August 2010

Need

Monday, August 30, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

When I found out I was pregnant, it didn't take me 9 months to develop the "nesting instinct" (you know, that "condition" many pregnant women seem to develop in the late stages of pregnancy as they ready everything for the new arrival). For me, nesting started the day my doctor surprised me with the news (www.planningfamily.com/blog/discovery-day/). I left the doctor's office and my next stop was my nearest department store. Yes, I had purpose. I was picking up pre-natal vitamins (www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/nutrition/essential-vitamins-and-minerals-for-pregnancy/).  It was also a great excuse to start checking out all the things I *thought* I would need for the new arrival.

In retrospect, I'm asking the question, "What do you really need to buy to support your baby's development?"

I'm the first to admit, I *thought* my baby needed everything. Looking back, I think we could have made do with a few simple items:

*A safe place for the baby to sleep (I'm a fan of the bassinet - close to me = easy nursing, but also knowing my baby is safe). The crib could have came later.

*A few sleepers designed for the baby's comfort.

*A baby bathtub (www.planningfamily.com/newborn/newborn-gear/scrub-a-dub-looking-for-an-infant-tub/).

*A car seat (www.planningfamily.com/newborn/newborn-gear/choosing-a-car-seat/).

Sounds pretty simple, eh? Of course, it does (and - most likely, it's never as easy as it sounds). However, supporting your baby's development when they arrive is about ensuring that their needs are met (i.e. if they are crying, being responsive to them) and keeping them safe.

What are you investing in these days?

Looking for a few more tips? Check out: www.planningfamily.com/newborn/bringing-baby-home/the-essentials/.

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Loss

Thursday, August 26, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

We had just arrived home from having dinner out at a local restaurant. It was a nice ending to a weekend away. I came into the house, ahead of the kiddo and hubby.

Then, I heard a sound that I had never heard. It was a terrible, horrible shriek. It was dreadful. Worst of all, it was coming from MY child.

Immediately, I ran back to the door. I imagined that my child had fallen and a trip to the nearest emergency room would soon follow. I arrived to see my child standing, tears pouring out down her face. The look on her face was dreadful. I could tell her heart was broken. I also saw a yellow balloon - the one that she had just brought home from the restaurant - floating up to the sky.

I looked at my hubby. What to do now?

I did what my heart told me to. I loaded her back up in the car and went back to the restaurant to get another balloon. Sound extreme? Perhaps, I'm a sap, a sucker some might say.

After the drama died down, the hubby asked if this might have been a good moment to teach our little girl about loss. He did have a point, a good one I'll admit.

How and when do you teach your child about loss? Is it when the favorite pacifier disappears? When the stuffed animal or blanket gets left behind? How and will your child understand?

Recently, I wrote this blog: http://www.planningfamily.com/blog/dealing-with-death/. When that balloon floated up to the sky, my child reacted like her best friend had gone. Forever.

I'm not sure she gets it, or when she will. I'm thinking that the best way to deal with loss in my child's life - like the death of a balloon - is a gradual process. She's so little, I wasn't ready to see her grieve. Thank goodness that restaurant is only a few miles up the road.

Have you and your child had to deal with loss? How have you and your child coped?

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Five Things

Monday, August 23, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

It's August!  For some of us, it's time for our kiddo's first independent adventure. Whatever the case - preschool, music, or tumbling class - the first time you take your child to a program designed for them to attend independently, you may find yourself more nervous than they are.  Sometimes, it seems that watching our kiddo take their first steps to independence is like doing it ourselves again.

Are you ready? Is your kiddo ready? After you've got your java and chocolate in hand (at least that is what works for me), also keep in mind these 5 things to help support a successful transition for your child into an independent program:

1. Be prepared to work in partnership with the educator/program facilitator. Yes, this is YOUR child, but now, you are expanding your resources (and your child's opportunities). Do make your expectations clear, but also be willing to listen and then ask questions. Be sure to read program policies, handbooks, philosophy, etc. Remember, your job is to ALWAYS advocate for your child. Speak up when necessary.

2. Develop a routine. I hate routines. Booorrriiingggg! Although we may find them dull, our kiddos thrive on them. Since they don't yet tell time, young children thrive on knowing what is happening in their world. One way for them to feel like they have control and know what is happening is through an established routine. When it comes to saying good-bye in an a new environment, your routine may take some time. You and your child may enjoy reading books or playing together in the classroom environment.

3. Say good-bye. You may hear from others that it is easy and best to simply "sneak out" once you find your child engaged in an activity. NEVER agree to this. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if the one who was closest to you was suddenly gone? Always say good-bye, even if it means tears.

4. Be a cheerleader. The first days (and even weeks) of our first preschool experience, I was not excited. Truthfully, some days I didn't want to take my little girl. I wanted to stay home, to cuddle and to play. I wanted to cry when we pulled up and it was time for us to part. These are the things I wanted to do. Instead, I put on my happy face. I sang silly songs about how much fun the day would be. Children need our confidence. They need our support. They ALWAYS need us to be their biggest fans.

5. Re-evaluate. The first day may not be easy. The second may be worse. The first week may be hard. However, as time goes along, you should see you and your child are both thriving. If not, re-evaluate. What is working? What is not? Why? Talk with the educator. Take time to observe your child in the program. Go down a different road if needed. There are many programs available. Find the one that matches the developmental needs and interests of your child best.

P.S. Capture the moment. Don't forget to take pictures and even journal about these moments.

I'm off to get my java and chocolate...big day tomorrow...off to preschool! Where are you headed this week?

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The Story

Thursday, August 19, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

Everyone has a story.

What story? You don't have a story? No? Don't worry. You soon will. Where and when a baby comes into the world, there is a story.

Recently, a buddy forwarded me this article: www.nytimes.com/2010/07/22/health/22birth.html. It took me down memory lane. Why?

Here's my story from the journal I kept throughout pregnancy (just another way to capture development: www.planningfamily.com/blog/capturing-development/).

Written 2/2007:

"You finally arrived! You are here with me now, sleeping so peacefully on my lap. It is so fun to see you. If I think about it too much, the tears will kick in.  It can be overwhelming at times.

On Monday, 2/12, I finally went into labor on my own. That night, I just didn't feel great and have to say that contractions are really anything but fun! By the morning of the next day, I decided that we needed to head into the hospital. For so long, nothing had progressed. It was so wonderful to hear that I was dilated to 3 cm!

I spent much of the day on monitors and with an epidural (God bless the epidural!). By evening, I was at 6 cm and Potocin was given to continue the labor process. By 9:45pm that evening, I was ready to push. The experience of working to deliver a baby is unbelievable. You really do have put your modesty aside, get to work, and "keep your eye on the prize."

Mark (the hubby) was there with me the whole time and amazing. He would breathe each time I would; he would look like he was pushing just as hard as I was.

After an hour, I heard the words that I hadn't planned on hearing, but somehow I guess I knew were coming. The doctor said "I don't think we are going to be able to deliver her this way." I knew what way she was talking about, a c-section (www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/labor-and-delivery/information-on-c-sections/). I couldn't believe it. I think my exact words were "You've got to be frickin kidding me". Unfortunately she wasn't. Baby's heart rate was up. My temperature was up.

Shortly after 11pm, I was wheeled into the Operating Room and prepped. This is really the hardest part of the story for me. As they prepped me and tested the incision area, I kept saying I could feel their "test." I could feel it, the sharpness of whatever instrument they were about to use. The next thing I knew I was prepped to be put under which meant I wasn't going to be awake during the actually delivery. That was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to be awake, to hear her, to see her.

I left a state of consciousness and Mark was left alone. I don't know if I will fully know what happened or what he experienced. I do know that it left him very shaken. I think he was worried about the health and safety of the baby and of me. I know they had to really work to get the baby out. She was stuck in the birth canal area.

It is said that I was awake within 3 minutes of the delivery. I do remember hearing her cry. They did put her with me to ride back to the room. I remember the tears of having her here and I do remember Mark's tears.

It wasn't what I had envisioned, but she had arrived - February 13 (Tuesday) at 11:41pm weighing 9 pounds 4 ounces and 21 inches long.  My little girl was here."

And that's my story...the story of becoming a mother.

Fast forward a couple of years and I can honestly say, all has ended well. Though not the birth experience I planned, neither her nor my development was affected. We were (and are) both healthy and well. As for the NY Times article and whether I'd plan another c-section or not, I really don't know. At the end of the day, everyone was/is healthy and happy and that IS all I need.

Do you have a story to share?

 

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Resilient

Monday, August 16, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

When I first brought my baby home, I was delighted she was eating and sleeping (okay, sleeping a little). As my little one grew, so did her personality and my dreams for the little person she was becoming. It was then that I began to think about what trait/skill/characteristic would be of most value to her as she grew into a young lady.  Most experts agree, there's quite a mix of genetics and environmental influences that make us each who we are/who we become.

What is the most important characteristic you want your child to have?

For me, it's the ability to "bounce back," to get up and keep going, to be resilient.

Resiliency. What makes a child resilient? Can you make a child resilient? Let's face it, life gives us all a beating once in awhile (of course, I don't mean this literally). At times, we all have bumps in the road.

In our household, I started thinking about this skill as soon as I saw the munchkin developing skill sets of her own: the first time she tried to pull up (and fell down), those few drunken (tumbling) steps, the first time she skinned her nose after running down the hill. "Are you okay?" I would ask. Then, I moved from the question to the statement, "You ARE okay." It was my way of encouraging her to move on.

Next up came how to tackle her frustration regarding doing things on her own. The question was (and still is) "when to intervene and when to let her work through it."

Today, it was the full fledged meltdown over a miscommunication of what way she wanted to come home (we have two routes and, not mattering to us, we allow the munchkin to decide each day). Oops, today we chose wrong. She wanted to go back. She wanted us to do it again. It wasn't happening. It took a bit (okay, ALOT) of patience and quiet words to her, but she managed to get herself together and move on. We ended with a terrific family night playing outside under the setting summer sun.

Just like the first blog entry I wrote, it's all about baby steps (www.planningfamily.com/blog/baby-steps/). I hope by navigating life as we have so far, we're on our way to helping the kiddo grow into a resilient child (and person).

What skill or characteristic are you working on developing with your little one these days?

22 Comments

Sunscream

Thursday, August 12, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

"SunSCREAM?" Yes, "sunscream." These days, that is the munchkin's word for it. Hearing her little voice trying to get out all these new words brings a smile to my face.

I'm beginning to think "sunSCREAM" is a much more appropriate word for it than sunSCREEN.

Why?  Well, let me count the ways.

First of all, there's the three times when after I've applied ("liberally," as the bottle instructed) it, and she has - within seconds - then rubbed her eyes. What follows is tears, lots of whining, and a mama who feels terrible that the suncreen has wound up hurting her vs. protecting her.

Secondly, there's all the new information I've come to learn about sunscreen. Check this out: www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/. It's a wonderfully, reliable source that's opened up my eyes to all the products out there on the market. One of the best resources of the site is found here: www.ewg.org/2010sunscreen/best-beach-sport-sunscreens/.

When it comes to child development, number one on my list is keeping the kiddo safe and healthy. Before finding this info (shared by a good buddy), I admit that when it came to buying sunscreens, I looked for namebrands and words such as "pediatrician recommended." Now, I'm looking for so much more. Finding some of the information on this site did make me want to scream.

Oh, and I know - it's August. Yes, for some of us, the summer sun is going to be retiring sooner than later. However, a good resource is always worth sharing. What sunscreen or other tips are you using to keep your infant and toddler from getting too much of the summer sun these days? Any and all advice is appreciated!

P.S. Remember, most sunscreen products are NOT recommended for use on infants under the age of 6 months. Questions/comments/concerns regarding how to protect your baby from the sun are best directed to your pediatrician.

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Play the Game

Monday, August 09, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

I don't know about you, but weekday mornings are the hardest (or should I say "the most challenging") part of our day in our household. We're up a good three hours before we head out anywhere. Still, it doesn't seem there's enough time. With the munchkin (now a toddler), there's her one "movie" (meaning one mama-approved DVD show (i.e. "Dora" episode) = mama gets her shower and gets dressed), breakfast (also known as reading time and dancing time), followed by a few minutes of playtime in the playroom, and finally, the tasks of getting dressed, teeth brushed and hair combed. After all that, it's simply a matter of trying to make sure all else is together to take on the day successfully.

If you've been reading this blog for any period of time, you know I enjoy this journey called parenthood www.planningfamily.com/blog/magic-in-the-mundane/). I'm not going to lie to you either. Sometimes, I too have my moments (www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/).

Recently, I had one of those mornings. We were running late. Again (thank goodness for understanding employers). I was growing more and more frustrated by the second. Usually, I am as patient as a Saint. Usually. I began ordering that socks were put on. I began ordering that teeth were brushed. I began ordering that the munchkin get her shoes.  That day, I forgot how to "play the game."  It was a harsh reminder that none of us enjoy being micro-managed.

What "game"?

Isn't it lovely when your boss or spouse/significant other comes in and says "Do this." Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if they asked  "Would you like to do this?" instead? Or perhaps even better: "Would you like to do this OR this?" Ah, the magic of choices. The magic of empowering another. The magic of playing "the game."

If you have a toddler, chances are there are times when you too need to find a different way to get from point A to point B. The toddler times are the first times munchkins begin exerting their independence. Though this may often drive us a little nutty, I remind myself (and you) that this is exciting growth and development. This is what should be happening - the munchkin is learning to think for themself. What magic!

What's working for you? What games are you playing these days?

 

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Read

Thursday, August 05, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

The moment I found out I was going to have a baby, I began the search to find every bit of information about the journey ahead. Yes, I do have a degree in child development, but, like anything, it's different when it is your baby and I "suffered" from pregnancy amnesia (forgetting the most basic of things - pregnancy hormones are a great excuse). The internet is so amazing...there's so much out there - so much good stuff like www.planningfamily.com/newborn/.

There are times though, that I didn't have the energy to move myself across the room to boot up the computer and/or just didn't have the enthusiasm to search for the specifics on one topic or another. It's at these times, I was happy to have a few books nearby to keep me company, especially during those nights of insomnia when I was either uncomfortable during those late days of pregnancy or my mind was just running with thoughts about the days ahead. Looking for a few good books?

Here's the top 5 best-selling baby books out there right now. Not sure if you want to invest? Don't! Give your library a call (free = more cash for other things you might need) and most will be happy to do the legwork for you, pull them off the shelf and have them ready for pick-up when you are ready to get them. Then, pick your favorite and add it to your shower wish list.

Here they are:

Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Sleep Longer by Harvery Karp

On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth

Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Baby's First Year by Denise Fields and Ari Brown

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley and William Sears

P.S. It's obvious sleep is/can be a big issue when is comes to having a munchkin in the household.  For more on sleep (as in,  "how to get some") check out the following blogs:

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleeping-like-a-baby/

www.planningfamily.com/blog/sleep/

 

 

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Whatever Works

Monday, August 02, 2010 by Jeannie Fleming-Gifford

I'm a working mama ("outside the household" - www.planningfamily.com/blog/kate-gosselin/). It isn't always easy to keep balance in our lives, but when all is right in the world, you'll find me out and about in the neighborhood at 6:45am with the stroller and my two labs on a leash.

With two 55 pound dogs and one jogger stroller, I'm quite the sight. Most folks know me. Those who don't, smile and says things like "Now that's multi-tasking!" I just smirk and attempt to keep moving foward. During this time, the munchkin eats a good breakfast and we ramble on about the day ahead. I love this time. It's quiet in the neighborhood, I get some exercise and, even when it isn't easy trying to get everyone to move forward at the same time, it works for me.

Sometimes in parenthood, we have to think outside the box. We have to do things that are a bit unconventional. We have to do what works for our child, for our family.  I was reminded of this during my "parade" through the neighborhood the other morning.

As I was out on my morning trek, I came across another family. It was just before 7am. They weren't walking. Instead, they were in their yard, hose on, toddler in bedclothes, and frolicking in the water. When they saw me, they said "Yeah, we know...it's a little early for playing in the water." My response: "Whatever works." They smiled and all continued to enjoy the early morning water play.

Have you been there? I certainly have. Sometimes, 7am is mid-day. Sometimes, you've read books, ate breakfast, and are dressed. What to do? As this family did, you find what works for your child. Even if it means 7am and sprinker fun, you do it. There's nothing wrong with doing things a bit differently, doing things at times that work for your child. That is meeting your child's developmental needs and it's one of the best things you can do to support their development.

Hope you are enjoying some early morning walks or sprinkler fun these summer days!

Cheers-

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