May 2010

Spring into Your Bikini

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Purple

The moment I found out that we were expecting a little girl, I had two thoughts:

1) "Hurray! I LOVE little girls."

2) "Oh, *%#$, a girl? We are in TROUBLE!"

Fast forward a couple of years, and I think both of those thoughts were correct. The munchkin is all girl. She loves purple. Her favorite instrument? A flute. She refuses to wear anything but dresses.  And shoes? Well, don't even get me started talking about the shoes!

I did nothing (seriously, NOTHING) to encourage this. I painted her bedroom with leftover kitchen beige. I bought her sweatpants and tennis shoes. My husband and I (both former musicians) were brass players (French horn). We don't even like the flute! Somehow, someway, she's very girly.

This all takes me back to my grad school days where I became immersed in the topic of gender development (or the how and why girls - or boys - might develop certain personalities, preferences, etc.).

There are two specific thoughts about how these behaviors are obtained:

1. Environmental influences. Have you ever noticed all the pink in the "girl" section of a toy store or the way certain products are geared towards one sex or another?

2. Genetics. Kiddos are just born with preferences, behaviors and characteristics that we couldn't have ordered or even taught.

What about you? Does (did) your child display strong preferences or traits of one sex or another? Do you believe environmental or genetic influences have a stronger impact on your child's gender development?

As for me, I'm surrounded in purple dresses, listening to the girly flute music and thinking about how my girly girl came to be and who she will become.

Parenthood. Some things (many things!) you just can't predict.

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Extracurriculars

Swim lessons. Dance. Soccer. Gymnastics. Library story times. Music classes and lessons. There are plenty of options when it comes to enrolling the munchkin in programming. Most folks call these "extracurriculars."  You know, the add-ons, the activities that bring joy, but also create new opportunities for skill development and learning.

I admit it. We were in the pool for swim lessons by the time the munchkin was 6 months of age. She is now pushing 3 years. Can she swim? Not yet.

We're also doing dance. What's more adorable than a toddler in a tutu and tights? Um, not much. Is she destined to be a prima ballerina? Well, I'm not seeing the signs yet, but she's having fun.

This evening she was doing somersaults in the grass. My mind began exploring the idea of a gymnastics class.

Oh, and we can't forget about library storytimes. We've been attending those since she was 4 months old.

Do kids really need these things?

Will they miss the boat that will sail them towards success if we don't enroll them in one activity or another?

I'm a huge (HUGE) advocate for these programs. Most of my career (outside of being the fabulous writer I am - LOL!) has been working with non-traditional educational programs. It's been a blast and a blessing. Yet, sometimes I even have to step back and wonder what is enough? Too much? And what is the value?

Of course, the first value is: EXPOSURE. If young children do not actively (hands-on) engage in an activity, how will we see the spark that may be talent or simply interest?

The next? SOCIAL INTERACTION. Oh, not for the kiddo, but for us the grown-ups. Having children can be a challenge. It's great to be with others who can share in the joys and those "bumps." I've loved connecting with others who share a passion, interest and are on the same ride (called "parenthood") at the same time.

And, finally, there is SKILL DEVELOPMENT. It's true, through extracurriculars, children will acquire something. Sometimes, these learnings will be small, other times, they will rock their world (and ours).

For these reasons, I've kept going back to activities. However, being the "everything-in-moderation-mama" that I am, I restrict our schedule to one activity at a time. In other words, there is no (and hopefully will never be) calendar in our household that is filled with nightly activities. I find there is just as much exposure, social interaction (thank goodness for good neighbors and good friends!), and skill development that happens during an afternoon in the back yard.

What about you? What are your summer plans? Are you registering your child for programs? What's the value for you and them?

As for us, I'm off to find out where those gymnastics lessons are offered.

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Better than Botox...

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Preschool?

It's nearly the end of May. In my neighborhood, that means the evenings are growing longer and, especially, louder with the sounds of kids playing. Soon, it won't be just the evenings that are louder, it will be most of the day as kids finish the school year.

For most of us, school days seem a world away (although I'll admit that I sometimes tear up at the sight of  a school bus). The reality is that school days will be here in what seems to be a blink of an eye.

If you have a toddler in your life, you're most likely already weighing the value of preschool for your child. Many children enroll in a preschool program between 2 1/2 to 3 years of age. Perhaps you've already chosen a program and will be seeing your child off to their first organized educational experiences in the fall.

What's your take on the importance of preschool? There's a saying that "early years are learning years." There's certainly no denying that. However, the question is, "Do children need the experiences found in an organized early childhood setting, such as a preschool?"  Like kids, there's no "one size fits all" when it comes to education. Some kids will blossom in such organized programs, some aren't quite ready, and some will need a different path altogether.

When it comes to considering early childhood programs, here's a great place to start: www.naeyc.org/families. This handy dandy site is the home of the National Association for the Education of Young Children. When it comes to the why, how, and, most importantly where to find a quality early childhood program, this is the organization you are looking for.

Remember to consider all options.  Find the best program that works for your family and your child.

Consider:

*Half-day, one or two mornings a week programs.

*Parent co-ops (parents volunteer in the classroom, sometimes even leading activities).

*Think outside the box. Create your own early childhood "program" by piecing together community resources (free storytimes at library, playgroups, nature outings, etc.).

Whatever you do, remember that transitioning your child into their first formal learning environments will take time. Baby steps. Slow transitions. If it's not working, step back and rethink. Work in partnership with the program you choose.

When will you send your child off to school?

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Simplicity

Yikes (or "Yikers" as my toddler is saying these days). Between  "Diagnosis" (www.planningfamily.com/blog/diagnosis/) and "Awful" (www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/), I've been hitting some of the big challenges of parenthood. Hoo boy. Time to get back to the fun. Time to get to the simpler things.

I have a hard time walking into any store and leaving without something for the munchkin. Aren't they just too easy to buy for? Everything seems to be cuter when it is smaller. Now, I look around my house and it looks as though "Toys R Us" has exploded. Yes, I do try to keep things under control when it comes to the clutter. There are bins for organizing and shelves for stacking. I try rotating the toys out and around to keep their "newness" factor, but alas, the spare bedroom (or what was the spare bedroom) is now a grand playroom.

And now, it is spring. So, I've been dragging all these toys into the great outdoors. And now I've realized something. For the most part, she couldn't care less about them.

What does she really like? What do most kiddos really like? What is really appropriate for their play? What is going to optimally support their development? Yep, you guessed it, it's the simplest stuff:
*It's picking up (and throwing) and scooping, and pouring, and sorting rocks, pinecones, leaves and other outdoor treasures (of course, making sure that none of aforementioned things go in the kiddo's mouth).

*It's rolling on and running through the grass.

*It's watching the birds and squirrels. It's listening to their sounds and trying to make sounds just like they hear.

*It's simply spending time with those who love them most, whether they be a parent, family, friend or professional caregiver.

All this made me think of those New Year's resolutions I made: www.planningfamily.com/blog/happy-new-year/. I'm doing okay there. As a parent, it's always about the journey - it's about the little things everyday. I like the simpler things. I think I'll go play in the rocks too.

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Bullies

We all have our moments, as I recently found following the posts related to this blog: www.planningfamily.com/blog/awful/.

When the munchkin was nothing but a pumpkin (pre-mobile), life was a bit simpler. If I didn't want her to go somewhere or do something, I simply removed the source. Fast forward to those toddler years and she is now a walking/talking machine. Getting her to do what I want isn't simple at all. In fact, sometimes it is impossible.

There's redirection ("see, look over here...isn't this more wonderful than that?!), there's re-engagement ("try it this way..."), and there's the simple "no thank you" (or for safety sakes, the more direct, "no"). And still, sometimes that fails.

In those moments, I've been known to sigh the big sigh and even walk away. What I have never done is spank her.

My parents spanked me. Plenty of times. I turned out okay, but I really don't have anything to share with you about those times, other than a host of bad feelings and bad memories. Did it make me stop my behavior? I don't remember.

Recently, this study was published: pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2009-2678v1. It's reading-worthy, but a bit cumbersome. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that children who were spanked at age 3 are much more likely to become aggressive at age 5 than those were not. In other words, if you want to make your kid a bully, then do spank them. This study of 2500 children also took into account, a child's temperment (how aggressive they were to start with), as well as other factors that may lead to increased aggression in children.

Some may say a swat on the behind is just what kids need these days. I beg to differ. It may take more time and a lot more patience, but re-directing, re-engaging, taking away the privilege (or toy), or simply walking away from your child (ensuring their safety, of course!), will be much more effective in the long run, both for your development and theirs.

What's your opinion? What works for you and your child?

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Burrito

Mmmm...I ate so much Chipotle (www.chipotle.com/#/land) when I was pregant, I was lucky the kid didn't come out looking like a burrito (though she did end up being 9lbs. 4oz.). I also loved, loved pineapple and could be seen chugging down every drop of juice from any container which had been depleted of the sweet fruit. And, then there was Dairy Queen...and "Blizzards." All in all, I was fairly healthy in my eating and as a result, she was healthy too.

Are you following Planning Family on Facebook (www.facebook.com/#!/PlanningFamily)? Recently, the question was asked, "Do you (or did you) have any new food cravings while pregnant?" With nearly 250 responses, there's definitely something to the craziness of desiring (or despising) certain foods while expecting.

Wondering why you might be desiring specific foods? Curious how these foods and other eating habits will affect your munchkin's development? What should you be eating? If you're expecting, here's a great place to acquire the essential information that will help support you and your baby's development: www.planningfamily.com/pregnancy/nutrition/.

And, hot off the press, be sure to keep in mind that even so-called "healthy foods," may not be that healthy for you unless you are choosing the organic varieties: green.yahoo.com/blog/daily_green_news/332/the-new-dirty-dozen-12-foods-to-eat-organic-and-avoid-pesticide-residue.html. If you are pinching pennies and don't think you can spend the extra to buy organic, be sure to check out the safer alternatives.

What's your story? What are you eating these days and how do you think it is affecting (or isn't) your child's development?

Happy (and healthy) eating!

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Discovery Day

Development has begun. The beginning. The day it happened. For me, it has been a few years, but the memories are still fresh in my mind.

We had talked a lot about it , nearly a year, and waited for it. It happened and it took us by complete surprise (probably foreshadowing the many surprises yet to come).

At these moments I tend to be quite amusing (or at least I think I am). It is the way I calm myself. So, as I got off the scale and headed into the exam room I noted, “never schedule a check up after a long weekend – that can never be good for a weigh in.”

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Kate Gosselin

I never thought I could combine a blog entry about child development and Kate Gosselin. Well, here I am. In one moment, I really feel sorry for this mama. On the other hand, I...I don't. Recently, I sat down for more than 2 minutes and happened to come across one of those "what's going on in the entertainment biz junk magazines." Okay, I really do enjoy reading these. I admit it.

The cover had a smashing, good-looking Kate Gosselin looking happy and healthy as can be. In the magazine, I read about her heartache, especially as she worked so far away each week from her munchkins as she has been "Dancing with the Stars." Oh, bother.

I am a working mama. I went back to work when my munchkin was around 3 months old. I eased back into it. Yep, I considered all the options. One option - completely quitting the gig - meant selling the house (seriously) and with a job that I really do like, I decided to figure out a way to make it work. Nope, it's not easy. Neither would be being home 24/7 with the kiddo. We are all working mamas.

After two years of working and watching my munchkin grow, I've confirmed that there are many paths to happy and healthy development. Some of these paths involve mamas (or papas) who are at home 24/7 with their kiddos. Others involve mamas (and papas) who have found other support and resources to ensure their child's best care when they are not there.

Are you weighing the choice of "should I go back to work or should I not go back to work?"

Have you read this? www.planningfamily.com/babies/childcare-babysitting/bye-bye-baby/

Or how abou this? www.planningfamily.com/parents/budget-and-finance/budgeting-with-baby/

There's lots to consider. In most cases, I think with my heart (vs. my head) when it comes to my munchkin. But, in this case, you definitely have to use both. There is an impact of working (meaning having a job with a salary) vs. staying at home, both to your wallet, as well as to your kid.

Then, I come back to Kate, and I see her kiddos, looking happy and healthy and I'm thinking, maybe she is okay. More importantly, maybe her kiddos are okay. Really.

I often look at the job of parenting as raising a happy, healthy and independent being who will one day go out into the world and do good. The early years are critical years of learning and growth. Will being with your child 24/7 make or break their chances? I'm not one to believe that it will. Maybe I should audition for one of those reality TV shows too. Just kidding.

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