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Bullies

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Wednesday, May 12, 2010
by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

We all have our moments, as I recently found following the posts related to this blog: www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/.

When the munchkin was nothing but a pumpkin (pre-mobile), life was a bit simpler. If I didn't want her to go somewhere or do something, I simply removed the source. Fast forward to those toddler years and she is now a walking/talking machine. Getting her to do what I want isn't simple at all. In fact, sometimes it is impossible.

There's redirection ("see, look over here...isn't this more wonderful than that?!), there's re-engagement ("try it this way..."), and there's the simple "no thank you" (or for safety sakes, the more direct, "no"). And still, sometimes that fails.

In those moments, I've been known to sigh the big sigh and even walk away. What I have never done is spank her.

My parents spanked me. Plenty of times. I turned out okay, but I really don't have anything to share with you about those times, other than a host of bad feelings and bad memories. Did it make me stop my behavior? I don't remember.

Recently, this study was published: pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2009-2678v1. It's reading-worthy, but a bit cumbersome. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that children who were spanked at age 3 are much more likely to become aggressive at age 5 than those were not. In other words, if you want to make your kid a bully, then do spank them. This study of 2500 children also took into account, a child's temperment (how aggressive they were to start with), as well as other factors that may lead to increased aggression in children.

Some may say a swat on the behind is just what kids need these days. I beg to differ. It may take more time and a lot more patience, but re-directing, re-engaging, taking away the privilege (or toy), or simply walking away from your child (ensuring their safety, of course!), will be much more effective in the long run, both for your development and theirs.

What's your opinion? What works for you and your child?

 

 

Comments

Friday, June 04, 2010 - Monica

I think people who have a problem with spanking envision some adult randomly flying out of nowhere, screaming and swatting wildly at a child who doesn't understand what is wrong. If you use your head when you spank your kid, it IS beneficial. I have a 3 year old, and when he needs spanking (and not for every tiny offense), I catch him IN THE BEHAVIOR he's in trouble for, spank him on the bottom, then after a minute or so, I'll hug him and explain what the behavior was that got him in trouble. Repeat offenses are on the decline for him, and I know that the combination of spankings and hugs are the reason.

Monday, May 31, 2010 - Nicole

I do not like to spank but I have 3 boys and a newborn baby girl and I'm sorry but there are times that they do something so bad that a spanking is the only punishment that seems appropriate. These types of events include biting, pinching, and otherwise trying to directly inflict pain on their siblings. Other than this I don't use spanking as an option. I will go for time outs and such. But I'm sorry I just can not stand there and allow a 7 year old(my eldest) to bite my 2 year old(my youngest son) and simply have him stand in a corner. It does nothing to solve the situation and I would rather not bite him back. That would teach him nothing.:)

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