"

2 Comments

Red, White and BOOM!

Happy 4th of July!

If you are pregnant, THIS is your time. Go to the fireworks this year! Enjoy a late night out under the stars.

If you have an infant or toddler, you may not like my blog this time around. Are you thinking about heading out to the fireworks? Of course, it is your call (you are the parent), but this 4th of July, it may be time to enjoy a quiet evening at home. Yes, really.

Seriously? Yes, I am being completely serious.

I love the 4th of July. It IS the definition of summer fun. There's picnics, family, swimming and, of course, fireworks.  Since the kiddo came along, I haven't seen many fireworks displays.

There's many things you get with parenthood. Sometimes, you may have to temporarily let go of things too, perhaps things you once really enjoyed. You have to learn to be patient. You have to wait for your child to grow into activities and outings that will be appropriate for them. For us, fireworks has been one of those things I've felt she hasn't quite been ready for.

Why am I being such a party pooper?

Well, first of all, my job is to write a blog about child development. My job is to share random ramblings and insights about things that may optimize your munchkin's growth. That is what we all dream of - the happy, healthy child.

So, before you go packing up the blanket and running out of the house with the munchkin in tow this 4th of July, consider a few things:

1) What is your child's reaction to loud sounds? Will the sound of fireworks frighten them? If you're still heading out, plan accordingly - think earplugs (or earmuffs) and also consider a location with some distance between you and the actual launch site of the fireworks. Want to learn more about hearing/hearing issues in young children? Check out: www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/developmental-disabilities/Pages/Hearing-Loss.aspx.

2) Consider your child's sleep schedule. Are they out by 7pm or "rockin' and rollin'" till the wee hours? If early to bed, think about how they may feel being taken from bed in the middle of their night.  How will this disruption in sleep affect them that evening or the next day?

3) Fireworks may be beautiful to you, but scary as hell to your child. Remember, fireworks are a brand new experience.  The world is all new - too much, too soon can simply be overwhelming and frightening.

Of course, there are some kiddos who are so "go with the flow," nothing may phase them and, as a parent, nothing may phase you. It may all be okay. It may all be appropriate for your child. However, if in doubt, consider some summer fun in your own backyard.  For us, there's been a tradition of putting the kiddo to bed and sitting out on our patio listening to the festivities around the neighborhood.

Development and doing what's best for your child is all about timing...here's hoping that you have the time of your life on the 4th!

Cheers and a happy, healthy and safe holiday weekend!

8 Comments

Life Without TV?

Life without television. Can you do it? Our family is. Well, almost. For the last month, we have been a family without cable. We do have a DVD player and free rentals from our local library.

Why?

I've written a few blogs about the impact of television on infant and toddler development:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/the-boob-tube/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/turn-off-the-tv-/

With summertime here, it seemed the perfect time to say good-bye to cable (and hello to a savings of $960/year...how about that to help with some of those expenses related to the munchkin!). I've never been much of a TV fan (the hubby often referred to any TV watching in our household as "Jeannie's naptime"). Then, when the munchkin came along, I only grew to dislike it more. Some friends and family think we are a bit crazy. And, yes, it did take a little pursuading to get the hubby onboard.  He became convinced by my passion on the subject and also when I ran the numbers - sometimes, money does talk.

My dislike of cable TV isn't just about the shows, but also the commercials. There is too much junk on TV that is trying to influence my kid's growing brain. There are enough signs around town and in every store telling her and I what we should buy, eat and will enjoy. She will catch on soon enough.

For now, I like the idea of limiting the exposure to such media sources. Saying goodbye to cable TV was an easy way to make a positive change in our household and in her development.

Concerned about the marketing messages the boob tube will feed your child? If so, you can learn more and join others who lobby to ensure that commercials and other marketing materials are in the best interest of all children. Learn more about the "Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood:" www.commercialexploitation.org/aboutus.htm.

Can you do it? If you've been tuning in, summertime is a great time to turn it off.

Come on...let's go back outside and play.

33 Comments

Inspiration

Sometimes the going gets tough: www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/. When it does, I often turn to my refrigerator. Yeah, I like ice cream a lot, but the other thing that helps me through is a good quote. I've collected quotes since way back when and my favorites are pasted on the refrigerator. I don't read them every day. Sometimes I forget they are there. Until, I need them. Then, I know where to find comfort, advice and inspiration.

Recently, I was in our library sans kiddo. This meant I had five minutes to peruse the stacks all by myself. I often find myself wandering into the parenting books section. There's just so much stuff and even if I never get through a single book from start to finish, I usually take away a few helpful tidbits. Such was my latest find: Everyday Opportunties for Extraordinary Parenting by Bobbi Conner, host of Public Radio's The Parent Journal.

Browsing the contents, I found some new quotes to add to my fridge collection. Thought I would share a few with you, just in case you ever needs some inspiration too. Enjoy!

Love means...spending time and paying attention to children. It means family rituals. Children like structure and they like to have things they can count on happening. - Marion Wright Edelman, founder/president of the Children's Defense Fund

Sometimes we focus so hard on all the things we're supposed to do that we forget to enjoy. And children are only with us for a very short time! - Judy Ford, family therapist and author

You know your child better than anybody else. You are the expert with your child! - Dr. Charlotte Thompson, pediatrician

Some children are extremely difficult. Some children are shy...it's all right to be shy. We don't create a child. In fact the important thing...is to help the child find out who he is..and that is a very exciting and wonderful and thrilling job! - Dr. Jeree Pawl, clinical psychologist

Play is serious work for children and we ought not interrupt it. - Bob Keeshan, TV personality and author

And there's plenty more...if you need more inspiration, check out your local library too!

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Daddy's Day

I didn't forget this time: www.planningfamily.com/blog/happy-mothers-day/. How did you celebrate? Dad's day is a great time to think about the impact of your "hubby/partner-in-crime/significant other" in your munchkin's life. What do they bring to the table? How do or will they shape your kiddo's life?

When we found out we were expecting, there were many things we talked about. One of the discussions that came up was what each of us would call each other and what our little one would call each of us.

I preferred "Mama" or "Mommy." Forget "Mother" - I think it sounds too formal.

"Dad" was the preference of my sweetie. Was is the key word. It was his preference until he met his little girl. I remember sitting in my hospital bed the morning after delivery. I watched him as he towered over the isolet, watching her. Then, he held her. Tears ran down his face. From that day forward, I don't believe there was any sweeter word to him than "Daddy."

I thought I knew him, but then he became a father. He became a "Daddy." His patience extended farther than I ever thought. His compassion ran deeper than I ever knew. His smiles were wider and his laughter louder.

He's my husband and my little girl's daddy. And, he's the best. Happy Daddy's Day 2010.

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Old Shoes

Sixteen years ago I married my beloved. Yes, I am "old," I also married "young".  We waited thirteen years before taking the plunge into this adventure called "parenthood." It was well worth the wait.

Did things change between us with the addition of a munchkin? Have they changed for you? "Yes," and I am guessing "yes." Doesn't everything evolve?

For me, it was one of the scariest parts of becoming parent. What would become of "us?" I needed him to stay in this journey with me. I also knew our daughter needed him. Tag-teaming the responsibilities seems to make it doable, not to mention the positive impact a two-parent family has on a child's development.  Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of friends and family flying "solo," and they are a-okay as are their munchkins.  There is more than one way to raise a happy, healthy, child.

As for us, it's been a long time that we have been together. I hope it will be a long, long time. One way I describe this love is "old shoe love."

When you describe your love as "old shoe love," people might feel sorry for you. Maybe they will think, "they'll never make it." I beg to differ. "Old shoe love" is the best kind of love.

Think about your favorite pair of shoes. They may look a bit worn, but you will never throw them away. They're comfortable. They fit perfectly. You love to wear them.

Perhaps you clean them up on occasion, maybe even buy a new pair of shoestrings. They shine again and for a few days, maybe even months, they're just like new.

As time goes on, and as you go through your days, they may get splashed by mud. They may get grass stains. Some stains never fade. They may never be brand new again, but you love your shoes anyway.

They may not be perfect anymore, but they are the perfect fit.

Yes, my love - old shoe love (yes, this post is for you "Toastmaster" - Happy Anniversary) is the best kind of love there is.
 

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Stand Up

A couple weeks ago I had one of those proud mama moments. We were hosting one of our "International Supper Club for Kids Nights" (Italy - YUM! - www.planningfamily.com/blog/international-supper-club-for-kids/). The munchkins were running around in the backyard playing "jump rope" which, in toddler translation, means holding onto a rope and running wildly around in circles. All was good. Then, I heard "Emma, no thank you!" Those words were loud, they were mean, and they came from my kid.  It was then I knew she had learned how to right things when she felt wronged.

Do I sound terrible? Maybe. But think about it. How do you teach your child how to stand up for themselves? How do you teach them  to make being "wronged," right? How do you give them the confidence to speak up? To speak out?

I don't have all the answers. What I do have is some observations of what seems to be working in giving my kiddo survival skills. Let's face it, not all of the world is so nice. There are times ahead when we will not be there to protect and help our child through a challenging situation.

Back to the hows:

*Give your child words. I heard myself in my child's voice that day. When her behavior is not appropriate, you'll hear me saying "E, no thank you."

*Model the behavior you desire. I am delighted she used words and wasn't physical (it's helpful when keeping friends in the neighborhood too). www.planningfamily.com/blog/bullies/

*Mediate when necessary. In the situation I described above, all worked out well. The kiddo spoke her mind. Part of the rope came back into her hands and play went on. However, remember, toddlers and young preschoolers are just developing their language skills and may need help. A good way to approach a conflict is by asking more questions than answers ("What happened?") and helping children find compromise (i.e. taking turns).

It was only a jump rope. I don't even know if she was right to feel wronged. But, I was proud to see the moment where I saw a confident little girl standing up on her own.

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What's In A Name?

What's in a name? I've always had one of those names I've really disliked. Come on. How did they come up with Barbara Jean (sorry if you are a fan, or you or a family member share the name)? They never even used the Barbara part. It's always been "Jeannie." When people call upon "Barbara," I often don't answer and when I do, I probably sound annoyed at the sheer fact that obviously they don't know me and my preferences.

This is all very important stuff to consider if you are in the process of selecting a name for your child. Don't take it lightly. Think long term. How will this name look on the office door or sound being announced on a PA system? Where to start? Here's a good place: www.planningfamily.com/baby-names/picking-out-baby-names/.

Recently, this came out: www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/. Are you going with the most popular or trying to stay clear of this list  altogether? There's always retro: www.planningfamily.com/babies/baby-names/top-baby-names-of-the-1950s/.

Names and your child's personality. Do or will they go together? Does a name influence who a person is or who they will become? Maybe not directly, but I believe there is a link. A name says a lot about a person.

What do you hope your baby's name will say about them?

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Journeys

I started this blog here: www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/. We've come a long way, baby.

Where are you in this journey? Where are you going? How are you going to get there? How are you going to get your child there?

Parenthood. There is A LOT that is unpredictable, and, perhaps, uncontrollable. Kiddos get sick. They get hurt. Sometimes, their needs are tough to figure out.

As I mentioned in the first days of writing, I *thought* I was prepared for this journey called parenthood. *Thought.* Oh, don't get me wrong, it's been a fantastic ride. You're a parent, you know what I mean. It's the kind of ride - like some of my favorites at the amusement park - that gets my heart pounding (sometimes my head too) and often wears me out.  Yet, I keep getting back on.

Articles, books and blogs are helpful (thank you www.planningfamily.com/). Sometimes friends and family have the insight I need. And, then there is the munchkin. There are many times SHE teaches me, SHE leads the way in this journey.

When was the right time to move her from a bassinet to the crib?

When was the right time to stop nursing?

When was she ready for her first group, social (playdate) experience?

When was she ready to potty train?

How and when should she move from her crib to a toddler bed?

And the list goes on...

These are the questions we all ponder. In child development, there are "developmental norms" (averages of when most kiddos do certain things/obtain certain skills).  Then, there is your child. Yes, pediatricians will pay attention to developmental norms. It's one way they have of tracking (healthy) growth and development. It's one way they have of ensuring that there are no medical issues. However, it's important to know that there are many, many children that will go outside or around these norms. They will surprise us. They will make their own paths. They will do things sooner. They will acquire skills later. Oh, yes, absolutely, if you are concerned, do ask your pedicatrician.  However, keep it all in perspective.

Think about where your child is. Where do you want them to go? What skills are they working on? What are they interested in? What are their reactions to things? For example, when my munchkin was ready to potty train, she started to bring me a diaper whenever she was wet. Recognize their cues, their actions and reactions.

They are partners in this journey.  I'm always surprised how much I learn about where she is and where she is going when I just take the time to stop and listen.

As always...enjoy the ride!

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Talkin Tots & Nurtureshock

The first time I came across a Po Bronson book, I was on vacation at the beach. The book, "What Should I Do With My Life," was a nice read of stories about various people from across the country and what paths they went down. Fast forward 5 years and I am no longer wondering, "What Should I Do With My Life?" Instead, as a mama, I feel a bit more settled, though I do clamor for every bit of parenting insight I can get my hands on. I never imagined I would be coming across Po Bronson again, this time with Ashley Merryman  in a book called "Nurtureshock."

There are many ideas in this book, from babyhood through the teenage years, but one specifically on language development has been getting a lot of attention:. Check out the full story here.

Don't have time to read the full article or tune into the 4-minute video excerpt?  Here are a few of the key points I found most interesting:

Bronson and Merryman support and explore the optimal time for language development, specifically between the ages of 9 months to 2 years.

Take advantage of the windows of opportunity for language development. When your baby is looking, pointing and babbling, they are talking to you! Pay attention and respond!

Some people may say that you should talk to your baby like you would another adult - after all, how else will they learn appropriate language?  Bronson and Merryman challenge this notion. They support that "baby talk" is good! Essentially, instead of filling our kiddo's ears with enormous amounts of language, it's better to actively respond to what they are sharing with us. If it's babbling or cooing or simple syllables, the best way we can support their language development is to imitate.

Finally, it's up to each of us to teach baby about the world around them, supplying names of objects and providing variations of what babies are noticing (i.e. "You see the fish?...look at the big fish, red fish...oh, there's an orange fish"). Bronson and Merryman also note the importance and benefit of hearing words and phrases from a variety of sources (vs. only one person).

When it comes to language development, there's a host of theories about the best way to get your munchkin to be a talkin' tot. It's always fun to see new ideas, some which challenge current or past thinking.

What do you think?

What are you doing to support your baby's language development?

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Happy Mother's Day

For those of you who are checking your calendar, yes, I am a little late. I've been a little late since the kiddo came along. In fact, I think the last time I ran on time was the day I checked in the hospital to be induced. Ah yes, the life of a mama.

Recently, as I was pondering blogs and blog entries, I realized I totally neglected Mother's Day. So, Happy Mother's Day! Whether you are a mama-to-be or holding that baby in your arms, it is truly a day to stop and celebrate motherhood. Which is exactly what I had forgotten. I forgot to stop, step back and celebrate. I think as mamas we all tend to do that. Probably too often.

We're always worried about #1 (the munchkin). And if not #1, perhaps #2 (the hubby?). And, if not #2, well, there's bills, and groceries, and jobs, and family.  But, I digress. Now, about this Mother's Day thing. What does this have to do with child developement?

Well, in addition to forgetting about Mother's Day, I often simply forget to take care of myself. I admit it. I don't get the exercise I should. Often I eat what I shouldn't. I certainly am not getting my "beauty sleep." So, as I remembered that I forgot to blog about Mother's Day, it was also a good reminder to me that I can't forget about taking care of myself. And neither can you.

Without taking care of ourselves. Yes, eating right, sleeping (okay, when we can), exercising, etc., we're going to be no good (or perhaps not as good) for our kiddos. They depend on us. Happy mamas = happy kiddos. Right? Are you with me?

Did you take time to celebrate? If so, tell me how. Make me jealous. I need some inspiration! And, if not, now's the time. I'm starting my celebration. I'm registering for that yoga class I've been thinking about. I'm going to nap on Sunday afternoons while my kiddo is napping (much more fun than dusting!).

It's time. Enjoy. Oh, and Happy Mother's Day.

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Purple

The moment I found out that we were expecting a little girl, I had two thoughts:

1) "Hurray! I LOVE little girls."

2) "Oh, *%#$, a girl? We are in TROUBLE!"

Fast forward a couple of years, and I think both of those thoughts were correct. The munchkin is all girl. She loves purple. Her favorite instrument? A flute. She refuses to wear anything but dresses.  And shoes? Well, don't even get me started talking about the shoes!

I did nothing (seriously, NOTHING) to encourage this. I painted her bedroom with leftover kitchen beige. I bought her sweatpants and tennis shoes. My husband and I (both former musicians) were brass players (French horn). We don't even like the flute! Somehow, someway, she's very girly.

This all takes me back to my grad school days where I became immersed in the topic of gender development (or the how and why girls - or boys - might develop certain personalities, preferences, etc.).

There are two specific thoughts about how these behaviors are obtained:

1. Environmental influences. Have you ever noticed all the pink in the "girl" section of a toy store or the way certain products are geared towards one sex or another?

2. Genetics. Kiddos are just born with preferences, behaviors and characteristics that we couldn't have ordered or even taught.

What about you? Does (did) your child display strong preferences or traits of one sex or another? Do you believe environmental or genetic influences have a stronger impact on your child's gender development?

As for me, I'm surrounded in purple dresses, listening to the girly flute music and thinking about how my girly girl came to be and who she will become.

Parenthood. Some things (many things!) you just can't predict.

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Extracurriculars

Swim lessons. Dance. Soccer. Gymnastics. Library story times. Music classes and lessons. There are plenty of options when it comes to enrolling the munchkin in programming. Most folks call these "extracurriculars."  You know, the add-ons, the activities that bring joy, but also create new opportunities for skill development and learning.

I admit it. We were in the pool for swim lessons by the time the munchkin was 6 months of age. She is now pushing 3 years. Can she swim? Not yet.

We're also doing dance. What's more adorable than a toddler in a tutu and tights? Um, not much. Is she destined to be a prima ballerina? Well, I'm not seeing the signs yet, but she's having fun.

This evening she was doing somersaults in the grass. My mind began exploring the idea of a gymnastics class.

Oh, and we can't forget about library storytimes. We've been attending those since she was 4 months old.

Do kids really need these things?

Will they miss the boat that will sail them towards success if we don't enroll them in one activity or another?

I'm a huge (HUGE) advocate for these programs. Most of my career (outside of being the fabulous writer I am - LOL!) has been working with non-traditional educational programs. It's been a blast and a blessing. Yet, sometimes I even have to step back and wonder what is enough? Too much? And what is the value?

Of course, the first value is: EXPOSURE. If young children do not actively (hands-on) engage in an activity, how will we see the spark that may be talent or simply interest?

The next? SOCIAL INTERACTION. Oh, not for the kiddo, but for us the grown-ups. Having children can be a challenge. It's great to be with others who can share in the joys and those "bumps." I've loved connecting with others who share a passion, interest and are on the same ride (called "parenthood") at the same time.

And, finally, there is SKILL DEVELOPMENT. It's true, through extracurriculars, children will acquire something. Sometimes, these learnings will be small, other times, they will rock their world (and ours).

For these reasons, I've kept going back to activities. However, being the "everything-in-moderation-mama" that I am, I restrict our schedule to one activity at a time. In other words, there is no (and hopefully will never be) calendar in our household that is filled with nightly activities. I find there is just as much exposure, social interaction (thank goodness for good neighbors and good friends!), and skill development that happens during an afternoon in the back yard.

What about you? What are your summer plans? Are you registering your child for programs? What's the value for you and them?

As for us, I'm off to find out where those gymnastics lessons are offered.

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Preschool?

It's nearly the end of May. In my neighborhood, that means the evenings are growing longer and, especially, louder with the sounds of kids playing. Soon, it won't be just the evenings that are louder, it will be most of the day as kids finish the school year.

For most of us, school days seem a world away (although I'll admit that I sometimes tear up at the sight of  a school bus). The reality is that school days will be here in what seems to be a blink of an eye.

If you have a toddler in your life, you're most likely already weighing the value of preschool for your child. Many children enroll in a preschool program between 2 1/2 to 3 years of age. Perhaps you've already chosen a program and will be seeing your child off to their first organized educational experiences in the fall.

What's your take on the importance of preschool? There's a saying that "early years are learning years." There's certainly no denying that. However, the question is, "Do children need the experiences found in an organized early childhood setting, such as a preschool?"  Like kids, there's no "one size fits all" when it comes to education. Some kids will blossom in such organized programs, some aren't quite ready, and some will need a different path altogether.

When it comes to considering early childhood programs, here's a great place to start: www.naeyc.org/families. This handy dandy site is the home of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. When it comes to the why, how, and, most importantly where to find a quality early childhood program, this is the organization you are looking for.

Remember to consider all options.  Find the best program that works for your family and your child.

Consider:

*Half-day, one or two mornings a week programs.

*Parent co-ops (parents volunteer in the classroom, sometimes even leading activities).

*Think outside the box. Create your own early childhood "program" by piecing together community resources (free storytimes at library, playgroups, nature outings, etc.).

Whatever you do, remember that transitioning your child into their first formal learning environments will take time. Baby steps. Slow transitions. If it's not working, step back and rethink. Work in partnership with the program you choose.

When will you send your child off to school?

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Simplicity

Yikes (or "Yikers" as my toddler is saying these days). Between  "Diagnosis" (www.planningfamily.com/blog/diagnosis/) and "Awful" (www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/), I've been hitting some of the big challenges of parenthood. Hoo boy. Time to get back to the fun. Time to get to the simpler things.

I have a hard time walking into any store and leaving without something for the munchkin. Aren't they just too easy to buy for? Everything seems to be cuter when it is smaller. Now, I look around my house and it looks as though "Toys R Us" has exploded. Yes, I do try to keep things under control when it comes to the clutter. There are bins for organizing and shelves for stacking. I try rotating the toys out and around to keep their "newness" factor, but alas, the spare bedroom (or what was the spare bedroom) is now a grand playroom.

And now, it is spring. So, I've been dragging all these toys into the great outdoors. And now I've realized something. For the most part, she couldn't care less about them.

What does she really like? What do most kiddos really like? What is really appropriate for their play? What is going to optimally support their development? Yep, you guessed it, it's the simplest stuff:
*It's picking up (and throwing) and scooping, and pouring, and sorting rocks, pinecones, leaves and other outdoor treasures (of course, making sure that none of aforementioned things go in the kiddo's mouth).

*It's rolling on and running through the grass.

*It's watching the birds and squirrels. It's listening to their sounds and trying to make sounds just like they hear.

*It's simply spending time with those who love them most, whether they be a parent, family, friend or professional caregiver.

All this made me think of those New Year's resolutions I made: www.planningfamily.com/blog/happy-new-year/. I'm doing okay there. As a parent, it's always about the journey - it's about the little things everyday. I like the simpler things. I think I'll go play in the rocks too.

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Bullies

We all have our moments, as I recently found following the posts related to this blog: www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/.

When the munchkin was nothing but a pumpkin (pre-mobile), life was a bit simpler. If I didn't want her to go somewhere or do something, I simply removed the source. Fast forward to those toddler years and she is now a walking/talking machine. Getting her to do what I want isn't simple at all. In fact, sometimes it is impossible.

There's redirection ("see, look over here...isn't this more wonderful than that?!), there's re-engagement ("try it this way..."), and there's the simple "no thank you" (or for safety sakes, the more direct, "no"). And still, sometimes that fails.

In those moments, I've been known to sigh the big sigh and even walk away. What I have never done is spank her.

My parents spanked me. Plenty of times. I turned out okay, but I really don't have anything to share with you about those times, other than a host of bad feelings and bad memories. Did it make me stop my behavior? I don't remember.

Recently, this study was published: pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2009-2678v1. It's reading-worthy, but a bit cumbersome. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that children who were spanked at age 3 are much more likely to become aggressive at age 5 than those were not. In other words, if you want to make your kid a bully, then do spank them. This study of 2500 children also took into account, a child's temperment (how aggressive they were to start with), as well as other factors that may lead to increased aggression in children.

Some may say a swat on the behind is just what kids need these days. I beg to differ. It may take more time and a lot more patience, but re-directing, re-engaging, taking away the privilege (or toy), or simply walking away from your child (ensuring their safety, of course!), will be much more effective in the long run, both for your development and theirs.

What's your opinion? What works for you and your child?

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Burrito

Mmmm...I ate so much Chipotle (www.chipotle.com/#/land) when I was pregant, I was lucky the kid didn't come out looking like a burrito (though she did end up being 9lbs. 4oz.). I also loved, loved pineapple and could be seen chugging down every drop of juice from any container which had been depleted of the sweet fruit. And, then there was Dairy Queen...and "Blizzards." All in all, I was fairly healthy in my eating and as a result, she was healthy too.

Are you following Planning Family on Facebook (www.facebook.com/#!/PlanningFamily)? Recently, the question was asked, "Do you (or did you) have any new food cravings while pregnant?" With nearly 250 responses, there's definitely something to the craziness of desiring (or despising) certain foods while expecting.

Wondering why you might be desiring specific foods? Curious how these foods and other eating habits will affect your munchkin's development? What should you be eating? If you're expecting, here's a great place to acquire the essential information that will help support you and your baby's development: www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/nutrition/.

And, hot off the press, be sure to keep in mind that even so-called "healthy foods," may not be that healthy for you unless you are choosing the organic varieties: green.yahoo.com/blog/daily_green_news/332/the-new-dirty-dozen-12-foods-to-eat-organic-and-avoid-pesticide-residue.html. If you are pinching pennies and don't think you can spend the extra to buy organic, be sure to check out the safer alternatives.

What's your story? What are you eating these days and how do you think it is affecting (or isn't) your child's development?

Happy (and healthy) eating!

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Discovery Day

Development has begun. The beginning. The day it happened. For me, it has been a few years, but the memories are still fresh in my mind.

We had talked a lot about it , nearly a year, and waited for it. It happened and it took us by complete surprise (probably foreshadowing the many surprises yet to come).

At these moments I tend to be quite amusing (or at least I think I am). It is the way I calm myself. So, as I got off the scale and headed into the exam room I noted, “never schedule a check up after a long weekend – that can never be good for a weigh in.”

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Kate Gosselin

I never thought I could combine a blog entry about child development and Kate Gosselin. Well, here I am. In one moment, I really feel sorry for this mama. On the other hand, I...I don't. Recently, I sat down for more than 2 minutes and happened to come across one of those "what's going on in the entertainment biz junk magazines." Okay, I really do enjoy reading these. I admit it.

The cover had a smashing, good-looking Kate Gosselin looking happy and healthy as can be. In the magazine, I read about her heartache, especially as she worked so far away each week from her munchkins as she has been "Dancing with the Stars." Oh, bother.

I am a working mama. I went back to work when my munchkin was around 3 months old. I eased back into it. Yep, I considered all the options. One option - completely quitting the gig - meant selling the house (seriously) and with a job that I really do like, I decided to figure out a way to make it work. Nope, it's not easy. Neither would be being home 24/7 with the kiddo. We are all working mamas.

After two years of working and watching my munchkin grow, I've confirmed that there are many paths to happy and healthy development. Some of these paths involve mamas (or papas) who are at home 24/7 with their kiddos. Others involve mamas (and papas) who have found other support and resources to ensure their child's best care when they are not there.

Are you weighing the choice of "should I go back to work or should I not go back to work?"

Have you read this? www.planningfamily.com/babies/childcare-babysitting/bye-bye-baby/

Or how abou this? www.planningfamily.com/parents/budget-and-finance/budgeting-with-baby/

There's lots to consider. In most cases, I think with my heart (vs. my head) when it comes to my munchkin. But, in this case, you definitely have to use both. There is an impact of working (meaning having a job with a salary) vs. staying at home, both to your wallet, as well as to your kid.

Then, I come back to Kate, and I see her kiddos, looking happy and healthy and I'm thinking, maybe she is okay. More importantly, maybe her kiddos are okay. Really.

I often look at the job of parenting as raising a happy, healthy and independent being who will one day go out into the world and do good. The early years are critical years of learning and growth. Will being with your child 24/7 make or break their chances? I'm not one to believe that it will. Maybe I should audition for one of those reality TV shows too. Just kidding.

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Awful

I recently came across a blog entry (not mine, of course) that rattled me.  It wasn't that great of an entry, so I won't bother with a link. The bottom line of the blog was that, at times, parenthood can suck. I beg to differ. Some may say, I'm a bit of Pollyanna, but I am here to tell you, truthfully, we all have our moments.

What has been yours? You know, the moment where you are either in tears or simply frustrated because you are just not sure what the right answer is for this puzzle called parenthood.

For me, parenthood has been a pretty joyous ride. Perhaps the transition was softened by the anticipation of the nearly 14 year wait to meet this little one. Perhaps I have realistic expectations and a few tricks up my sleeve from both my formal education and a few years in the classroom with these little tots. Sometimes my concern is that infancy and toddlerhood has been so much fun that I bound to have a hellish experience when it comes to those teen years.

But I digress. Again, I have had my moments too. What are they? Well, in celebration of those moments, today let's tackle a few of the unpleasentries of parenthood  - the "challenging" moments, the "bumps in the road" as I like to refer to them as. The good news? Most of these are simply developmental norms, normal behaviors children will grow into and then out of as they learn new skills.

Here are my "favorites":

Sleeping, as in how to get a baby to sleep. When your baby isn't sleeping well, chances are you are not sleeping either. And little sleep usually yields a short fuse when it comes to being a patient parent.

Eating, as in eating the right things, at the right time and eventually, eating appropriately. Let's face it, from breastfeeding to first foods, to favorite foods (and foods that toddlers refuse to try), the basics of ensuring that a child is getting the right nutrition can be frustrating for all (including your child).

Tantrums, or as I like to call them, "melt downs." It's beyond crying, it's the way little ones tell us "I've had it. I'm done. I've lost it." The only problem is that it's up to us (calmly) to figure out the why and then how to fix it. Generally, these are outcomes of  being tired, or needing food, or needing attention, or perhaps they just aren't feeling up to par. During toddlerhood, sometimes these arise from " a difference of opinon." It can be as simple as a preference for socks, or foods, etc. My bottom line: pick and choose your battles. Are socks a big deal? No. Nutrition? Yes. Be consistent and fair.

Whatever the case, remember, if your child is out of control, it's up to you to stay in control. If you are going to lose it, keep your little one safe. Put them in their crib or other safe space and take the time you need to regain your control. Breathe, think, and don't hesitate to reach out to a friend or family member for support if you need it.

I am sure there are more "challenges" out there, so let me me hear from you, what are yours?

Together, we'll get through them.

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Stepping Stones

Happy Monday! Here we are - off and running again. 

How was the weekend? If you're like our family, it involves lots of running around (and running after one little munchkin), with some of the "to-dos" getting "ta-done" during naptime (thank God for naptime!).

Now that spring has sprung, we're spending more time outside. Although I refuse to buy any piece of playground equipment (there are four parks within walking distance of our house), the back patio is a smorgasbord of toys: balls, bubbles, etc. Of course, after five minutes of that amusement, there is more interest found in the rocks, dirt and simply running around. Lately, the little one is working on balancing. Balancing, such as walking across a variety of rocks and other obstacles without taking herself out. With every step, my heart often drops with the fear of her slipping and breaking something or splitting something open. I try to remember that she is much closer to the ground than I, and much more pliable. Holding her hand as she walked over and on those rocks took me back to the very first blog entry Baby Steps: www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/. 

Watching her working on balancing, again reminded me what a process development really is.

Where is your little one in the development process? Maybe you are yet to meet your little one. Maybe you are in your first few moments of getting to know your little one. Perhaps you are starting to watch them grasp their first object, sit up, pull up, or even take their first steps.

How does it happen? There are so many good resources out there, I wanted to share a few with you that especially target physical development:

www.planningfamily.com/babies/development/

www.planningfamily.com/toddler/development/developmental-milestones-checklist/

Spring is a great time to be reminded of how magically things seem to change and grow.

Don't blink, it all seems to happen quickly.

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Comparing Notes

Comparing notes about development. This can be an awesome resource ("Your baby sleeping through the night?...No? Hey, try this..."). And, this can be a dangerous resource ("Wait a minute, your kiddo is doing what?! Mine is no where near that!"). It happened to me recently.

Imagine the first day you met (or will meet) your little girl or little boy. It's a moment like no other. There they are: tiny, beautiful, and - even if they are not - they are PERFECT. My little girl was also brilliant (which really means I am a totally biased and proud mama and she was really not much different than any other newborn at that moment ). I knew it from the moment I saw her. I saw it in her eyes.

Now she is a walking/talking machine.

Through the journey, I've loved most of the chatter I've had with family and friends. I've enjoyed "comparing notes." I've found that most times when we talk ages and stages, we're all in the same game. Oh yeah, there may be different interests and varying challenges, but our kiddos are somewhat doing the same things at the same times.

Then it happened, I received a "note" that was totally different. Actually, it came via Facebook (by the way, are you a fan of Planning Family on FB? Good stuff there too!). It was one of my "most favorite" folks and their kiddo. The post was about a new found skill. I saw it. I saw a picture of it (confirmed documentation). And I thought: "ummm...wow...really...really, she did that?!" I knew that my child was nowhere ready to tackle such a task.

Like any sensible mama, I walked away and pretended that I was all cool. I mentioned it in passing to the hubby who had seen the same post as I. His response "can she (meaning our kiddo) do that?"  My response, "Well, no...but, maybe she's just not ready." Then I quickly put on my handy dandy child development thinking cap and began to ramble on about developmental norms.

What is a developmental norm anyhow?

And the answer is (thank you Wikipedia: wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_development_norms_for_children): Developmental norms are defined as standards by which the progress of a child's development can be measured. For example, the average age at which a child walks, learns to talk, or reaches puberty would be such a standard and would be used to judge whether the child is progressing normally.

Later that night, I began my "googling" of developmental norms. I didn't find what I was looking for, so I went back to the old text books and what I finally gathered was that the achievement of one of my friend's children was not a developmental norm. In this case, she had greatly exceeded the standard age of when children begin to write letters and her name. I'm okay with that. I do think her kiddo is brilliant. Mine is too, just in different ways .

I believe that all children have their "brilliance." They all have their gifts. Our challenge as parents is to identify them.  The key is asking questions when there are concerns, and, of course - comparing notes.

Here's a good link about development and developmental norms:

Prenatal and Infancy through Early Childhood: www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm#inf

Are you comparing notes?

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Turn Off The TV

Happy Turn off the TV Week: April 19-25, 2010 (www.tvturnoff.org/index.php). Are you "celebrating?"

I enjoy a little TV. There's this hilarious weather guy that I like to tune into and, recently, I've found this new show, "Parenthood" (NBC, Tues. nights, 10pm). Mama to mama, what are you watching these days?

With the munchkin, I've tried to be careful when it comes to TV viewing. Let's face it, there's a lot of garbage out there. And (yes, I've said it before, and I'll say it again), the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO (nada, zilch, zero) TV viewing for children under the age of two. But...I'll admit it. She saw Dora before the age of two, and may have seen some "Clifford" too. There IS some good (entertaining, and sometimes - I dare say - "educational") stuff out there. If you've been reading this blog, you've probably figured out that I try to be an "everything in moderation mama."  I think the DVR is one of the best inventions ever and it allows me to carefully screen what the kiddo does (and doesn't - like commercials - the worst!) see.

When I caught wind of the "Turn Off the TV Week" campaign (championed by the folks from the Center for Screentime Awareness - www.screentime.org/), I thought it to be a pretty cool idea. So, I'm celebrating and going to see if I can get a shower (www.planningfamily.com/blog/a-developmentally-appropriate-shower/ ) and get through the daily routine without the assistance of a "Dora" episode.

It's a pretty important subject and I've written about it before: www.planningfamily.com/blog/the-boob-tube/, but it is so important, that here I am again.

Here's a few facts and figures (see complete information here: www.screentime.org/index.php). After reading this, you and your family may want join the celebration this week too! Let me know how it goes and what you do INSTEAD. Enjoy.

TV Viewing & Young Children:

Children six and under spend an average of two hours a day using screen media, about the same amount of time they spend playing outside, and well over the amount they spend reading or being read to (39 minutes).--Zero to Six: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Kaiser Family Foundation and the Children's Digital Media Centers, 2003.

Children in households where the TV is on "always" or "most of the time" are less likely to read than are children in other homes. Zero to Six: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Kaiser Family Foundation and the Children's Digital Media Centers, 2003.

Research now indicates that for every hour of television children watch each day, their risk of developing attention-related problems later increases by ten percent.  For example, if a child watches three hours of television each day, the child would be thirty percent more likely to develop attention deficit disorder.--D. Christakis, Pediatrics, April 2004.

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Fashion Statement

It's spring and it's a great time to talk about making a fashion statement. (Yes, this still is the blog about child development.) Want to get noticed? Forget the latest spring fashions like minis and bikinis. It's time to talk baby wearing. It's a great way to get noticed and it's good for baby too!

The week after I delivered the "bean" (as we fondly referred to her as), my hubby went back to work and I was flying solo. With newly found confidence (after you give birth to a baby, doesn't everything seem possible), I was confident I could manage the day. After shower success (how? see this blog entry: A Developmentally Appropriate Shower), I was ready to take on breakfast, first the munchkin, then myself. With the munchkin satisfied, I decided to try out the handy-dandy Baby Bjorn (www.babybjorn.com/Start) carrier. (Be sure to check out the first photo when you go to the Baby Bjorn website - that's what sold me. I imagined that I too could do this...I wanted to look as happy - and good! - as this mama and have my baby that content.)

Having done a trial run with four hands (AKA the help of the hubby), I was now ready to see if I could gracefully and gently move my 9lb. little (okay, she wasn't that little) girl into this contraption. Sweet success. Better yet, she was content. I found myself with two hands. I ate a bowl of cereal using two hands (if you have an infant, you know what a big deal this is!). Breakfast went so well, I decided to take on a load of laundry.

And so it went. Baby wearing became my fashion statement. She was happy. I was happy. We were happy. I loved holding her and would've been delighted to sit and stare all day. But  with baby wearing,  I found satisfaction in holding her and getting a few things done, or simply taking a short stroll around the neighborhood.

After the Baby Bjorn, I found this: www.ergobabycarrier.com/,  the Ergo Baby Carrier. Talk about fashion!  Now I could have my choice of colors and patterns, plus the choice of positions (front, side or back). Although a little bit of an investment, this carrier has stood the test of time (nearly 3 years now). Most recently, it got us through a great hike in the Columbia River Gorge (Oregon) carrying the 33lb. kiddo on my back.

Not only will you get noticed when you make baby wearing your fashion statement, there are other benefits too.

Here's a couple of great articles to check out that will show you why baby wearing is not only beneficial (and enjoyable) for you, but can optimize your child's development:

www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051100.asp

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babywearing

www.attachmentparenting.org/pdfs/spadaro_babywearing.pdf

Have you tried baby wearing?

Did it (or didn't it) work for you?

What fashion statement are you making these days?

Cheers!

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Diagnosis

We recently went for our munchkin's annual check-up. As you know from one of my recent ramblings (www.planningfamily.com/blog/surviving-the-doctors-visit/), going to the doctor isn't one of my very favorite things. Despite having some butterflies in my stomach, I do look forward to hearing about the positive aspects of my child's growth and development.

During our recent check-up, all was looking good, then our pediatrician got out her stethoscope. She listened. Then, she listened again. Looking up, she said, "Did she have a heart murmur before?" I looked puzzled. My husband answered "No." My mind started to whirl with questions like, "What did this mean?" Then, the pediatrician started typing and chatting: "I'm referring you to a pediatric cardiologist." "Huh?!," I am sure I looked shocked, "What?"

Our pediatrician continued, "Most times these are innocent or functional heart murmurs, but I refer them to a specialist just to be sure. They will get you in within a week for an appointment." A pediatric cardiologist? This sounded serious. A week of worrying about the what-ifs? This is where development can be scary. It's out of my (and your) control.

So, we waited the week. Then, we went for the appointment. We took the favorite toys. We rode the elevator to my kiddo's delight. They had cool toys in the waiting room. Then, they stuck monitors on her chest and I hovered over her making a "shhhh" sound while she weeped. I stayed brave and positive. I smiled. Inside, I was quaking. They took her blood pressure on her arm and then on her leg. Then, we waited. Next up, an echocardiogram.  The echocardiogram took nearly 20 minutes. I layed beside her on a bed in a darkened room while they took an ultrasound of her heart (remember the day you had an ultrasound and had a first glimpse of your baby?).  She was scared, but the episode of "Blue's Clues" helped her through.

Back to the waiting room we went. Finally, the doctor came in. The good news was that this was an "innocent," also known as a "functional" murmur. No further treatment was neccessary. The weight had been lifted. The sun shone and the birds sang (really, I don't remember the weather, but that is how it felt).

Through this experience and much "googling," I've learned that 50%-75% of infants, toddlers and preschoolers will have an audible murmur at some point in their early childhood. That fact got me through. Here's another couple of articles that have good information if you should cross this bridge at some point in your child's development too:

www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/heart/pages/Heart-Murmur.aspx

www.dukehealth.org/health_library/advice_from_doctors/your_childs_health/heart_murmurs

Dealing with a diagnosis can be scary and overwhelming.

Have you had to deal with any uncertainties in your child's growth and development?

How do you deal with working through these "bumps in the road?"

As one of my college professor's used to tell me, "Maintain." That's exactly what I intend to do, even when faced with things in my child's development which I have no control over.

Hang on...the ride is crazy at times!

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Time Travel

I hope this blog finds you somewhere new, doing something fun this spring. Perhaps it is in your neighborhood, or trekking across the United States with family. As you know by now, my family and I ventured across the U.S. (5,000 miles roundtrip) to be with family and have some fun.

Two years ago when we did this trip, my little girl was an infant. I thought she was so "portable." We were traveling across three time zones and I had thought nothing of it. I figured she would eat, sleep and play just as she did at home.  On her schedule. Oy vay, was I wrong. Sleeping was the thing that got us in trouble. If you have one of these little people in your life, you know the value and importance of sleep. Not only do infants and toddlers need sleep for optimal development (How much? www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/children-and-sleep), they need it for our sanity.

With the above in mind, I thought I would share a few tips I've learned that helped us navigate the most recent travel across time zones with success:

*Don't go the red-eye flight, if possible. Again, I thought my infant could sleep anywhere. She often slept in the car.  How different could a plane be? Um...a great deal different...the sound, the people, the lights. With little sleep on the flight, the kiddo was now out of wick-whack for the next few days. Traveling during the day may seem less efficient, but chances are, it will provide a better opportunity to keep with your child's normal routines.

*Do make some tweaks to your child's schedule in the days leading up to your trip. For instance, if you are traveling from the west coast to the east coast (3 hour time difference), you may try slightly (i.e. 15 minutes per day) adjusting your infant or toddler's eating and sleeping times as well.

*Do have the essentials with you. This will include their favorite blanket and/or toy(s), snacks (Cheerios are one of the best foods ever invented!) and perhaps some kid-friendly tunes if your trip includes time in the car.

*Finally, when traveling across time zones, keep in mind where you and your child came from. If they don't seem hungry at dinner time or sleepy at bedime, keep in mind the time difference.

It's spring, take the time to enjoy it wherever you are or wherever you and your family are headed!

Enjoy the ride.

Cheers-

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It's A Trip

If you've been reading, you know we've been off on an adventure. We survived the trip cross-country (via 2 planes and one 3-hour car ride) to visit the family. Have you traveled with your munchkin yet? No, not the across town trip to Grandma's, a full-blown trek in the hopes of seeking some fun and a break from the routine.

I know some families that, once the kiddo came along, decided to stay home for a bit. Let's face it; traveling with an infant or toddler can be well...um...a little "work."  Even though gone are the days of my leisurely reading of magazines on the plane while sipping my favorite caffeinated drink, I am a big fan of packing up the family and heading out. Yes, totally worth it, even without my beverage of choice and magazines.

So, with survival in mind, I thought I would pass along a few of the essentials that saved (I mean supported) us during our latest road trip:

* Whether infant or toddler, ensure you have the basics: food (if you are nursing, this is blissfully simple), favorite blanket (if you are concerned about losing it, mark it), a toy or two (read on below for a few ideas), and a change of clothes/diapers/wipes and a plastic bag for disposal.  Yes, I've been guilty of even disposing of the clothes in an instance or two.  Wasteful, but sometimes makes for a less-stressful moment.

* Don't bring the same ole' toys. This is the time to have a few "tricks up your sleeve." Visit the dollar bin of your local store and think out of the box. Look for items that are light, disposable, and will appeal to your kiddo. For mine, the box of Dora band-aids got us a few miles down the road.  The "Color Wonder" markers were perfect for a toddler's inaccuracy when scribbling.  Stickers and a small book or other folder paper to stick them on  are great for fine motor skills & keeping a toddler engaged for a few more minutes.  With supervision (re: chokable), coins with an older toddler can create great amusement (great for sorting, counting and learning something new!).

* Take every minute when outside the car or plane to help your munchkin wiggle! Airports are fabulous places to explore. The escalator (with me holding her hand, of course!) was as grand as a visit to the local playground. Highway rest stops usually provide some green (safe) places for running around (consider packing a ball which can be easily inflated/deflated).

* Portable DVD player. I'll admit it, I was one of those parents who said that I would never own one of those, but when one was gifted to us last holiday season, I knew I was armed with another resource for our upcoming trip. This was going to be my last resort. I was going to save it until I needed it most. For us, the moment came about an hour into a 4-hour flight. Nap had been officially denied and I was running out of ideas. My idea had been a nap! So, out came the portable DVD player and in popped a Dora video (remember, library rentals = free!). Ah, 26 minutes of delight for my toddler and I took a break.  Remember (food for thought), the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television viewing for children under the age of two.

The above list is getting long so perhaps I should stop these ramblings here.

With so many ideas of what to bring just to keep the kiddo engaged, you might feel a bit overwhelmed about all you need to pack. Consider packing fewer clothes (chances are, you can easily find a place to do a load of laundry).  Only take enough diapers, formula/snacks, etc. that you will need in route. You can get your other essential supplies when you arrive. Take the stroller (gate check if you are flying) and/or a good carrier.

Last but not least, remember, this is supposed to be "fun." Don't forget to pack your sense of humor!

Traveling with kids...it's a "trip!"

What's essential when you travel with your child?

Cheers-
Jeannie
 

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Spring Break

No foolin' (after all, today is April 1st). It's vacation time!

It's good for me. It's good for my munchkin. It's good for our family. It must be good for our development.

Does a child development theory prove it? Maybe. Maybe not.

Like many things in life, everyone's take on it is different. Everyone has a different experience.

Traveling with kiddos can be a challenge. It can be fun. It can be hell.

For me, the change in scenery provides the time to focus on the things that really matter. It's time to take a step back from the things I must do and do the things I want to do, when I want to do them (well, for the most part - the kiddos needs come first). I'm a big believer in the importance of taking a break.

Are you listening and wishing you were going too?

Money the issue? Remember, a vacation doesn't have to be grand, long or expensive.  Day vacations can be a beautiful thing. I think of vacations as an investment in my life. They are an investment in today.

Let's face it. There aren't any educational toys or TV shows or gourmet baby foods that can impact my munchkin's development the way that seeing new places and familiar faces of family can.

So, forgive me for today's post: It's the same message folks will be hearing from me over the next few days:

Greetings. You've reached Jeannie Fleming-Gifford. I am out of the office.

In case you're wondering, no, I am not checking my voice mail when I am gone. I am out of the office.

I am not checking my email either.

My cell phone? Yes, I will have it, but I can't promise I'll be checking that either.

Yes, the world will go on. Yes, work will continue to get done. Without me.

I'm going to the beach. I'm watching the sunrise and perhaps the sunset. I am soaking in the sun's rays that will someday make me look like a shriveled up raisin. At this moment, I really don't care. I'm going to eat, drink (coffee is my drink of choice) and be merry with my munchkin.

I'm out of the office.

If you're lucky, I'll contact you when I am back in.

Feel free to copy and paste the message for your own use!

During my ventures, I'm sure to pick up a few tips for traveling with a munchkin. Hopefully, making it fun for all. I promise to share (if you will too).

When I'm back, we'll get back to tackling the latest and greatest news in regards to child development.

There's lots going on out there.  There will be lots to catch up on.

Are you ready for a break? Taking a trip? What's your next adventure with your child?

Happy travels to you and yours no matter what journey you embark on -

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Family Fitness Night

I love reading Helen Golden's blog: www.planningfamily.com/blog/authors/helen-golden/. Are you reading? Are you surviving her fitness challenge?  Many congrats to those of you who are!

I'm one of those folks who can benefit from the nutrition tips found in her recent post:  www.planningfamily.com/blog/planning-family-shape-up-challenge-week-7-fitness-assignment/. Um, yes, I've been guilty of scarfing down a candy bar (or two or three ).

When it comes to my own fitness routine, I struggle. This winter (seriously folks, wasn't spring to arrive on March 20th?!), I've especially been challenged with getting up and out as much as I should for some exercise. I admit that after a day spent running around, I find it easier to plop down on the couch than to pop up for a workout.

Last night, I decided it was time to give this indoor exercise stuff a try. I only know enough about exercise positions to be "dangerous" (another one of the reasons I love all of Helen's graphics!). I put on some music and started to lead my household (even the hubby was game) in a little, good-ole fashioned movement. We stretched. We jumped. We skipped. Best yet, we giggled like mad.

I turned up the tunes (U2 was my band of choice until the munchkin went running for the latest library rental - The Wiggles).

I admit I was having fun and noticed that I was actually breathing a bit harder.

When all was said and done, I felt great. No, it wasn't the kind of workout that left me sore for days or toned in minutes, but it was fun with the family.  I felt like we had done a little something that was good for all of us.

As good as the physical benefits are, I recognized the other positive outcomes on my child's development:
*Family time. Family time. Family time. (No TV. No TV. No TV.)
*Providing a safe, supportive opportunity for my child to explore physical movement (the best is a toddler's jumping jacks!).
*Giggling and lots of talking (language development) as well as support of emotional-social development (don't we all feel better after a little moving and grooving?).
*And, best yet, the kiddo slept great (so much for all my other blogs on how to get a good night's sleep!).

Family fitness. I think the hardest part is removing myself from the couch.

After that, it's all good.

Maybe every night should be a family fitness night.

I'll try again tomorrow.

And you?

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Grateful

Welcome back (insert "sigh" here). Even with the greatest and cutest of kids (I bet you have one too), sometimes I forget how amazing this journey is.

Like most mamas (and daddys too), I run through my week. From the moment I wake, I begin the marathon race called "the day." Where I am running to and why, sometimes I wonder. At times, it is fun. Other times, it is frustrating.  Sometimes, the routine grows old and I grow weary.

The day often begins with the siren coming from my little one's room. It's either a mournful whine signaling she is awake or sometimes the happy "conversation" between her, Diego and Dora. There is no need for an alarm clock in our house. If it isn't the munchkin, the two labs will make sure we're awake to put food in their bowls at 5:15am.

Stumbling through the house not quite awake, I fumble to make breakfast. Sometimes it is a four-course meal as I work to find the food that she is wanting that moment. I know most parenting experts would say don't do that, but I don't really care. I like to see her feeling good from a morning meal and am willing to turn things upside down to make that happen.

We read. We potty. I shower. 

I try to get dressed in matching clothes and then I attempt to get out the door (hopefully early enough to stop for coffee). Then, it's into the office to shuffle paperwork. The workday ends and I run to get my girl.

We go home. We play. We eat dinner. We bathe. We read. And then it is time for rest.

We'll repeat this routine until the weekend. The weekend is where we find freedom from the daily grind. We find freedom from the routine that dictates our week.

Sometimes it gets me down. It gets old. Then there is the sharp reminder of how grateful I should be for this "dullness" in my life.

Today it came from a phone call from a parent. Their teenager is sick. There was the unexpected hospitalization nearly a month ago. Today, dad called following another doctor's appointment. There are more appointments ahead. The child may or may not be well enough to return to their "normal" activities.

It's the stuff that shakes me to my core. It's the stuff that reminds me how amazing daily developments and routines really are.

Can you imagine how much this father wants to return to his daily grind? Can you imagine how much he wants to return to the dullness that was their routine? He wants to be the chauffeur that has to get his little girl here and there. He wants to go into the office and just focus on his job.

It makes me quake when these things happen. It makes me grateful for the life I have.

As parents, there's only so much we can control in our chid's lives. There's only so much we can control about their development.

Signed,
Grateful for Today

How about you?

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International Supper Club For Kids

The International Supper Club for Kids. Don't Google it. My husband made it up.

When it comes to parenting, there are many things I love. I don't have to tell you about them, chances are you love them too. However, there are some things I admit I miss. These include grown-up dates and dinners at non-kid friendly restaurants. They'll both come back in time, but for now, my neighborhood friends and I have our International Supper Club for Kids.

Yes, they are little and may (okay, don't) know know the difference between Mexico and Germany, but why not start an international education now? Celebrating the diversity of the world is definitely one thing I want my kiddo to be hip to. Plus, I get to reap the benefits of this informal neighborhood club.

How does it work? It's pretty simple really.

Each month (ours happens to be the 4th Sunday at 4pm), 3 neighborhood families gather together for a playdate. With the benefits of a safe, supportive and social experience for our little ones and adult conversation for the rest of us, this playdate also became a great way to learn something new. So, we added in the element of celebrating one country each month.

We rotate hosting this playgroup. Whoever is the host family picks the country of focus. This "lucky" family also provides a main dish to share. The other families each contribute a side dish.

Each family approaches each dinner as they wish. In addition to good food, we've shared stories and pictures about India and danced to polka music with red/black/yellow streamers to celebrate Germany.

It's become a great way to introduce our children to new foods (and I've tasted some new ones too!) and even some new words from a different language.

It's become a fun way to celebrate and begin to educate the children about this great world we live in.

And, it's been a treat to enjoy adult conversation and good food in an environment that is appropriate for my child.

Kids are a great excuse to start something new.

What's your plan?

Buena Suerte!

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Tornadoes

Do you have a toddler in your life?

You know, one of those little, cute people who all of a sudden are "walking and talking machines?"

How does it happen?

Where does time go?

Development seems to happen in the blink of an eye.

And, now it's spring. It's definitely spring in our household. Why?

There's a swift wind that starts blowing in our house every morning. With the prancing of puppy feet, the house awakens and goes into full swing of showers, breakfast, reading, playing and getting packed for the day ahead.

The little one awake, the winds seem to pick up speed as she stumbles through the house, often blanket in tow. Spotting a book, a toy or the lid to a pan, our little tornado picks them up and whisks them away as she continues her path through the house.  It takes only minutes for each room to be declared a disaster zone.

Right behind her, I find myself doing more knee bends these days, running to replace these strewn items.

Then, I'm off again and so is she.

Toddlerhood and tornadoes are here.

What's the weather like at your house?

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Sleep

Sleep. It sounds so simple. Yes, if you are a parent, sometimes it seems to be anything but simple.

Yes, I've written about this before: www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleeping-like-a-baby/. Seems like just when you get a few good nights of sleep in, you hit a bump in the road. Maybe it's a cold? Or teething? Or dreams? Or...or...or? Sometimes, it seems all you can do is offer up a best guess. Try something different. Try the same thing.

It's times like these, I like resources like the one I am about to share. It's an easy outline of things that should work. It's the kind of resource that makes me think this whole sleeping thing may not be rocket science. It's the kind of thing that makes me believe our house will be sleeping like a baby tonight.

Here's a few of the nuts & bolts of this article created by www.webmd.com/:

1. Spot sleepiness (i.e. eye-rubbing, yawning, etc.) and follow through when you notice your child is growing tired.

2. Don't wake a sleeping a baby.  If they are asleep in their carseat, simply - okay, may be harder than it sounds at times - un-do the carseat and take your munchkin inside. Or, you can be like a good friend of mine, and simply carry a good magazine or paper with you and enjoy the few extra minutes of solitude in the car with your kiddo.

3. Try to seperate nursing from naps. Nursing can be a beautiful, peaceful thing, both for you and your baby. The trouble may arise when baby will only go to sleep when nursing. Try to seperate these two items, if even by a story or a change of a diaper. In the long run, this will make for better sleep for all.

4. Set a routine. Babies and toddlers may not tell time, but they definitely like rhythms of routine. Routines provide cues to little ones of what is coming next. A consistent routine may just be the thing that is needed to get a munchkin to bed.

5. Don't rush in. This is the one I am totally guilty of. I hear a sneeze, hiccup, or any other noise and you'll find me bolting into my munchkin's room. Unfortunately, many times as soon as she sees my face, it's "bye-bye bed" and "hello mama" - regardless if she is ready to awake or not. I'll work on this one...how about you?

Check out the full article/slideshow...there's some good stuff: www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/sleep-10/slideshow-naps.

How are you sleeping these days? What is working for you and your family?

Zzzzzzzzzz....

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Surviving The Doctor's Visit

Coffee. Chocolate. List of questions. List of answers. Breathe deep.

Okay, I'm ready. Tomorrow is check-up day for the munchkin. I don't know why I get so worked up. It's that "crazy mama/want everything to be grand/is everything okay?" syndrome. Do you have it too?

Don't worry, I put on a good game face. To her, there's nothing going on here. I've mentioned it a time or two (she's the kind of kiddo that likes to know where we're off to next...though I also have friends who would never mention it to their toddler - they simply find no need and their kiddo does just fine). I haven't let on to the details though (i.e. the shot).

So, what's one to do? Is there a way to prepare your toddler for a trip to the doctor's? When they are sick, it seems easier. At those times, they could care less. They just don't feel well.

Routine check-ups, however, sometimes seem to breed fear. It's going someplace different. It's a face (the doctor) that they don't (hopefully) see often. It's the idea of being weighed and measured and touched by a stranger (come to think of it, I don't like that at all either).

Well, I've been gearing up and I think we are ready to go. How?

1. Books. Books are such an awesome resource for introducing the unfamiliar. There's stories (both fiction and non-fiction) for talking about the experiences that may occur at the doctor's. Here's one of my little girl's current favorites: www.amazon.com/Say-Ahhh-Dora-Doctor-Explorer/dp/1416954309/ref=sr_1_1.

2. Play doctor's kit + favorite stuffed toy = something similiar for the munchkin to play with and help her understand the tools the doctor may use.

3. Reward. Yes, sometimes it's about the good surprises. My doctor's office happens to have stickers and I'm touting that there is a sticker at the end of this adventure. She's little and she's happy about this.

4. And, last but not least, mama will stay calm and composed. Coffee. Chocolate (while she's not watching, of course!). Repeat.

We'll survive. How about you?

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Time to Play

I may have been wrong about this whole "spring has sprung thing." Here in Cleveland, we welcomed March with a good foot (yes, FOOT) of new snow. It's beautiful and it made for a fun 20 minutes outside and a few good pics.

The question became what to do with the rest of the day. How are you spending your wintry days? Any good ideas for keeping your munchkin busy?

It's times like these that I am thankful for the playroom.

As soon (literally, as soon) as I found out I was expecting, I went to work. The "nesting instinct" must have kicked into high gear. The guest room vanished in days. Out went the bed and the dresser. I'll welcome guests to the couch, I thought (yes, some hostess am I!). There were more important things. I needed a place to hang with my kid. I needed a place for their "stuff." I knew my newborn wouldn't dig it as much as I did, but I also knew that as soon as they arrived, there may not be the time to create the playroom I envisioned.

So, what's inside?

1. A safety mirror: www.discountschoolsupply.com/NewDSS/Product/ProductDetail.aspx. Mounted close to the floor, this little gem is a great centerpiece of the room. What's better than an infant/toddler's reflection in the mirror? Not much, especially when they squeal with glee at their own smile.

2. Easy clean-up rug. Why? Spit-up, pee...need I say more? Nah, you're a parent. You get it. Here's an example of some of the good stuff out there when it comes to rugs (I especially like the "Lifetime Anti-Bacterial Treatment"): www.discountschoolsupply.com/NewDSS/Product/ProductDetail.aspx

3. See-through bins or other easily accessed containers. Buying for babies is fun (which nearly every one of your friends and family are soon to show you).  Containers will not only minimize clutter, it will enable you to swap out toys ("ta-da, there's something new to play with!").

4. Things that will grow with baby. My playroom includes a magnetic dry-erase board. Here's a "posh" example: www.amazon.com/Magna-Visual-WOW-3648-Magnetic-Planning/dp/B0006VO34M/ref=sr_1_10.  As a toddler, I've introduced the magnetic letters to put on the board, but the markers are bound to be a great new thing when the munchkin gets old enough to realize the difference between coloring on this cool board vs. the walls.. I also added a large map of the world. The map is definitely more for me now, but I figure at some point it will be a great tool for exploring the possibilities ahead. Bonus: it was a cheap way to fill a lot of space on a wall with something educational and visually cool to look at.

What's in your playroom? Please share your ideas.

And, I 'm off...It's time to PLAY!

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Map

I'm on a "spring has sprung" kick. If you've been reading this blog, you've probably noticed.

Yesterday morning, I ventured into the woods for a hike. I enjoyed the adventures of climbing up and down hills in the woods. Before I knew it, I was hopelessly lost. I kept thinking I knew which direction I should go, but it just wasn't working out. Quite a metaphor for life at times too!

When I ask my toddler, "Whom do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go?", she screams "MAP!" (Some of you know exactly who I am talking about, and if you don't, chances are you will soon learn!). Anyhow, wouldn't that be great if it were true.

I sometimes wonder about the decisions I make for my child. Is this the right program? The right way to have her learn? Then, there's the even bigger decisions that affect our lives. You know, things like the right financial decision. The right career choice.  And, so on and so on and so on.

Sometimes doing the right thing for my child isn't clear. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't seem easy. During these times, I wish I had a map to guide me.

An hour and a half later, I found my way out of the woods. I was quite relieved and even a bit giddy. Maybe it is a little fun to get lost sometimes.

Forget the map, I'll find my own way.

Our kids are all different. Even with all the books and information, sometimes we have to blaze our own trail.

Where are you with your child today? What decisions are you pondering? Where do you want to go?

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Spring Has Sprung

March is here. I'm delighted to flip the page of the calendar from February. Where are you? I'm in Cleveland. Ohio, that is. It's been a cold, grey, snowy (did I mention COLD?) winter. I'm done with it and delighted that spring is literally right around the corner (officially March 20th). It's not that I'm afraid to bundle up and brave the cold. I'm just done with it.

There's only so many days to take a toddlin' tot to the mall to walk off their wiggles. I don't want to sanitize her (again) from head to toe after exploring the indoor kid park at our local fast food joint. I want to get outside. I want to run. I want to play. It's time. Are you in?

Spring is good for the mind, body and soul.  It's good for our kids too. There's definitely something to the fresh air, blue skies and - most of all - the opportunity to engage in large (gross) motor activities.

Like all skill development, gross motor development takes time and opportunities to practice and refine skill. These skills include pulling up (on furniture, tables, etc.), first steps, hopping and finally advanced skills like skipping and pedaling a tricycle. The outdoors is a wonderful place to practice and refine these skills. It can also be a ton of fun, both for you and your child.

Are you ready? As you head out, consider taking along some of these simple toys that will help your infant or toddler engage in, and extend, gross motor play:

*Balls. Think BIG, little, textured, etc. Balls are some of the best toys ever invented. Roll, toss, bounce, chase, kick...you name it, it's good for your munchkin and fun too. Use a laundry basket in lieu of a traditional basketball hoop. Toddlers will love the opportunity to toss balls in, then dump them out and do it all over again.

*Bubbles.  Infants are mezmerized. Toddlers giggle with joy. Encourage your child to reach for them, to chase them, to pop them. Next up, they will work on blowing their own.

*Toys for pushing or pulling. One of the favorites in our household is the bubble blowing kid mower. Just her size, as a toddler, she moved up and down the driveway pushing and pushing and pushing. Then, she would squeal with delight as bubbles flew into the air.

*Gross motor equipment (i.e small climber, slide, etc.). I refuse to buy anything for our yard as there are four different parks within walking distance of our house. However, if you are not so fortunate, think about a piece or two of play equipment that will encourage your child to climb over, under and/or through. As this type of equipment is often not inexpensive, think about equipment that will evolve and provide new opportunities for play  for your child (i.e. a simple slide may become a fun tent when covered with a sheet - this could be used during dramatic play as your child develops into a preschooler).

It's March. Gather up the stuff and head outside. See you there!

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Capturing Development

Time flies when you are having fun. It also flies when you are a sleep deprived new mama who is busy taking care of a baby. Parenthood is quite a ride.

As I recently mentioned, my munchkin just celebrated her 3rd birthday. I still can't believe it. Three years? Seriously? Wow. It feels like I've just blinked. How could so much time have gone by? This picture was taken the day she turned one month old.

How do you capture the magic of this journey? There are a lot of ways you can do it. Many of them cost too much money and time. There are a few that are cheap and easy. Don't let too much time slip by.

Capture it:

• Photos. Take one photo of your child on their monthly birthday, especially during their first year. You'll be amazed at the changes you witness (and preserve) from month to month. At the end of the year, buy a simple frame (your local craft store is a good bet to find one) and put all 12 photos together. Ta-da.
• Journal or simply take notes. Grab a notebook and write down the random thoughts of the moment. Even if time is short and you don't even complete the sentence, it's amazing what you can document. These notes can also be what you are looking for the next time you are going to see your pediatrician and are trying to remember those questions you meant to ask.
• Paint. A baby's creations are a wonderful way to celebrate the moment. Your first painting may include finger smears across the page. Another painting may include the moment when your baby obtained the fine motor skills to hold onto a paint brush. These works of art will be cherished for years to come.  They also make great conversation pieces when displayed in your home!Remember to take a quick snap shot of your child engaged in the creation process.
• Measure. Each year (perhaps on their birthday), don't forget to make that pencil mark on the wall which notes the height of your child.

How do you capture your child's successes? Share your ideas! I'd love some new ones too...

Infancy and toddlerhood are magical. It's fun to capture the moment today that will fuel the memories of tomorrow.

Enjoy the ride -

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Back on Track

I'm getting back on track when it comes to protecting my child. I admit it. I am one of "those" parents who has delayed (note: delayed not denied) vaccines to my child. Why? A variety of reasons. Mostly, however, the fear of any link between vaccinations and autism.

There's a lot of information out there. Sometimes it is great. Sometimes it is terrifying. As a new mom, I read all the information about vaccines and the number of them and timing. Well, it all got to me. I slowed things down and put my munchkin on her own schedule. Now, creeping upon the age of three, we're slightly behind the AAP recommended schedule (aapredbook.aappublications.org/resources/IZSchedule0-6yrs.pdf). Luckily, we're still in the game.

Just recently, I stumbled upon this article: www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/02/03/singer.autism.study.vaccines/index.html. The title, "Time to regroup on autism" caught my attention. As you will see, the article bullet points new information regarding this developmental disorder. It also highlighted the recent retraction from the medical journal "The Lancet." The what? Although you may not be familiar with "The Lancet," you most likely have heard of the controversial research study which linked autism to the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine. This study was published in 1998 and has been a source of constant conversation since then. It was one of the reasons that I chose a different vaccination route than that recommended by the AAP.

With new information, I find myself wondering if waiting or delaying was the right choice? After all, vaccines are meant to protect our children. What about you? Do have have any hesitation about vaccinating? What are your thoughts? Your plans?

As for me, I'm going to see my pediatrician soon and getting my kiddo "back on track."

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Text4baby

Pregnancy. Are you there? Trying to get there? Wherever you are in the journey (it took us nearly a year to "get in the game"), chances are you are hungry for information. As a new mama (or new mama-to-be), you - of course - want to do everything and anything to support your baby's development.

It's a great time for finding out nearly anything you want to know. Of course, there are the traditional books (here's a list to get you started courtesy of Amazon, there's pregnancy websites, and now there is Text4baby.

Recently launched, this handy and FREE service will send you tidbits of information to keep you informed about what you can do to support your developing baby's health. SMS (short message service) messages are available in both English and Spanish. These messages are the outcome of an extensive partnership that includes both the government as well as professional and academic institutions. In other words, people who know their stuff.

Check it out...your child's developement is worth it.

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Music, Music, Music

I noticed it within days of bringing my little girl home. Whenever I sang, something happened. Sometimes she stopped crying, sometimes it seem to bring her comfort and security. Sometimes, it just made me happy (and weepy).

I'm not one of those people who have "a voice." You know, "a voice" as in, one that you actually want to listen to. However, I do enjoy singing. I love to make up songs. Sometimes they rhyme. Many times, they don't. I'm delighted that I finally have a captive audience who seems to really enjoy my "talent."

Where am I going here?

Well, the first stop is the importance of music in your child's life. The importance of music in their development.

Do you know that research has confirmed that exposure to music (i.e. lullaby music) can help premature infants develop? (Mozart Effect the Effect of Music on Premature Babies)

The benefits of music don't stop there. At an early age, an infant's developmental path for learning musical rhythm is similar to that used in developing language and speech.  Rhythm in music, pattern and beat, are very similar to rhythm, pattern, and beat in language. Language rapidly develops in late infancy and throughout toddlerhood.  Music may be another tool in promoting this rapidly developing skill.   Rhythm and beat also provide opportunities for movement (don't you love to watch an infant or young child "bob" to the music), which support children's acquisition of gross motor development.

Are you still thinking you can't sing?

The bottom line is that your child won't care. They love your voice. They love it most because it is you. It's the sound they've been listening to ever since they were a "bean" in your belly.

However, I know what you mean. So does my husband for that matter. At times, we all need a source for some "good" music.

Great news. Pandora - free, internet radio (www.pandora.com/#/) - has launched children's music. They've made it easy to get started. Instead of trying to find an artist that you and your kiddo may dig, you can simply tune into one of their stations (read more about those here: blog.pandora.com/pandora/archives/2010/02/childrens-music.html). Once you tune in, you can then give a "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" as you hear music and, over a period of time, build a station that you and your family will truly love.

Whether you do the singing or tune in, do it. It's a definite for your kid - both for fun and their development.

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day.

I'm a sap. I tear up at the jewelry commercials and my heart swells as I watch the shots of new love.

Personally though, I really don't like Valentine's Day. What's the worth of another "Hallmark" holiday?  Like New Year's Eve, many times, the day doesn't live up to the expectations. Will I get flowers? How about a card? Perhaps a long smooch? I hate to guess. Many times, it seems guessing only leads to disappointments of would've, could've and should've.

I have a love. He's been in my life longer than he hasn't. Yes, my heart still races when I see him smile at me.

Now, I have another love in my life. She's 2 feet tall, stumbles around like a drunken sailor and isn't that excited about getting her teeth brushed. Yet, I am crazy for her.

I always thought parenthood wouldn't change me. I was scared it would. And it has, but for the better. Seeing the world through her sparkling eyes and hearing the screech of her laughter, I have fallen in love all over again. And with that, I'm ready to celebrate.

How? Here's a few ideas to get you started:

• Homemade Valentine's. No matter if they are smeared with paint, globbed with glue, or scribbled with marker, these special cards will be treasured for a lifetime.
• Cook up some fun. Whether your munchkin helps (even young toddlers can help stir and pour) cook up a nice meal, you order in or eat out, a simple, special family gathering provides meaningful moments in your child's life.
• Have fun. Sing "Happy Valentine's Day" (use the tune "Happy Birthday"), light (and blow out) a couple of candles or have your own dance party (great physical fitness for you and your child). 

This year, my husband and I will celebrate Valentine's Day.  However, the table will be set for three. Thanks "Hallmark" for giving me another day to celebrate love.

What's your plans for celebrating the love in your life?

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Happy Birthday Baby!

It's a big week in our house. Yes, there is Valentine's Day. There is also this munchkin's birthday. Yes, 3 years ago this week, she came into our lives and rocked our world.

I swore parenthood wouldn't change me. Oops. I was wrong about that one. As you know (or soon will), it's a great ride. It is a ride that is sometimes indescribable, unbelieveable and most often, full of joy and fun.

I always thought some parents got a bit crazy when it came to celebrating their munchkin's birthday. Now, I get it. I am crazy too.

As nutty as I am (menu planning, present buying, etc.), I do try to keep myself  in line. After all, this is her day. Not mine. It's about making a day that meets her needs. Not mine.

With that in mind, I offer up the following ideas for celebrating your baby's big day:

• There can be too much of a good thing. This is true when it comes to parties and people. Babies (and toddlers) like routines and intimate celebrations. When it comes to planning your (oh, I mean your baby's - oops) party, keep in mind their eating and sleeping patterns. Even if 1pm is a great time for everyone else to gather, if it's normally your tiny tot's naptime, bag the idea. Schedule the party for a time when your baby feels their best. If they are a morning munchkin, go for the the 10am or 11am fiesta. Perhaps 4pm works better? Do it. Schedule around your child's needs.
• Keep your invite list small. Yes, you may want to let everyone in the world know that your baby is celebrating their first, or second or third, birthday. Tell them, but don't invite them all to the party. Too many people in one place may only lead to a noisy environment and too much of a good thing for baby. If you want to celebrate with everyone, consider a couple of smaller get togethers vs. one massive party.
• Your baby is sweet enough. Cake is good. Icing is better. That's my philosphy anyhow. However, when it comes to a young child, do monitor the amount of sweets they are intaking. Too many sugars may leave baby not feeling their best. Everything in moderation - including baby's intake of cake.

Birthdays are a great time to stop and celebrate your efforts in raising a happy and healthy child.

Don't forget to capture the moment.

Enjoy!

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Bow-wows & Babies

These are my two girls. Aged 8 and 11, they were our first "babies." Then, came our baby girl.

Recently, I came across this article: www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/01/11/pets.new.baby/index.html.

It's a good read. Are you the owner of pups and thinking about how their life may change (and yours too) with the addition of a human baby into your life?  You'll find this article has good, down-to-earth and practical advice when it comes to preparing them (and you) for this change that very well may rock rover's world.

We were lucky. We navigated the transition of one little munchkin into their lives pretty unscathed. It definitely helped that one of these beautiful pups is from a guide dog school.  I was raising her to have a career as a working dog. (Her plans changed and we adopted her.) 

After reading Monica Halloway's "Cowboy & Wills,", I've been pondering the impact of our pups on my child's development. I haven't researched this deeply, but I can tell you a few things I've noticed/believe we've gained with these two dogs in our lives (and hers):

• Getting out and about. With dogs, especially Labrador Retrievers, a tired dog is a good dog. These dogs don't take well to long, leisurely days in the house. Therefore, neither do we. Our family benefits from our own personal fitness trainers who are relentless. Tails wag and noses push on our legs until we all make a move out the door. Yay for good infant carriers and for jogger strollers! There have been early morning (pre-sunrise) walks, evening walks and nighttime walks. Nature and the great outdoors is good for baby and good for me!
• Caring for others.  In this case, taking care of our critters. As an infant, she watched our interactions. As a toddler, she is able to help. There are the countless trips from the sink to the water bowls, carrying the small measuring cup (good for fine motor skills and coordination, not to mention  that it keeps her busy for a few mintues and ensures that the floors get mopped every so often!).  There is also the helping to feed the pups each day, scooping and pouring their dry kibble into their bowls.
• Interactions. She's flying solo right now (meaning there are no other siblings in the house). Yet, she does have someone to compete with when it comes to our affections and also someone/something in the house who she interacts with daily. Somehow, I think it's got to be good for her social-emotional development.

Sometimes our house feels like a zoo.

Sometimes, our house is a zoo.

What about yours? Are the benefits of having animals worth it for you and your child? Has having a baby rocked your dog's world?

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Cowboy & Wills

I just finished reading the book "Cowboy & Wills" by Monica Holloway: www.amazon.com/Cowboy-Wills-Story-Monica-Holloway/dp/1416595031/ref=sr_1_1.

These days, I'll admit that I don't read many books that have more words than pictures. I am reading this book for a review I am writing (I most often write about munchkins and animals). As a parent and animal lover, it was a book that I couldn't put down.

As for the book, it's about a little guy named Wills.  Wills has been diagnosed with high-functioning autism (www.aap.org/healthtopics/autism.cfm). Through the 276 pages, you'll learn alot about Wills, autism and the impact of animals, specifically a Golden Retriever named Cowboy, in Wills' life.

Autism is kind of a scary word to me. What about to you? What do you know? What do you want to know?

The most recent autism rates indicate that approximately 1 in 100 children (that's 10%) will be diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder.

There's much unknown to me and it seems researchers too, especially when it comes to what this means to a child's development and the ability for a child to reach their full potential. Signs and symptoms of autism? Check out this: www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/pdf/parents_pdfs/AutismFactSheet.pdf.

Also of recent interest, is this research summary report and its findings of rates of autism associated with what neighborhood families live(d) in: http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/mindinstitute/newsroom/newsdetail.html?key=3479&svr=http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu&table=published.  Check out the conclusions of the study. If nothing else, it's interesting food for thought.

Now, back to the book. What I can tell you is that I gained some insight which made autism not quite as scary. There are many factors that we as parents cannot control in our child's development. Perhaps autism is one of them.

What we can control is one of the wonderful outcomes of this book. We can control many of the opportunities, interactions and experiences that will affect our child's development. We can (for the most part) control the resources which may best meet their needs.

Oh, and if you are going to read the book, do have a few tissues handy.

Like all rides that are worthy, there's sweetness and sadness - but in the end, hopefully you'll be glad you made the trip.

Happy reading!

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A Developmentally Appropriate Shower

Monday, Monday...Time to wake up and get going!

How do you get up and going? Besides the java, the shower does it for me. It's a daily neccessity.

Yes, taking a shower. It sounds so simple.  However, getting a shower with an infant or young toddler can be a challenge, especially if you are home alone, flying solo.

In those first days of mommyhood, I remember being so proud of my accomplishment. I was home alone. I was dressed and showered. I beamed. Ta-da! I did it!

Yes, sometimes, it is the little things. The littlest accomplishments in life. With the unknown of a little one's schedule, getting a shower (daily) has been one of my proud successes of parenthood.

Yes, you can wait on the nap, but I tend to "live on the edge" (all while keeping my munchkin happy and safe, of course!) and have found a great plan to getting a shower while all are awake.  It's a "developmentally appropriate shower."

It all started the week I brought her home. It started with the vibrating bouncy seat. Thank God for that creation. One of the best inventions ever. The vibrating chair, bright lights, bubbles and pretend fish are enough to mesmerize most infants for a few minutes (given that they are fed and changed before being put in such a contraption).

Then we moved to the portable infant swing. It had music and a mirror attached to it. Perfect for seeing herself.

Of course, both of the above were accompanied by my singing in the shower and a few games of peek-a-boo from around the shower curtain. All were happy.

As time went on (too quickly, it seems), she wanted to sit-up and move around. She wanted to see what else was going on.

Although not recommended by most pediatricians, I rebelled and found a gently used walker at a garage sale. With the help of a  few different toys each day, I was able to schedule my daily "vacation" (fondly referred to by my good buddies Maroo and Wooga). I should also mention that the use of my walker works well in my house which is void of staircases (the number one reason walkers have become a big no-no. Safety issues.). I would also shut the door to the bathroom as to be able to keep one eye on the munchkin while also scrub-a-dub dubbing.

Soon enough though, the glamour wore off (for her, not me...I still dig a hot shower every day). The toys began coming into the shower, tossed in one by one.  Next up, stickers (my munchkin was past the "eating them" phase). Those worked well until the day the walker was covered with them. There was nothing else to sticker.

Now, it's time for a change. Maybe "Sesame Street" and a daily use for that pack and play? Ah, Sesame Street with silly puppets, songs and enough educational content that makes me feel a-okay with that choice, at least for my 10 minute vacation. Luckily, even in the shower, I can peek out the door for her to see me and I to see her.

What amazes me as I think about this is how we morph to meet the needs of our kids while also meeting our own needs. It can be done. All while taking a shower. All while taking care of ourselves too.

Another day, another shower, a mini-vacation for me and another opportunity to explore for my kiddo

Enjoy!

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Signs, Signs.....Everywhere There Are Signs

"Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs." The song is going through my head. Remember it? The most recent artist was Tesla. I had no idea. There's your random piece of useless knowledge for the day. (See, information on child development and useless knowledge...why read anything else! LOL!).

The real reason this little melody is running through my head is that I have been thinking about sign language with infants.

A couple of weeks back, I wrote the following blog: www.planningfamily.com/blog/cry-baby/.

Unlike Dunstan, I am not sure I have a good enough ear to interpret each of my munchkin's sounds. To tell you the truth, sometimes, I'm not that focused. Sometimes, there's just too much noise (the dishwasher, the dogs, the hubby). Sometimes it's 2am and I am just not coherent enough to think about what this teeny tiny baby might want or need.

So, I'm looking at other methods of communication.

What do you know about sign language with infants and young toddlers?

I'll tell you what I know (thanks Wikipedia: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sign_language_in_infants_and_toddlers):

• The ages of six to nine months are optimal in teaching your baby some signs which will help them communicate with you.
• As the primary goal is also teaching your infant to use words, you should always use the verbal word along with the sign.
• Here is a great site which has basic signs with good visuals (Free!): www.babies-and-sign-language.com/glossary-photos.html.